A celebration to last throughout the years

On Sunday, we celebrated Caroline’s birthday by going out to breakfast and letting her order Happy Face Pancakes because everyone knows that what pancakes covered in syrup really need are about eight dollops of whipped cream. You can’t neglect the dairy portion of the food pyramid.

The rest of the day was spent dressing and undressing various Barbie dolls in a vast array of wardrobe selections. Caroline would struggle to get a pair of tight pants on Bikini Beach Barbie (heaven knows she hasn’t worn pants in years) as I sat on the couch and did my best Tim Gunn impression calling out “Make it work”.

That evening we had Mimi and Bops over for dinner and I baked a lemon cake so that Caroline would be able to blow out some candles on her actual birthday. As she ate the cake she kept saying, “Oh, this is really a delicious recipe.”

So, I’m not sure if she turned five or eighty-five.

(By the way, that’s not a beer in the koozie. It’s Minute Maid Pink Lemonade. No beer drinking until she’s six.)

Then, yesterday, we had a pool party. Bless her heart, she’s like her mama and has an August birthday. When you live in Texas that means you are required by law to have a pool party. It’s either that or invite guests over to sit on blocks of ice.

Anything else is inhumane.

I knew we had to make a decision regarding Gigante, the loveable unicorn pinata. Was he going to get a stay of execution or was he headed to the recycling bin on Wednesday?

I called Caroline into the kitchen and asked what she wanted to do. She showed no mercy. Gigante was going down.

So she stood there as I dissected him from the top to fill him with assorted candy. We stuffed his belly full of Nerds and Dum-Dum suckers and taped him back up.

When I tried to move him closer to the back door, I realized he now weighed approximately seventy-eight pounds. I lifted a silent prayer to heaven that the rope would hold him because nothing ruins a party mood faster than a gigantic unicorn hurtling to the earth and frightening small children.

P came home to help me get everything ready for the party and I told him that Gigante was pretty solid. In fact, I was worried that the kids might not be able to break him open despite repeated beatings. So P took a butcher knife and stabbed Gigante a few times in the chest just to weaken him a little bit.

It was just like that scene in “Gladiator” when Joaquin Phoenix stabs Russell Crowe with that knife before they go out into the Colosseum to ensure that he wins the fight.

Except we were going to the pool.

And it wasn’t really that dramatic.

The party started, the kids swam and then it was time for birthday cake.

After everyone was all hyped up on sugar and food coloring, it was time to let them unleash some energy on the pinata.

Despite P helping our odds for a quick demise, Gigante hung in there.

Literally.

In fact, my twelve-year-old nephew finally had to step in and finish the job.

And even then, this is what he looked like.

All he lost was an appendage. Fortunately, the candy came falling out anyway.

But once P lowered him to the ground, the birthday girl got a hold of him.

We’re thinking about hanging him on the wall next to P’s ten-point buck.