Friends

And at some point I lost track of how many M&M’s I consumed

Several months ago Lysa Terkeurst from Proverbs 31 Ministries contacted Sophie, Shannon and me to see if we were interested in teaching a few sessions on blogging at the She Speaks Conference.

I believe my answer was somewhere along the eloquent lines of “I don’t have nothin’ else to do”.

Which is exactly what Loretta Lynn said in “Coalminer’s Daughter” when they asked if she could appear on the Grand Ol’ Opry the following week.

My response wasn’t because of lack of enthusiasm, but because I was pretty sure she had contacted the wrong person and would eventually figure it out.

But as it turns out, she meant to call me and so I spent this past weekend in North Carolina sharing my blogging “expertise”.

It was a short class.

Other than meeting Shannon and Sophie last fall, I had never met any other bloggers in real life before this weekend and I have to say it was so cool to be in a room full of other people who carry their laptops everywhere and take pictures of random things like plates of nachos or people’s feet.

I thought it was just me.

Except I would never take a picture of someone’s foot because I have feet issues. They are vast and complicated. I can’t really get into it right now.

I arrived in North Carolina on Thursday night and Sophie and I immediately went in search of chips and salsa. As we walked out of the hotel doors, we heard a sweet voice say, “Can I get a picture of y’all? You’re famous!”

And I thought MOTHER PEARL!, BRAD AND ANGELINA ARE HERE! while frantically looking around so that I wouldn’t miss them. It turned out she was talking about us. Sophie and me. The least famous of any two people who have ever walked through a lobby at Embassy Suites.

But we posed for a picture that could possibly fetch upwards of a nickel if it ever gets put up on Ebay.

Then we went somewhere and ate a plate of nachos that consisted of enough shredded lettuce to feed the entire rabbit population of North Carolina.

There are so many things I want to say about the weekend, but I don’t know where to start. I loved getting the chance to meet so many people whose words I have read, but have never been able to meet face to face. Every woman I met was just as sweet and funny as they are on their blogs.

The entire Proverbs 31 staff could not have been more helpful, encouraging and supportive. They went out of their way for every woman there. And I can’t even talk about the sheer fabulousness of Lysa Terkeurst’s hair or the tears will begin to flow.

As I flew home yesterday, I thought about the entire weekend. The experiences I had, the people I met, the things I learned and I just felt so blessed that I had the opportunity.

In fact, I only have one regret from the weekend that I will carry with me for the better part of the next three to four days.

Well, other than my regret that I referred to constipation in a room full of women.

This tunic.

It’s pure cuteness, is it not?

Off topic, but does anyone else see Inspector Clouseau in the corner of the picture?

The tunic was at Off 5th in the Concord Mills Outlet and I passed it by. Mainly because its retail cost was in the range of a number that could have caused some marital distress once I came off my giddy weekend high and returned home.

P doesn’t believe in spending a lot of money on anything that cannot be used to defend your life in threatening situations.

So with great regret, and after confirming that the store was not within moments of knocking 75% off the price, I walked away.

But I will remember it fondly forever.

Much like the weekend.

Thanks to Lysa and Proverbs 31. It was awesome.
Saturday morning miracle

I’m sitting in a hotel room in North Carolina right now at the She Speaks Conference and I’ve just witnessed a miracle.

About two months ago, P and I sat on the couch one night and downloaded a bunch of our CD’s to iTunes (is that even the right terminology? I have no idea.)

All of a sudden, tragedy struck.

One of the CD’s got stuck in the drive of my beloved MacBook.

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

How am I supposed to make any more super awesome mix CD’s if I have no access to my CD drive?

So for the last two months my MacBook has been afflicted. It has been slow to perform even the most basic of functions, much like me after a day of trying to police Caroline’s wardrobe selections.

And sure, I kept thinking that I needed to take it to the Apple Store for some sort of tech intervention. However, the Apple Store is far away from my house and I could almost just buy a new computer as opposed to spending the gas money to drive all the way out there.

This morning Sophie offered to see if she could get the CD out of my disc drive.

And lo, Boomama laid hands on my computer and it was healed.

I may have shouted, “MY MAC HAS BEEN REDEEMED!”

