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The eve of Christmas

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We got home from our road trip on Tuesday afternoon. After I unpacked our bags and started a few loads of laundry, Caroline and I snuggled up on the couch and I turned on “Polar Express”.

P came in a few minutes later and joined us. Our little family of three spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying the movie while a fire roared in the fireplace and the lights twinkled on the Christmas tree. It was one of those sweet, unplanned moments that takes you by surprise, yet is now etched in my mind as one of my favorite memories of the year.

I kind of dozed off as we watched the movie because I’ve seen it a million times, plus I was a little tired from all the travel and festivities. But when the part came on where the kids arrive at the North Pole, I made myself stay awake and watch it because it’s one of my favorite scenes. In my imagination, if a North Pole full of elves and Santa were to exist, it would look exactly like it does in the movie.

At one point the little boy is standing in the midst of all the elves who are overcome with excitement at the prospect of Santa Claus’s appearance. Everyone is cheering, the reindeer are jumping up and down, and the elves come out with these huge reins of solid jingle bells. The little boy begins to look puzzled, he can tell he’s missing something that the rest of the crowd is hearing and experiencing.

About that time, the little girl next to him whispers, “Aren’t those bells the most beautiful sound?” It confirms what he already knows, something is lacking.

When I watched that scene yesterday it made me wonder how many people are out there this Christmas who know something is missing. They have the beautifully decorated tree. They have the wrapped packages tied up with pretty bows. They have a turkey thawing in the refrigerator and family that will gather around a table.

They may even go to church on Christmas Eve and listen as the people around them sing and celebrate the birth of a baby born over 2000 years ago. And they’ll sit there and wonder what’s missing.

I know how that feels because I spent a lot of years feeling that same way. I grew up in church. I was there every time the doors were open, but something was missing. I’d hear people talk about what God had done for them and the difference He’d made in their life and I just didn’t feel it. And it wasn’t because of lack of desire, I wanted to know Him but I just didn’t know how.

Years of listening to sermons and going to church camp gave me glimpses, but I wanted more.

In “The Polar Express” the little boy watches the bells that he can’t hear, he hears the crowd roar as Santa appears, and he stands there and says, “I can’t see him! I can’t see him!”

That’s how I felt for so long. I couldn’t see Him.

Finally, in desperation, the little boy closes his eyes, grabs the jingle bell that has fallen to the ground at his feet and says, “I believe. I believe. I believe.” And at that moment, he hears the bell ring and Santa appears right behind him.

Sometimes it takes a leap of faith.

Because no matter how much everyone around that little boy believed in Santa and saw him clearly, he had to see him for himself. He had to believe even when there was a part of him that wanted to hold on to logic and reason.

Logic and reason don’t require much faith. They may keep you from looking foolish, but they can also keep you from going on the greatest adventure of your life.

Fifteen years ago, I reached a point of desperation. After all those years in church, I had to see Him for myself. It didn’t matter what my preacher said or what my friends experienced, I needed to take a leap and let Him pour out His grace and mercy on my life. Then one night, in the middle of a Bible study surrounded by people who were experiencing something I wanted, I closed my eyes as tears fell down my cheeks and whispered, “I believe. I believe. I believe.”

And life has never been the same.

A virgin birth. Angels appearing to a field full of shepherds. Wise men following a star from the east. The son of God sent to save us from our sins.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

It doesn’t make sense until you see Him for yourself.

My prayer is that we all see Him this Christmas. In the midst of family drama, bad fruitcake, and attempts to get Barbie dolls out of boxes that have been welded shut, He is there.

Waiting for those who will take the leap and believe.

Merry Christmas, y’all.

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  1. I thought the same thing about that scene in Polar Express, but you said it much better than I ever could have, Melanie.

    I hope you, capital P and Caroline have a happy blessed and joyous Christmas, my friend. I’m blessed to know you as a blogging buddy.

    Much Love,

    Diane

  7. Oh I love how well you put this. I hope that touches lost souls. I think it is wonderful that you share your faith here. There are so many women out there who might not step into a church but will stop here to hear your funny tales and through you they may come to know Christ. God bless you Melanie!

  10. Thank you so much for posting that…what a beautiful reminder to start my Christmas Eve day with my family. Merry Christmas to you too!

