Friends

For everything else, there’s Visa

This time last week I had big dreams of spending an entire week doing nothing but sleeping late and watching a bunch of episodes of Scooby-Doo in between trips to the pool. It would be like my sophomore year of college all over again.

Instead, we ended up having a week filled with various activities that kept us busy. Unfortunately, none of those activities were actually on my official to-do list.

Not that I really have an official list, but if I did it’s safe to say that going over to Gulley’s house and eating Church’s chicken for lunch wouldn’t be on it. Although it totally should be.

The reality is that P has a list for me that includes things like getting my oil changed, taking my car to be inspected, and getting my tires rotated. How am I supposed to get all that done with my hectic pool schedule? It’s bad enough that the summer is already half over and I haven’t even started watching “Veronica Mars” on DVD which was totally going to be one of my summertime shows.

Anyway, our weekend didn’t turn out to be any less action-packed than the previous week, so I have big plans to stay in my pajamas until noon today. I’m not even ashamed to admit it.

The big drama in our weekend occurred Saturday evening. We’d met a bunch of our friends at the pool to swim and eat dinner. Unfortunately, it was the one hour in the entire summer that thunder was heard in the distance so the kids had to entertain themselves by just running around the pool area for the better part of an hour. They were having a great time playing hide and seek all around the men and womens’ bathrooms (ewww) while all the adults caught up on life. All of a sudden we hear shrieking. Loud shrieking. Loud shrieking that is coming from my child.

At first I thought she stubbed her toe but then my motherhood instincts told me she’d been stung by a bee, mainly because she was screaming, “I GOT STUNG BY A BEE! I GOT STUNG BY A BEE!” I ran over and picked her up because she’d actually stepped on the bee and it stung her on the bottom of her foot. As soon as I got her over to where we were sitting, I got her to show me exactly where she’d been stung while Gulley went all MacGyver on us, grabbed her credit card and used it to flick the stinger out of Caroline’s foot. I haven’t seen her use a credit card that fast since we were in college and she used her daddy’s card to buy some fab new boot shoes at Foley’s.

(They were worth every penny, too.)

I put some ice on the sting and applied some Benadryl which seemed to help. Oddly enough, this legitimately painful incident elicited far less drama and hysteria than we often experience when she’s discovered she left her favorite swimsuit at Mimi and Bops’ house. About ten minutes after the sting, the lifeguards blew the all-clear whistle to get back in the pool and she was off and swimming with her buddies.

They all agreed that P made a fantastic pool flotation device.

We swam until we shut the pool down and then headed home to get not nearly enough sleep before it was time to get up for church. I knew Caroline was tired yesterday afternoon when we were sitting on the couch watching the end of “Charlotte’s Web”. There was a winter scene that showed snow and all of a sudden she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Mama, I’m just so sad that it never snows here. It just makes me so sad I’m going to cry.”

First of all, why are we concerned about snow when it’s 112 degrees outside? Secondly, if you’re going to get upset about something how about the universal health care plan? Third, how much fun is puberty going to be? Poor P is probably going to have to take some type of sedative to survive all the hormonal fluctuations in this house.

Yesterday afternoon we went back to the pool so we could all hang out again but this time we decided to bypass the pool grill for dinner because there is only so much popcorn shrimp prepared by cranky teens that you can eat in a lifetime. P decided it would be fun to have everyone back over to our house for burgers, so we left the pool a little early to get everything ready.

About twenty minutes later Gulley came hobbling into the house while the kids danced excitedly around her and announced that she’d stepped on a bee and got stung on the bottom of her foot. Fortunately, Caroline and Jackson had the presence of mind to run and get her credit card.

Fortunately for her, no one sells cute boot shoes at the pool so it’s safe to assume they only used it for medicinal purposes.
When old friends literally become OLD friends

When P and I first started dating, lo these many years ago, it wasn’t too long before he introduced me to all his oldest friends. In fact, I remember attending one of their weddings pretty early in our relationship and then going with a group of ushers and groomsmen still decked out in their tuxes to see “Braveheart” at the movie theater while I hoped I was making a good impression as the new girl.