It was a very complicated process that involved turning on the computer while holding down the eject button.

Which just confirms that I really have no business owning a computer.
The next generation

There is nothing that makes me happier than seeing the way Caroline and Gulley’s boys love each other.

It’s watching life come full circle.

Although every now and then they do argue like cats and dogs and I’ll hear Caroline issue her biggest threat, “WELL, I’M NOT INVITING YOU TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.”

Which I’m sure scares the boys to death because don’t all little boys live for attending Barbie Island Princess themed parties?
And now I am spoiled rotten

So here was my view for much of the day on Saturday.

I’ll be honest. I just barely survived.

Especially if you add in the fact that there was a gorgeous pool right behind me, waiters bringing food and drinks, and a massage scheduled for later that afternoon.

Is this heaven?

No, it was the Westin La Cantera Resort.

Which is pretty close.

So you may be asking what I did to deserve all this and the answer to that question is absolutely nothing.

About a month ago my dear friend Trevor, who is married to my dear friend Jamie, called Gulley to see if she could help him plan a birthday surprise for J. She agreed and assumed she was going to help him plan a vacation for the two of them. That wasn’t the case.

Trevor wanted to surprise Jamie with a girls’ weekend at the Westin and he wanted to include Gulley, our friend Leah, and me, since we all live in San Antonio and wouldn’t have to travel. He just needed to know if we were available and interested.

Are you kidding? I haven’t been that interested in anything since I first met P. Although, technically, I wasn’t really interested in P until the second or third time I met him. But you get my point. Obviously I eventually became interested enough that I wanted to pledge my life to him, have his child, and spend the remainder of my life wondering why he only uses half a paper towel and leaves the other half sitting on the kitchen counter.

On Saturday morning, Gulley picked me up and we headed out to La Cantera to meet Jamie and Leah for an early lunch at Nordstrom’s Bistro. Let me just say that if you ever have the opportunity to eat the french fries at Nordstrom, do not pass up that chance or you will regret it forever. They are delightful. In fact, forget shoe shopping, I may just start going there for the fries and the dipping sauce that they serve on the side that tastes like some kind of olive spread. I’m sure the whole thing only had 3000 grams of fat.

Totally worth it.

After lunch we checked into our rooms. Y’all will be happy to see that we brought the necessary supplies.

May the cake rest in peace.

Just as we were settling in, the concierge called to tell us we’d need to be down at the Spa in a few minutes because we had Spa Packages scheduled.

SHUT UP.

And y’all don’t want to hear about the part where I messed up my fresh pedicure. It was slightly tragic but I didn’t let it ruin what was otherwise a stellar day. Considering that part of last Saturday involved my child throwing up all over me, a little smudged nail polish didn’t seem like that big a deal.

After the spa we changed into our swimsuits to go hang out by the pool. An adult pool. A pool that involved no floaties, crying babies, or the possibility of leaky swim diapers.

Gulley and Jamie just happened to have the exact same chocolate brown swimsuit coverup which we didn’t think anything about, but as we were walking to our lounge chairs Gulley overheard a guy tell his wife, “Look, those two girls are dressed like Obi Wan Kenobi.”

The force was with them.

And they pledged to overtake the evil empire and never wear those brown coverups at the same time again.

One chocolate brown coverup = Cute
Two chocolate brown coverups side by side = people who may be in some sort of Star Wars cult

We spent the rest of the afternoon looking out at the phenomenal view, laughing and talking about everything y’all can possibly imagine. Can I just say that if you haven’t spent some time with girlfriends in a while, then you should. Even if it’s just sitting in someone’s living room around a bowl of M&M’s.

And if it involves a large enough bowl of M&M’s, then feel free to invite me to join you.

If it involves some kind of molten lava chocolate cake, then I’m crashing the party whether I’m invited or not.

Finally, we dragged ourselves back inside to get ready for dinner although I hated to put makeup on my freshly facialed face.

I would have taken a picture of the amount of food that was on that table only moments before but I was way too relaxed, plus I had eaten too much and couldn’t bend over to get my camera out of my purse.

