Okay. Here I go. This is a lot for me to get out in the aftermath of a post about my sheer giddiness over the Aggies victory against Oklahoma.
The last few months have been filled with a few things that have made me feel left out. Nothing huge or earth-shattering by any stretch of the imagination, but enough to make me feel a little bit like I’m in fourth grade again and the last one picked for the kickball team. Even though this is different because it has been YEARS since I’ve kicked a big, red rubber ball straight back to the pitcher making myself what is known as an easy out.
(Which only actually happened TWICE, by the way. But, gah, fourth graders are an unforgiving bunch where kickball is concerned.)
And, honestly, I’d like to pretend like I am way too secure and confident to ever feel left out. I’d like to say that I’m a bigger person than that. But apparently I’m not.
Gulley and I have this theory that sometimes the hardest thing about being the bigger person in a situation is that no one ever tells you you’re being the bigger person. Which is why we now always make a point to tell each other when we think the other one is being a bigger person. We’ve had several conversations that end with one of us saying, “WELL, let me assure you that YOU are the bigger person”.
Which really has nothing to do with any of this but should rather be viewed as just a side note providing full access into our brand of lunacy.
Anyway, the thing about feeling left out is it turns into some sort of quicksand of self-doubt. What’s wrong with me? Am I not a likable person? Is it because I’m socially awkward? Am I not good enough? Is it because I admit to watching every season of The Bachelor? Do people think I’m shallow?
Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and lose my train of thought because I notice a new gray hair which leads to a full evaluation regarding the state of my eyebrows until I realize it’s time for a new episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.
No way anyone thinks I’m shallow.
So, basically, I’ve been struggling with all these feelings of being inadequate and questioning why things happen the way they do and wondering why I’m not good enough for this or that.
Friday night I got in bed and couldn’t sleep. Mainly because I forgot to take a Benadryl. I tossed and turned and eventually just decided to get still and hope that sleep would win out at some point. But my mind started racing with all these things that I’ve perceived as slights and I began to get all worked up. All my doubts and fears came flying to the surface until I felt like I wanted to cry.
And at that moment I felt God speak to my heart and say, “You need to quit asking ‘Why?’ and start asking me ‘Where?'”
I knew immediately it was God because I wouldn’t have come up with anything that profound. And I certainly wouldn’t have come up with something that succinct.
I’ve been in a cycle of asking “Why not me?” or “Why me?” or “Why is this so hard?” and it’s time for me to ask “Where would you have me go? Where would you have me serve? Where are you leading me?”
Don’t get me wrong. I think there is a time to ask why. I have friends that are facing hard circumstances that are the kinds of things that can only leave them to question why. And I think God understands that, even if we don’t always find out the answer.
But my “Why?” had become a question that had me spiraling down into a pit of self-pity. Which is hard to admit because I’d like to think I’m better than that.
See? I want to be the bigger person.
However, asking “Where?” changes things. It takes the focus off me and what I perceive to be my failures and shortcomings and puts the focus where it belongs. On God. The One who has plans and purposes for me in spite of all my failures and fears. He knows what they are because He made me this way. And when I look to see where He’s leading, I’m too busy to spend a lot of useless time asking why.
Because the why doesn’t really matter as much as the where.
The where is the question that asks, “What am I supposed to be doing?” instead of the why that seems to say, “What am I doing wrong?” I hope that makes sense because it made total sense to me around 2:30 a.m. on Saturday morning. And it still made sense the next day. And it makes sense now even though I feel like I’m not conveying it very well.
I wish I could tie this all up and say I know exactly where I’m headed and what God has in store for me. I don’t. I don’t know any of that right now.
But I do know that I’m asking the right question for the first time in a long time. It’s not about me. It’s about Him.
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do; Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” Phillipians 3:12-13
I bless what the Father is doing in your heart, and pray that he leads you forward into the “where” of it all.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Oooh, girl, have I been there. I too well know that nagging spiraling of doubt and self-pity that you described. In my case, anyway, it was placing to much emphasis on defining myself via my relationships with others instead of on defining myself via my relationship with God.
I hope you’ll find peace along your journey and redefine yourself in the Lord. I look forward to hearing what you learn along your journey!
Wow. Amen and amen. That’s all. 🙂
I will pray that Our Father leads you to the “what ” that He knows you need.
