I’m sure you’ll all be relieved to know we survived the first day back to school with little to no drama. And I even discovered that maybe it’s for the best that I’m eventually forced to live an existence that requires some productivity. I put on real clothes and accomplished more by 10:30 a.m. than I did during the entirety of Christmas vacation. If you don’t believe me, then I’ll tell you this. We had Brussels sprouts with our dinner last night. That’s how I know I’m on my A game.
I haven’t made a New Year’s resolution in years. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I made one. And I don’t ever declare a word for the year, mainly because I believe it’s just asking to have to walk that word out in real life and what if I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy on New Year’s Day and decide on a word that I deeply regret come January 17th? For me, it would just asking to potentially loathe myself for all my unbridled optimism.
And, listen, I am happy for you if you can make New Year’s resolutions or figure out a word you want to be the hallmark of your next 365 days. You are a better, more decisive person than me.
But I will tell you my New Year’s weakness.
I cannot resist the beginning of a new year to decide to start eating healthier and exercising more. And before you tell me this is a resolution, I will tell you it’s not. It’s just the cumulative effect of a month of eating like cinnamon rolls are a food group and watching a Netflix show marathon like I’m burning actual calories while I do it. So it’s not so much the new year that brings on this change as it is the smell of regret, which smells coincidentally like the six pieces of chocolate turtle cake I ate while watching bowl games.
A couple of years ago, Gulley and I embraced the clean slate to eat healthy like never before. We cut out sugar, we avoided most carbs, we ate vegetables and drank water like it was our job. I cooked dinners that involved two green vegetables as a side dish to a lean protein which is basically a feat of strength for someone who enjoys a potato almost more than words can express. We snacked on almonds and fruit. At one particularly low point, Gulley called me to tell me she’d gotten so hungry in between meals that she resorted to eating a lone hard-boiled egg as a snack.
However we agreed that as the weeks went on that we felt more energized, our skin looked better, we were sleeping better, our jeans fit looser, and, maybe most importantly, my tongue no longer looked like a person suffering from scurvy.
Then around March something happened. Maybe it was Spring Break or maybe it was when Gulley called me and said she’d made a veggie frittata for dinner and it tasted like sadness. Whatever the case, we fell into a bowl of queso and our days of popping a hard-boiled egg for a snack were over.
But, as if on cue, I spent most of this New Year’s Day on Pinterest pinning all manner of healthy recipes. Oh yes. I pinned things to help me find clean eating snacks and new ways to cook kale and more recipes than I can count that involve quinoa. And, in a moment of sheer madness and optimism, I even purposely searched for “Paleo recipes”. I found a pin for “40 Paleo Weeknight Dinners” and thought SIGN ME UP – I WILL COOK THE HECK OUT OF ALL 40 OF THOSE PALEO DINNERS.
And then I went one step further and looked at the list of things you should avoid on a Paleo diet.
Umm.
Dairy?
Oh.
Crackers?
Gah.
Legumes? But I LOVE legumes. Legumes complete me. All of a sudden I had an urge to find all the crackers and eat them with all the cheese with a side of peanuts and a Diet Coke.
Right about this same time I made myself get off Pinterest because I felt light-headed from all the hypothetical deprivation and checked Twitter to see that I’d gotten a tweet from a girl named Marti who works in Women’s Ministry at one of the churches where Sophie and I spoke last fall and she said, “I see you pinning Paleo. What the what, man?! Quit tripping. Popeye’s don’t qualify.”
It’s like she spoke wisdom into my life at just the right time. Because if a woman I spent one weekend with knows me well enough to know I’m delusional, then I should certainly know it myself. Especially since I’d actually just picked up Popeye’s for myself not even three hours earlier.
And so while, yes I’m attempting to eat healthier to start the new year, I’m also not going to set myself up for total failure (I want to make a joke about the Faileo Diet) by thinking I’d ever be able to adhere to the Paleo diet.
Like William Wallace says in Braveheart, “They may take my sugar cookies, but they’ll never take my dairy.”
Amen.
