Today I’m going to talk about something really controversial.
I believe that Gap installs skinny mirrors in their dressing rooms and you’ll never convince me otherwise.
I cannot explain how many clothing items I have bought at Gap because they performed miracles in the dressing room, only to try them on at home and realize I had been led astray by low lighting and skinny glass.
And don’t think for a minute that Gap wouldn’t resort to those kind of tactics. They are the same corporation that has tried to convince us that there are actually different versions of khaki pants.
On Wednesday, I did a little shopping at Gap. They had finally put this shirt on sale and I’d had my eye on it for awhile. But I knew it would go on sale because who are they kidding with that $49.50 price tag? No one who shops at Gap is going to pay that much for that kind of shirt.
While I was there I found two other things. A pair of white jeans and some dark denim shorts.
I don’t know why I found the white jeans so appealing, but they called out to me. And next thing I knew I was in the dressing room with them even though I knew better. We had no business being together. Any relationship we established would only end in tears and spilled grape juice.
Or worse, a chocolate handprint on my behind.
But they were so flattering and fit so perfectly. I took one look at them and knew if loving them was wrong, I didn’t want to be right.
So, I brought them home and imagined The Summer of The White Jean. They’d be so great with my hot pink t-shirt. They were made for my black tunic top. It was destiny that they be with my green button down.
There was only one problem. The skinny mirror at Gap deceived me. The white jeans were neither flattering nor did they fit well. It was all some sort of optical illusion. A scam. A ruse.
And now they’re back in their Gap bag awaiting their return to the racks at Gap where some other poor women will be deceived by the skinny mirror.
I’ve long suspected that Banana Republic also uses the skinny mirror, but I don’t have any hard evidence other than some camel-colored wool pants that I bought back in 2006. However, I love them so much that I’ll continue to live in denial rather than face the truth.
Fashion. Sometimes it’s all a pack of lies.
On to the questions:
1. Natalie asks: ” This summer I’m attending my cousin’s wedding. Anywho, I’ll be deflecting all the “why aren’t you married … how old are you again?” questions. So I need to look super cute and I’m hoping for some suggestions! The wedding is daytime, casual. I’m 5’0″. I feel like I look better in v-necks or halters than a strapless, and I have a short waist.
Is there really anything better than attending a wedding where everyone in attendance wants to know why you’re still single and then pushes you forward to make sure you catch the bouquet? I mean other than spending a day in jury duty with people who don’t use deodorant?
Yes, you need a cute dress that will assure Great Aunt Millie that just because you aren’t married doesn’t mean that you’ve started bringing home stray cats and dressing them in doll clothes.
So, here’s a couple of things that don’t just say “I’m single and I’m fabulous”, but might also catch the eye of any cute groomsmen who may be in attendance.
And if you don’t like any of those, go look at all the dresses at Bluefly right now. They are having a 40% off sale on all Spring dresses and have some darling stuff.
Hope you survive.
2. Elizabeth asks: “My (very new) boyfriend has invited me to his brother’s wedding. I want to get a cute but chic dress for it, but the only ones out there that I like are sleeveless but I was in motorcycle accident a few years ago, and have a scar on my shoulder, and haven’t really worn anything since that would expose the scar to the world. The wedding isn’t supposed to be too formal; I think its on a Sunday afternoon.”
First, let me just say that I bet that scar is a lot more noticeable to you than it is to anyone else. Plus, scars can be cool. I mean look at Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef. She is fabulously beautiful and her scar just adds to her mystique. It makes her seem tough and mysterious. Like she could beat up that entire room full of Top Chef wannabes.
But I understand that if it bothers you that you may not want it to show the first time you meet a whole group of new people. Wedding receptions tend to make people even nosier than usual, so when they quit asking all the single girls when they’re going to get married, they may want to know about your scar.
They’re called BOUNDARIES, people. Don’t be afraid of them.
So, here are a few cute dresses that may work.
I love this Ralph Lauren shirtdress. It’s simple, yet elegant.
This one is pricey, but I adore it. I am a fan of the yellow right now. But I realize that yellow makes some people feel violent.
