I’m going to be totally honest with y’all today and say that I just don’t have much funny in me at the moment. In fact, I feel a little bit like I’m having the missionary version of post-traumatic stress syndrome, but without the trauma or the stress.
If I had to compile a list of my talents it would probably be a short list. However, chief among my gifts would be my ability to compartmentalize certain things. If there is something I don’t want to think about or talk about, then I just go all Scarlett O’Hara and decide I’ll think about it tomorrow.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak to a group of high school students about Compassion and my trip to the Dominican. I’ve spent the last few days reading back over the posts that all the bloggers wrote about the trip and then this morning I googled “Everett Swanson” who is the man that founded Compassion back in 1952.
The last night of our trip, Shaun told us the story of how Compassion came to exist. The short version is that Everett Swanson was an American evangelist who went to Korea during the Korean War to minister to the troops. While he was there, he began to notice all the orphans everywhere. They were huddled in doorways trying to stay warm and starving to death.
One morning he saw a sanitation truck driving down the street. The workers would jump off the truck, kick what appeared to be piles of rags and then throw them in the truck. It turns out they weren’t just piles of rags; they were orphans who didn’t make it through the night being thrown away like garbage. Everett Swanson knew he had to do something.
Because of his commitment, Compassion is now in 24 countries and sponsors over a million children.
I shared that story with the high school students, along with my personal experiences from the trip.
After I was done there, I drove out to my church to record a short video where I was interviewed about the difference Compassion has made in countless lives.
Needless to say, yesterday was like the Big Mama Compassion Tour ’08. (Not coming soon to cities near you!)
Last night, as I drove to meet some friends for Mexican food, my heart was so heavy and I could feel tears right below the surface. I don’t know if it’s because I had talked about it all day or if it’s just taken this long to sink in, but I just felt a heavy weight of sadness settle over me.
It’s a strange experience to see everything we saw that week, the extreme poverty, the sadness, the presence of hope in spite of the bare minimum of material possessions, and then come back to America at a time when everyone is freaking out about our economic crisis and big industries are requesting multi-billion dollar bailouts.
We’re a week away from celebrating Thanksgiving, which should be a time to reflect on our many blessings, yet we’re inundated by Christmas catalogs with the sole purpose of making sure we want more than we already have.
Caroline and I look through the catalogs while she picks out what she wants Santa to bring on Christmas Eve and then I’ll feel guilty because do we really need any more toys in her already packed playroom?
Do I really need any more clothes in a closet full of things?
What’s the balance between my reality and the reality of the kids in the Dominican Republic?
Why do I have moments where I fully realize I’ve seen the worst and yet still have moments where I feel discontent with what I have?
Am I an idiot?
Don’t answer that. It’s intended to be hypothetical.
Most of all, I can’t get this precious girl off my mind.
Because the one question she asked me was, “Can I go home with you?”
And two weeks later I’m still wishing I could have said yes.
Melanie,
Thank you, Thank you for bringing the reality to us. For those of us who have not seen with our own eyes, this brings it all to the surface. If only we knew how blessed we are; blessed beyond measure.
Beautiful post.
Oh Melanie, I cannot imagine the images that are seared into your brain. But, I do know that my heart is heavy with how privileged I am and yet how ungrateful so much of the time. We have it so good in this country & I think we forget to stop and realize that. Priorities. Hard to live out with all the other stuff getting in the way. In this quiet time this morning I’m praying that you will find peace & know all the ways you’ve served Jesus through this trip, your writings here, and the talks you’ve given. God Bless You.
Isn’t it funny how our hearts and souls understand, and yet that human side of us refuses to really listen or act? Oh, Father God.. I’m fighting tears right now, because there is so much that I could do with the money I waste, and the time I waste, and the chances to BE You to others that I just throw away. Big Mama, wouldn’t it wonderful if we could all just pack up all this “stuff” that burdens us and send they physical stuff to where it’s truly needed; and send the human “stuff” back to hell, where it belongs? And then open our hearts and our homes to the hurting that are within miles of our very own homes? I’m praying.. for this economic tsunami to wash away some of the filth and give us clean hands and hearts. Blessings to you, for writing from the depths of your heart, and for loving others as He has loved you….
Big Mama,
Beautiful and heartwrenching…
Thank you for sharing your heart and reminding us to be grateful for the abundant blessings we so freely enjoy, and for the reminder to pray for those who are in great need. God will not waste any of this journey…
In His Grace,
Kelly Gerken
Every time we sing the words…”Let us be your hands, let us be your feet, let us be the ones that long for those in need” in church I wonder at the end of my life…when I look back, what will I have really done to be the hands and feet of Jesus….???? I think it all starts with the heavy heart and burden and developes from there. I can’t wait to see where these burdens are leading us!!!!
I can only imagine…
What I cling to…what I would hope I could do if I walked in your shoes (and the countless more who’ve given a life or a season to mission work) is to remember:
In the economy of God, from where He sits on His throne, there are no orphans–only His beloved; where those suffer from temporal void, He offers eternal completeness.
He intended to change YOU through this trip; goal accomplished. And the most beautiful thought related to that? The work He’s begun in your life…He’ll be faithful to complete it.
He told me.
🙂
Well, now I’m crying.
Due to reasons beyond my control, I missed blogging during the Compassion trip. Yet God had my heart in the right place because I too keep wondering how spoiled we Americans can be when it comes to economy, food and basic needs. We really don’t get that we don’t have a single thing about which to complain. We’re like the Promised Land to most the world. This place flows with milk and honey and cheeseburgers and fries.