Giving up dairy would be a sad, sad day…
Unfortunately, due to my my thyroid problems, I have to give up dairy and gluten:( So eat some bread and ice cream for me!;
Trish – my 15 year old daughter is in the process of being diagnosed with a thyroid condition. In my furious googling of what this entails the main take away I have is that she is going to have to give up dairy and gluten. I picked up a copy of a paleo/grain fee cookbook and started to weep. Literally weep at all that she will not be able to eat again.
Do you have any tips on how to start? Of course being the awesome mom I am I will be eating the same as she does so she doesn’t feel so alone so any tips are greatly appreciated.
I have a thyroid problem and I eat dairy and gluten. My doctor(s) and I have discussed my diet and they’ve never told me to do that. Is it supposed to help?
I also have a thyroid autoimmune disease (Hashimotos) and none of my Endocrinologists have ever told me to stay away from dairy or gluten either? Not that you shouldn’t obey the docs orders of course but maybe just ask a little more about it…because bless your heart…I can’t imagine!
I’m normally good at diets, and I was 100% convinced that Paleo was the way to go, but I just couldn’t do it. Four days after I started, I went to a Starbucks and bought a doughnut and a white mocha. Faileo is right. Tomorrow I start back on my meat and veggie diet, which is actually harder than the Paleo, but for some reason doesn’t make me insane. It’s not a resolution if you don’t promise anything and you don’t start until Jan 6.
Lol, I call that a timely intervention!!! Good call Marti. I tried the one word thing…didn’t really help me. And resolutions just get broken, so I am with you on trying because November and December food choices are completely off the wall!!!
Thank you, Melanie. At least daily something you write makes me smile, if not laugh out loud – yesterday it was the tequila drinking monkeys, today “Popeye’s don’t qualify.” The world needs a little more levity. Happy New Year!
I decided long ago that trying to eat healthy on January 1 is ridiculous when on January 6 King Cake comes out. If there is anyone that has the power to refrain from King Cake, I assure you it’s not me. I have been craving it since the day after Christmas. In New Orleans, healthy eating is saved for Lent ; )
Here, Here!!!!
Oh. my. goodness! A world without queso is a very, VERY sad world indeed. Seriously, I think that I want to be buried with a bowl of queso blanco.
I don’t do resolutions either. I tried a word last year, and I think that ended by at least February. It’s not that I’m noncommittal, but I’ve learned that committing to something on January 1 for an entire year is basically just asking for failure with me. Life, kidney stones, and potty training my daughter get in the way of my delusions of new year grandeur.
I do plan to make use of the stationary bike that we put up in my daughter’s play room though.
Of course, I plan on picking up some queso for my daughter and myself on our way home from Tuesday Morning Bible Study too.
I have 3 words to say about strict meat and veggie dieting this time of year…….GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!
and this year you can order them online and they have 3 new flavors including 2 that are gluten free
I too spent the holidays consuming nothing but Ikea cinnamon rolls. The healthy eating is out of a knee-jerk reaction to feel better. As an aside, my son eats hard boiled eggs like he’s got a flock of chickens living out back. Even when we go to our favorite coffee shop and I say he can get a cookie for a snack, the kid picks a hard boiled egg. We call him Cool Hand Luke.
My mother always said, all things in moderation. And we know mom’s always know best!
Oh my goodness, that Marti is spot on! Laughed so hard this morning my husband came in to see what was going on!
I haven’t made New Year resolutions in ages BUT I do want to lose about 10 pounds. I’ve elimated sugar and flour products — Girl Scouts beware — and have had success with that “diet” in the past. Holiday eating gets me every year. Big sigh.
Colorado,
Eliminating flour and sugar out of my life is like eliminating the joy. How about eliminating everything BUT flour and sugar?!
This I could do.
Marti
I’m going to declare my word of the year is “pajamas”. That way, when people want to think I’m being lazy or unkempt, I will inform them it is my WORD OF THE YEAR! and revel in my strength of character to be able to keep my word alive all year long…..
