I’m cooking

An update on the newly bereaved…and also, cake

Last night in our panic to dispose of Nemo’s body, P provided a moment of distraction by taking Caroline out to look at “something” on the front porch, while I frantically ran, fish bowl in hand, towards our master bathroom to flush away the evidence. I was in a state of panic over the need to hide the dead body so, clearly, if my Sicilian ancestry includes any ties to the Mafia, I didn’t get those genes.

Don Corleone would never sweat over having to dispose of a beta fish.

It’s not so much that I thought Caroline would lose her mind due to the excessive grief, but it was close to bedtime, she was tired and that tends to turn everything into drama worthy of a very special episode of Diff’rent Strokes. Plus, she looks for any excuse to put off bedtime, so a fish funeral would have been a fine angle to work.

Anyway, I was sloppy in my work. I left Nemo’s empty fish bowl sitting on the dresser in our bedroom and when Caroline woke up this morning (yes, she ended up in our bed around 5 a.m., but it’s totally worth it because she’ll sleep until 8 a.m. if she’s in bed with me. I figure she’ll sleep in her own bed by high school. In the meantime, I am enjoying mornings that start after the sun is actually up)…okay, where was I?

Oh, Caroline woke up and immediately noticed the bowl sitting on the dresser. She said, “Mama, Nemo slept in your room last night!…Oh, where’s Nemo?”. And with that observation, she caught me completely offguard at the time of day when I’m the slowest on my feet. So, I eloquently stated, “Nemo died.” Like ripping off a band-aid. Her lip started to quiver and she said, “Why did he die Mama? I took such good care of him.”

That’s debatable.

I told her that fish don’t live very long and of course she took good care of him, but he just got sick and died. She then hypothesized that perhaps a coyote had come in to our house and speared Nemo during the night which, had I been thinking clearly, would have been a much better answer to her question. And with that, she moved on to wanting waffles for breakfast. Obviously, she was all broken up about it.

Now, let me tell y’all about the rain. It rained cats and dogs and, perhaps, even beta fish today. I dropped Caroline off at school this morning right as the rain started and by the time I picked her up 3 hours later, the streets were flooded. In fact, on our way home, one of the main streets to our house was barricaded and I wasn’t sure how we were going to get home. Fortunately, I am a navigating genius and realized I just needed to go over one more block to higher ground. We had planned to go play at Gulley’s to get through the rainy afternoon but, alas, there was no way we could make it over there without a canoe.

So, we baked a cake. And I thought y’all might like the recipe and a step-by-step pictorial.

Yellow Cake with Chocolate Frosting

Open box. Dump cake mix in bowl. Now, normally I prefer Duncan Hines Butter Recipe Golden cake mix, but this was all we had and did I mention the torrential flooding?

Next, add in water, butter and eggs. Eggshell is optional, but highly probable if you let a 3 year old crack your eggs.

Note to self, do not turn your back on child with Kitchenaid. Mess. Big Mess. Photo does not do justice to mess. Also, not pictured are the bits of my head that exploded shortly after this happened.

Clean cake mix, egg, butter residue from the walls. And the floor. And the Kitchenaid. And the child. And the entire side of the refrigerator.

Pour batter in cake pans and bake at 350 for 25 minutes.

Relax while enjoying a little cake batter and wonder why Mama is so freaked out. It’s just a little cake batter spewed all over the kitchen. It will come off the ceiling in its own good time.

Have internal debate as to whether or not to make homemade chocolate frosting to compensate for boxed cake mix. Decide to fully commit to Lazy Cake Baking 101.

Tell husband to step away from the canned frosting. He can have whatever is leftover.

Realize you’re writing the longest blog post in history. Oh wait, wrong tutorial.

Find it ironic that you’re frosting a boxed cake mix with canned frosting while looking down at your new issue of this.

Wonder if anyone is still reading to see the results of this labor of love.

Pass can of frosting to P. He really had no idea before he married me the full extent of my baking skills. It was just pure luck on his part.