  11. Thank you for sharing that very personal glimpse into your heart. This is the perfect time for telling others how you came to truly believe with all your heart!
    Have a blessed Christmas.

  12. Thank you for the Christmas Blessing. It’s been nice getting to know you throught your blog.

    Wishing your and your family a wonderful Christmas!

  13. Thanks, Melanie. For some reason, I never make it all the way through that movie, so I’ve never seen that part. I’ll link to this over at mine today so all 30 or so readers can see it!

    Merry Christmas!

  16. Beautiful words. A great comparison with such truth. Oh how long I too did not hear those bells or see Him and the way you described that scene… it brought tears to my eyes just thinking and hoping someone finds Christ this year and knows the true meaning of Christmas.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  18. I haven’t seen “Polar Express,” but your description makes me think of “The Matrix,” another holiday classic.

    Our reality can’t be seen — but it’s more real than the things we touch everyday.

    Merry Christmas, Melanie.

  24. Thank you so much for this beautiful message. I wish that everyone who is standing in lines at the mall today, or sitting in traffic could hear it! A wonderful reminder of the real reason for the season.

  25. Were you wearing your blue ribbon while typing this post? It’s beautiful. I’ll have to watch the movie again because I didn’t see what you saw in that scene when I watched the movie a couple of years ago.

    You’re, what I tell my husband, a breath of fresh air in the morning. Merry Christmas to you and your peeps!

    Maybe you can tell Caroline that if she can open the package all by herself then she can have the Barbie? I kid! I kid!

  26. Merry Christmas Melanie! This was just beautiful and I totally get where you have been and are now. Me too. Hope y’all have a fabulous time with Caroline and you create even more memories that are just as sweet.

    Much love,
    Fran

  28. I love this post and can relate to it so much. I didn’t grow up in church, but once I started going at age 17, I went for several years wanting what those around me had, but had no idea how to have it. I finally accepted the gift when I was 21 and have never been the same.

    Merry Christmas, Melanie!
    Your blog is a blessing!

  33. This post has me in serious chills and full of the Holy Spirit, girl.

    Thank you so much for this post and for every post this year. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

    🙂

  36. What a great post! I went through a similar thing myself, growing up as a preacher’s kid. You have to experience it for yourself & not hang on to mama’s apron strings. You wrote it so well. Merry Christmas!

  38. Thank you for sharing your love for God and sharing the hope that is in Him alone! I hope you have a very merry and joyous Christmas with your family!
    Love, Amy

  41. Oh, Big Mama, you’ve made me laugh so many times and now you’ve gone and made me cry. Such a beautiful word for the eve of His birth.

  43. This morning my two cuddle bugs crept down during my devotion in front of the tree. I couldn’t even scold them for getting up so early. I just pulled them under the blanket with me, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
    It didn’t cost a thing, it was just one of those moments when you enjoy each other right there in that time. I wondered if God was just as glad I had gotten up to spend time with him early that morning. I sure was!
    Merry Christmas to your family!

  44. Wow,what a beautiful post!I have felt that same way before.Like something was missing.I think this may have been your best post to date.From my family to yours Merry Christmas!I love you Big Mama!

  45. Melanie – what a beautiful, honest, and heartfelt post. You are so right; we each have to make that leap of faith, and until we do, something will always be missing.

    Merry merry Christmas!

    Adrienne

  48. Melanie: What a powerful analogy and testimony – you are a gifted writer and you have blessed my heart this Christmas Even morning.

    I too did all the “things” required in church life, but it wasn’t until I was a young woman with 2 little boys that I realized I had never once experienced the JOY of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. When I believed in faith and asked Him into my heart – He came, and I have NEVER BEEN THE SAME!

    Merry Christmas to you and may God bless you abundantly in 2009 with His gifts of peace, love, and joy.

    Georgia Jan
    Romans 15:13 <

  49. Most days you just crack me up…this post was the most wonderful thing I’ve read all year. Have a blessed Christmas and thanks for sharing your heart.

  51. Just a lovely recounting of all the Season is meant to be. Thank you for sharing and putting on paper all in my heart! Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family!

  52. Thanks Big Mama! One of your very BEST posts EVER!! Well said.

    Merry Christmas to you, sweet Caroline and P!