Thank you for opening your heavy heart to us and allowing us to help shoulder the load. We’re with you, Mel, be it in supporting a child or supporting you and the team in prayers.
I’m Executive Director of a ‘free’ dental clinic not far from Houston. We have several dentists who volunteer their time. Some come a half-day a week, some come once every few months. Every day I am confronted by people who need help. And every day, I have to pray because I am so overwhelmed with the need. Even if we were open for five days a week, 8 hours a day, we could never keep up.
At a meeting when I was expressing my frustration at not being able to help more people, someone reminded me that even Jesus did not heal everyone.
I still fight those overwhelming feelings of not doing enough, but remembering that does keep me from feeling totally inadequate.
You have opened the eyes of a lot of readers – and touched their hearts. Think of all the kids now being sponsored and take comfort from that.
BTW – if you have post-traumatic stress syndrome without the trauma or the stress, is that just post syndrome? 🙂
From experience, I believe all missionaries (short term or otherwise) experience what you’re going through right now. I remember my husband and I thinking our daughter was going to be a basket case after a couple of weeks home from a month long Botswana trip. The same thing happened when she returned from Panama. She had to come to terms with what we have in the US and what everyone else does not have. It’s heart breaking to go on knowing others are suffering such poverty. Thanks for your perspective. Thanksgiving will be that much more meaningful here.
Big Mama, Sometimes God puts them in your heart because He wants them in your home. I don’t think adoption from the DR is possible, but Haiti, (right across the border from the DR) is actually the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Sixty percent of the country lives in abject poverty. If you want to see what that looks like for children, go here: http://haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/
My love for Haiti runs deep. It is a place where people depend on God in very real ways. There is a spirit of hope, endurance, and dignity. And, five of my children are Haitian: http://watchingthewaters.wordpress.com/2008/08/25/first-day-down/
Love to you,
Corey Waters
Thank you for the wonderful reminder of how blessed we really are. I hate all the catelogs that come right now, trying to convince me of something that I can’t live without, when only minutes before I didn’t know existed. I’ve been on mission trips to Asia (China, Laos, Thailand and Burma) and came back with the same thoughts…why can’t I do more? It’s not fair that I was born in this country, but it’s a blessing that God has given me. By the grace of God, I will use my time and resources wisely. Thank you for the heartfelt post.
It’s never too late to get one of those kiddos. You can always adopt… 🙂
Affluence can be tricky, and dangerous for our souls. I believe God is watching to see what we do with it.
Just the words many of us needed to read
and hear and take to heart this morning.
Thanks for writing us a really large
reality check.
Yep. Those sweet faces. They wreck me every single time. And I pray I never, ever forget them.
I’ve wondered similar things lately, even though the details are a bit different. How does God decide which things to “fix” and which things to leave for a bit longer…we could never understand without seeing the big picture but we’d be overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all if He did show us–so trusting Him is so very necessary. Thanks for the insight into what He’s teaching you. You don’t have to be funny every day!
I so understand! I have that talent too that allows me to compartmentalize my feelings… which I have always considered to be a great asset until a friend and I were talking and I suggested she learn to store things like I do so well and she said, “if I do that I won’t be open to hear God and I will build walls.” Build walls? I never thought about that but I do! So now my talent is suddenly not so brag worthy!
Also your thoughts about going back and forth between realizing such need and waste and feeling discontent… I think we all do that. I think it’s the devils way of messing with out heads.
(messing with our heads… not out heads)
I’ve never been on one of these trips (although I get the feeling one might be in my future); however, everyone I’ve ever known or read about that has gone, has experienced a time just like this. And really, how can you not?
If you haven’t already, grab a copy of Kay Warren’s “Dangerous Surrender”. She talks about this, among a million other wonderful, heart-wrenching things.
Proud of what you’ve done and of what God’s doing in you and through you.
I wanted to come out of lurk-land to say that I lived in that same place yesterday and had that convesation with my girls in my bible study.
How do I balance? How do I adjust when I know what is going on in the Congo and I am trying to decide which stuffing to make this year. Am I going all psycho? No need to answer that one, either.
I get what you are saying, and I don’t know the answer either.
Helpful, aren’t I?
Thanks for sharing your heart, and as someone mentioned earlier you can always adopt that sweet girl…
How did that question not just break your heart into a million pieces? =( I’ve been so blessed by your trip; thank you for continuing to let the Lord speak to us through you.
Yes. Such a short little word but so complex. Yes has changed your life. And mine. Everyday.
I’m enjoying reading your post-trip thoughts/processing. It’s obvious that God is working in your life, and I’m excited to see what He will do with it. Thanks for putting it all out there for the rest of the world to read.
I just want to hug you, and I do not even know you. However, I just cried over the reality of what you wrote, and I have been thinking the exact same thing since Sunday when someone from Samaritan’s Purse came to our church with a video of the conditions the kids live in… and all we sent were some shoeboxes.
I pray that God gives you the ability to cope with both of the “worlds” you are living with the realization of now.
Thank you for sharing – I was stressing over money this morning and you made me realize that my worries are really so insignificant. I should be more thankful.
Oh – and the picture of the little girl who asked if she could go home with you broke my heart. It made me cry and I’m at work, now my makeup is messed up!! 🙂
Now I’m crying.
After researching adoption over the last couple of years, I often feel the same way as you. We have so much and many do not. I cannot imagine seeing it in person. I wonder if I would praise God they way some of them do if I had very little. I sure hope so.
Thanks for making me cry so early in the morning. But thanks for making me realize that even in these times, I still live a “cushy” like compared to most.