This post was exactly what I needed to read. Although I am a lot older than you, I to have an issue in my life right now. I have been involved as a co-director of a feed the needy program at our church for 21 years. Recently, I am not feeling as useful as I once was. I am stressed and on overload. I have been praying for guidance. Your post made me realize that I need to ask the three “Where” questions that you did.
God is good all the time. We must remember that He will answer our prayers in His own way, in His own time.
Thank you for this. “Forgetting what is behind me” is the hard part, but oh so very important to move forward. That piece of scripture was my mantra about 15 yrs ago…and I needed reminding of it at this very moment.
Thanks.
C.
Amazingly said – very well conveyed! I love personal stories that are encouraging – this one is very much so. Thanks 🙂
Alrighty, then…you know how it becomes clearer and clearer at times that the Lord is REALLY trying to get a point across to you? Ah, yes, that would actually be me.
The other question is,”Am I paying attention?!”
this has me in near tears as I try to write a political science paper. just what this college girl needed to hear 🙂
Appreciate the honest post, I’ve been there (and will be there again I’m sure!). Insecurity is so paralyzing and useless, and I hate trying to analyze why someone else is acting the way they are. Although many times I’ve later realized that someone else’s attitude towards me was unintentional and I just read more into it than I should–again, focused too much on the “why me?” question. I love a good tool to get me out of an insecure funk, though, so I’ll be asking the “where?” question next time.
I laughed at the first part, though–you nailed it, it is so hard to be the bigger person when no one is appreciating just how big you are being! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your heart. I think we can all benefit from asking the “where” instead of the “why.” I can’t wait to see where He leads you.
We just had Greg Laurie here in Seattle for Harvest Crusade this weekend….if ANYONE needs encouragement log onto Harvest.org and click on Sunday night. You will meet an AMAZING young man born without arms or legs and is living for JESUS!! He is such THE BIGGER PERSON without limbs.
I know what you mean about trying to live like that.
What a beautiful and insightful post! Thanks for the reminder…
For me…..I reflect on how many times I say or think “I”…… I think…… feel….. I want……I can be way to self centered…….I try to focus on how could I bless someone else with a word or deed today.
Do I always succeed NO…….thankfully HIS grace is greater….
God Bless, Pam, South Bend
Well I need you every morning with my cup of coffee before I start my day! I love that you are real and willing to make fun of yourself. We are all battling it out and trying to do our best. I have learned that there is a season for everything and our role is constantly changing and being redefined. God speaks to us on those nights we can’t sleep. Keep on the path and know that God is pleased with you. What you are doing now is exactly where he wants you to be. Caroline is lucky to have you as her mom. (I know this after I saw the Black Beauty Pumpkin you did together!) Be blessed and stay just the way you are….wonderful!
I am riight there with you. Right there!
I just wish I had a Gulley to remind me of my “biggerness” in the situation:-)
(I’m finishing up Priscilla Shirer’s Jonah study… it might be a good one for you right now. I mean, I still am asking God daily what He would have me do or where He would have me go, but this study has beena good reminder that it may not be where I wanted or expected!)
I hear ya, sista’.
Where? Show me my part? These are the questions that are so heavy on my heart.
Thank you for this insightful post.
I feel like that alot too! Inadequate! Thanks for sharing!
On a totally different subject – I am a preschool music teacher and yesterday in staff meeting they were talking about using real acorns inside. And I thought of you. Just place them in the freezer overnight and it kills any bugs that may be inside. I know -totally random -that’s how my brain works. Hey – it might make for a nice thanksgiving centerpiece:)
Preach the Truth, Sista, preach the Truth!! Dang, my toes hurt!!
This is the very place I’ve visited lately. Such an ugly, not at all fun place. For me, it’s been the place of “I can’t even keep house plants alive anymore” and “how in the world does Mrs. Duggar keep it all together with those kids? I only have three and things seem to be falling apart at the seems” and “I can’t go much longer without some new boot” and . . . okay that last one sounds a little pathetic. But you know how important boots are!
But somewhere in the midst of it I remember that I must go lower that He can go higher. Like you said, it’s not all about me. It’s not at ALL about me. It’s about Him. Thankfulness changes perspective and I remember how blessed I am.
Thanks for sharing. And remember, it we were all great athletes in fourth grade, who would be left to give fashion advice? 😉
So funny! (Not ha-ha funny, but sort of odd-in-a-good-way funny) I’m also going through a situation where I’ve been asking, “Why?” and you’ve given me a new perspective. Thanks!
Perfect timing…..I needed that today. Awesome, just awesome.