  54. PREACH IT SISTER.

    “Logic and reason don’t require much faith. They may keep you from looking foolish…”

    that my dear was profound.

  55. I love that movie for the same reasons–a leap of faith, believe–this is not just a day but an eternal investment. Thanks for making my year more joyful and the smiles you bring. Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family. Love, Annette

  56. Wow… you did a MUCH better job of explaining it than I did on my blog! My “Word-filled Wednesday” post is on exactly the same thing, Polar Express and all. But not nearly as good. You nailed it… 3 points… sweet! If you have a chance to check out my post, please do, if just to see the “visual”…. and Merry CHRISTmas! Yes, I believe…. :<)

  58. hi-i don’t know you, but i’ve been reading your blog since your trip to the dominican republic. it’s become one of my favorite blogs! i especially loved your post today-thanks for sharing. hope you and your loved ones have a wonderful Christmas!

  60. That is beautiful, Melanie. My heart’s cry is that this message will be heard, as you so very well proclaimed the name of Jesus.

    Love you! Praying for you and yours this moment.
    Holly

    PS I loved the podcast and am still getting tickled over your friend’s mom and “all the religious conferences you have been attending.” Hee hee!

  61. You could write a book and it would sell so quickly. You have an amazing ability of writing and capturing the people who read it. Job well done, and what an incredible tie from the movie to faith in Christ!

  62. Beautifully said! I came over from Amanda’s site and am so glad that I did.
    The Polar Express is running for my 2 nephews (both 2 1/2) as I type these words and as we prepare to celebrate our Chirstmas.
    Blessings to you this Christmas Eve!

  67. Wonderful Post! Amen.

    As for the Polar Express – loved it all except for the elves. They were a little creepy.

    Have a Blessed Merry Christmas!

  68. I’ve enjoyed reading your daily posts for the past 6 months or so. Thanks for the sweet message today. Merry Christmas!

  72. Beautifully said – have a wonderful Christmas sweet Melanie!!
    May God bless you with much love, joy, peace, and laughter!
    Kim

  77. I just love Polar Express. Thanks for the perspective and have a Wonderful Christmas and Jesus filled New Year

  80. The Polar Express is a VERY important book for my family. It’s the first that my son asked me to read again and again. Also the first phrase he read was “The Polar Express”…thank you for this. Exactly my thoughts, but you put them so eloquently! I saw this today, and this is actually the first year I sat down and contemplated it. How sad that it sometimes takes so long to find Him and put total faith in Him! This is lovely: http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/dec/24/editorial-yes-virginia-vision-skeptical-age/

    An old editorial but the best one this time of year.
    Merry Christmas!

  81. Your words are so touching,so inspiring, and so true! Thank you for such a heartfelt message on the true meaning of Christmas.

  82. “For God so love the world that He gave…..” I am a Christian and have been for some time but for some reason John 3:16 with the Christmas season became so vivid to me this year. The Greatest Gift ever given and the only Gift that keeps on giving…..Mighty Counselor, Prince of Peace, King of Kings.

    Thank you God for your Son

    Thank you Big Mama for this post.

  83. From the first time I saw the Polar Express, I loved it. It’s all about believing. May you and your family have a very blessed Christmas! Much love from South Carolina…Susan B.

  84. Wow! I just sat down to take a quick break and this beautiful commentary blessed me so!! You have a God-given ability of putting thoughts into written words. Merry Christmas!

  86. This is Judith, Barb and Bev’s mom up here in Colorado. I can’t think of a better thing to post about on Christmas eve, than the gift of Jesus for eternity. Like you, I understood about His saving the entire world of people,, but it wasn’t until I accepted that He saved me, not on my merits, but His, that I claimed his unspeakable love, afor my own. Thank you for reminding me of that. Merry Christmas, Judith.

  88. Merry Christmas Melanie! I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday. I completely agree with everything you wrote. You have to take that blind leap of faith to see Him. And oh it is so worth it!

  89. What a great way to put it. Believing God is what it’s all about, isn’t it. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful message.

    Merry Christmas

  90. A gloriously written post! One of my all time favorites. Poignant. Precious. Personal. Dr. Rogers used to say a good sermon had 3 points and a poem. Girl, all you need to do is add a poem and that’ll preach! Thanks for sharing. Blessings for a wonderful Christmas.