We just recently adopted a family for Christmas. It is so humbling to see that all they want this year is laundry soap, toilet paper, cleaning supplies and pots and pans.
How did our society get so far gone into thinking that the bigger and more the better?
Blessings to you.
Wow. This was a powerful post. My heart is heavy too.
Melanie,
My daughter sponsored a little boy about 5 years ago. She has a scrapbook of his letters and pictures. I was always a little skeptical about Compassion. No reason, just seeing how the world is. You and the other bloggers did a great thing in showing us how it really is. I sponsored my first child last week. Her name is Juliet and she is 6 years old. Thank you for writing about your trip and making it real. You made a difference!! T
Thank you for sharing so openly about your feelings. I know God truly has a purpose for all of this. Your trip is making a difference. God bless you Melanie, God bless you
Melanie, (which means “Ink” did you know that?) I think your spiritual gift is the ability to articulate words in such a way that when you write, you have us all captured. You’re full of compassion. You’re funny yet profound. By writing about your experience in the DR, you’ve encouraged a lot of us girls to either sponsor a child or think twice about our priorities in life. I know you did that for me.
You’re not an idiot. Even as a person who grew up in a third world Communist country for 11 years, I find myself wanting more of this and that. I forget that at one point in my life I wore nothing but hand-me-downs from missionaries. Now I have 5 coats in my closet and I’m coveting a yellow peacoat I found online, but then the next day my sister calls me (who still lives there) and says “I’m cold, I haven’t eaten for a week, and the seams of my coat has tears. Now that yellow peacoat seems like the silliest thing (even though I still like it 🙂
God knows how to “bring us back”.
When we were living in Moldova (Eastern Europe) the only Christmas gifts we kids got was the Samaritan’s Purse Shoebox (I’m sure you’ve heard of it, if not, google it). That might be a fun project to do with Caroline? Take her to the $1 spot at Target or the dollar store and have her pick out some stuff for a couple of shoe boxes and have fun packing them one evening while baking cookies. It will help her understand that there are children out there (like that little girl who wanted to go home with you) who don’t have anything. I don’t guarantee she’ll stop wanting all the stuff from the catalogs, but it will open her eyes a bit.
Sorry this got so long, I just wanted to let you know that more of us relate with you than you immagine. The Holy Spirit is simply moving and working in you.
Thanks Melanie, I often feel the same way. I went on a mission trip to Haiti, about 2 years ago, and after the hurricanes this past season they are worse off than ever, if that’s even possible! This year I am not buying gifts, I am giving donations in my niece and nephews name. I sponsor a child through World Vision ( a lot like Compassion)and you can buy a family a goat or chickens etc. So I am going to let my nieces and nephews pick what they want to give, that will be my gift to them. The last thing they need is another video game, dvd, or other toys. We are so abundantly blessed…and I think it’s so we can bless others.
Sometimes we pray for God to “break our hearts with the things that break His” then wonder why these things hit us so hard, maybe it’s because He is answering our prayer. When we feel overwhelmed we should stop and cry out to God on their behalf, I believe all prayer is powerful, but there is something about actually “crying out” that is on a whole other level.
I pray that the Lord would give you an “answer” to this sadness/”heartcry”.
Thank you for being so honest and sharing your experience with us all.
oh melanie, i have tears right under the surface and a lump in my throat too. my heart has been so burdened over the last 6 months to do more… the Word clearly tells us we are to take care of the widows and the ORPHANS. do most of us do that? sadly, no. so i am starting right here. right in my local area. will be at a food kitchen during thanksgiving (with my 7yr old) and we are in process of becoming a caring home(the homes that adopted babies go right after they are born while the birth mother takes those legal 10 days to change her mind or the baby needs to find placement) its a start…
Honestly, after reading all of your funny posts since your return from the Dominican, I was wondering how your heart and mind were holding up after that kind of life altering trip. I’m grateful that you’ve shared these thoughts with us because now we know just how a journey like you took can change us. Change us the way God wants us to be changed. This was a beautiful description of the impact He made while there and continues to make upon your return to the US. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Thank you.
Like St. Paul we have to learn the secret of living with abundance and living with want. Thank you for sharing your heart with us – it reminds us all to step back and be grateful for all we have and look for ways to help others who don’t have as much.
Melanie, I love your heart–all of it! Thanks for sharing so honestly with us. You continue to challenge my heart with your posts. You are in my thoughts and prayers today. Hugs!
Your emotions are completely normal. It happens to everyone who goes on a mission trip and really opens their heart for God to work. Things will return back to some kind of normal for you, but it’ll be a different kind of normal. After a trip to Africa, I see things with completely different eyes.
Thanks for sharing! I pray that we never forget and that we love like our Heavenly Father loves.
Melanie,
I started following your blog through the compassion bloggers, but have never commented. I have loved hearing about all of your experiences and how much it has changed your lives, not to mention the lives of the children you visited.
You really got me on that last line about that sweet face asking if she could come home with you. I can’t imagine what it would be like to leave such poverty and come home to such a blessed life that we all take for granted.
And thanks for making me cry at work…
Big Momma bless your heart. I don’t know that I am up to what you have done and are doing with Compassion. I feel like I am so…I don’t even have a word for it. I just don’t think I could do it.
I, like you, would have been wanting to bring all those children home with me. There are problems with all ages but when I hear of children in distress it breaks my heart. I just want to fix their problems and I can’t.
Oh, Melanie, I don’t know how you can reconcile what you saw there with how we live here. I was so moved by Shaun’s post last week about how to deal after these trips, because I know it would be very hard for me and can only imagine how you all must feel right now.