Prepare a light dinner of chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes with cream gravy so that you’ll have plenty of room for cake.

Wonder how this post started with our fish grief and ended up with chocolate cake. Also, hope that was only an eggshell I just bit into.

Have a lovely weekend, y’all.

Your stomach and your family will thank you

Okay, so since y’all asked, here is the recipe for Monkey Bread. It is unbelievably good and oh so easy. I make this every Christmas morning so that we can have a good sugar high as we open all our presents.

Monkey Bread

3 (10 biscuit) cans of biscuits (I’m sure some people use homemade or whatever, but I am not those people)

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup butter (not margarine, so just own the fat, ladies)

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional and it’s an option I don’t choose. Why ruin pure, sugary goodness with nuts?)

Preheat oven to 350. Grease a BUNDT PAN (although others would say this isn’t necessary).
If you have chosen the nut option, go ahead and throw them in. It’s your monkey bread and I’ll keep my mouth shut.
Cut biscuits into quarters.
Combine cinnamon and granulated sugar. Roll each biscuit quarter in cinnamon and sugar mixture.
Arrange them in BUNDT PAN.
Melt butter in microwave and add brown sugar. Stir it all together.
Pour brown sugar mixture over biscuits.
Bake for 30-40 minutes.

Let cool for about 5 minutes and then place on cake plate. I know some people who immediately get a fork and just start eating pieces right out of the BUNDT PAN (and yes, I am those people).

Cry tears of joy at the goodness of it all.

For giving or just for eating

This time of year I like to have something sweet around at all times and since P has to leave the house every once in awhile, I resort to homemade toffee. I make about 150 batches of this before the holidays are over and while yes, that is a slight exaggeration, I do make it for the mailman, the garbage men, neighbors and pretty much anyone else that I come within a five mile radius of during the Christmas season.

It’s easy, it’s heaven on a plate (or in a gift bag), it’s TOFFEE. And by the way, this recipe also came from Gulley, so as y’all can see, she has cornered the cookie/candy market.

Toffee
1 c. chopped pecans
1 c. sugar
1 c. butter
1/4 c. water
12 oz. chocolate chips
Line a 9×13 pan with foil, butter the foil. Spread pecans on the foil. Mix sugar, water and butter in a skillet. Bring to a boil, stirring constantly until caramel colored. Pour over pecans. Spread chocolate chips over mixture. Wait until it cools and break into pieces. Eat until you make yourself sick.
You’re welcome.

To add a little sweetness to your season from the sweetest person I know

A few days ago I admitted that I have a problem in the form of complete addiction to Gulley’s sugar cookies. It is not even a slight exaggeration to say that you can’t just stop at the first thirty you eat.

Erin asked if I thought Gulley would let me give out the recipe and since I love Erin because she is so sweet and says great things like “waiting for the other foot to drop”, I asked Gulley if she would be willing to share the recipe and this is the email that she sent me.


Big Mama –

Since me and your fans have at least one thing in common – we all adore you – I will share my sugar cookie recipe. You may want to warn them, though, that this is not a cookie for serious decorating. It is way too soft. A glaze works perfectly.

The Cookie:

4 cups flour
2 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

Sift dry ingredients together

1 cup butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 eggs.

Mix all together and shape dough in form of loaf & sprinkle flour on wax paper, wrap dough and refrigerate overnight. Roll out dough, cut with cutter and bake for 6 – 8 minutes at 350.

Glaze

2 tbsp butter mashed in
2 cups powdered sugar
dash of salt
2 or more tbsp milk.

Spread on top of cookies, then top with colored sugars.

So, as Gulley says please make note that this is not a cookie for serious, Martha Stewart style decorating, however it is a cookie for serious eating in the form of two to three dozen at one time.

A few other things that make me laugh about Gulley’s email are that she knows me well enough to write it in perfect cut and paste form for Big Mama and that she refers to my “fans”.

