T.V. Love

Did you ever have someone that you thought was your friend, that you thought would stand by you no matter what and then they let you down? You had to come to the sad realization that they weren’t perfect after all.

This happened to me last night with my good friend DVR.

I had spent the entire week looking forward to the Project Runway season finale (I never said that my life is filled with excitement). As the clock ticked down to 9:00 last night, I grabbed my bag of Sour Patch Kids and exiled myself to the bedroom so that I could watch in perfect peace since I have a husband who likes to heckle the T.V. shows I prefer.

Just as Tim Gunn appeared onscreen tonight, Caroline started to cry. I was recording Project Runway so I hit pause to go take care of my child because in spite of what y’all might think, I do have my priorities in the proper order (most of the time). I gave Caroline some Benadryl (she really does have a cold, don’t judge me) and returned to PR and my candy kids.

I watched the drama unfold. Did Jeffrey cheat or not? Will he attack Laura? Who will handle the stress of Olympus Fashion Week? And then, the runway shows actually begin…and then, my DVR flashes a message onscreen to let me know that due to signal problems part of my program did not record.

Excuse me?

EXCUSE ME?

Frantic fast forwarding and rewinding ensue because surely there has been some mistake. Nope, no mistake has been made other than my complete dependence on my DVR.

The “part” of my program that didn’t record was the most IMPORTANT PART of the entire show. How do I know who to mock and who to cheer for if I don’t see the Runway show?

Oh cruel, cruel hand of fate.

Since I couldn’t stand it, I went ahead and watched the rest of the show without seeing the Runway. I know that Jeffrey won and to me that just proves the point that most people working in fashion have no idea what women really want on their bodies. I’m not into wearing anything inspired by Asian cartoons and demons. Call me crazy.

I know that Bravo will show the finale 10,872 more times before the weekend is over, but it’s just not the same. My previously faithful and loyal DVR let me down and I’m not sure when that trust will be rebuilt.

I don’t want to make empty threats, but I may be breaking out the old VCR for backup to record Grey’s Anatomy tomorrow night. I just can’t open myself up to this kind of disappointment again.

Every week I tell myself that I’m not going to discuss The Bachelor, but y’all it is just too good. I wasn’t sure that tonight could possibly have anything more entertaining than last weeks’ drunken debacle but then, oh then came Erica with her explanation of how “Agnes” understands her so well because Erica speaks English with an Italian accent.

I am not lying when I say that I almost fell off my bed from laughing so hard.

So good news everyone, you can plan that trip to Venice and as long as you add a few vowels to the end of your words and don’t use any prepositions…the locals will totally understand you.

Just think of all the money you’ll save from not having to sign up for those Berlitz classes!

You can imagine my sadness when Erica was sent home, but at least she didn’t disappoint and continued to plead her sad, pampered life case through the window of the limo. I was delighted to see that she will be back next week. Y’all know that ABC wasn’t going to easily let go of that level of crazy.

There was also a moment at the beginning of the show tonight where the “Prince” had a one on one date with Jamie. They completely recreated the entire opera date scene from Pretty Woman complete with red dress and borrowed jewels. She and the “Prince” arrived at a gorgeous Italian opera house for a private concert. Even in the comfort of my own home, the whole thing made me want to crawl under the covers, which is one of the reasons I could never be on The Bachelor (the other reasons being that I am married and have a 3 year old).

I am not a fan of over the top romantic gestures especially not from people I barely know. I realize that some women love it and once upon a time I thought I wanted big romantic gestures, but then something happened.

My junior year in college there was this boy who was apparently a little infatuated with me. I will say in my defense that we were friends and I didn’t completely realize that he was trying to upgrade his status from just friend to boyfriend.

He told me one night that he had a surprise for me and drove me out to a local lake. As we walked up, I noticed he had made a little bonfire and he handed me a rose. Then, he took out his guitar and began to sing a love song that was actually a fairly popular song at the time but replaced the girl’s name in the song with my name.

I sat there holding this rose and listening to him sing and it was like I was having an out of body experience. I had never felt more awkward and truly I just wanted to throw one of us into the fire to make the singing stop. Please. make. the. singing. stop.

