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You are here: Home / Doodle / The steam has left me weak and nonsensical

The steam has left me weak and nonsensical

December 12, 2007 ·

So, yes. The blog is undergoing some renovations. It’s still a work in progress, so what you’re seeing isn’t the finished product. Right now it’s the beauty equivalent of having on some foundation, but knowing you’re going to look better once you have on a little bit of lipstick and perhaps some mascara.

And, no, the staff at Big Mama, Inc. is in no way involved in writing any html, or css, or what-have-you for the new look. Well, other than completely outsourcing the entire project to Jules at Everyday Design.

We here at Big Mama are big fans of the outsourcing. Stay tuned for the finished product.

In other news, thank you all for your well wishes for Caroline. The little midnight hacker is doing much better today and a trip to the pediatrician found her lungs clear and healthy.

She is no worse for the wear.

I, on the other hand, after three different steam baths in the wee, small hours, feel much like I have been run over by a very large truck. A truck that after running over me, backed up to do it again.

On the bright side, my pores have never been clearer.

And as I sat on the toilet (LID DOWN) last night and rocked my baby girl, the thing that worried me the most was that I couldn’t get the theme song from “Diff’rent Strokes” out of my head. It’s like I have opened some type of Pandora’s box that will ultimately cause my friends and family to abandon me one by one because they won’t be able to take the constant repeating of “it takes diff’rent strokes, it takes diff’rent strokes, it takes diff’rent strokes to move the world”.

Or is it “rule the world”? I couldn’t really remember last night at 3:00 a.m. while I was sitting on the toilet (LID DOWN) with sweat running down my forehead, watching beads of condensation trickle down the tiles due to the high humidity.

Anyway, last night before Cough Fest ’07 began, I planned to take Caroline with me to Bible Study over at Gulley’s house. P had to leave on an emergency hunting trip, the babysitter was sick, and so I told Caroline she could just go with me with the stipulation that she and Jackson had to QUIETLY and CALMLY watch movies in Gulley’s bedroom while we had our Bible Study.

The fact that this announcement was met with yelling and jumping up and down should have been an indication of how well this plan was going to go.

I got Caroline bathed and in her jammies. Then I noticed she was packing up her Hello Kitty! purse with a variety of things that didn’t seem to go hand in hand with QUIET and CALM. So I said, “Caroline, I don’t want you bringing a bunch of toys over there. The deal is that y’all will rest and watch T.V.”

She replied, “Don’t worry, Mama. I’m just taking the things Jackson and I will need. Guns and jewelry.”

Which is so weird because that’s exactly what J.Lo used to take on dates back when she was still with P.Diddy.

It just proves that it does, indeed, take diff’rent strokes to move and/or rule the world.

Last but not least, Happy Birthday, Mimi. We here at Big Mama hope you have a wonderful day complete with some good Italian food and a nice bottle of wine.

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Comments

  1. Kelly

    December 12, 2007 at 5:50 am

    “P. had to leave on an emergency hunting trip”.

    “I brought everything we will need. Guns and jewelry”.

    What a hysterical synopsis of life at Big Mama!

  2. Kelly

    December 12, 2007 at 6:12 am

    I’m pretty sure it’s “rule the world”. But when I sing it and think about it – that doesn’t even make sense, now does it?

  3. Nikki

    December 12, 2007 at 6:21 am

    I promise I have plenty of other things to do at 6:30 in the morning, but I found the lyrics for you…

    http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/televisiontvthemelyrics-50s60s70s/diffrentstrokes.htm

  4. The Pumkin Patch

    December 12, 2007 at 6:24 am

    I’m with Kelly. Those two quotes just summed it up for you. Let’s just hope the guns and jewelry phase of their courtship only last for the early years.

    Glad to hear Caroline is feeling better and Happy Birthday to Mimi!

    Can’t wait to see the finished product.

  5. JP's MOM

    December 12, 2007 at 7:10 am

    “Guns and jewelry”

    Now I am wondering were these guns and jewelry for a hunting trip or possibly a hold up of the local candy shop?

  6. Linda C at 2nd Cup

    December 12, 2007 at 7:22 am

    I promise you, after I read your title to that post about Diff’rent Strokes, I have been singing that song constantly–at my desk, while driving, doing housework, etc. I’ve been yelling in my head, “Stop it! I (You?)(Me?) hate that song!” and then the Ghost of Arnold Past starts it again. Maybe that theme song is the cause of all the troubled back stories of Kimberly, Willis and Arnold. It has almost driven me to self-medicate. For the sake of all that’s sane, please don’t title any more posts with 70s sitcom theme songs.