But, please, take heart in the good work you have done and are continuing to do! You saw a need and did something about it. No, you couldn’t bring home that darling girl, but you’re telling US all about her. This morning, I read, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins” (James 4:17). And it made me think again about everything I’ve learned from you and the other Compassion bloggers. And God moved in my heart once again.
Thank you for what you’re doing.
Ahhh, Big Mama.
Even though I have never visited Malawi where “my little girl” Mercy (World Vision) is from, her picture is displayed proudly on our fridge to remind us how blessed we truly are. I can’t imagine actually meeting her or seeing the “grass thathed hut” that she calls home. Everytime I turn on the water here at our house, I thank God that we have clean, running water in our home. The experience has also been a very positive one for our boys. We have told them about Mercy and we include her in our bedtime prayers. God did a very big thing in my life when He sent Mercy to me. Her picture is also a reminder that God will speak to us when we least expect it. I enjoy reading about your Dominician experiences. =)
You gave those children more than many of us ever will. You may not be able to take that particular girl home with you but you have FOREVER changed lives of many of those children and because of you other people will reach out and it will continue on. Continue to do for you and your daughter because you are lucky enough to be able but also know that God have given you the ability to do that knowing that you would take care of your family and other families as well.
This year we will be sponsoring a child through Compassion as part of our childrens Christmas gifts. At the young ages of 3 and 5 we hope to start teaching the act of giving and that it is so much more important than receiving. Through your blog I have learned about Compassion and cried my eyes out reading your posts. I have a feeling this is going to change our whole families lives forever.
Thank you so much for taking that trip!!
I so needed to hear that from you this morning! I didn’t go to the Dominican last week, but I woke up this morning feeling some of the exact same things you are….I think sometimes are souls long for Heaven and we don’t even know it!
April
melanie, because of this post my mom is currently on the compassion website sponsoring a child for the first time. thank you.
The Lord spoke to me this morning about how I’ve compartmentalized my life in to four areas (like drawers that I open and close) and He said to me, “I want it all” and then I read your post. Tears. And conviction.
Thank you, Melanie! Thank you that you have an open heart to the Lord, that you listened to Him in so many things in your life. Because of that, you not only have helped so many in the DR, you’ve blessed so many here, in the USA! Thank you for words that have totally shifted how I am feeling about SO many things in my life right at this particular moment. No, things aren’t always great and grand, but remembering what I saw and learned and felt when I went to the DR on 2 missions trips has totally put things into perspective for me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! May God continue to bless you!!
Much love and appreciation from another sister in Christ!
~Kathy
Wow. Melanie, that was a very powerful post & I thank you so much for putting into words the heaviness of your heart. I felt it and I needed to feel it. You are so right – where is the balance? I personally need to find it. Thank you for sharing and providing information to all of us so that we will be pushed to do more for those with less than us.
~Lori Anne
This post hits my heart so hard. Every year at this time, I begin to get depressed, something I never can really explain. I begin to think about all of the children without families, wishing that I could do more – something huge. I’m beginning to think this pain I feel each year is a longing for heaven, for things to be right and just, for a clearer vision of Peace, Love and Joy.
Melanie,
Thanks for your post. May your feelings not totally subside, although if you let them they will and wouldn’t that be a shame? Because I consider it a blessing and an honor to have been able to see things that others around me have not seen. We take so much for granted and because of that, we are raising our children to have no clue how to be grateful for what they have. I have been on a few mission trips to third world countries, only one since my girls were born. When they were two and three I went to China for ten days. Like you were with Caroline, I thought I would die leaving them but God gave me a peace about it that helped me know that was where I should be. And a friend told me something very wise…you’re always safest in God’s will. Oh, amazing things happened of course. But the best thing about that trip is still happening. Two years later, my girls talk about it all the time…they talk about when Momma went to China to help those kids at the school there who didn’t know Jesus. They ask me when THEY can go.
I tell them about the differences between what they have and what those children in China have. I tell them about why I wanted to go tell them about Jesus…because they don’t have SS teachers and people who love them enough to tell them about Jesus. And I know it is going to make a difference in them just like me going made a difference two years ago. The trip goes on.
We sponsor a Compassion child in Africa. When the toy catalogs get out of hand and the list for Santa necessitates finding another piece of paper, I get her picture off the refrigerator and I say “Girls, let’s look at Colette for a minute. What do you think her Christmas is going to be like? Should we make her a Christmas card?”.
The reality is we live in the world, not in paradise. And we are sinners, striving to live like Jesus. We love our children and we want to teach them to love others, like Jesus loves us.
As I write this, I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to say to you! I think it is this…I read your blog everyday although I never comment, and you’ve got the balance down fine. You’re making a difference in the world while you raise your daughter to do the same someday.
Thanks for sharing the process. And making me laugh a lot, too!
I am praying for you today. May you hear the still, small voice of God clearly.
I just felt like I needed to let you know that because of your trip and reading all about it from you and some of the other bloggers, God finally put His foot down on my heart and I made the commitment He’s been convicting me about for almost 2 years now and sponsored a child. We have friends from church who recently moved to Uganda to be missionaries, so I chose a child from there… a 5 year old girl whose name is the same as mine and was born on my dad’s birthday. And just to prove that the old saying of “you can’t out-give God” is true, He convicted my dad to pay for half of it… even despite my insisting he should “get his own kid” (as irreverant as that sounds).