Sometimes, late at night, I can still hear the singing.

Because how do you respond to someone singing a song that you really used to like until you heard it sung with your name in it?

I don’t know. I don’t know now and I didn’t know then.

I’d like to blame my reaction on my 20 year old immaturity, but deep down I know that if you put me in that situation tomorrow I would have the same reaction which is why I am married to someone whose idea of romance is to save me the last chocolate chip cookie. And that, is what true love is all about.

I am not going to even attempt to do a weekly recap of The Bachelor because 1. it’s a lot of pressure and 2. there is no way that I will do it as well as Lincee. However, after viewing last night’s episode, I am compelled to make a few quick observations.

1. I’m telling y’all that ABC has bussed in a whole truckload of crazy this time. The execs must be beside themselves with excitement that Prince Lo Bo is a poor enough judge of character to keep Erica. She can’t possibly be a real person, can she?

2. Did y’all see Lisa when Lo Bo talked about people who put love on some kind of time plan? I promise that her left eye started to twitch. Gulley’s Uncle Glen always says that you can tell someone is crazy if you can see the top and bottom of the whites of their eyes (i.e. the Runaway Bride from Georgia) and she certainly had a lot of white showing tonight. I’m afraid we might see Lisa go not a little bit nuts if her 5 year plan to marriage and babyville is thwarted. Hell hath no fury like a woman with a china pattern picked out by her first date.

3. I have had periods of my life where I have been known to be a little overserved, but never to the point of speaking a foreign language. Kim gets the award for “I Blew My Chance To Marry a Fake Prince on National T.V.” I’m willing to bet she was “sweating beads” again tonight while she watched with friends and family.

4. One of my top 5 favorite remarks of the night came from Desiree (yeah, baby) who in her words “has been single for a long time”. She’s 22. She could have never had a boyfriend in her life and not qualify for “single for a long time” status.

Thank you ABC for a classic night of television.

If any of y’all watch The Bachelor and come on, admit it, y’all know some of you do. I am going to give you the greatest gift a Bachelor viewer can receive. In fact, before I discovered it, I had pretty much stopped watching the show. But now that I know I have this to look forward to every Tuesday, it has once again made The Bachelor must see T.V. Where else can you watch catty women compete for a chance to marry an Italian prince raised in New Jersey?

Don’t judge me for my viewing habits people, I’ve never once claimed to be an intellectual.

So with that disclaimer, click on this link for the greatest Bachelor recaps EVER courtesy of Lincee, who is from Texas so y’all know she must be funny.

For those of y’all who watch Project Runway, how glad were you that Laura won last night? Not only did I love her little dress, but I felt so bad for her because she was so down about last week. I mean this woman is pregnant with her 6th child. I have one child and have days where I can barely manage a coherent thought, so the fact that she is on this show coming up with brilliant designs amazes me. I’m not sure she’ll win the whole thing, because my money is still on Michael.

Loved Michael’s white dress and the judges are so right that he has a great eye for the whole look. It just “worked” as Tim would say.

Jeffrey’s outfit (and I use the term loosely) was as horrendous as his attitude. I don’t like Jeffrey. I don’t like the way he treats people and I am tired of his arrogant attitude. I took no small amount of pleasure in seeing him parade that truly hideous outfit down the runway. I knew Kayne was the one getting kicked off but I was glad Jeffrey was in the bottom two.

Poor Kayne. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. He will be great at designing pageant gowns in the South. I was sad to see him go though because he really was the best personality of the bunch.

Angela and Vincent. I knew they would both quickly be gone again once Heidi announced that they had to win to stay in the challenge. They did not disappoint.

And last but not least, Ulli. I think the judges are finally starting to tire of her silk printed flowy dresses. They really all look like different versions of the same dress. Maybe she figures that Diane Von Furstenburg built her career with the wrap dress, so she can build hers with the dressy caftan. We’ll see what happens, but I’m betting if she doesn’t come up with something different there is no way she’ll win.

So on that note, I’ll sign off. The casino episode of The Office is coming on and it’s a must see.