(Dang. We are old.)

I must have made a good impression because about four months later we were all sitting around a huge dining table on Thanksgiving night when someone asked, “P, are you going to marry Melanie? What’s taking you so long?”

I never knew a room could suddenly get so quiet.

I’ll tell you what wasn’t quiet, P’s truck on the way home as I cried and asked him why it took him so long to come up with an answer. Bless his heart.

They have all known each other forever so when they all get together it immediately turns into a game of “remember when”. For example, “Remember when what’s-his-name shot a hole through the floor of your Bronco? That was HILARIOUS.”

However, some of their fondest memories from days of old seemed to revolve around a place they actually refer to as Squalor. Apparently, there were good times to be had at Squalor, which was a ratty old deer camp where Jay and Scott’s daddy let them stay when they were down at the ranch.

Can you believe I married a guy who used to self-admittedly hang out in a place called Squalor?

Yeah, me neither.

During the last fifteen years, we’ve gotten together with varying degrees of frequency depending on who is living where and if there happens to be a wedding shower, a wedding, or a baby shower. And there have been MANY of those over the years.

Which explains why we found ourselves at the lake on Sunday surrounded by about fifty kids of varying ages all decked out in Spiderman and Barbie lifejackets.

Early last week, Jay and Dawn called and invited us out to the lake to celebrate Jay’s 40th birthday, which has to be a mistake because FORTY? Seriously? How are we old enough to be friends with people that are turning forty?

We jumped at the chance to go because we haven’t all gotten together in a sweet forever, despite our constant promises that we’ll all get together soon. Our friend George used to say that Jay never grasped the concept of object permanence, meaning that unless an object is right in front you, you forget it exists. Apparently, as we’ve married and had kids, we all struggle with that concept. I believe it’s directly proportional to sleep deprivation due to infants and maybe drinking too much Lone Star Light when we were in college.

Not that I drank Lone Star Light.

I was more of a Zima kind of girl. Because I like a classy beverage.

Anyway, after church on Sunday we headed out to the lake. When we arrived, Jay came out to greet us wearing black socks that came to mid-calf with his tennis shoes. I was so relieved when I realized it was a joke because for a moment I really believed that we were just minutes away from spending an afternoon sitting on the porch while we discussed our artificial hips and that garbage the kids call music these days.

It took Caroline all of about 2.4 seconds to get her suit on, get in the lake and find a new best friend. Our friends Scott and Caroline have a four-year-old little girl that equally matched Caroline’s daredevil ways and they were like peas and carrots the rest of the day.

This is Caroline getting into the unbelievably frigid water for the first time.

She’s never been one to let a little hypothermia keep her from having a good time.

When Caroline was an infant, I agreed that I’d do most of the diaper changes if P would promise to always be the one to swim with her in freezing cold water. At the time, it seemed like he got the better end of the deal (literally) but now that she’s five, completely potty-trained, and is training for a future as a member of the Polar Bears Club the pendulum has swung in my direction.

So while he treaded water in an attempt to keep the blood flowing to his legs, I sat on the dock in the warm sunshine and enjoyed this view.

Here’s Caroline with her new friend. P played a game with them all afternoon where he’d capsize their floatie and call it a sinkie. (I married him for his looks and his creativity!) He kept thinking they’d get tired of it, but clearly he’s never had to play Candyland for eight hours straight.

At one point, P looked at Scott, Jay and George and asked if they could have imagined when they were all sitting on this dock as high school boys with a penchant for getting in their share of trouble, that one day they’d be sitting in that same spot as the fathers of seven daughters and three sons.

God has a sense of humor.

Later on, the little girls did some tubing. The squeals echoed from every corner of the lake.

Then, later, they took turns jumping off the dock.

Hello future track scholarship.

I think her legs grow about three inches while she sleeps every night.

Finally, with blue lips and chattering teeth, they admitted they were freezing and ready to get out of the water.

Don’t let her fool you. She only stayed that still for about two minutes before she took off running for the house as soon as she heard the words “time for birthday cake”.