Anyway – after reading your post, I also wanted to tell you that I feel that way every time we pray for her and her family. Why do we have so much and they have so little? And why do we still think that all that we have isn’t ever enough? It’s something I struggle with constantly, and even though we have commited this year to do the minimum for our 4 kids for Christmas, and aren’t getting any gifts for anyone else (ourselves included), there is still so much more we wish we could do. I want to take them home with me, too. So badly. But it still wouldn’t be enough. I just pray that God’s peace that surpasses understanding will calm my (and your) heart on this until we know better what more we can do.
Thanks for sharing your heart in this – on here – and with those HS kids. It’s so important that we pass this on to the next generation.
Love your blog…it’s become a daily read. Yesterday as I was organizing my closet and counted no less than 40 pairs of shoes (that doesn’t include the ones stored elsewhere) I had some flashbacks to a time when I did mission work in Mexico and how different my life is from theirs. Upon returning home to my material world I felt selfish, I felt undeserving, I felt empty. I have never been surrounded by people who lived such joyful lives and they had hardly any material possessions. However what they do have is eternal so their joy truly comes from the Lord. Yes, I’m a Christian and my joy comes from Him too, but it’s much easier to get immediate joy from new stuff when I go shopping, etc…I think that’s what our society enables us to do. Thank you for sharing about your trip. It’s been a blessing and a good reminder to me for what I vowed I never wanted to forget when I got home from my trip.
While I’ve never visited any place with poverty like you experienced, God is using your trip to make an impact. In me.
Ever since you went to the Dominican Republic, I’ve been looking “things” differently. I’ve been feeling a little guilty about worry what kind of shoes I’m going to wear at my friend’s wedding in December rather than the needs of this world. Especially the children of this world.
I want to say thank you for sharing your heart. It has ministered greatly.
In Him,
Kelly
Melanie,
I don’t know what else to say other than I am praying for you.
There is nothing that can be said to take those images from your head or those memories from your mind. They will always serve as reminders of this experience you had and make you ever grateful for the many blessings you have. You DID make a difference down there, whether it feels like it or not. You planted seeds, you showed God’s love and you gave hope and that is much more than most people can say that they did.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Whitney
thank you for this post…..
beautifully written
I cannot imagine what you are going through however I hope you take comfort in knowing that you have not only made a difference for that little girl but countless others. After reading about your experiences I was called to sponsor a child and I’ve read so many comments from your readers who were inspired to do the same.
Our children do get caught up in the hype of Christmas (and any other holiday for that matter) however actions speak louder than pink Barbies! And while you don’t see it now, I think you have found the perfect balance for your family.
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
I want to lead a revolt against all the magazines put in my mailbox! My oldest daughter snatches them up and circles the things she wants…ugh. GREED is alive and well in the USA. Those magazines are going in the trash!
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
Jenny from VA
Melanie, your trip wasn’t in vain. I don’t belong to a church, I don’t pray daily (or at least in any organized way). But I read your stories from the Dominican and I was moved to sponsor a little girl named Lesly Coral. Her life will be a little brighter because of the work you’ve done to spread the word. THAT is what Christ-mas is all about.
Everytime I see that you’ve posted the pic of that little girl, it reminds me of a girl who looks exactly like her. She was in a pre-k class I taught and her situation wasn’t good. She was in foster care and she was in need of so much love. If I didn’t have to teach 19 other kids, she would’ve snuggled with me all day. She broke my heart, the struggles she would have throughout the day. Just to think of the things she had already gone through in her young life. When you shared the question that little girl asked you, well that just would’ve torn my heart out.
This heart tugged at my heart in a big way. It really echoed many of my own thoughts and conversations we have been having at my house recently. I’m just not sure what to do from here…I don’t want it to be conviction that I don’t act upon. Thanks for sharing!
Melanie,
Thanks for sharing your heart so openly.
In ten years of moving back and forth between one of the poorest places in the world and one of the most affluent, I’ve learned a couple of things. One is that you can’t go back. You’ll live in the tension for the rest of your life, and that’s not a bad thing. We should be thinking about whether we really need more stuff, or whether we could use our relative wealth to change somebody’s life instead.
The other thing I’ve learned is that you can’t live out of the guilt. The message of the gospel is that love is stronger than death, and that love beats out fear and anger every time. And the way to live out of love rather than guilt is to become a co-creator with the Creator, reconciling and resurrecting and redeeming things that are not as they are supposed to be.
May the peace of Christ be with you.
You are a great girl!
Thank you for sharing your heart!
Becky in NC
Can you say yes? Just wondering if that is feasible.
Your tender heart is such a blessing. God convicts us all in different ways. He always “uses” children to prick my heart too. Your example and the things you have shared with all of us make us all stronger, it is your GIFT. “Bless the beasts and the children…for in this world they have no choice.” Oh and you gotta love a few raging hormones.
For the past 8 years I have worked with many of the working poor. For the longest time, I thought it was to make me more grateful for all we have. This is not something I am proud of, but I tended to think, ” thank goodness it is not me.”
I put the unpleasantness of poverty out of my mind, BECAUSE it made me—- uncomfortable.
At some point in time, God hit me over the head that we are supposed to do something. Do something. “to whom much is given much is expected” Luke 12:48
I followed your trip by reading all the blogs. We sponsor kids through Compassion, and at first I thought it would be neat to follow along. It quickly became so much more than that. I have been looking at everything differently too, and I didn’t actually see what you did. Thanks for sharing your heart with all of us!
Thanks for sharing this. Thanks for being vulnerable, and throwing it all on the table. I can relate. I have done mission projects, and have come home feeling the same way. My desire is for that feeling to never go away. I too am amazed at how discontent I can feel when I have so much.
Okay, so I’m bawling. I would have wanted to take that girl home also. It would absolutely break my heart! Thanks for sharing. I too struggle with all of those same feelings. We have SO MUCH and I feel like we should ALL be doing SO MUCH more than we are.
