Doodle

  • Pearls of wisdom

    Two pieces of parental wisdom that I have shared with Caroline this week:

    1. She came out of her playroom with her toy gun and said “Mama, I’m shooting you” and I said “Oh no sweetie, we don’t shoot people. We just shoot things like birds and dogs.” Um, yeah…that’s what I said. P. said it might be one of the most redneck sounding life lessons he’s ever heard.

    Before you report me to the Humane Society or CPS, please know that I was really tired and in my mind I was thinking birds such as quail or dove because her daddy is a hunter. As for dogs…I don’t know where that came from, but I made sure I told her later that you don’t shoot dogs. We love dogs, we have two and I don’t want them shot.

    2. After bathtime she was dawdling around and I said “Get over here and let’s get your pajamas on!” She said, “but Mama, I have the toots.” I’m sure my reply is one that Emily Post completely left out,”Well you can walk and toot at the same time.” Isn’t motherhood really about teaching them important skills to help them through life?.

  • Money talks…but it can’t sing and dance and it can’t walk

    Over the last few weeks, Caroline has been introduced to some of the classics. The Little Rebel was on TCM one afternoon and she saw Shirley Temple for the first time. She has become a tap dancing fool. I went and bought three more Shirley Temple movies and anytime the T.V. is on she wants to see Shirley.

    But the timeless classic that she has fallen in love with in the last few days is Neil Diamond. We have listened to Sweet Caroline and Forever in Blue Jeans over and over and over again. I am a proud, proud mama.

    So between Shirley Temple and Neil Diamond, she may grow up wanting to wear really bad sequined clothing with a scarf and gold chains around her neck, curls in her hair and tap shoes on her feet.

    P. has always said that if anyone stole my collection of cds (and really I use the term “collection” loosely) they would return it because it is so bad that no resale store would want my music. I can’t say I completely disagree with him. I’m betting the market for used Carpenters, Dan Fogelberg, James Taylor, Carole King, Aretha Franklin and Carly Simon is pretty small. But at least I take heart in knowing I am raising our child to share my exquisite taste in music.

  • Don’t hassle me, I’m local

    Yesterday, Caroline and I went to the grocery store. Now y’all know how I feel about the store and to top it off I waited until the afternoon to make the trip. I don’t want to exaggerate because I want to be credible, so I will be completely honest and tell you that it was 140 degrees outside.

    As we made our way up and down the aisles, Dwayne (the H.E.B. manager) saw us and came bearing the dreaded Buddy Buck. He gave Caroline THREE Buddy Bucks and the news that they have a whole NEW Buddy Buck machine. You can imagine my excitement.

    Our whole trip turned into a barrage of questions such as “When are we going to be done? Where’s the new Buddy Buck machine? When are we going to pay?” At one point I was putting something in the cart when I heard Caroline say “Oh no, Mama! I dropped my beautiful thing.” I had no idea what she was talking about until I turned and realized she had dropped the Buddy Buck. She has lost her mind over these things.

    Finally, we check out and begin the beating that is the Buddy Buck machine. Keep in mind we get THREE turns because we have THREE Buddy Bucks. I’m trying to help her as much as she’ll let me, when all of a sudden I hear myself being heckled by some 8 year old boy in a private school uniform. He’s shouting “Not that way, you need to pick it up there. Move it this way, no this way!” Are you kidding me?

    Finally we get our treasured stickers and it’s a good thing because our milk was beginning to boil and so was my temper. Heckled by an 8 year old? Seriously.

    I called Gulley on the way home from the store to tell her about my experience and she said “Oh I know, they gave us FOUR Buddy Bucks this morning because they want everyone to use the new machine. But the good news is that we got Number 20, so we almost have enough stickers to get our FREE stuffed Buddy Buck keychain!” Apparently, Caroline isn’t the only one who has lost perspective on the Buddy Buck. Of course, me being the savvy mom I am, I didn’t even realize the stickers served any other purpose besides just being stickers. And you know what? I’m keeping that piece of information to myself.

  • Just call me Dr. Dobson

    Caroline has always been an early riser. I can’t tell you how many days we have been up and ‘at ’em before sunrise or as Caroline says when it’s “still darken outside”. Really, I blame her father. Sadly, he too is an early riser. It’s all about genetics.

    I heard Tina Fey on The Tonight Show the other night talking about her new baby and she said that the worst feeling in the world is being up for the day and realizing that The Today Show isn’t even on yet. I feel her pain.

    This summer Caroline has started going to bed a little later, so I hoped that would translate into a little sleep in time for Mom. You know, like maybe 7:00 a.m. But oh no, she is still up before the crack of dawn.

    So last night in a fit of parenting expertise and brilliance, I put an alarm clock in her room with huge digital numbers. I also took a sheet of paper, taped it to her lamp and wrote 7:00.

    I showed it to her and told her that in the morning when the clock looked like the piece of paper, she could call me and I would come get her. I was truly inspired by my own brilliance and I stayed up late last night just relishing the thought of sleeping in until 7:00 (that’s a sad commentary on my life).

    At 6:03 a.m. I hear “Mama, come get me, Mama, come get me”. I gave her a few minutes thinking that my plan might work, but finally realized she wasn’t giving up. I walked into her room and discovered the fatal flaw to my plan.

    When it’s still dark outside, you can’t see a sign above the clock in your room that says 7:00. Feel free to submit this idea to all the best parenting magazines.

  • One week later…paci rehab

    As y’all know, last Tuesday we got rid of Caroline’s pacis. She has done incredibly well and hasn’t even asked for them, so I basically dodged a bullet on this one.

    Last week, we went to this really cool neighborhood toy store because I had promised that once the pacis were gone, she could pick out a new big girl toy, whatever she wanted. This is what she picked.

    This is further proof that she does indeed have only 50% of my DNA because she obviously hasn’t developed her Mama’s ability to find the most expensive thing in the store. And in case you’re wondering what that is, as near as I can tell it’s a green, squishy ball type thing that you can throw or wear on your head like a mohawk type wig. Seriously.

  • Se habla espanol

    Caroline and I went to Michael’s yesterday to look for some ribbon. She begged me not to make her ride in the cart and since Michael’s has these dinky, little carts, I agreed.

    I’m looking at all this ribbon, completely overwhelmed by all the choices, and she’s pushing the cart. Finally, she says “Vamamos Mama, let’s go. VAMAMOS”. Then, later on during lunch, she ate her peanut butter and jelly and said “Yum, delicioso!” Can you say too much Dora the Explorer?

    Seriously, that’s impressive because I took 4 semesters, yes 4 semesters of Spanish in college and you know what I can tell you? El burro es un animal de Mexico. Let me know if you need me to translate.