Another day

It is with deep sadness and regret that I inform you that there is a still a mouse on the loose. Apparently he prefers Simply Good trail mix instead of a piece of cheese with peanut butter on top. Probably because he’s concerned with his intake of high fructose corn syrup.

On the plus side, your comments yesterday were priceless. Maybe it’s some kind of sickness, but I loved knowing I am not alone in my struggle against unwanted wildlife. My particular favorite came from Melanie at This Ain’t New York who wrote, “Once a rat is picky about his toast, there is no living with them.” Don’t I know it, sister. Don’t I know it.

I’m also still trying to get over my cold (it’s not allergies) and fighting my disappointment over the whole Supreme Court thing. I really thought the fact that I graduated from Texas A&M while on academic probation would push me over the edge.

So instead of a comprehensive, cohesive post, I’m just going to share a few quick things so I can take my Sudafed and curl up in a very small place.

A. Dear Sun Chips, I appreciate that you are trying to be environmentally friendly. However, your new bags are so loud that my husband thinks I’m grinding coffee beans every time I reach for a Peppercorn Ranch chip. The obnoxiousness of your bag is hindering my enjoyment of the chip.

B. On Saturday one of the little girls on our soccer team told me that she ran so hard she was almost “self-conscious”. I totally understood what she was saying because I also suffer from feeling self-conscious when I run. However, she then went on to tell me she was so tired that she thought she might pass out and lose self-consciousness. That’s when I realized she was trying to tell me she might become unconscious.

I liked it better the first way.

C. My friend, Ross King, has a new CD out for kids called “Words That Rhyme With Orange”. Ross is such a great songwriter and I have fallen in love with the CD and so has Caroline. You can hear some clips from it on his website and you can click over here for a chance to win one for yourself. I’m giving away three copies.

D. I so appreciate that so many of you want me to try the neti pot, but it’s never going to happen. I bought one about a year ago and the whole process just freaked me out. It was worse than eating water chestnuts.

I prefer to get through my cold/sinus issues with a little method I like to call complaining loudly.

E. Is it wrong that I totally covet Casey James’ hair?

F. I packed Caroline’s lunch yesterday and she came home from school with her entire sandwich still intact. I asked her what happened and she said there was “a change of plans” and she bought a corn dog instead. So I explained that we can check the school menu every morning and decide before I slave over a ham sandwich if she’d rather buy her lunch.

She told me that wouldn’t work because she needs to smell the cafeteria food before she can make her final decision.

I’d like to be annoyed but she totally gets that from me.

And that’s all I have for today.

Goodbye and thank you.

Hello.

How was your Mother’s Day?

Mine was great. I decided to celebrate by coming down with a case of the plague and taking enough cold medicine to kill a horse. Or at least enough to help a horse breath comfortably through the night. Unfortunately all it did for me was to clear one half of my nose and cause my heart to feel like it was going to beat out my chest. And then I came crashing down from my Sudafed high around 1:00 p.m. yesterday and passed out for the bulk of the afternoon. Which was kind of like a vacation but with severe pain in my sinus cavity.

The best part of my Mother’s Day celebration was Friday. (Oh, sweet Friday, when I was still able to breathe like a normal human being and didn’t feel like aliens had invaded my skull) Caroline’s teacher arranged for the class to host a Mother’s Day tea party and it was about the sweetest thing I’ve ever attended. The kids escorted us into the classroom where we were treated to an array of handmade gifts, a photo slideshow, and a song. I seriously cried about three times before it was all over.

And you’ll be glad to know that Caroline didn’t wear her swimsuit coverup and instead chose a lovely pink sundress. I’ll spare you all the theatrics that went into the final decision, but will share that at one point she sighed and said, “I wish I had prettier clothes”. Which is kind of an ironic statement coming from someone who wants to wear cut off jean shorts every single day of the week in spite of a closet full of cute outfits. I don’t know that you have any credibility on what constitutes “cute” when your favorite t-shirt is from a dance camp you attended a year ago and says “GIRL POWER” on the front.

