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The steam has left me weak and nonsensical

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So, yes. The blog is undergoing some renovations. It’s still a work in progress, so what you’re seeing isn’t the finished product. Right now it’s the beauty equivalent of having on some foundation, but knowing you’re going to look better once you have on a little bit of lipstick and perhaps some mascara.

And, no, the staff at Big Mama, Inc. is in no way involved in writing any html, or css, or what-have-you for the new look. Well, other than completely outsourcing the entire project to Jules at Everyday Design.

We here at Big Mama are big fans of the outsourcing. Stay tuned for the finished product.

In other news, thank you all for your well wishes for Caroline. The little midnight hacker is doing much better today and a trip to the pediatrician found her lungs clear and healthy.

She is no worse for the wear.

I, on the other hand, after three different steam baths in the wee, small hours, feel much like I have been run over by a very large truck. A truck that after running over me, backed up to do it again.

On the bright side, my pores have never been clearer.

And as I sat on the toilet (LID DOWN) last night and rocked my baby girl, the thing that worried me the most was that I couldn’t get the theme song from “Diff’rent Strokes” out of my head. It’s like I have opened some type of Pandora’s box that will ultimately cause my friends and family to abandon me one by one because they won’t be able to take the constant repeating of “it takes diff’rent strokes, it takes diff’rent strokes, it takes diff’rent strokes to move the world”.

Or is it “rule the world”? I couldn’t really remember last night at 3:00 a.m. while I was sitting on the toilet (LID DOWN) with sweat running down my forehead, watching beads of condensation trickle down the tiles due to the high humidity.

Anyway, last night before Cough Fest ’07 began, I planned to take Caroline with me to Bible Study over at Gulley’s house. P had to leave on an emergency hunting trip, the babysitter was sick, and so I told Caroline she could just go with me with the stipulation that she and Jackson had to QUIETLY and CALMLY watch movies in Gulley’s bedroom while we had our Bible Study.

The fact that this announcement was met with yelling and jumping up and down should have been an indication of how well this plan was going to go.

I got Caroline bathed and in her jammies. Then I noticed she was packing up her Hello Kitty! purse with a variety of things that didn’t seem to go hand in hand with QUIET and CALM. So I said, “Caroline, I don’t want you bringing a bunch of toys over there. The deal is that y’all will rest and watch T.V.”

She replied, “Don’t worry, Mama. I’m just taking the things Jackson and I will need. Guns and jewelry.”

Which is so weird because that’s exactly what J.Lo used to take on dates back when she was still with P.Diddy.

It just proves that it does, indeed, take diff’rent strokes to move and/or rule the world.

Last but not least, Happy Birthday, Mimi. We here at Big Mama hope you have a wonderful day complete with some good Italian food and a nice bottle of wine.

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  1. “P. had to leave on an emergency hunting trip”.

    “I brought everything we will need. Guns and jewelry”.

    What a hysterical synopsis of life at Big Mama!

  2. I’m pretty sure it’s “rule the world”. But when I sing it and think about it – that doesn’t even make sense, now does it?

  4. I’m with Kelly. Those two quotes just summed it up for you. Let’s just hope the guns and jewelry phase of their courtship only last for the early years.

    Glad to hear Caroline is feeling better and Happy Birthday to Mimi!

    Can’t wait to see the finished product.

  6. I promise you, after I read your title to that post about Diff’rent Strokes, I have been singing that song constantly–at my desk, while driving, doing housework, etc. I’ve been yelling in my head, “Stop it! I (You?)(Me?) hate that song!” and then the Ghost of Arnold Past starts it again. Maybe that theme song is the cause of all the troubled back stories of Kimberly, Willis and Arnold. It has almost driven me to self-medicate. For the sake of all that’s sane, please don’t title any more posts with 70s sitcom theme songs.

  9. Can you explain exactly how a hunting trip can be an emergency? Some of us are very curious. OK, I am curious. Is the venison in the smokehouse gettin’ low?

  12. I’m thinking you have plenty of material in this one post to give Jeff Foxworthy enough material for his comedy act.

    And I heard him say that it’s really a fine line between what’s redneck and what’s ghetto, which lines up perfectly with C.Lo’s comment that she needed to pack “guns and jewelry” to head over to J. Diddy’s. Or Puff Jackson’s. Or whatever he was calling himself then.