She comes by it honestly.

We went inside to sing Happy Birthday to the birthday boy (birthday middle-aged man doesn’t have the same flair) and as I looked around the kitchen I felt blessed by all the years of friendship represented in that room and the fact that we can all get together and just pick up where we left off as if no time has passed at all. That’s a gift.

I’ll tell you what else was a gift. The birthday cake. It was maybe the best cake I’ve ever had. Chocolate with chocolate icing covered with a thick layer of chopped Heath Bar. I honestly can’t quit thinking about it. In fact, the next time I bake a chocolate cake I’m going to beat the heck out of some Heath Bars and try to recreate what I believe to be one of the culinary masterpieces of our time.

The whole day couldn’t have been better. I believe Caroline summed it up best when we told her it was time to go home and she looked at us with teary eyes and announced, “I am the saddest girl in the whole world”.

I don’t know where she gets the drama.
Summer at (and in) the movies

Let me just say that it goes against all laws of nature and fun to have eight days of school left after Memorial Day weekend. I don’t know what genius at the Board of Education came up with this plan, but sir, it was a bad one. I am over making ham sandwiches at 7 a.m. every morning, especially since Caroline informed me that the sweet little notes I put in her lunch box aren’t exciting enough anymore and, in her words, “need more pictures and better stuff on them”. Apparently she and her friends are tired of the same old flowers and smiley face.

Wow. Tough crowd.

The sad part is that I actually let a bunch of Kindergarten hecklers influence my note-writing efforts and what once was a simple morning routine has turned into a daily art project that causes me to get out Sharpie markers in an array of colors and attempt to draw rainbows and bunnies. If there weren’t just eight days of school left, I might eventually be forced to break out the glitter pens.

Anyway, we had a great Memorial Day weekend filled with everything a holiday weekend should entail. Eating out, swimming, making a movie, going to the lake, and more swimming.

Did you catch the part about making a movie?

Gulley called me last Friday morning and said that her oldest son, Jackson, was making a movie about superheroes in their backyard at 11 a.m. on Saturday morning and had requested that Caroline be there in her Wonder Woman costume. Well, HELLO, yes she’ll be there. It could be the big break she’s been waiting for!

Of course when I called Gulley later in the day to confirm our Saturday film schedule, Jackson answered the phone. He informed me that we needed to be there at 11:00 but filming wouldn’t begin until 11:53, and also, his mom didn’t have time to talk on the phone right now because they were going on a walk.

Directors can be so bossy.

Caroline spent Friday night with Mimi and Bops, so I went to their house about 10:30 a.m. to get Wonder Woman ready for her big role. She even brought me the teasing comb so I could make her hair “REALLY FLUFFY” like Wonder Woman. I called Gulley to let her know we were running a little bit late due to all the hair maintenance because I didn’t want Caroline to get a reputation as a diva with no respect for filming schedules. That’s the kind of stuff that can kill a career.

(You know the other thing that can kill an acting career? Killing John Wayne in a movie. I learned last night that when Bruce Dern killed John Wayne in “Cowboys” that it practically ended his career. Don’t mess with John Wayne.)

(Have I ever mentioned that my head is filled with countless bits of random and totally useless trivia?)

When we arrived, Jackson pointed us to a list of rules for the day.

Translation:

“Do not make noise or talk in video.

Superheroes will not cry or get mad at another superhero.

Have a good day.”

He runs a tight ship.

And he knows his cast well.

All the starring superheroes milled around the backyard without much purpose or direction for the first thirty minutes. Jackson kept trying to tell them what to do but they didn’t really pay attention.

Welcome to what it’s like to be a parent. It’s all the preparation you’ll need for a career in herding cats.

I think Wonder Woman’s costume designer didn’t realize that she’s grown about seven inches taller since Halloween, although she did manage to make some lovely arm bands using only aluminum foil and scotch tape.

Jackson finally got their attention and began rolling tape. (I know A LOT about the movie industry, including phrases like “roll tape”. Or maybe I just heard it on a Bush Beans commercial. I can’t remember.)