  91. After a week of family drama of the worst kind I am glad I took the time to read this tonight. I’m not in the Christmas spirit yet, but I’m asking God to get me there, because I do believe.
    The best part of today, which helped me get in the spirit a little was my two year old son, he said “Christmas, Mommy, Daddy, Baby, Santa, Jesus, Presents, Cake!

  93. Merry Christmas and a blessed new year to your family of three!

    I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks (sorry, I’m a first time commenter) and really enjoy your take on life and experiences! I really enjoyed this one; it was really well-said.
    We have the Polar Express and haven’t watched it yet but will surely watch it later today!

    Christmas Blessings from Oklahoma,
    Lynn
    http://www.enjoyingevanandemmaeveryday.blogspot.com

  95. Very nice read, thank you for living the meaning of Christmas and sharing your thoughts with us. Carma does come back to you and I know God will smile thoughtfully upon you throughout your days.

  97. it’s a struggle for me to believe. I found myself wanting to hold to the darkness instead of turning to the light. I know so much of the bible in my head, go to church like faithful person, sing in the choir but don’t know him. Don’t know. But do I want to know him? Many times, I have but the want to stay in the same dark place controls me and it’s a struggle to humble myself. I so need to humble myself, I know too much. I have longed for him but when his conviction came I ran like hell. The deep darkness is so deep and it would be so revealing of my need that it frightens me so much that I fear greatly to approach him. Fear grips me. My sin is deep and hidden and covered and burdened.

  98. thank you for this. i’m reading it Christmas morning…and it helped a hurting heart today. thanks.

    kristi in texas

  99. This may be the most amazing thing that I’ve ever read of yours. Really beautiful, Melanie. Thank you.

    The Merriest of Christmases to you and your family!

  101. Just read this posting again. Very good analogy. One of your better ones I think. Sure wish I was there with you and your family celebrating Christmas! Nanny and I are making out – just finished our Christma sdinner including fruit salad with lots of whipping cream. Now, we are going to open our presents! We love you!

    Mom

  102. Beautiful post, Melanie. I especially loved that you ended such a heartfelt and deep post with “y’all.” 🙂 Pretty much sums up why we love you. 🙂

    Merry Christmas to you and your sweet fam!

  104. I so love that you wrote this. I fear how many people around me are missing the same exact thing they claim they have- simply because I see no joy in them. And how can they be worshiping my God and not have the incredible joy He gives me? I think so many people (as well as myself, for so long) just go through the motions and say the right words (you know, good ol’ Christianese), but don’t let Him in. They keep Him at arm’s length and miss out on the most important part.

  106. Beautiful post, and I hope you had a Blessesd Christmas! It’s just the beginning of that wonderful story where the Baby Jesus eventually gives His life that we might live.

  109. hey Big Mama,

    Your perspective is different to me and interesting, because I came from no church influence to salvation in 8th grade. Your heart is clearly seen in your writing in this post. Each of His own knowing Him personally is such a God thing:)

    katiegfromtennessee

  110. I love when wonderful stories of this crazy technology age parallel with something Biblical we believe. I have had that happen to me several times as I watched movies. I always know that it is God tapping me on the shoulder to wake me up. Thanks for the post!

  111. I hear ya sister! And I thank God everyday that He called me and saved me. I thought getting baptized and going forward was going to do it, but it wasn’t until I got down on my knees beside my bed and told God I wanted him to save me that I felt true peace. I was nineteen when that happened. That would be fiften and a half years ago, and my life has never been the same since. I thank God for that. Judy

  112. Just now reading this, ’cause I’m slow like that. It was awesome!! I think I will print this out and put it in our copy of the book!!

  113. Okay, Christmas has passed. We put the decorations away today. We brought in 2009 and now it’s time to get real. I struggled SO much over the holidays with more doubt than I’ve ever experienced. A friend recommended I read this post when I was in the midst of the difficult time and I haven’t had a chance until now. Thank you! I am still not completely back on track, but for some reason just reading this post made me feel better! Thank you for your obedience and for writing this blog!
    Much love,
    Angie xoxo