Thanks for sharing.
SGP
Thank you for your honesty! This is just what I needed to hear, as I have been struggling with the same thing.
Amen. I struggle with the same thing. It’s easy to feel like I’m the only one that deals with feeling this way, but really everyone has their times. And, yes, for me, it is usually because I’m putting too much emphasis on things other than God.
I love it when God is doing the same, exact thing in His people, in many different places!! I had a profound experience with “Perspective” yesterday…and of course, I blogged about it. 🙂
“Where?”, not “Why?”…got it! Thanks.
You and I have even more in common than what I thought. I have feelings like that all the time. I sometimes wonder if more women do , but those of us who blog just have a platform to talk about it. We are such social creatures and for me, it is so. so. hard to feel left out. I always (!) know that if something profound pops into my head during a difficult time, it must be God who put it there. 🙂 Good for you for being able to recognize it!
I have a close group of about seven prayer sisters that support me through so many hard and great things. We share it all, and laugh/cry/snort through a lot of “junk”.
Still, there are days when I feel like the loneliest person in the world.
I have come to realize that if Satan can make me feel alone and isolated then I stop looking at the “where” and become stagnant. He loves stagnant.
So I have realized that God’s word is full of his promises that he is with me, won’t leave me, and that I am never alone. Take that Satan. The word is truth.
I alway read your blog and think you must be the most popular woman in the world! You are so funny and speak to so many things that I can relate to! So glad you have a Gulley to help you be the bigger person!!
I am going to assume there are some “meanie moms” at Caroline’s school. There always are. Spend some time quietly observing and you will see they really are a minority. Focus on finding some light-hearted pals at school – the ones who DO watch mindless TV, you can laugh at themselves who you ENJOY being with. They are out there . . . just waiting for YOU.
Thinking of you today . . .
A Canadian
This is so totally where I’m at (feeling left out and inadequate) and just what I need to hear. Thanks!
I read your blog everyday, but have never commented. Today, however, I felt lead to. Read 1 John 21. It’s subtitled as a “Miraculous Catching of Fish.” I was recently enlightened to realize there was nothing miraculous about it. Jesus just saw all the fish on the other side of the boat. You are so right. Many times it is so hard to ask Jesus “where” instead of “why,” but always remember, He knows which side of the boat the fish are on. We can waste a lot of time casting our nets on the wrong side. Hey, I bet P can relate to that story!
Great insight!
Just last night I became overwhelmed with the exact feelings you’re describing – left out, spiraling down into a pit of self-pity. It’s been building up for a while and now I’m feeling it full-force. I hadn’t even had a chance to put words to my feelings yet. Thank you for being two days ahead of me, putting words to the emotions, and sharing the wisdom from God that I need to hear today.
Thank you!
Makes perfect sense.
It’s not about us .
How quickly we forget.
thanks…..
I really needed to hear that! Thanks for being real and sharing what God is doing in your life.
Good stuff. Thanks for being so real about the junk we tell ourselves or believe about ourselves…so thankful God doesn’t get tired of reminding us who we really are as He calls us to Himself!
I love you. And this post absolutely makes you a bigger person today, because you’re showing us Melanie and not just Big Mama, and although Big Mama makes us pee our pants, we can relate to Melanie more (and then there’s always Hazel…). It’s never easy to admit crappy feelings of pride and insecurity, and I love you for it. Praying for you today.
Can I just tell you that I love you? I. love. you. I love your heart for Jesus and your witty style of writing that makes me often laugh through the tears. And as Truvy would say, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.” 🙂
God bless you.
Girl, you are definitely on the right track!
Years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. When I asked my counseling pastor, “How did I get this way (depressed)?” — because I didn’t think Christians were supposed to be depressed! — he wisely answered, “You have gotten your eyes OFF God and ON your circumstances.” Wow.
He also taught me that LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME! It’s about GLORY TO GOD!!!
Thank you so very much for sharing your heart today. It reminds me that all God wants is me, my heart, my willingness to follow Him wherever He may lead, and that His plans for my life are perfect. They may not be grand and glorious and attention-getting, they might not be anything close to what I had always dreamed life would be; but then again, life is not about me. 😉
I suddenly feel like listening to Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Great Adventure!” 🙂
I am so excited to hear more as God shows you “where.” The Compassion bloggers never fail to get me out of a me-focused slump, so I stop worrying about 10 extra pounds or whatever minor thing is occupying my brain space!