Thank you for reminding me of all of these truths! We are so blessed and so what does that mean in how we live out our lives?
I pray that God will give you peace to never forget the people you have touched in the DR.
My heart goes out to you I can empathize with all you feel. This past summer I ran into a black lady at a car detailing place that had 5 little children with her. They ranged in age from 14 month to 10 years old. One child a white little boy that was 2 and had a broken arm, the youngest baby was quiet and sitting in her carseat(born of a crack mother). Another little girl clung to the ladies leg like a scared little mouse. I asked her if she needed some help because she seemed tired and overwhelmed. I found out that she was a foster parent and had anywhere from 3 to 6 children come through her home at a time. The more that I found out about the stories of the children and their home situations my heart and spirit almost collapsed. Here I was with everything and a beautiful healthy little boy (I still feel I do not deserve) and she was taking care of 5 children whose parents abused them, chose drugs over loving and caring for them, or just flat out didn’t care. I can not even imagine how you get to that position in life to treat a child the way these parents did. I asked her if she needed anything to help with all the kids care because I had a basement full of stuff that my son does not need or had grown out of. She told me some clothes and toy would be great and I told her I would bring them to her house. After visiting with her for about 30 minutes I felt such grief as I drove home that I was over come with emotion. I too felt so guilty of all we have and stupid that I had not looked for ways to help children here in my community. I follow up with this amazing woman at least once a month to see what she needs for the children she has. Now that I have seen this need I feel responsible to help. I guess my point is that there are so many children here too that are in desperate situations and needs. If I knew half of what children of this world went through I would crumble. God is so merciful and knows all the needs of his smallest creations but it is our responsibility to speak up for them and help as we can.
Hi Melanie, I am a faithful reader of yours and I rarely comment anymore because you get a ton and I feel like I don’t have much more to say than what every else has said already. But I had to comment on this one because just yesterday I was watching a video on youtube and it tore my heart in two. I know you may not have time, but if you can, please go watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gT0t-zhF5o
It’s a beautiful song that reminds us He is there carrying us when we are in need. Not just us, but those that are more in need than we will ever experience in our lives.
I am so heartbroken that there are many children that die on the streets, ALONE and AFRAID while we sit in our living rooms trying to decide if we feel like cooking or should we just grab something from a fast food chain for dinner. It kills me but I don’t know what else I can do. I sponsor two children from World Vision and have for at least the last 13 or so years. I know I can’t adopt them all and I can’t change the world. It’s just very overwhelming. Thanks for sharing this.
Big Mama,
We were in Kenya at about the same time you were in DR. I relate to the “difference” you are feeling. Kinda like a pinball bouncing between extreme emotions throughout the day, never settling on one long enough to be able to dissect and understand it.
I’ll be praying for your heart to settle into a sweet balance of gratitude and dissatisfaction. Grateful for what you have, yet dissatisfied with anything this world can offer.
I have never been to a third world country but I have been part of projects where I’ve experienced “survivor’s guilt.”
I feel guilty about having. I feel guilty for being happy about what I have. I feel guilty for wanting something else…
But what I have to keep remembering is that God put me in the most prosperous (even now) country in the world for a reason. The key is to do something with it. Be thankful and give because I can.
We can give to others who have nothing. We can give on behalf of others who have nothing and genuinely wish they could give.
It is an overwhelming, yet wonderful responsibilty.
What is the balance between my reality and the reality of kids in [third world countries]? I have asked this question so often. It nearly drives me insane to see the way we live in America when there are so many children/people whose basic needs are not being met.
I wish every person would see The Other Side of the Coin by Ekin Caglar–http://www.ekincaglar.com/coin/flash.html
Aw, girl. Prayed for you just now. Sending hugs from up north! xoxo!
Beautiful post! Thank you for touching our hearts and motivating us to take ACTION. Readers, if you do not already sponsor a child, PLEASE go to the Compassion website right now! If you are part of a Sunday School class, you could suggest that your class sponsor a child. Just start with one! Our S.S. class now sponsors 3 children. You will see how blessed you are!
No wonder your heart is breaking.
Ok not fair!
I am sitting over here bawling like a baby b/c you are so right!
I feel discontent and can’t wait for hubby to get home so I can go shopping – crazy huh?!
And yet I see that sweet girls face and think – why am I so rotten and why would I not want to do MORE!
Hubby and I sponsor 2 little boys but it just does not seem like enough…
Thanks for the reminder sweet Mel
God bles
Kim
You’ll never forget the hold that place currently has on you. I long and ache for Brasil. It hurts to see poverty, but I think we become better people for it. God bless you and those children you touched.
Your story reminded me of what goes on in India, where parent deliberately mutiliate their young kids so they get more money while begging.
It makes me want to do a family mission trip even before the kids are little older.
Tears are burning my eyes as I type this…my husband and I saw similar eyes as we adopted our son in Russia several years ago. So thankful God is using Compassion and other ministries like it to reach those who need not only financial aid, but also those who need a Savior. May we each be reminded of the many, many blessings we take for granted each day…health, clothing, a warm house, and a family who loves us! Thanks for sharing so honestly from your heart, Melanie.
Hi Big Mama 🙂
Thank you for sharing with us the internal struggle you’re experiencing. I have seen what short-term missions can do to the soul. It is heart-wrenching, heart-breaking, eye-opening.
My prayers are for you today as God continues His mighty work in your heart and soul.
The best thing that ever happened to me was 6 months ago, when I moved out of my home, taking only my necessities with me (clothes, bills, personal docs, computer, toiletries). I left everything else behind to save myself.