The superheroes are off on their mission to rid the world of evil.

What? What’s that? Is there something behind the tree?

In a surprise twist that no one saw coming, other than the fact that we all watched him pick up some plastic swords and tie a cape around his head, Gulley’s husband, J, turns out to be the villain.

The superheroes chased him out from behind the tree and began to attack.

(I’m really no good at action photography, or really any photography, which explains the blurry shots)

Like all fierce villains, he carried not only three different swords, but also the dreaded rubber snake in his back pocket.

But he was no match for the homemade Justice League. They got him down.

The boys grabbed the swords while Caroline “whoop-ed” him with her golden lasso of truth, also known as some gold drapery cord from Bed, Bath and Beyond.

J did more than his share of Ninja rolls across the backyard as he tried to escape. In fact, I’d be willing to bet an ice pack and some Icy Hot were his friend later that evening.

The most suspenseful part of the whole film was when the two-year-old Incredible Hulk found a 2 x 4 in the backyard and decided he was going to show these big kids what real weaponry is all about. Fortunately we saw the whole thing happen before it turned into a scene from a WWF match.

After filming wrapped, Gulley served as a makeshift Kraft Services and had Dino Nuggets, cookies and juice boxes waiting for everyone. Then we hooked up the video camera to the T.V. so they could all watch their creation.

It was akin to watching a Super Hero version of “The Blair Witch Project”. I haven’t felt that dizzy since the last time I waited until noon to drink a Diet Coke.

But the kids LOVED it. They laughed, they cried, they gave it two thumbs up.

In fact, Gulley turned to me and said, “Why on earth do we pay $8.00 a piece to take them to the theater when they’re so entertained with this?”

I foresee a summer filled with microwave popcorn, a videocamera and possibly the occasional 2 x 4. Granted, it may be hard for J to keep explaining that he needs time off work to accommodate his burgeoning film career, but in the long run it will be worth it because if Jackson grows up to be a famous filmmaker we can sell bootleg copies of his debut effort, retire in style, and travel around the United States in a tricked out Winnebago.

I mean, I’m pretty sure this is how Steven Spielberg started out and that whole movie he made about a shark turned out to be kind of successful.
In my eyes you’re all winners

I’m just going to state for the record that I am clearly not meant to be a person who does a lot of giveaways because every time I do one (all three times!) something always seems to go awry, which then results in me having to do some math.

Math is not my gift.

Just ask Mrs. Love who taught me Algebra II. Twice.

Anyway, when I announced the giveaway for Travis Cottrell’s new Christmas CD “Ring the Bells” last week, I was so excited and hoped that the comments would come pouring in so that everyone would have a chance to win.

And y’all delivered. The response was incredible and so appreciated.

Then, WordPress got cranky and decided it didn’t like all those comments. In fact, it hated them. It wanted to wipe them off the face of the blog.

And so it did.

Much panic ensued.

So I created a new post for people to continue leaving comments, but I still had to figure out how to retrieve 921 comments that had disappeared into the vast expanse of the internet.

After what some may call a panic attack I realized that all the comments were still visible, but the only place I could see them was in the “Comment” section of my dashboard, along with every other comment that has EVER been left on the blog.

I’m so sorry because I bet none of you care about this story, but yet I am compelled to share.

I decided the only thing to do was enter all 921 previous comments into an Excel spreadsheet so that I could see them in the order in which they had been originally left.

P came in while I was in the midst of this process and told me I had lost my mind, it was a CD giveaway, not the lottery, and I just needed to randomly pick some names and be done with it.

Clearly, he is healthy and has the proper perspective, although winning “Ring the Bells” is as close to winning the lottery as someone can get.

It’s just that good.

But since I have a touch of the OCD, I continued to enter in all the names. There were 921 legitimate comments on the first post and 151 on the second post, which brings us to a grand total of 1072 entries.

Stay tuned next year when I will be calculating the results of the Academy Awards. I’m like my own Price Waterhouse.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah.

