Well since I already admitted to watching Beverly Hills 90210 on Saturday morning, I’d say it’s a safe bet that our weekend didn’t really involve anything that would qualify as exciting.
Basically it was a whole lot of nothing. But I’m not complaining because other than having nothing to write about, non-eventful weekends aren’t a bad thing.
I know y’all will be relieved to know that P was able to save his cellular phone. It’s not quite the phone it used to be, but it’s functional and that’s all that matters. I find it fascinating that his phone was fully submerged in a bucket of water and survived, while I once had a phone that was ruined because I let Caroline teethe on it when she was a baby. Maybe it was the mixture of drool and Gerber teething biscuits that did it in.
It also warmed my heart to know there are many fellow 90210 fans out there. I feel an extra bond knowing we all share a love of a show with some of the best acting and writing in the history of television. I mean when Brenda found out about Dylan and Kelly, I felt her pain even as I sat and ate Double Chocolate Milanos in my dorm room.
And when Donna and David finally got married? I wept real tears. Even though I was twenty-six years old and should have known better.
Speaking of bad T.V., I have another confession to make. But before I do, let me just say that I blame the writers for being on strike. Actually that’s not true, I don’t blame the writers. I blame the hotshots who won’t give in to their demands. GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT. WE NEED TELEVISION. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON AT DUNDER-MIFFLIN. HOW IS THE BEET FARM? HOW IS MOSE?
I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m desperate. How desperate you may ask? (and even if you don’t care, I’m about to tell you)
Desperate enough that I found myself watching the U.S. MEN’S Figure Skating Championships last night.
(Hangs head in shame and humiliation)
I wasn’t going to watch. I vowed the first time I flipped by it on the T.V. that I wouldn’t watch. Then I made a crucial error. I stopped on NBC while I folded some laundry and it sucked me into the vortex that is male figure skating.
Actually, Bob Costas sucked me in. He was discussing the huge rivalry between boy skater #1 and boy skater #2. Apparently there is a lot of trash talking that goes on and from that moment on all I could do was continue folding Caroline’s shirts while pondering what figure skating trash talk sounds like between two men.
“Dude, my mama does a better triple toe loop than you.”
“Nice sequined rose on your costume. Did you get it from your sister?”
And that’s about all I could imagine. Really I imagined more but I’ll spare you the details. Maybe I’m just holding on to some lingering issues with the male figure skating “sport” because we tried to get P on the circuit for years and he never made it.
Oh I kid. P only tried to get on the male figure skating circuit for one year and then gave it up for his love of hunting and watching Ultimate Fighting.
Anyway, the competition last night was very intense. It seems that boy skater #2 beat boy skater #1 last year to become the new champion. There was much on the line according to Bob Costas and y’all know he is never one to overdramatize anything.
It came down to the final skate. Boy #2 was in the lead and it was time for Boy #1. He was amazing and he even did the quadruple whatever, which he’d never done in competition. I was on the edge of the couch and even stopped folding shirts for a half-millisecond.
Then, it was time for the judges to release their scores. THEY ENDED UP WITH THE EXACT SAME SCORE DOWN TO A TENTH OF A POINT. However, boy #2 won because he had a higher score in the free skate competition and I guess that’s written in some rule book somewhere.
The tying scores were UNPRECEDENTED. Scott Hamilton and Bob Costas were in shock and awe and made pointless analogies about the odds of this happening. According to them, people will be talking about this FOR YEARS.
Who are these people? I don’t believe I know them.
You know who I know? Michael Scott, Jim, Pam, Dwight Schrute. Please WRITERS and EXECUTIVES, let’s all make nice and get some better T.V. going and SOON.
Between 90210 and men’s ice skating, I’ve forgotten what well-written drama looks like.
Well, except for the ongoing all new episodes of Friday Night Lights. But that’s a whole other subject.