It taught me REAL fast to be content with what I have and just how LITTLE I NEED to get by day to day. I live in a basement. I couldn’t furnish a room, let alone an apartment. It didn’t take me long to experience total liberation…FREEDOM. I was glad to not have “stuff” to deal with. There is very little distraction that keeps me from God. I’m not too involved maintaining “things”. I’m not the least bit interested in acquiring. It only serves to clutter where we live..it clutters our minds..it clutters the lives of others when it gets in the way of more important things.
I am on mission to help people focus on that which is eternal, not what will pass away.
It’s an amazing relationship with God, when you literally depend on Him for everything – food, money, a place to live – not just the spiritual things. He is a very REAL God who is concerned about everything that concerns us.
Since being released of the worldly stuff for a time, I have experienced the purest form of joy in my life and the eternal things are taking shape much faster than they ever have.
Believing God for HIS perfect provision is difficult at first, but so worth the struggle to get over the secular way of thinking, in order to experience what it’s like when you’re living as God would want you to.
Aw Melanie, hugs to you.
I prayed God would be with you, but also allow your heart to be broken, like His is, over the poverty and injustice. He answers prayer! You’ll never be the same, and you weren’t supposed to be.
The trick now will be learning to “Cover Not Carry” what it is you saw and experienced. Cover them in prayer, and yes, every chance you have, bring this to the attention of everyone you can. But don’t “carry” this. You can’t. It’s much too big for you. It’s made for His big shoulders.
But every chance you get, bring it to the attention of everyone you can.
The world will begin to pay attention when we begin to live DIFFERENTLY than they do… when we put our money where our mouth is. That gets attention.
My kids have been hearing all year long, reminded constantly, of our 2 Compassion Kids. They know that this year, we’re going to be buying less for Christmas and giving more to the Compassion Christmas gift fund for those kids. And you know what? They’re good with that!
Caroline is not too young to be taught about what we have vs. what the rest of the world can only dream about. If we can teach them while they’re young, they will change the world. Should the Lord tarry.
Be blessed Lady! 🙂
It is good to get that reality check like that every once in a while! We were all placed where we are supposed to be, sometimes we just need to get our hearts in the right place!
Hey girl…
I want to go to another country so badly but I wonder if I can handle it emotinally. Of course I can, but i’m such a tender hearted goon that I am afraid I may never recover from it. And, maybe that is the point.
That darling girl in the picture just screams saddness to me. Her eyes are so big and so sad.
We also all feel the same exact way about Christmas. Lets keep after “more” of what we sure don’t need.
Your heart is beautiful. Thanks for sharing. We keep after Him in all things and He’ll lead us down the right path….whatever the path is.
Hugs~
Fran
Gosh. I’ve never even been on a mission trip and I think like that all the time. When we bought our SUV 6 years ago, I was ashamed to have such extravagance. Each time I purchase nice clothes, I feel so guilty because there are children with nothing.
I often feel like I’m crazy too. Honestly I don’t know how to find the middle ground and I don’t understand why we were born to be so fortunate.
Not helpful? I know. Just wanted you to know I have felt that same pang…
I’m gonna answer it anyway, no, you’re not an idiot. You’re a human being, a child of God with a heart and soul that cares for other people. It is easy to become overwhelmed with the need in the world. I work in a small business and every year my co-worker and I pick out a family (he’s a delivery man) who is really needy that year and we put together a thanksgiving dinner for them – turkey and all the trimmings. It’s always hard to pick out which one – we want to help everyone, but the reality is, you just can’t give away everything you have. You have been blessed by God with what you have, its what He wants you to have, and you should not feel guilty, although that just makes you the kind person you are. Just think how many of these kids lives you are affecting with your writing – I know I wouldn’t have known anything about Compassion without you and Boomama, and now I pray for them every day when I see their ad on your blog. Multiply me times about a bajillion, and see what a difference you are making! “Cast all your anxiety upon him, for He cares for you”
Love this post! So sweet I cried! You must have had a wonderful life changing trip. I love your blog!
I’m so glad you went on this trip.
I hope we can go one day as a family.
I think we could all use a wake up call around here too.
The best thing you can do is hold those memories close to your heart and let them guide your life. I spent 9 days in the mountains of the Orizaba mountain range doing missionary work and my husband and I will adopt from there in the next few years. Just know the work you did there has changed lives. Not only lives there…but your here as well.
Even in our economic trouble, we are soooo wealthy. Why can’t America see that?!
This was a blessing to me. Thanks for writing from your heart.
I think as Americans we’ve gotten very self-centered. We’re more concerned about granite on our counter tops than food in hungry children’s bellys. God told us, “to whom much is given, much is required.” I struggled the same way you are the first time I went to Mexico to an orphanage for a week and ministered to people in the surrounding area who were living in cardboard boxes. You just don’t get over that—ever. And it becomes the catalyst that keeps you going and doing your part. I’m praying for you!
You may feel like you aren’t or can’t do enough for these kids and these situations that you were witness to, but i must tell you that based on reading about your experiences, i went to compassion and sponsored the next kid whose been waiting the longest. i got the paperwork today on the little 10 year old girl in india who is now our sponsored child. and i reached out to a bunch of my friends to do the same. look at that ripple that stemmed from you! keep doing what you’re doing and keeping it at the forefront of people’s minds. feel good about the impact you are having, even when you may not know how far and how wide your reach really is! and have a very very happy thanksgiving!
This touched my heart. I feel an ache. Thank you for this post and the work you’ve done for this group.
Praying for guidance about this. He’s faithful to answer.