WOW! This is good!!! And something I think we ALL struggle with. Thank you, needed this!
I love how God is so patient with us. Instead of leaving our fool selves behind, he just waits and quietly calls our attention…and finally, FINALLY when we get it, we realize that persistant voice that’s been ringing in our head is usually his. I am glad you were able to realize He was speaking!! I know He has great things planned for you, Big Mama! Go Get em! 😉
I hear what you’re saying.
“Where?” is such a better question than “Why?” It elicits a clearer, more definitive answer that better guides our actions.
Thanks for sharing your heart today.
A wonderful, thought provoking post. Thank you for sharing it with us.
good word~thank you for sharing
I always seem to be asking either, “Why me, Lord?” or “Why not me, Lord?” So I understand.
And I’m here to tell you, along with Gulley, that you are being the bigger person. :>)
Praying God touches your heart and leads you to the “where.”
I can relate to your thoughtful post, BigMama. I rejoice along with you, that God spoke to your heart in this situation. BTW, The Atlanta Housewives are the only ones worth watching. jmho, lol.
Man, I’m so glad you decided to share that. I have been having similar struggles for the past few months. I totally got what you are saying and I plan to start applying that for myself. Thanks!
Great post! When I was in grad school to get my degree in marriage/family therapy, one of our supervisors admonished us not to ask “Why?” in the therapy room. At first I thought this was odd b/c I thought most people came to therapy to figure out all the “Why”s of life. He said it’s not a good question b/c it invariably needs to another question, and no one needs to sit around in a pile of questions – most of which they can’t answer any way. I like your rephrase to “Where?” b/c it is a question that leads to action – or even purposeful inaction, I suppose. Thanks for posting!
A spiral of self-pity- been there done that more times than I care to admit. I love this post. Great insight and a great prompt to change my own questions to God… thank you so much for sharing your beautiful heart.
As for those Atlanta women- God bless ’em!
Well said Big Mama. Going through some “where” stuff myself. Have faith. God really does have big plans for all of us.
LOVE THIS. And I relate to it so intensely that I could have written it myself. Thanks for this today.
I love that you’re just as good at provoking deep thoughts as you are at making me laugh. Love this post. Just a thought about the ‘where’ question- in my experience that is such the harder path to follow because you have to first give up the desire to wallow in self pity, which, (much like my love for kettle chips) is unhealthy but so addictive.
I don’t know if that even made sense.
Here’s my point: taking that first step into action and following what God wants you to know/do requires self discipline and bravery. And sometimes it’s easier to just stay home and eat kettle chips.
I can’t seem to get away from the k.c analogies. Thanks for this post, Big Mama.
Your post is an answer to my prayers today. Thank you!
Melanie, thanks for your humility. I’ve been struggling against living “there” recently in my own heart. Your openness about your struggle and your reliance on our Savior are a fresh reminder to me of His faithfulness and grace to me!
You, miss, are amazing. I can say personally that when you write about your faith I am always personally moved and inspired to listen to what God has to say to me. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been so affected. Bless you, bless you, bless you. xoxo
Thank you for sharing what was on your heart. I too struggle with feeling “left out” and I can quickly spiral into an all out “pit me fest”. I know deep in my heart that God does not want me to live like that, but it’s still a struggle. Thanks again for sharing!
Great post. I have definitely been there. Need to think about the “where” for me, too!
If you think about it…asking where is such a better question because it leads to an action and not just an explanation.
I read your post today and thought, wow, how did she get into my head? Those doubts and questions have been with me for a very long time. I know it’s pointless to ask “why”, and now I have a much better question to ask – “where?”. Thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us – with me!
This is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. “But one thing I do; Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” I was struggling with this exact thought this morning and you and God answered my question. I need to move forward and let go of the past. Thank you thank you thank you.
Melanie,
Thank you for your honesty. I wish I could explain to you just how much I needed to hear that today especially. I have been in what you would say a “pit” for some time now. I read your post and laugh and get encourage as well, but today God has really spoken thru you straight to my heart. I needed this more than anything today, and I thank you for letting God use you as a vessel to work in my heart. Pray for me and my family, and I will pray that God will lead you to your “where”.
Thanks for sharing. It was like you were in my head or something. You have addressed something that I think alot of us deal with. I know that I needed to read the revelation that you just shared. Very timely today. Thanks again! And be blessed! BTW, I LOVE your blog. Thanks for just being you. You are unique and refreshing and I look forward to seeing what is going on in Texas every morning.
