This post contains the word “pillow” too many times

I know.

I didn’t post yesterday. I am the worst.

But I have to tell you that at some point on Monday I began to come down off of some sort of high I’d been on since Thursday afternoon and ended up almost comatose on my couch. I needed twenty-four hours to just spend with my people and decompress a little bit.

It was like I was just tired down to my bones. Like that kind of tired like little kids get when they just burst into tears for no reason. And so I stayed in my pajamas most of the day until I decided that maybe the reason I wasn’t sleeping had to do with my pillow.

Here’s the thing about me: I am a picky sleeper.

I need to have my pillows arranged just so. In a type of nest configuration. I have a body pillow on one side and a king size pillow with a standard size pillow on the other side. Which is really the same as a body pillow but makes me feel like less of a bed hog since I can say I don’t sleep with two body pillows, just a body pillow and a king size pillow with a standard size pillow and that’s not selfish at all.

Of course who am I worried about appearing selfish in front of? P? He’s the only one that knows my pillow situation and has to deal with it on a nightly basis.

But then I need a feather pillow to actually put my head on. And it can’t be too fluffy. It needs to be squishy. Truth be told, I don’t know that I’ve switched out my pillow in the fifteen and a half years P and I have been married.

I realize that Oprah says you should change out your pillow every six months or something but that’s easy for her to say because she’s a bajillionaire and can afford to buy multiple pillows stuffed with the essence of unicorn. Meanwhile, I have to wait for a 20% off coupon from Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Anyway, as I tossed and turned on Sunday night, I decided my pillow was to blame. It’s lost all its integrity and shape, much like my rear end. I blame advancing age for both. And so, while it has served me well, it was time for a replacement.

(My pillow. Not my bottom. I would replace my bottom but I hear it’s a very painful procedure.)

(I’m sure staying up until 1:15 a.m. watching two hours of Downton Abbey had nothing to do with my insomnia. Especially not the way my heart raced when we found out Thomas knows about O’Brien and the bar of soap.)

So I drove up to Bed, Bath and Beyond looking like refried blech and perused the pillow section. I ended up buying a new standard size pillow and a new king size pillow.

(I have now turned what should have been a twenty word story into 465 words. I apologize.)

The point is I was super excited to go to bed on Monday night. Like thought about it all day kind of excited because I just knew I’d found the key to world peace and the federal deficit with the purchase of my new pillows. And so I crawled my weary self into bed at 8:30 p.m.

Then I tossed and turned and fluffed and re-fluffed my new pillow until, sadly, I had to face the fact that it is too fluffy for me. I could feel a neck cramp coming on.

And so on its very first night, it got demoted to new standard pillow on the side instead of CEO of standard pillows. Which still leaves me in need of a new pillow. I’ve been so tempted to try a My Pillow but haven’t been able to commit. I was also intrigued by the Snoogle but part of my nightly routine involves fluffing and re-fluffing and shifting all my pillows around and the Snoogle doesn’t really allow for that since it’s all-inclusive.

Clearly, I am in the midst of a serious first world dilemma.

However, I did get a little more sleep on Monday night because by going to bed at 8:30 I managed to quit tossing and turning and worrying and obsessing by 11:30. It is super fun to be me in case you’ve spent this whole post wondering how it feels.

Then yesterday I couldn’t deal with the pillow situation so I ran a bunch of other errands I’ve been putting off for the last week or so, including a much needed trip to the grocery store. And then I came home and showered because last night was my first book signing and I didn’t want to frighten small children or even large children.

I walked in Barnes and Noble and it was so bizarre to say, “Hi. Um. Hi. Um. Well, I’m the author? That’s here for the signing?” And then sweet mercy there was a podium and a microphone which I was not really expecting. Apparently I was expected to say something.

So I read half a chapter because that was all I could manage without passing out.

But it was seriously fun and I got to meet some really sweet people that have read the blog for years and it just felt like I was with friends and family. It helped that my Aunt Rita, Uncle Carl and cousin Brian were there too. And even P’s uncle and daughter showed up.

Most of all, I had Beth Moore to help me through.

I’ve got another signing this Saturday, February 16th at 1 p.m. at Books-A-Million at Katy Mills mall in Houston. Would love to see you if you’re looking for a way to kill a Saturday afternoon.

I keep saying this but you have just been so kind and supportive. Thanks for spreading the word about the book and I’d so appreciate it if you’d keep telling friends and neighbors and your mailman about it.

I’d also love any pillow recommendations if you enjoy a flat, shapeless pillow filled with feathers the way I do.