When we were in college we were friends with this big football player (not the running back mentioned in a previous post) and whenever he’d see us he’d yell across campus, “How many members today?” and we’d say “What, what are you talking about?” and he’d reply “How many members y’all got in your fan club today?” It never failed to make us completely crack up.

So Gulley, as the #1 member of your fan club, thank you for letting me share your recipe and thank you even more for baking my supply for me. That’s the gift that keeps on giving.

WFMW-The perfect dish for a cold fall day


In my Thursday Thirteen last week I mentioned how I love to make a big batch of crawfish etouffee when the weather gets cold. Several people asked for my recipe and by several, I mean Barb. But I really like Barb, so for her and anyone else that has a hankering for a little Cajun cuisine, here is my recipe. You can double it, triple it, quadruple it and it freezes beautifully.

Big Mama’s Crawfish Etouffee
1/4 c. diced celery
1/4 c. diced onion
1/4 c. diced bell pepper
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. dried basil
1/4 tsp. dried thyme
1 tsp. black pepper
5 tbs. vegetable oil
1/2 c. flour
2 c. chicken stock or canned chicken broth
1/2 stick butter
1 bunch green onions, chopped (separate white and green parts)
1 lb. peeled crawfish tails (defrosted if frozen) – you can substitute shrimp if you prefer
Hot cooked rice
In a small bowl, combine celery, onion, and bell pepper. In a separate bowl, combine cayenne, salt, basil, thyme, and black pepper and set aside.
Make a roux: In a heavy skillet (preferably cast iron), heat the vegetable oil until very hot, then gradually add the flour. Cook over high heat, stirring constantly until it turns chocolate brown. Be careful not to burn it. Reduce heat and add celery, onion, bell pepper to roux. Add seasoning mixture. Let cook 2-3 minutes on low heat, stirring.
Heat chicken stock in a large pot, then add roux mixture, stirring until there are no lumps. Continue to simmer until sauce is thickened. In a skillet, melt butter, add white part of green onions, and crawfish; saute 2-3 minutes, the add to pot with sauce. Simmer about 30 minutes.
Serve with rice and garnish with green part of green onions if desired. Make sure you have plenty of french bread to sop up the sauce.
I know this may sound a little labor intensive, but it is beyond worth it!

WFMW – How to turn your frown upside down otherwise known as best chocolate dessert ever


Yesterday was a day full of frustrations for me. I woke up tired and not feeling good and then experienced a series of aggravating things that put me in a grumpy mood. None of these things were that important in the whole scheme of things, but when you’re excited about your new AT&T television service complete with TWO DVRS and then they show up and tell you the only way it will work is to run a huge black cable down the side of your house, you get a little frustrated. On top of that, I’ve encountered some issues with the preschool that Caroline is supposed to be attending and now am having to re-think, re-plan, and most importantly re-pray, but that’s a whole other post.

So, for my first WFMW I will share the recipe for the Best Chocolate Dessert Ever which is guaranteed to make any bad day better for the chocolate lover in you. As a friend of mine said “When you walk in the gates of heaven, I bet you get a piece of this cake.”

Turtle Cake
1 Betty Crocker Butter Recipe Chocolate Cake mix
14 oz. caramels (about 48)
3/4 c. melted margarine
1/2 c. Pet milk
1 c. chocolate chips (I actually use the whole bag)
optional: cup of pecans (I personally don’t like pecans messing up my chocolate, but it’s a personal preference)
Mix cake as directed on box. Bake 1/2 of batter in a greased 9×13 pan at 325 for 15 minutes. Remove from oven. Melt caramels, margarine, and milk on the stove. Pour over cake. Sprinkle chocolate chips (and pecans if you want them) over the cake. Add remaining batter. Bake 20-25 minutes at 325. Serves 9-12. You can serve it with vanilla ice cream, but I personally prefer just pure chocolately, caramel goodness.

I promise it will make you feel better, even if for just a little while.