I needed to read this today…I have been wallowing myself. Not to say I have shown it to anyone, but always questioning with the big “Why?”. Always wondering if the decisions I made before now were the right ones. I know I made some really bad choices, but I have got to let go and realize that I can’t change the past. I am where I am because God is good and He understands my heart. He has made sure I am safe and loved, so why do I question? God used you today, right ‘WHERE’ you are…You have been a blessing beyond belief to me. I hope you see this so you will know.
Thank you 🙂
I could have written the first half of this post, although not as eloquently as you! I too have had feelings of insecurity and self-pity the last couple of weeks, feeling like I’m trying to fit in – it’s junior high all over again! It came to a head over the weekend, I got in this big funk and had my husband asking me what is going on.
My prayer for you, Melanie, is that God will show you where he wants you to go.
Amen! Thanks for being so honest 🙂
Great post!
I love how God spoke to you about asking Where. Very challenging.
My 1st time commenting… This post really hit home for me, I struggle w/ the “left out” feelings ALOT. Thanks for being open and honest. I love what God is showing you about the Where, and I get it. He has shown me the same thing, in slightly different words – when I get down, he reminds me to look around for others who look lonely or left out like me,and reach out to them… Anyway I will be coming back to this post to read it again for sure and to meditate on what God is saying to me.
Amen! Haven’t we all been there? Some of us hourly. You’ve really encouraged me today. Hard to be bigger than that!
I’m always asking Jesus…”What do you think?” and sometimes He tells me… and sometimes it’s enough just to know He wants to have that conversation….. and the other thing I do ALOT is just say His name outloud… Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…. my fear is that when I’m old my children will think that I’m using His name in Vain!!! But it really is just the cry of my heart!!!!
Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. This was the third item I read today on the same subject and it’s only 9 a.m. I’m getting a message! I will be pondering this for a long while and looking for those places I can serve. (There are so many, no?) I feel like I’m “getting the big picture” when I stop thinking of when I was left out and the hurt, anger, bitterness that follows and instead meditate on Him. I like how John said it in chapter 3 verse 30: He must become greater, I must become less.
Blessings to you today.
This was so exactly where I was today, tears on my cheeks as I’m reading through my Reader. Then I get to the last one and it’s this post.
And I’m there with you. And then I’m reading through the comments and I’m there with them who are there with you. And although I don’t possess the faith that I envy so much in you, I see a glimmer of something in all of our words. We’re all connected through this. You, who I picture as stylish, witty, cool, definitely someone who would be picked first, you are feeling left out and less than. That means probably everyone does, right? And then maybe it’s not so bad or even so true that we are.
You conveyed that very well. I completely understand. I am very impressed that you were able to remember it the next day. I come up profound (to me) answers/solutions/thoughts about my troubles and then promptly forget them when I wake up.
Preach it sister. I think you made this point wonderfully well. Thanks for the encouragement this morning!
Thank you for sharing – the scripture, the insight, and the fact that you are not “perfect!” I think that last one is the hardest for me to admit. Thank you for being open and honest.
I think this one will be a record-breaker for comments, because it’s just so true. Thank you for speaking truth to so many hearts today!
Wow. I feel like you’ve been parking i my driveway. For the past year I have been asking the same question and in the past three months I have begun to accept that I am exactly where God would have me to be. There’s a lot of freedom in that. I am more at peace than I have been in 20 years. Bless His wonderful Name! Thanks for a thought-provoking post.
I can so relate and needed to hear this right now! Thanks for sharing.
Melanie, Thank you so much for this post. I feel like it came straight out of my head. I am so with you. For me, I often feel invisible and unimportant. Then God reminds me that I’m here for a greater purpose! Praying for you as you seek to find out ‘where?”
I have been there and I understand.
By the way, from all you have said in the past, it sounds like you have a friendship you can treasure in Gulley! That kind of friend is hard to find, the one you can call without needing a reason, that you have so much in common with, the one who tells you that you are the bigger person!
Thanks for your blog Melanie, I really enjoy it!
Bless you, bless you. I struggle so much with “why?” and this was so, so on target for things God is teaching me now. I usually laugh hysterically at your blog and then move on; today I kept checking the internet address to make sure I was on the blog I thought I was on . . . thank you for your transparency and honesty and openness to allow God to speak to you and then to share that with us.
