The eyebrows have it

Yesterday was one of those days where I just played a lot of catch up and tried to answer a bunch of email and give myself the illusion of being productive. But all I could really think about was that Parenthood was coming on later because it’s my new favorite show. I watched all three seasons this summer on Netflix in a shamefully short amount of time.

I’d tell you how long, but I feel like you might judge me.

I won’t go as far to say that I love it as much as Friday Night Lights because, well, that just isn’t possible. But it is a close second and I feel that the Braverman family has filled a void in my T.V. heart.

So I spent the morning on the internet doing various internet things and came across this headline.Men Caught Smuggling Monkeys in Their Pants. And to give you insight into my maturity level, my first thought was “Is that what they’re calling it these days?”

The truth is that two men were actually trying to smuggle monkeys in their pants and got caught because have you ever observed a monkey? Is there any scenario in which you think you might be able to get away with having one in your pants?

Anyway, that’s not really the point of this post because there is no point to this post. But what I really wanted to tell y’all is that I went to a new beauty salon on Monday. And while I was there I had a consult with an eyebrow specialist. Raise your hand if you knew that existed.

Normally I just get my brows waxed every now and then at the little place where I get an occasional pedicure. And then I tweeze stray hairs every morning and night to keep them in line. I inherited my daddy’s eyebrows which means they could take over my entire face if left to themselves.

But the eyebrow specialist used a stencil to show me the brow shape I should ideally have. I don’t need to tell you that I was sad to discover that my ideal brow shape is not my current brow shape. I guess it stands to reason that when you’re paying $8 to get your brows waxed in the back room of a pedicure place located in a strip center that you may not be getting a proper brow evaluation.

Apparently I have been over-plucking my eyebrows. And now, according to the ideal brow shape stencil, I need to let them grow in at various locations including in between my eyes. Just the thought of it makes me start to twitch.

The eyebrow specialist told me that I need to throw away my magnifying mirror and tweezers for the indefinite future. Which is the equivalent of telling me to quit breathing air. Plucking my eyebrows is one of my hobbies. I guess I’m trying to make up for all those unfortunate years in high school when it looked like two caterpillars were dueling to the death on my forehead.

But I’m going to follow her advice because she admonished me with the warning that thin brows make you look older. And I certainly don’t want my brows giving away my age. That’s what my “laugh lines” are for.

So there’s no real point to this except to tell you that if I seem a little edgy over the next few weeks, it’s because I’m in the arduous process of growing out my eyebrows. Which is a phrase I never thought I’d say.

Right along with “Two men were caught smuggling monkeys in their pants”.