  7. Linda C at 2nd Cup

    December 12, 2007 at 7:23 am

    PS: Most of all, do not title anything “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father.”

  8. sweethomealagirl

    December 12, 2007 at 7:51 am

    I do believe that only in the south could a hunting trip be considered emergency.

    And dude, don’t you always pack guns and jewelry? I know I do.

  9. Mrs. Who

    December 12, 2007 at 7:57 am

    Can you explain exactly how a hunting trip can be an emergency? Some of us are very curious. OK, I am curious. Is the venison in the smokehouse gettin’ low?

  10. Jen Fitz

    December 12, 2007 at 8:03 am

    Yes, the quotes were perfect!

    BTW: I got my cards at tine prints too..they have the best designs!
    My first place to go to for holiday cards http://www.inababycarriage.com but I was too late and they stopped taking orders!

  11. Fran

    December 12, 2007 at 8:03 am

    “Guns and jewelry” will be the best thing I hear all day!

  12. Janet (aka JT)

    December 12, 2007 at 8:14 am

    I’m thinking you have plenty of material in this one post to give Jeff Foxworthy enough material for his comedy act.

    And I heard him say that it’s really a fine line between what’s redneck and what’s ghetto, which lines up perfectly with C.Lo’s comment that she needed to pack “guns and jewelry” to head over to J. Diddy’s. Or Puff Jackson’s. Or whatever he was calling himself then.

  13. Leigh

    December 12, 2007 at 9:23 am

    Now I’m going to have to see if I can google the lyrics to the “Different Strokes” theme song, or I will go crazy wondering if it is rule or move. It seems that every day, someone’s blog gets a song stuck in my head, and today it is yours. :o)

  14. Melanie

    December 12, 2007 at 8:56 am

    I thought the “emergency hunting trip” was funny until I read “Guns And Jewelry.”

    You know, Axl Rose originally wanted that name for the band, but Slash wouldn’t go for it.

  15. Tara

    December 12, 2007 at 8:59 am

    Your daughter never fails to crack me all the way up. My four year old son is wondering exactly what kind of guns and how is she getting them into her purse?? 🙂 And here, for your enjoyment are the lyrics complements of tvtunesonline.com
    Diff’rent Strokes (“It Takes Diff’rent Strokes” by Alan Thicke, Gloria Loring and Al Burton)
    Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum,
    What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
    A man is born, he’s a man of means.
    Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans.

    But they got, Diff’rent Strokes.
    It takes, Diff’rent Strokes.
    It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.

    Everybody’s got a special kind of story
    Everybody finds a way to shine,
    It don’t matter that you got not alot
    So what,
    They’ll have theirs, and you’ll have yours, and I’ll have mine.
    And together we’ll be fine….

    Because it takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.
    Yes it does.
    It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world.

  16. Kelli

    December 12, 2007 at 9:00 am

    Emergency hunting trip. Too funny.

    My husband would love to take an “emergency” hunting trip! But, I’m not going to even let him know that’s an option…he hunts too much already.

  17. kelli in the mirror

    December 12, 2007 at 9:04 am

    You know, last week’s episode of Don’t Forget the Lyrics featured a choice between singing Gilligan’s Island or Diff’rent Strokes. The guy chose Gilligan, but you? I think we know what you would do, AND how much money you would have won doing it. 🙂

    If not, you could pull out your guns and jewelry and make some sort of bargain with Wayne Brady.

  18. zoom

    December 12, 2007 at 9:47 am

    I concur with the others. The words “emergency hunting trip” coupled with ” guns and jewelry” has to be an all time Big Mama classic.

  19. Shalee

    December 12, 2007 at 9:48 am

    Girl – your tired and my tired make two completely different outcomes.

    But I’m glad to know that Caroline is better and that P is out there saving the world, one deer at a time.

  20. Maggie

    December 12, 2007 at 10:39 am

    What Bible study are ya’ll doing? Prey tell!!!

  21. kelli

    December 12, 2007 at 10:56 am

    I’m not sure which is worse … I’ve had “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile” from Annie in my head for over a week.