And since it’s casual, you could always go with this silk wrap dress, which I have been admiring for the last few weeks.
I’ll tell you what I told Natalie. If you don’t like any of these, go check out the dress sale at Bluefly.
No, I’m not being paid by Bluefly. But if they wanted to pay me, I would totally accept.
I accept checks, cash and free clothes.
3. Cassandra asks: “I have let myself become Fashion-less. I have gained weight and use it as an excuse to wait to buy nice clothes, I use not having enough money as an excuse, I use being tired as an excuse to not put on any nice clothes I DO have, and wanting to be comfortable is another major excuse of mine for being Mrs. Frumpy. Truth is, I am in a habit of dressing bad and I am self conscious about accessorizing because I dont want to draw attention to myself cause I truly hate my size (14/16 I weight 195 5’8”). Where does a girl like me go when I need to get back in touch with my fashion side? “
Okay Cassandra. You sent me a picture of your family that I’m not going to post here for obvious reasons, but I just want to say that you are adorable. Do not fall into the trap of feeling bad about yourself.
I think there are many women who put off buying new clothes because they are thinking about the size they would like to be. But don’t put off buying some nice things because you’re waiting to lose weight. I think having a few nice things to put on makes a woman feel good about herself. It’s not about how much money you spend or if you wear a certain size, but if you look as if you care about yourself.
Of course, that being said I’d hate for y’all to see me when I take Caroline to school. I’m about one step away from pajamas most mornings, but most days I’ll come home and eventually make myself a little more presentable.
Here’s where I think you start. Go buy the nicest pair of jeans and the nicest pair of black pants you can afford. It’s not about the money, but it’s about the fit. Sometimes you have to spend a little more to get a good fit. Everyone is having Spring sales right now, so head to Ann Taylor Loft or Banana Republic and see if you can find some nice black pants or maybe a skirt on the sale racks.
Gap would be a great place to look for jeans and maybe even TJ Maxx. You just need to try different brands until you find something that you feel good in.
Once you have those two basic pieces, you can start looking for cute shirts to wear with them. Target is your friend when it comes to inexpensive, yet fashionable tops. Between the jeans, pants and the shirts you will look like you have a lot of clothes, but really you just have a lot of interchangeable pieces.
And for some great jewelry, check out Forever 21. They have great accessories at low prices. The right necklace can transform an ordinary outfit.
I hope that helps!
Okay, so that’s it for the questions today.
Now for BIG FUN.
Since it’s almost Fiesta time here in San Antonio, I decided it would be fun to have a little Fashion Fiesta here on the old blog. Next week, Friday April 11th, I’m going to turn the tables and let y’all share your fashion secrets and faux pas.
Write a post and show us what you would consider your standard uniform on a normal day. Jeans? Yoga pants? Ripped sweatpants that used to say “Adidas” and now just say “did”? Maybe a huge gray t-shirt that says “Duke Baseball” that you stole from your friend Gulley in college and still wear on a daily basis?
Let’s be honest. If you wear dresses and pearls every day, then we want to see it. We probably won’t like you anymore, but we want to know why you do it.
And you don’t have to actually be modeling these clothes, unless you are very brave. You can just lay them out on the bed or couch or what have you and take pictures of them. Do they mean something to you? Is there sentimental value?
Then, if you want, you can tell or show us what your dream outfit would be. If money or time or kids with grape jelly on their hands wasn’t an issue, what would you like to have in your closet?
The point is to have fun with it. Hence the word, FIESTA.
That means Party in Spanish.
I know that because I took four semesters of Spanish in college.
El burro es un animal de Mexico.
I’ll let y’all figure that one out.
So, stay tuned next week. Jules is designing a button for me that y’all can put on your blogs. I’ll have a Mr. Linky over here where you can link to your post.
And, BEST OF ALL, I’m going to make it a real FIESTA (which means party) and turn it into a little contest. On Monday, April 14th, I’ll use the random number generator to pick one of you. The winner will receive a FREE custom blog header design by the wonderful, talented Jules.
Oh, it’s just going to be more fun.
How will we sleep between now and next Friday?
Y’all have a good one.