Ding dong the twinkie is dead

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I purchased some Hostess Ding Dongs at the grocery store. Despite my disappointment that they no longer come in the foil wrapper, I tried one anyway.

And, honestly? Not really a fan anymore.

I don’t know if the folks at Hostess have changed the Ding Dong recipe, but I found them to be drier than dirt. Once I bit into that faux chocolate coating, the inner cake just fell apart. I did something I never thought I’d do and threw away the rest of the box.

Mainly because I knew, at some point, PMS would set back in and I’d eat the whole box in one sitting, all the while thinking how dry they taste but who cares because the chocolate? I must have it.

I hostessed my own snack cake intervention.

Then, at some point last week, P mentioned the Twinkie. Mmmm, Twinkies. Although I’m not usually a fan of the non-chocolate anything, it sounded pretty good.

So while we were at HEB (pronounced H.E.B. for those of y’all who asked) on Sunday, guess what we bought?

That’s right, baby. The Twinkie.

I had barely gotten them out the grocery bag when P opened the box. The first thing we noticed is that there is actual oily residue on the inner plastic of the Twinkie wrapper. That does not bode well for the amount of trans fats contained therein.

P opened one for himself and one for Caroline. I watched them to measure the Twinkie reaction. P said, “It tastes like white bread covered in butter and sugar and it’s leaving some sort of residue on my tongue.” Caroline took two bites and said, “I’m done with this, Mama.”

She has never turned down sugar in the history of the universe.

I took a bite of hers before I threw it in the trash and I immediately regretted my decision. My tongue had an oil coating that would rival the Exxon Valdez.

So, the house of Big Mama? No longer fans of the snack cake.

But at least now we know.

On a tastier note, several of y’all asked for the recipe for Baked French Toast. I highly recommend it because it is delightful and much better than any pre-packaged pastry. And it’s almost as easy.

I can’t remember for sure, but I think this came from Paula Deen. Best of all, you make it the night before so it’s perfect for Easter Sunday brunch.

Baked French Toast

1 loaf french bread
8 large eggs
2 cups half and half
1 cup milk (I use skim because I enjoy irony)
2 tbs. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
dash of salt
Praline topping (recipe below)
Maple syrup (I prefer Aunt Jemima, but if you have your own maple tree or something go for it, Laura Ingalls)

Slice bread in 20 pieces. Arrange in a greased 9 x 13 pan in two layers. Combine other ingredients until bubbly. Pour over bread. Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.

Preheat oven to 350. (the next morning, not the night before because that would be a fire hazard)

Spread praline topping over the whole thing and bake 40 minutes. Serve with warm, maple syrup.

Praline Topping

2 sticks butter
1 cup light brown sugar
2 tbs. light corn syrup
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg

I realize it sounds like it’s very fattening.

And it is.

I just wanted to clarify.

**Edited to add that when you mix the eggs, half and half, etc. it will all get slightly bubbly. It’s some sort of chemical reaction or something. I don’t really know why it does this because I am not a chemist. Just trust me, you’ll know it’s ready.

Also, I usually buy the thicker french bread rather than the skinny baguettes. There’s is no real trick to how thick the slices should be, but mine are usually on the thicker side along the lines of an inch to an inch and a half.