Guess what? Today is the twelfth anniversary of the second day after I was married.
Seriously, I realize it’s enough of all the celebrations. It’s just what happens when you choose to cram all your major life events into a two week window. I’ll tell you what else happens, it causes a little bit of the melancholy to set in because it’s like BAM! my baby is a year older, BAM! I’m a year older, BAM! P and I have been married another year, and, finally, BAM! it’s time to start another school year.
Apparently, along with all these milestones, I have also turned into Emeril Lagasse.
It’s all enough to make me feel like I need some type of mild sedative and a clock that can, in the words of Cher, turn back time.
On Friday night, P, Caroline and I went to eat Mexican food with Mimi, Bops, Gulley and Will. There is really no other way to celebrate a birthday than by consuming large amounts of guacamole and chips. After dinner, Caroline went home to spend the night with Mimi and Bops and P told me we could stop on the way home and buy my birthday present.
Look what I got.
Complete with a really cute hot pink case.
It’s made out of hard plastic because my friend AJ cautioned me against buying the gel case because your hair gets caught in it when you talk on the phone. I cannot tell you how much I value any advice that relates to the care and maintenance of my hair.
I don’t know how on earth P knew I wanted an iPhone other than the fact that I’ve dropped subtle hints approximately every day for the last two months. And by subtle, I mean things like “Wow, I really want an iPhone for my birthday.”
Actually, I almost went and bought one for myself in mid-July but then, the night before I was planning on making the purchase, I went shopping with Gulley and Steph at Nordstrom Rack and found some white jeans that fulfilled every dream I have long held in the pursuit of white denim. Naturally, I had to buy them because a good pair of white jeans are like the mythical unicorn, rare to the point of non-existent.
The next day I told P about my white jeans and he informed me that I was now wearing my new iPhone. I’ll be honest, the white jeans are great but they are totally useless when it comes to texting.
So, I was thrilled to walk into the AT&T store on Friday night to pick up my new precious and made sure to let P know how much more efficiently I’ll run my faux media empire now that I have the proper technology. Not to mention that I couldn’t wait to download the app that makes real live tooting noises because it will keep Caroline entertained for HOURS.
As we walked out of the store, I was completely hypnotized by the screen. I was sliding my finger across the screen trying out everything in sight and attempting to send text messages that read, “I’m texting you from my new iPhone, SUCKERS” to everyone I know, even though most of them have had iPhones for the last two years. I felt that after years of suffering through the archaic predictive texting on my Motorola Razr and being mocked by people who liked to tell me they had my exact same phone back when they were in high school, I deserved just a small moment of Apple glory.
I was totally caught up in the fabulousness when P had to grab me to keep me from walking right into someone and said, “I feel like I just bought you an accident for your birthday”.
He is hilarious.
After we got home I spent most of the night playing with all the different features and searching the Apps store for important applications, such as being able to receive information about a weird law from different parts of the world every day. How did I live thirty-eight years without knowing it’s illegal to carry a rabid dog in a taxicab in London? Now, thanks to modern technology and people with way too much time on their hands, I can get that kind of useful information on a daily basis.
In the interest of full disclosure, I feel compelled to share that we also spent part of Friday night going through P’s jar of change. He was concerned about having enough quarters to run his truck through the car wash on a weekly basis so he poured out all his change and we transformed into two nerdy coin collectors sorting quarters by state.
“Oh LOOK! We have three from Idaho!”
“WOW! I just found one from Wyoming?”
“Do we have a Texas?”
And so I spent my thirty-eighth birthday learning fancy new technology and counting change. Then I took out my teeth and went to bed.
On Saturday morning, Gulley called me because our friend Jen was in town and we needed to figure out our plans for the day. Once we figured out what we were doing, I told her I’d call Jen to let her know the plans and what time to meet us. I decided to use my new phone to call her, so I picked it up, scrolled through my contacts to find her number and then, I KID YOU NOT, realized I had no idea how to actually make a call on the phone, which is kind of important since it is A PHONE.
I have never been so glad that P wasn’t around because if he had witnessed me going to Apple.com to watch the iPhone instruction video so that I could actually use it for its intended purpose?
Well, let’s just say there are some embarrassments too great to endure.