  13. Now I’m going to have to see if I can google the lyrics to the “Different Strokes” theme song, or I will go crazy wondering if it is rule or move. It seems that every day, someone’s blog gets a song stuck in my head, and today it is yours. :o)

  14. I thought the “emergency hunting trip” was funny until I read “Guns And Jewelry.”

    You know, Axl Rose originally wanted that name for the band, but Slash wouldn’t go for it.

  15. Your daughter never fails to crack me all the way up. My four year old son is wondering exactly what kind of guns and how is she getting them into her purse?? 🙂 And here, for your enjoyment are the lyrics complements of tvtunesonline.com
    Diff’rent Strokes (“It Takes Diff’rent Strokes” by Alan Thicke, Gloria Loring and Al Burton)
    Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum,
    What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
    A man is born, he’s a man of means.
    Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.

    But they got, Diff’rent Strokes.
    It takes, Diff’rent Strokes.
    It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.

    Everybody’s got a special kind of story
    Everybody finds a way to shine,
    It don’t matter that you got not alot
    So what,
    They’ll have theirs, and you’ll have yours, and I’ll have mine.
    And together we’ll be fine….

    Because it takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.
    Yes it does.
    It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.

  16. Emergency hunting trip. Too funny.

    My husband would love to take an “emergency” hunting trip! But, I’m not going to even let him know that’s an option…he hunts too much already.

  17. You know, last week’s episode of Don’t Forget the Lyrics featured a choice between singing Gilligan’s Island or Diff’rent Strokes. The guy chose Gilligan, but you? I think we know what you would do, AND how much money you would have won doing it. 🙂

    If not, you could pull out your guns and jewelry and make some sort of bargain with Wayne Brady.

  18. I concur with the others. The words “emergency hunting trip” coupled with ” guns and jewelry” has to be an all time Big Mama classic.

  19. Girl – your tired and my tired make two completely different outcomes.

    But I’m glad to know that Caroline is better and that P is out there saving the world, one deer at a time.

  21. I’m not sure which is worse … I’ve had “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile” from Annie in my head for over a week.

    And congrats on outsourcing to Jules. You will Never Never Never be disappointed 🙂

  23. Can you believe that the Very Large Truck that ran over you, drove all the way to Missouri and ran over ME? Seriously, that was not very nice of him. Glad your little hacker is better, that gives me hope!

  24. OMG! LOL @ guns and jewelry!! Glad she’s feeling better!

    (Would it be too much to ask for the name of the font used in you tag line. I LOVE it!!)

  25. To help you, I don’t have that song in my head because I alternate between Facts of Life and Fish Don’t Fry in the Kitchen….the theme song from the Jeffersons.

  26. It sounds to me like your daughter is starting the juvie chapter of the Don Corleone family in southern Texas.

    Although when you’re “going to the mattresses” shouldn’t you always “leave the gun. Take the cannoli?”

  27. I love the canary coat in your favorite things section. I saw it last week at Forever 21. I’ve bought TWO coats there this season – I’ve got to quit going there. It’s like Target. Everything is so inexpensive that I end up buying too much!!!

  28. oh, i SO thought i was clever and witty being the only one to notice “emergency hunting trip.” guess not.

    wondering what kind of emergency buz could think up? emergency NFL tickets? emergency playstation game release. not sure.

    nice work, P!

  30. I like to think that in the picture C.Lo is doing an interpretive dance to “My Love Don’t Cost A Thing.”

    Although the title of that song should have been “My Love Don’t Cost a THANG,” but that is neither here nor there.

  34. You could always move on to the theme song from “The Facts of Life.” I mean, if that would help. Let me know if it does!

  35. I am glad to hear I am not the only one who has been singing the theme song ever since you posted that. Thanks to those who posted the words as I only knew the first 2 lines. That will help to further propel the insanity in my brain.

  37. I have been singing the Diff’rent Strokes theme song since the episode of “Don’t Forget the Lyrics” mentioned above. Your post about it a couple of days ago just intensified the problem. Now that you’ve mentioned it again I may have to go through some kind of formal desensitization to get it out of my head.

  38. i’m almost positive our daughters will be the guns and jewelry types too. after all, Mommy’s got a Kimber .45 on her Christmas list!