Chick-Fil-A chicken nuggets would be out too! 😉
Okay. I just read this article on MSN this morning – Top Rated Diets Overall. Looks like you made a good choice – Paleo doesn’t seem to be the best way to go. 😉 You must have known…… http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/nutrition/top-rated-diets-overall/ss-BBhyDpe?ocid=iehp
I fell out when I read this, Marti is too funny and I so enjoyed her during that weekend. She has “it” for sure. My daughter and I spent the morning talking about this very subject of getting a word and resolutions and I said in my infinite wisdom that I didn’t understand why all these young mothers were putting so much pressure on themselves and she very quickly said “because we’ve been told to by all the books, blogs and literature out there that the Christian world says it is the way to go!” That makes me so sad. One of the biggest reasons I love you and Sophie so much, neither of you take yourselves so seriously that you can’t be real in your walk or talk and I appreciate that. And we need more Ministry Leaders like Marti to help lighten the load of these women. Thank you for your part in speaking truth and while I don’t share your Popeye’s love, (Church’s would be my choice), I applaud your good sense!
Rebecca you are too sweet…thank you and HUG YOU BIG, SWEET SISTER!
Right back at ya darlin! Xoxo
Well I could’ve written that myself. You have a way of putting MY thoughts into words. I don’t know how you do it. We had quinoa (spell check doesn’t even know this word!) for the first time on Friday and it was actually really good and will be a staple in our home now. After our healthy dinner we talked about how we really love a good meaty breakfast but we could do without the meat for lunch and dinner if we needed to, knowing that seafood doesn’t count as meat (and we live on the Gulf Coast so it’s plentiful.) Then the next day we had a wonderful steak and veggie fritata breakfast but by the end of the day we ended up with a meat filled dinner and hubby declared that he could do meat and veggies only. In a stand of allegiance I agreed to this but I too love a potato so I don’t know how long it’ll last. We had Pioneer Woman’s Mulligatawny for the last 2 nights (which is amazing and we eat it at least 2 times a month) so no potatoes or pastas yet. I am pretty sure that I’m making street tacos tonight and I’m going to count the corn tortilla shell as a veggie and call it a win 🙂
Seafood doesn’t count as meat???? Wha….????
Well… Lol This is a discussion we’ve had a few times. Hubby doesn’t consider things like crawfish that aren’t from the sea to be seafood either so it’s a gray area in our house.
Last year I tried to do a family motto. It lasted a week before my son used the copy in the kitchen as scratch paper for math homework. This year I developed this motto “If everyone is still breathing at the end of the day, than I had a successful day”. I was going to give up buying a coffee every morning. I didn’t even go one day- maybe I’ll start next week, but then I may not be able to fulfill my new motto. It’s all a big catch 22.
Foods that taste like ‘sadness’ should be banned!
I must confess – I eat a snack bag of Lay’s Classic plain potato chips along with a Cracker Barrell 2% cheese bar for lunch every day and call that dieting. It IS filling, and I tell myself that the daily cheese intake is guarding against osteoporosis. (Please don’t wake me up from my dream.) 😉
I saw your pins on Pinterest because I was doing the SAME thing. I have to admit- you validated my resolve to be Paleo. We are really Paleo-light at our house. We do Paleo with a little bit of cheese, because what is life without cheese. If you haven’t seen it already- check out The Against All Grain blog and get her cookbook. I’m telling you, her food is OUTSTANDING- our kids have no idea they are eating Paleo. Her Mexican dishes are great- and crockpot friendly. Try the Barbacoa beef and the Enchiladas. (Like I said, I put a little cheese on my enchiladas. Anyway- hope that helps!
My hang up with Paleo is cheese too! Life without cheese would be sad indeed. Thanks for sharing that cookbook. I will look into it.
I go with the ‘all things in moderation’ flow (and try to throw in some moderate to heavy exercise when you can). A co-worker stuck STRICTLY to the paleo diet last year; 4 months later she had lost maybe 2 lbs. That.Is.Not.Right. I echo: what is a world without cheese and potatoes?