I also licked my plate clean within five seconds so clearly there wasn’t time to get a picture of my filet.

What I’m saying is that dinner was wonderful.

We made a toast to friends. And to Trevor, who essentially served as our fairy godfather. A very manly fairy godfather. He quit wearing tulle years ago.

After dinner we drove our golf cart back to our hotel room, put on our pajamas and stayed up way too late eating cake and making shameful admissions about our overuse of hair products back in the late 80’s and early 90’s, including possible addictions to Aussie Sprunch Spray.

But if you can’t admit to that stuff in front of friends, then who can you tell?

I mean, other than the internet?

May the force be with y’all.
McLetDown

Thank y’all so much for yesterday. It was so interesting to read everyone’s questions and thoughts. Although it will take me a good two weeks for my mind to process all that information.

I promise that Sophie, Shannon and I will figure out a way to share some of the information from the She Speaks Conference on our blogs. In the meantime, you may want to check out Blogging Basics 101.

Anyway, Gulley usually volunteers at her son Jackson’s school every Wednesday. But last Wednesday she skipped out on the opportunity to watch kindergardeners eat paste in favor of getting her hair cut and highlighted. Clearly she is a woman with her priorities in order.

No woman can be expected to cut out shapes, teach future generations to read, and eat cafeteria food when she’s worried about her roots. I mean this is America.

So, Gulley asked Jackson’s teacher if she could volunteer on Thursday instead and asked me if I would mind keeping Will. And I told her I wouldn’t mind at all because she watched Caroline for me most of the day on Tuesday and because Will seriously cracks me up.

He just turned three in February and hanging out with him is kind of what I imagine it would be like to spend time with Simon Cowell. You know he’s a little belligerent and out of control but yet manages to be charming and endearing all at the same time.

Plus they both have hair that defies the laws of follicular science.

Gulley dropped Will off on Thursday morning and, since I am really a modern day Mary Poppins, I had our morning all planned out. These plans involved cleaning our back porch with scrub brushes and soap.

The kids can’t get enough of it.

Tell Toys R’ Us to figure out a way to package that kind of fun.

Finally, after a morning of hard labor I decided to reward them with a trip to McDonalds for lunch. And, because it was such a gorgeous, sunny day, I purposely drove further away to the dying breed known as a McDonalds with an outdoor playground.

We went in, ordered our food and then started to head outside, when we saw this.

Oh cruel hand of fate. Why do you torture me so?

I told the kids to eat their lunch and promised that after they were done I would go ask the manager if they would consider opening the playground since the weather was no longer inclement.

So they pretended to eat half a nugget for the next ten minutes and then started asking about the playground. I felt like I was being interrogated. My palms got all sweaty as I tried to prepare them for the very real possibility that the outdoor playground wasn’t going to happen.

“Okay, I’ll go ask but y’all need to know that they may not open it. They may say no. Okay?”

Will quit eating his ketchup out of the paper cup long enough to look me dead in the eye and say, “If they say no, I’m gonna bust their tails.”

And don’t think he wouldn’t.

Unfortunately the answer was no. It appears that two prior days of inclement weather rendered the playground in need of a good scrubbing.

They should totally use child labor like I did with my porch. The kids can reach cracks and crevices that an adult will never see.

There was great disappointment but we left with some cool Happy Meal toys so all was not lost. And I knew Will had a good time with me because when Gulley came to pick him up he hugged me and said, “See you later, Babe.”

Which is exactly what the Banks children called Mary Poppins.
She also sang Delta Dawn for her fifth grade choir performance

While I was at the rodeo with Gulley and her husband, Jon, a few weeks ago, they told me a story about when they were dating that I know I had never heard before because it brought me deep and abiding joy.

One night, after they had been dating for a few months, they went out to dinner. On their way home “Oh Lord, It’s Hard to Be Humble” came on the radio. Gulley turned it up and sang every single word LOUD AND PROUD.

When the song was over she looked up and realized Jon was just staring at her. She would learn later that it was at this tender moment he realized she was the girl for him. He said, “I’ve never known a girl that knows all the words to that song.”

She said, “Well, you’ve never dated a girl who grew up with a goldfish named Mac Davis.”