A loosely based mathematical theory

You’ll have to bear with me here because I’ve never been very good at math. Not to mention that it’s 1:00 a.m. and I have been breathing nail polish fumes for the better part of two hours.

This is just my own personal working theory.

If a good birthday is determined by the absolute value of fun had in the pool

plus the velocity with which you propel out of the slide

divided by the square root of cupcakes

and the distributive property of candy contained in one horse pinata

divided by a fun night out with your best friends

multiplied by making sixteen necklaces and having your toes painted eight times

with the greatest common factor being the sheer and utter exhaustion of your mama?

Then someone had themselves a very happy day.