This post. This one. This one you just wrote…
it has changed the course of my morning, in which the words of someone else towards me got me stuck in a why, when I really needed to look at the where. He is so good!
Thank you. I think the world of you, Mel. Really.
Love,
Holly
Thank you for sharing – I REALLY needed to hear that this morning!!!!
Oh, and I’m still very giddy over our Aggie WIN and the tu LOSS!!! 🙂
I have SO been there. I thought by an age that starts with a 4 I’d be past those feelings. Your post is honest and profound and hits the nail on the head. It’s not all about me…thanks.
Thanks so much for this post. I am in that place too right now too and your words moved me so much. I am going to ask Where too.
I love this post.
On a different note, I have found your long lost sisters … Darby & Erika. Do you know them? They both have a blog. Here is Darby’s. http://www.flythroughourwindow.com. Not only do you look alike (scroll down today’s post to a picture of 4 women … She is the second from the left.), but you have very similar personalities and humor. I have read and loved your blog for years, and I recently found Darby’s. I kept thinking … She reminds me of someone. Couldn’t put my finger on it, but today it came to me. You!
I know this isn’t what your incredibly insightful and powerful words today are about, but I would have picked you first for my kickball team every time.
We’ve all spent time in that place.
Me? I had pretty much set up shop there…was even starting to decorate it and pretend like I was ok with it. Like I could fluff up the pillows and get comfy…
My journey has not been at all how I thought it would be. But I love those 2:30 in the morning meetings with God.
And I ask for your forgiveness for being shocked that you would struggle with this. It’s always easy to look at someone from the outside and think that they have it all. (I’m pretty sure I shattered that image of myself for others in the last couple of years… just sayin.)
xo~K
Wow. I will be bookmarking this post so I can easily refer back to it…often. This is so what I need to be asking myself. Thank you.
Thank you for this well-timed reminder to throw off the pride that keeps me from pursuing the only One that matters. I, of course, don’t know the answers to your specific “what? and “where?” questions, but you certainly use your gift with words to entertain and bless and encourage a lot of people in this blog community. Thanks for being you and transparently sharing yourself with so many.
So true! And so beautifully put!
I’ve been thinking lately about how often God wants us just to move–move somewhere. Then He can steer us. But when we’re stuck in a mini-pity party–even if that pity party is totally deserved–we can’t move. And then life gets awfully boring.
The problem with rejection and insecurity is that it makes you sit there, like you’re in a traffic jam, and you can’t go anywhere. It’s not really helpful. Get moving and ask God where to, and you get your eyes off of yourself.
It’s not easy, but it makes life a lot more fun!
Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum!
Oh wow. have you been in my head this last two weeks? Maybe that is what it hurting, oh no that’s these stinkin texas winds about to blow in a cold front, finally. I digress, I have been feeling the same thing and I so needed to hear exactly what God told you. THank you!
You said it very well! Right there in the middle of it. I needed this so thanks!
oh, Melanie, how is it you can make me laugh 99 days out of a hundred, then there is a day like today when you grab my heart. I think all of us have been, or are now, where you are. Letting go of pain and worry is so hard to do. Happy you are on the right track, my “internet friend.”
i love the one about the zoo. CHAPARONE FAIL! HILLARIOUS
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I really needed to hear someone say that they were feeling the EXACT same way I am right now. Perhaps I’m not as completely crazy as I lead myself to believe. Peace be with you sister!
Definitely feelin’ this post today and loving it. I have felt that way for over a year and I am tired of it. It’s like I’ve been having my own little pity party within myself so long and I’m over that. Thank you for sharing this!
Where are you leading me, Lord?
Amen, sister! All I can say is I know exactly what you are talking about, and I just wrote about my day of these same feelings a couple weeks ago – when I judge, but don’t want to be judged.
It’s like when we can be fully fulfilled through Him alone, we can let go of that feeling of not being good enough, and turn ourselves over to serving others, instead of trying to be served ourselves. A daily struggle for me, but when I trust in Him alone, my problems fall, when I look at my problems, I fall.
I still think it’s so funny that there’s another woman out there who calls herself “Big Mama.” Although my kids gave me my name, not me!! 🙂
Big Fat Mama
This was beautifully written and I oh so needed to hear it! Thank you for sharing it because I needed it! I have been asking too many “why God’s” lately myself and never thought to ask the “where.” Thank you, thank you, thank you and you are the bigger person!