Here are the winners! Congratulations and thanks so much for participating. I really did love reading about everyone’s favorite Christmas gifts (who knew there were so many Christmas babies and Christmas proposals out there?) and seeing so many readers come out of hiding to enter.

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

389 1063 1045 741 441
374 640 990 263 520
Timestamp: 2008-10-13 01:55:38 UTC

389 Heather at Running from the Little People

374 Danielle with a Yahoo email address

1063 Donna with a Bellsouth email address

640 Melodies of Mercy at Melodies of Mercy

1045 Mandi at Two Tikes Under Two

990 Paula with a Gmail email address

741 Heather with a Yahoo email address

263 Amanda with a Triad email address

441 Lauren at Ethan’s Mama

520 Chrysta Joy at Winning in Life

Email me at [email protected] with your address (please write giveaway winner in the subject line) and I will get your copy of Travis Cottrell’s “Ring The Bells” in the mail.

If you didn’t win, you still need a copy of “Ring the Bells” to make your Christmas complete. You can download it on iTunes or go here to buy it.

Have I mentioned that it’s really good?

And it will make your house smell like cinnamon and Christmas trees?

But not really on that last part.
Ring the bells giveaway, part deaux

Okay, it appears that my comment function gets overloaded when it reaches 924 comments. Since I’ve never received 924 comments on one post before, I had no idea that it created some kind of issue with the comment system.

However, I don’t want WordPress’s shortcomings to keep you from the opportunity to win a copy of Travis Cottrell’s Ring the Bells CD.

So, if you haven’t already left a comment in the previous post, leave a comment on this post. The first comment will be #925 and we’ll go from there. The random number generator will never know the difference!

Thanks, y’all!
Ring the bells

Over the last week, Caroline has become a huge Travis Cottrell fan. Every time we get in the car she asks to listen to his song “2000 Years” and tells me “IT SOUNDS LIKE THUNDER, MAMA!”

In fact, on the way home from Luby’s Cafeteria on Saturday night (oh yes, we are living wild over here), she asked me to tell her all about Travis. So I told her about his lovely wife Angela and his three kids and how one of them is in Kindergarten just like her.

But that wasn’t enough.

When we got home she wanted to see a picture of Travis and his family, so I pulled up their picture on his website and we spent the rest of the evening listening to his music.

I believe this is how groupies are born.

Or maybe stalkers.

Anyway, the highlight of the evening was when I played her a few songs off his new Christmas album, “Ring the Bells”. I can say with all certainty that hearing Travis sing “Frosty the Snowman” may be one of the highlights of her life so far. I mean it’s one thing to sing about Jesus, but Frosty? Oh that is serious business.

Apparently, Caroline isn’t the only Travis Cottrell fan. “Ring the Bells” was released yesterday and is already at #4 on ITunes most downloaded holiday albums. He’s even ahead of George Strait.

Not to mention that CCM reviewed it and called it “the goose-bump inducing holiday record of the year”.

If you want to hear the greatness for yourself, then you can listen to a few full-length clips from the CD on his site.

I’m just proud to say that I used to podcast with him.

I have been so fortunate to listen to Travis sing at various events and the thing that amazes me the most is the way his music reaches everyone in the audience, no matter their age or background. He truly has a rare gift.

The soundtrack for Big Mama’s Christmas ’08 will be “Ring the Bells”. It is pure greatness.

This is your chance to win an autographed copy of “Ring the Bells”. I have ten autographed copies to give away and, trust me, you do not want to miss out on your chance.

If there was ever a time to comment for a chance to win, then today is the day. I’d LOVE for EVERYONE who reads this post to enter for a chance to win their very own copy of “Ring the Bells”. You have nothing to lose and giving yourself the best Christmas EVER to gain.

IF YOU ARE A FAN OF CHRISTMAS, THEN YOU WILL BE A FAN OF “RING THE BELLS”.

And if you want to, you can tell me the best present you’ve ever received for Christmas. Or you can just say “enter me in the contest”.

See how easy it is?

So go. Leave a comment. I’ll close them on Sunday night and announce the winners on Monday, October 13th.