I seriously have two cookbooks open on the counter. One is WeightWatchers and one is Paleo. And on the other counter are the leftover sugar cookies and sweet treats from various friends that I snack on WHILE studying the cookbooks. Sigh. Glad to know I am in good company. And the one word thing. Yes. I have never been able to sum up anything in one word. It’s more like a monologue for 2015 when I even try. Thanks for getting things in perspective for us <3
Amen Sister!! My husband has tried every come and go diet over the years. I prefer to just eat normally and hopefully not in mass quantities. In the last two years he has adopted Cross Fit as his favorite past time and they are proponents of Paleo. Well one day he came home and said, “You know at Cross Fit they think we should eat Paleo.” I just about lost it and told him I was not going there!! For lunch that day I had my sandwich and chips. He had a piece of leftover steak. He then looked at me and said, “I think I need some Paleo Cheetos now.” That’s how far we got we that one. Thank goodness! 🙂
Check into Trim Healthy Mama, my husband and I have become much healthier, and we don’t feel deprived of the foods we love. God Bless
Diets are so complicated and every person’s metabolism is different and needs a different one. Still haven’t found my perfect one that I can stick to yet! But it will definitely not be one that makes me give up cheese. I do feel for Traci’s teen who will have to give up dairy – at least there are more options than there used to be! I do like plain soymilk for chocolate milk or in my mocha – I think it would work on cereal (gluten free, of course for her diet) quite well and I bet you could get one of the small ice cream makers and make ice cream/sorbets out of it as well.
I want to say SOLIDARITY to your friend, Marti…and not just because we have the same name, but because FINALLY…something that makes sense to me: “Popeye’s don’t qualify.”
I might just put that on a shirt.
Can I have 50%
Oh goodness, this post made me laugh. I could NEVER do Paleo…but I do love brussels sprouts. 🙂 Have you tried saucing them in a mixture of fish sauce, rice wine vinegar, sugar, H20, ginger, cilantro & chili paste? (I roast the BS first in the oven, and then toss them in the sauce.) It sounds weird but it will change.your.life.forever.
As I’m sitting here with my dry tuna, and hard boiled egg, and a tall glass of water….
Now. All I’m thinking about is Popeyes. Thank you for that. 😉
I am not sure which was more entertaining – your blog entry or the comments! Life without cheese is totally sad.
You have no idea how timely this post is! I’ve been eating Paleo for three days now and I am so OVER it! What the heck was I thinking? Can I clean things up? Absolutely! But I’m not sure that I need to go quite as far as that. Sigh! I knew that New Years resolutions were a bad idea for me…
Marti is a modern day prophet. Maybe she could speak some truth into my exercise situation, or lack thereof.
When I find my own exercise epiphany, I will share the wealth.
But don’t get excited because I cancelled my gym membership.
Yesterday.
Marti is hilarious! And perhaps inspired. 🙂
That’s funny you should say that because I truly do aspire to be BOTH of those things. 😉 Thank you…
popeyes!!!
hilarious!!!
i love that you checked twitter and your wise woman friend delivered the truth.
paleo?
i was about to have to break up with you…
First of all, since I LISTENED to your Antelope book, I can hear your voice when I read this. I love it.
Second, I tried to eat a paleo breakfast on Jan. 2. It was so disappointing. If I’m going to eat eggs, I need cheese. The end.
Finally.
The voice of reason!
You had me at “legumes complete me”!!!!!!! Hilarious…and it’s all a money making scam! Eat what you want, in moderation, watch the portions and exercise. Calories in, calories out. How hard it that? Actually, quite hard, but we do our best!
I had a similar experience with paleo and clean eating. After seeing several people post pics on IG of black coffee and fruits and veggies I convinced myself that it would be just what I needed to get on the right track. I don’t mind black coffee and I like fruits and veggies. But then I researched and discovered no cheese, crackers, beans and finally—sour cream. I closed my laptop. Beans, cheese, tortillas, and crackers are my basic food groups. I’m not willing to change that. Maybe I will use “less” cheese and sour cream in “moderation”. That seems like a much more realistic goal.