Are you saying that even the popular people struggle with feeling left out? Insecure and unsure of their standing in the world? I’m being “cute”, of course, but this is a good, good thing for my heart right now. I needed to hear it…. that having followers upon followers and heaped up popularity is not the cure for insecurity… that it’s not the most important validation. It’s hard to say that, but it’s true. I know that’s not the bigger point of this post, but it’s the part you wrote for me.
Woah do I get it. I took time off today to be alone with God. It’s funny how He created us and knows us best. And his direct message to me was “listen, you only come to me when I create a need. So, here it is.” And man was he right. He’s pretty amazing. And why I forget that, only Satan knows. (I originally wrote a typo and that said Stan. If Stan knows, that’s new to me. And I don’t know a Stan). Thanks for being vulnerable. That’s what I crave most from other women. Being vulnerable with each other.
Wow. Thanks so much for sharing with such honesty. You’ve obviously made a connection and allowed God to minister to many of your sisters by the number of comments, and I’m sure there are some who haven’t commented. I almost didn’t, because what I want to say has basically already been said many times over. But I wanted to add another note of encouragement, to let you know that this post had an impact on my view of things right now. You totally conveyed it, Girl. 😉
I read every post, by the way. You’re a gifted writer, whether the topic is more serious or lighthearted or somewhere in between. Just love you.
Do I need to come to the ’09 & open up a can? Because I will do that for my sista! Miss & love ya!
Sister, your not alone in your feelings! What a great idea to think where instead of why. As stupid as I can be I understand what you mean. When we focus on me, me, me it is easy to fall in to a pit of dispare. (forgive my spelling)
When we focus on others as in where do you want me to serve Lord then we become joyful again because we feel needed and loved and useful again.
I don’t know you personally Mel but, I love you in Christ and think you are one awesome lady! And your a bigger person than them. (not size cuz girl you are tiny!)
xoxo. This post is coming from a place of yes.
(You are one of the few who actually know what I’m saying here.)
OMGoodness, THE Ree???
well said. so true.
well said.
OH MY WORD..I am going through the same bout. So much so that when I began to read I had a good ugly cry! I really needed this.. printing this a putting it on my wall…POWERFUL…..
It’s a total “God Thing” that you have this post today. On Sunday, I was completely in tears and wondering where God wants me to serve. I used to be very involved in my church and then 5 months ago, I had twins so my role in church has diminished. My husband still serves in immense ways and I was so having the “why”s… why does he get to do all of that and I don’t? Why, why, why? I was feeling so selfish. I am working on finding the “where” — what can I do from my house (and computer!) to serve and love in His name. And serve unselfishly without feeling envy or guilt. Thank you for sharing your family & life with us. You have no idea how much your morning blog means to me & my routine 🙂
I have been a lurker for many years and always enjoyed your blog. We have a lot in common but mainly that our husbands LOVE to hunt.
This post strikes home and is so helpful. Thank you for being so honest and giving a post that I can relate to. And can I add, perfect timing? Even though I already know about being the bigger person, not giving into self-doubt, etc. it is just so nice to have a reminder. Love the action steps that take it from why to where!
Again thanks for sharing so openly.
WOW! I really needed to hear that!! Thank you so much for sharing your heart!!
~Silena
For some reason this post made me think of a song you might already know
If you want me to by Ginny Owens
Just by being honest and real makes you a bigger person, Melanie.
This was so, so good. And altho I am 55, I still have times where I feel like junior high – especially in my workplace.
I have been learning at this late age, that truly God is the only one I can depend on to be unchanging. He is the only one who never disappoints me.
And may I share a verse with you that has become one of my favorites? My daughter shared this with me years ago, and it really has helped me so many times.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
Love you, girl!
Wow. I am exactly there where you are. Except in Kansas. And I think God is telling me the same thing. Thanks for staying up all night to get it heard. And I’ll be up tonight praying it sinks in and I can hear the answer to “where?” Thanks. Again.
Thank you so much for posting this. I am experiencing exactly the same thing right now, and when I read the words God spoke to you, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach (you know, the good ‘punched in the stomach’ kinda way). This spoke directly to me, thank you thank you thank you!
Wow. You seem to have struck a chord with LOTS of us today!! 🙂 This is JUST what I needed to hear. I have been feeling the same way for the last couple of weeks. I keep hearing about all these events that friends are going to–good friends–that I knew nothing about. Sometimes I feel very left behind. And then I feel like my daughters are getting left out, too–and that is even WORSE.
