Since y’all are my internet friends, and yes, that is how I refer to y’all, even though P has asked me repeatedly not to use that term because it sounds oh so nerdy, I am going to make a confession.
I have cheated on someone I love.
I’m not proud, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that if it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.
I let another woman clean my house behind Cata’s back. I’ve never felt so dirty, yet been surrounded by such clean.
A few weeks ago, I posted about Cata and her addiction to the Pledge Grab-its. It had gotten out of hand. We were having to make our monthly budget revolve around the cases and cases of Grab-its that were being purchased at regular intervals.
And honestly, it’s not just the Grab-its. Cata is a wonderful person. I love her and there is no one sweeter, but bless her heart, she is off her housecleaning game. In fact, after the last time she was here, she left her Coke can on the counter and I found used papertowels all through the house. P walked in and asked me, “Are you cleaning up after the maid?”
I was, y’all. I was cleaning up after my maid.
Then, I had a discussion with Gulley, who has a housecleaner come about once a month, and she mentioned how her housecleaner puts fresh sheets on the bed, washes the dirty sheets and then folds them and stacks them in the closet.
WHAT??? That is PURE, UNMITIGATED CLEANING MADNESS!
I had to admit that Cata doesn’t even make our beds, much less change the sheets. It was almost physically painful for me to admit that piece of embarrassing information out loud.
So, last week Cata couldn’t make it for some reason and the house was in desperate need of being cleaned. And since I am the domestic goddess that I am, it honestly never occurred to me that I could do it myself.
Plus, we were out of Grab-its.
P has a guy that works for him and he mentioned to P that his girlfriend cleans houses. I tried to fight my urges, but I just didn’t have enough willpower. I gave in and said, “Yes, ask if her if she will please come clean my house.”
When Ava arrived, she asked me for a few basic supplies, such as a bucket. A bucket? For what? What on God’s green earth would a housekeeper do with a bucket?
Oh, it seems that Ava doesn’t just want to sweep the floors using inordinately expensive cleaning cloths, she would like to mop the floors as well.
Mop. the. floors. Now, that’s just crazy talk.
Y’all, I came home and although I should be embarrassed to admit this, but let’s be honest, I passed that milestone a while back, I took a picture of my kitchen floors because they have never been so clean.
The house smelled clean, the beds were made up with fresh sheets and she even mentioned that if I had any laundry I’d like her to do, to just leave it on the floor in the laundry room. Not that I’d let her do my laundry, because I have huge laundry quirks and issues, but the fact that she offered? Blew my mind.
I couldn’t get Cata to drop my clothes off at the drycleaners.
She dusted my shutters, she actually moved furniture and vacummed under it, she vacummed MY COUCH. She is an angel straight from a dust free heaven.
Later that night, P and I were sitting in the living room talking, and I noticed something looked different but I couldn’t quite figure it out. I have a pretty ficus plant that sits in a corner of the room and I realized what was throwing me off was the brightness coming from the leaves. It seems that Ava DUSTED the leaves of the plant causing them to glow with a green goodness that hadn’t been seen since the day I brought it home.
And she didn’t even use Grab-its.
I don’t want to go on and on (too late, you’re thinking) but she even folded the end of the toilet paper roll into a neat little triangle shape. I’m not going to divulge if I took a picture of the little Charmin triangle of beauty.
I told P now that I’ve experienced Ava, things with Cata will never be the same again. I don’t even care that Cata may come in and notice that some other woman has been using her cleaning supplies. Oh, and she’ll notice alright, because in between Cata’s visits, those supplies don’t get used.
Don’t judge me people. I’m just being honest. Plus, I am very busy using my time to decide if I should let my bangs grow out.
Then, in a sign that can only be from God, I was pulling the broom out of our broom closet to clean up one of our hourly spills, and somehow the broom got caught and while I was using the time honored, loosening method of yanking it as hard as I could to pull it free, it got caught on the Grab-its sweeper and broke the bottom half off. The sweeper is broken beyond repair.
I decided that I wasn’t going to replace it. Cata would just have to deal with life after Grab-its. I wondered if it was fate’s way of telling me it was time to let go of Cata and give Ava the commitment she’s been looking for.
And then I resigned from my job, so it’s all become a moot point.
No more maids, y’all. I’m going to have to clean my own house and figure out how to handle important issues like my bangs growing out all at the same time.
I’m heading to the store tomorrow to buy myself a new Grab-its sweeper. My poor ficus plant will never be this clean again.
I better go take a picture.