I feel that I owe an apology to the fine Genius staff at my local Apple store because they called me at 5:30 on Monday evening to let me know my computer was ready. Sadly, I wasn’t able to retrieve the computer that night and instead spent the evening playing board games and reading fine literature whilst I knitted an afghan.
Actually, that’s not quite true. I ate dinner with P, read “Style: A to Zoe” by Rachel Zoe, and then went to bed at the unprecedented hour of 10:00 p.m. after remembering for the 874th time that I couldn’t check email. Apparently, I have what some might call an addiction to the computer.
On the upside, I have never been more rested.
I was waiting outside the Apple store at 10:00 a.m. yesterday morning to retrieve my dear friend. The Genius handed it over to me and asked if I wanted to take a look because it was “GORGEOUS”, which seemed like excessive flattery for a computer until I opened the case and saw it for myself.
IT IS GORGEOUS.
Completely crack-free. And here is where I want to make a joke about the war on drugs but will refrain in the interest of good taste.
There was one scary moment when they handed me a bill for $254.00 for the keyboard replacement and I was all “Umm? I thought it was covered by the warranty. And if it’s not covered then we need to go find my old keyboard TOOT SUITE or I will have to explain to my child why all Santa brought this Christmas was a new keyboard for Mommy.”
They explained that it was completely free of charge, but they print out the bill for accounting purposes and to see if they can give women who mock the Geniuses on their blogs a myocardial infarction.
I rushed home with computer in hand and immediately began to catch up on very important things like Twitter and searching for the best price on an Elf On the Shelf. But all those things were merely a procrastination device compared to the real issue at hand.
Christmas cards.
I have spent countless hours of my life that I will never get back perusing my Christmas card options. It’s bordering on obsessive.
Who am I kidding? It is totally obsessive.
My dear friend AJ came over to take pictures of Caroline the day before Thanksgiving. And let me explain that AJ had just had foot surgery days before and was in a big, black boot. But since I have no shame, I let her hobble around and take photos of my child.
She emailed me a link to the photos a few days later and I’m sure thought her job was done, especially because her compensation basically involves free M&M’s, Sour Patch Kids, and advice about life which may or may not be helpful or wanted.
But, oh no. No way am I that low maintenance.
“Can I see #12 in black and white? How about #14 if we crop out the table? Do you like 5, 10, 16, 20, 26, or 31 the best? How about in black and white? Am I being a pain? Did I mention all the free M&M’s? Oh, and how’s your foot feeling after the major surgery that involved sawing off 4 millimeters of your toe?”
The good news is I finally have it narrowed down to two pictures. However, I can’t commit to a card design or the wording I want and have I mentioned this is a lot of obsessing and worrying over a piece of paper that folks will look at for 2.8 seconds and then shove in a basket?
I believe I’ve done lost my reason for the season perspective.
Yesterday afternoon, I forced P into my web of madness and he was more than helpful with his “I don’t know. I think it’s six one, half dozen the other” before he stabbed his eyeballs out with a fork. Clearly he doesn’t realize this is our chance to make an impact for 2.8 seconds of someone’s life.
He actually suggested that I put my options up so that y’all could help me decide, which is a clever trick known as passing the buck. However, the majority of people I send cards to happen to read the blog, so at that point I might as well scrap the whole thing, save myself the postage, and just post the card here.
Which, if I don’t hurry up and make a decision, may end up being my only option.
Merry Christmas from the Heartless, Impersonal Age of Technology.
It has a nice ring to it.
One final note. I attempted to title this post “Reunited and it feels so good”, but the memory feature in WordPress let me know that I have already used that title at some point. Obviously, I can’t underestimate the effect Peaches ‘N Herb had on my childhood.