Melanie,
This evening I spent an hour showing my folks our DR trip pictures. Your little girl was one of the stories I told them. And I asked them to pray for her little wounded heart.
Then I came to your blog and saw her picture again. I guess I’m meant to pray for her again.
Big hug!
Your friend,
Mary
I’m wrestling with these feelings myself even though I have never visited any of these poor children. Feelings of how much more can I do? What else can I do? How much is enough?
I feel God is moving my heart in ways I’d never imagined and I’m so confused I can’t even coherently explain how I feel because I don’t even know myself.
You are not alone Melanie. I’m sure there’s a plan for us. We just don’t know what it is yet.
Tania
I don’t know what to tell you. I guess there are any easy answers. But I’m sitting here at 6:00 in the morning with tears welling up in my eyes, looking into that darling face and imagining that child asking to come home with me. I don’t know how you maintained any sense of composure.
In many ways, living here with everything material thrown at us constantly, I wonder if it’s harder to trust God than it is in those cultures where there is poverty and war and suffering. Not that I’m not thankful. I am. But I have no idea how we are supposed to balance our reality and theirs.
((hug))
There’s aftershock going around. This brought tears to my eyes.
You do not even know how many times in the last couple of weeks I have thought the same thing. I stood in Old Navy recently–just out looking–but I stopped and looked around as I stood in the toddler boys section. Before me were racks and racks JAM PACKED with clothing–some brand new, some “discounted”. I couldn’t help but be disgusted as I thougth about the Compassion children and other countries who struggle with poverty–who wear our “donated” clothing. Here, in America, we have a sickening amount of wealth–even though we are in a “finacial crisis”. I felt so convicted. We participate in Operation Christmas Child every year–where you fill a shoebox with inexpensive toys, toiletries, etc and the boxes are sent to third world countries and given to children on Christmas. I absolutely LOVE filling boxes every year–just thinking of the great joys they will have at the simple items placed in these boxes. Every year, I have to tell myself to stop–only so much can fit in a box. This year we watched a short video on Operation Christmas Child to help relay what we’re doing to our two boys. We thought it might help them if they SAW real kids opening their boxes. I bawled the whole way through the video–they were so full of joy at what they received–yet I found myself thinking…’I could have done so much more! Doing OCC and reading your info on Compassion has made me more aware of our abundance and I am humbled. I enjoyed your posts on Compassion and I really want to make that part of our new year. We serve an awesome God…let us come before His throne with thanksgiving and grace.
Oh, what a touching post! I feel the same way even though I didn’t get to go on a Compassion tour. What makes me feel better is to dive into helping others. I started a charity toy drive at my church to help the needy in our community. It’s sad because I’ve had people actually say to my face that kids in America get too much so they won’t give a toy! These are immigrant children who’s parents are out of work. I hope your stories reach people who have a selfish attitude this season, especially highschool kids. Keep spreading your message. We love you for that!!
If anyone is interested in helping a poor community in the Dallas area. Please click here:
http://www.livinglocurto.com/?p=1060
Perhaps, is the good Lord calling you to adopt one of those precious children that have found their way into your heart? What seems insurmountable, unfathomable, and “just not your cup of tea” is many times just what God has planned for your life.
Because he’s cool like that. 😀
Oh my goodness, this post has really touched my heart. This summer at She Speaks I signed up to sponsor Milena. Beautiful little girl and I have yet to write her. That will all change now thanks to you sharing your heart. “I haven’t had time” is a selfish excuse. Especially for someone who professes a love for writing.
Thank you!
I am not sure if you will see this after all the other comments, but working with the children’ home I am involved in then coming back to my nice home and well-loved children is a contant source of tension in mylife…then I log on and shop JCrew’s big sale to forget about it. (I wish I were being funny)
So, all I have for you is a sincere “I am praying for you.” I think God wants us to hold the tension of those two words–to really GET it–and share like you just did to encourage others to step out and “get it” a little more, too.
Did you tell her “yes”? If not I have to tell you there are so many in the country of Haiti right next door to her who would love to join your family. My two youngest came to live with us 10 years ago from Haiti. What a blessing they are!!!
I’m praying for you, Melanie, as God softens your heart and shows you what He has for you to do. On the Christmas and gifts issue I’m working on that, too. Our pastor just preached a series called “Radical” and I don’t know what we’re going to do about gift buying this year. We’re praying for guidance!
Thanks for being so transparent!!!
My husband has been to Haiti five times. After the first trip he literally could not talk for a week because he was so moved.
Now, we support our sweetheart, little Pinky (yes, that’s really her name) in India. I really hope someday to go visit her and her family.
Through Compassion and through World Vision – which has some totally rocking ideas for Christmas shopping, like buying livestock for a poor family – we can help one child and/or one family at a time.
How can you help this girl where she is? If she isn’t up for adoption, what can you do? Prayer, for sure. Does she have a sponsor already? Can she use extra mail, packages, etc. from someone like yourself? Pray about what the Lord would have you do for her.
Is she an orphan? Can you adopt her? If so, sounds like God put adoption in your heart!
I just want to remind everyone that the US is not one of the wealthiest nations in the world, the US infant mortality rate is terrible. The gap between rich and poor is large, you don’t have to travel far to find poverty. There is still much to do here at home as well, especially with todays economy. Here is another great cause, right here in the US: The Harlem Children’s Zone http://www.hcz.org/
I am crying now too! I found about this organization and the bloggers trip from Pioneer Womans. I want to sponser a child but how do I decide what country and which child? That’s too hard for me to decide on my own and I would love to know if you have a suggestion on that.