    And congrats on outsourcing to Jules. You will Never Never Never be disappointed 🙂

  22. Holly Smith

    December 12, 2007 at 11:03 am

    The J Lo comment was a keeper, for sure!

    ‘Hope you get to feeling festive again soon.
    Blessings on ya!

  23. shelley

    December 12, 2007 at 11:35 am

    Can you believe that the Very Large Truck that ran over you, drove all the way to Missouri and ran over ME? Seriously, that was not very nice of him. Glad your little hacker is better, that gives me hope!

  24. sam

    December 12, 2007 at 11:46 am

    OMG! LOL @ guns and jewelry!! Glad she’s feeling better!

    (Would it be too much to ask for the name of the font used in you tag line. I LOVE it!!)

  25. Jabber Jaws

    December 12, 2007 at 12:03 pm

    To help you, I don’t have that song in my head because I alternate between Facts of Life and Fish Don’t Fry in the Kitchen….the theme song from the Jeffersons.

  26. Erica (A Yankee in Jawja)

    December 12, 2007 at 12:03 pm

    It sounds to me like your daughter is starting the juvie chapter of the Don Corleone family in southern Texas.

    Although when you’re “going to the mattresses” shouldn’t you always “leave the gun. Take the cannoli?”

  27. Tammy H.

    December 12, 2007 at 12:06 pm

    I love the canary coat in your favorite things section. I saw it last week at Forever 21. I’ve bought TWO coats there this season – I’ve got to quit going there. It’s like Target. Everything is so inexpensive that I end up buying too much!!!

  28. life with the wisners

    December 12, 2007 at 12:30 pm

    oh, i SO thought i was clever and witty being the only one to notice “emergency hunting trip.” guess not.

    wondering what kind of emergency buz could think up? emergency NFL tickets? emergency playstation game release. not sure.

    nice work, P!

  29. Jeana

    December 12, 2007 at 12:33 pm

    Was Caroline wearing a velour pants set, by any chance?

  30. boomama

    December 12, 2007 at 12:55 pm

    I like to think that in the picture C.Lo is doing an interpretive dance to “My Love Don’t Cost A Thing.”

    Although the title of that song should have been “My Love Don’t Cost a THANG,” but that is neither here nor there.

  31. Jennifer

    December 12, 2007 at 3:55 pm

    How many people also started singing the lyrics as soon as they read “Diff’rent Strokes” theme song?

  32. Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife

    December 12, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    loving your template…can’t wait to see the one with mascara

  33. MrsTroop

    December 12, 2007 at 4:09 pm

    That made me laugh out loud!
    Thanks~

  34. edj

    December 12, 2007 at 6:59 pm

    You could always move on to the theme song from “The Facts of Life.” I mean, if that would help. Let me know if it does!

  35. Holly

    December 12, 2007 at 8:10 pm

    I am glad to hear I am not the only one who has been singing the theme song ever since you posted that. Thanks to those who posted the words as I only knew the first 2 lines. That will help to further propel the insanity in my brain.

  36. Kristen

    December 12, 2007 at 8:50 pm

    Too Funny!

    I love TinyPrints too. I ordered my daughter’s birth announcements from there and they were wonderful!

  37. Staci at Writing and Living

    December 12, 2007 at 9:27 pm

    I have been singing the Diff’rent Strokes theme song since the episode of “Don’t Forget the Lyrics” mentioned above. Your post about it a couple of days ago just intensified the problem. Now that you’ve mentioned it again I may have to go through some kind of formal desensitization to get it out of my head.

  38. R

    December 13, 2007 at 8:36 am

    i’m almost positive our daughters will be the guns and jewelry types too. after all, Mommy’s got a Kimber .45 on her Christmas list!

  39. Darlene

    December 13, 2007 at 4:52 pm

    Behold, the Diff’rent Strokes theme song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM1hJ_mA2nA

  40. george

    December 13, 2007 at 11:57 pm

    Cute blog! hope you don’t mind me linking ya from my parenting advice site.

    :O)

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Melanie ShankleMy name is Melanie and, in some strange twist of fate, I’m also known as Big Mama because I started this blog in July of 2006 when my daughter, Caroline, was not quite three years old and I was in the process of convincing her that BIG girls use the potty and BIG girls don’t have pacifiers, thus she thought BIG was the highest compliment in the land and began referring to me as BIG MAMA.Read More

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