How much for just one rib?

Well, it is officially May. And we get out of school exactly one month from today. Hallelujah and amen. I ran into a mom who’s a friend of mine at the store yesterday and we both agreed we are so tired of packing lunches every day. And then she commented that her daughter told her how gross the microwave is in the junior high cafeteria and now I can’t quit thinking about how disgusting a microwave used by junior high kids all year long must be. This image will be at the top of my list next time I have a stomach bug and need something to push me over the edge.

I was at the grocery store because we were essentially out of everything that is required to sustain human life. Or at least everything that allows us to live our best life now, like Oreos and Honey BBQ Fritos and Cocoa Puffs. I wish I were kidding. At one point I looked in my cart and felt like I was shopping for a frat house filled with drunk college boys who have no regard for their metabolism or cholesterol. So I threw in a bunch of bananas, a pack of strawberries and some skim organic skim milk to make myself feel better.

All I know is that sometimes when you have an imminent book deadline and it’s May and you helped your daughter with two different school projects over the weekend, that you need to turn to the two most important food groups to help you find the will to go on. And by two most important food groups, I mean Oreos and wine.

On Friday night we went out to dinner even though I think we were all tired and not feeling great. But we had to eat and I certainly wasn’t going to cook, so we went out. A big storm was rolling through right as we got back home and so we sat on the back porch and watched the lightning and then eventually the rain before we all called it a night and went to bed.

The next day we had soccer at noon, but it was an hour away and we have to be there an hour before game time which equals leaving the house earlier than I would prefer for a Saturday morning. We drove to the game, Caroline’s team lost but we stopped at a cute burger place with her team on the way home so the day wasn’t a total wash. After we got home I made her work on her Texas History project because I didn’t want to spend my Sunday listening to “I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK!!” and felt that she needed to get at least half of it finished, especially since she had soccer again.

Sunday’s game was at 10:00 a.m. so P took soccer duty and I spoke at church. Caroline’s team won, which was fun since it was their last game of the season. And then we all met back at the house and I fell asleep for nearly two hours on the couch because of allergies or the fact that I ran out of Kimmy Schmidt episodes or because everyone in my house, including Piper and Mabel, snored all night the night before due to a combination of colds and seasonal allergies.

Later on that afternoon, I broke out the hot glue gun to help her finish a Science project and then we all ate a combination of whatever we could find in the fridge for dinner.

But speaking of dinner, last night I made these slow cooker ribs. My people all feel that a meal is not a meal unless there is a lot of meat involved and we are all big fans of ribs. I figured there was a way to cook them in the slow cooker and Pinterest confirmed that yes, there are approximately 683 different ways to cook ribs in the slow cooker. I opted for barbecue ribs and then went to the grocery store to get all the needed ingredients, mainly baby back ribs and side dishes since I had all the other seasonings in my pantry.

So I made the rub exactly like the recipe calls for, but I didn’t make the sauce. I used a jar of sauce from The Barbecue Station which is our favorite local barbecue place and, frankly, I knew I couldn’t make sauce better than theirs. And then I seared them at 400 degrees like the recipe says but ended up putting them in a dutch oven and cooking them at 250 degrees in the oven for the next three to four hours. I’m sure they would have been great in the Crockpot too, but I’m in this weird thing right now where I’ve decided everything cooked in the Crockpot comes out tasting the same. It’s like eating at Chilis. You can order a burger or the enchilada soup but it all has a similar taste and leaves you with a bitter aftertaste of chili powder and regret.

But potato, PO-TAH-TO, the ribs were delicious and the meat fell off the bone. It was hit with both P and Caroline and, best of all, allowed me to pretty much do nothing all afternoon except bask in the glory and satisfaction that can only come with knowing dinner is already cooking in your oven.

Most importantly, it allowed me to quote lines from the classic “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”. And I don’t really know how much more you could ask for out of a Monday evening.