Ah, but the better question is Where.
Thank you. That really resonates with me. I am sure I will remember that for a long time…
I love this 🙂
Can’t wait to see what is in your future!
Interesting how so many of us seemed to need to hear this today. Just goes to show that there are so many folks that still care about what God has to say to us; and just thinking about that calms my spirit. Safety in numbers!
I am so glad you came into my life. This is a wonderful and thoughtful post. I don’t know if you are the bigger person, but I know that you are always a person of big heart.
Love,
Dogwood Girl
(rollie’s mom!)
can’t tell you how much I needed this today. thank you. especially appreciated the difference between “real” questioning and just letting myself spiral down into a pit, which is what I’ve been doing all day today. thanks.
also have to say, I have a daughter named Melanie, and I think of it as an unusual name. but there were at least four Melanies in the comments today plus you! good company! I read all your posts, but rarely comment, thanks for doing this.
Melanie,
You are awesome! We have all been there I think! God will bless you!
Just getting to pop in thanks to a 2 hour fog delay this morning. And…I just want to thank you (and the faithful God who spoke this truth to your heart) for this. I often get stuck in the “Whys?” lately. “Where?” is a much better question.
Thank you…
Convicting & beautiful all at the same time. I love this post, and I love your blog! Please keep gracing us with your comedic insight and veiw on life’s happenings. 🙂
xo
reese
This is my favorite post of yours I’ve read so far. So real and relatable. Being pretty new to this town and living only two years in the previous town–after a lifetime in my hometown–it’s so easy for me to get into that trap of feeling left out or wondering why. Like you, I have to keep laying it down before the Lord. I love how he spoke to you, and I am going to think more about this today–the where, not the why. Love it. Thanks for sharing.
You are the bigger person. It even says so in your name.
Thanks for the inspiring post and the honesty! Been there done that so many times and I am sure will do it again! This year the best thing that has helped me is reading Beth Moore’s So Long Insecurity. It has taken me to some dark places in my soul, but now the places are gone or I am able to talk myself out of those before I lay awake all night. Just knowing why you get to this state is half the battle. Pick up a copy if you haven’t already.
Just caught up with my reading today. Great post…thanks for making me cry. LOL!
You know, I think you may be on to something here!
Thanks for this. You don’t even know how much I needed it.
It amazes me that someone with your heart, compassion, humor, beauty and talents can feel this way; just goes to show you’re human. And because you have integrity, embrace the bigger question.
amen! amen! amen!
praying for you God’s where melanie
I think that why is the easiest question for us to ask…b/c it allows us to focus on ourself and (us being selfish) that works for us.
We don’t want to think about the hard questions, where, who, how….b/c we are afraid that God is going to answer them (and again, being selfish) and that His answer is going to require us to move out of our comfort zone.
I kind of like my comfort zone, but know that God has things for me to do. Thanks for your boldness, it is encouragement for me to also be bold!
This clears up a lot for me on the female gender. Apparently having thousands of readers and hundreds of comments doesn’t end in feeling more secure. I think I knew that…but you know, from the outside it would appear that you are very accepted. Thanks for the encouragement and openess…trying to live one more day that isn’t about me. 🙂
BTW, I don’t want to gush here, but your writing has sucked me in. It is always the first blog I read, because I know there will be belly laughing involved. A pretty great start to any day. No pressure or anything…
This is SOOOOOOOO where I am right now. It took me a couple of days to come out of my pity party. But, God is faithful and was waiting for me when I came out. Once I changed my focus from what I needed to what others might need, it was like a light bulb went off. Why do I keep forgetting what I know to be true? God’s Word is unchanging.
This is perfect timing!!! I have big case of the “why not me’s” right now and have spent most of this rainy, crappy day in Wales feeling sorry for myself that we are called here and I miss out on stuff. Anyway, thank you.
I love what you wrote today. It spoke to me.
I have been walking in valleys for a number of years with a couple of family members. It has taken a while for me to realize, also with counseling, to learn to be still. Also, just what you heard, how can the Lord use all of this to further His Kingdom.
Hard to think about in the middle of all of this, and yet, why not? I cannot change them. I can only respond with my actions.
Yup. I think you are on the right path.
Just wanted to say thanks for sharing the “Where?” question. I found it at a time when the “Why?” was getting to be too much. Thanks!
Thank you. I have been feeling the “why” lately … well, a lot. Where. That is what I need to be asking. Boy … did I need to hear that.