The Cheetah Girls had a soccer game on Saturday morning. We played the best game we’ve played all season and the girls managed to play hard the whole time even though they didn’t have any fruit for a halftime snack which almost led to a mutiny. If they worried as much about scoring goals as they do about eating three pieces of pineapple at halftime, we’d be undefeated.

By the time we got home on Saturday I was well on my way to getting sick. I knew I felt slightly feverish in the car on the way home, but was in denial because I didn’t want to be sick. The springtime cold just feels wrong. Colds are for the winter when you can curl up in bed and know you’re not missing anything. A cold in the springtime just feels like a fraud, especially because everyone wants to tell you it’s probably just allergies. IT’S NOT ALLERGIES.

On Saturday afternoon, Caroline was invited to go to the bat cave with some friends. And as much as I wish that meant she went to the home of Batman and Robin, it just means that she went to a cave outside of town where people go to watch millions of bats fly out at dusk. Apparently there are people who want to see this kind of thing and my daughter is one of them. I prefer to see bats more like NEVER.

So I was in my pajamas by 4:00 Saturday afternoon and my daughter was out on the town viewing bats and eating dinner until around 9:30. I’m not sure what has happened to my life.

I didn’t make it to church on Sunday because I felt terrible and Caroline decided she’d stay home and take care of me since it was Mother’s Day. She offered to bring me breakfast in bed, but she couldn’t get the box of cereal open so she asked me if I’d open the box and go ahead a fix her a bowl of cereal while I was in there. But she did create a little scavenger hunt for me to find the Mother’s Day card she made for me and it was really sweet.

Late Sunday afternoon I felt a little bit better so we ventured out to treat ourselves to a little ice cream.

And then I took some more Sudafed.

And that was our day.

Oh, except for this. After I put Caroline to bed, I came out into the living room and P was watching Black Hawk Down which he’s only seen about sixty-four other times. There is nothing he likes more than to point out actors and try to make me guess what other movies they’ve been in and at least half the time he doesn’t even know the answer. He just wants to drive me crazy until I cave and look it up online.

He’s asking me about all these different characters and I’m doing my best to figure out the answer and then he points out one guy and asks, “Who is he? He’s that guy that was really popular a few years ago.”

“I don’t know. They all have shaved heads and look alike to me.”

“No. You know who he is! All the high school girls thought he was cute.”

“I have no idea.”

“Yes you do. He played that elf in Gone with the Wind or whatever it was called.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about and saying ‘elf’ and ‘Gone with the Wind’ in the same sentence is blasphemy. Do you mean Lord of the Rings?”

“Yes. Lord of the Rings.”

The fact that I even knew where he was trying to go is a testament of what happens after almost thirteen years of marriage.

“It’s Orlando Bloom.”

“Yes. Orlando Bloom. Why was that so hard?”

I can’t imagine.

This is one of those times where I keep clicking over here in the hopes that some words have magically appeared on the page. But, alas, the cursor and all the white space continue to mock me. For some reason my tried and true writing method of checking Twitter six times, playing five rounds of Pathwords, and searching the internet for anything that happens to pop in my head isn’t working for me.

But you may be interested to know that in the last several hours I’ve learned that Texas Governor, Rick Perry, shot a coyote while on a morning jog. I’ve also fallen in love with this surfside kurta from Athleta and become completely conflicted about which pair of Havaiana flip-flops I’d like to own.

Seriously. How am I supposed to choose? It’s ridiculous.

I’ve discovered that Sandra Bullock has adopted a baby boy from New Orleans, Siobhan got voted off American Idol, and read several different television recap blogs because I can’t remember if anyone ever found the body of that parole officer that Dana Walsh stuffed in the vent at CTU and I’m worried sick about it.

In other words, I have wasted two hours of my life.

But, frankly, I kind of needed the down time. Caroline and I both woke up yesterday morning with what can only be described as a Sea World hangover. Her eyes were slightly red and glazed over and mine were so swollen that I couldn’t even curl my eyelashes to try to make them look better. Of course maybe it was the resurgence of pollen rather than the Sea World trip that got us, but I’m tired of talking about allergies and would rather blame Shamu.

I got her off to school and then I came home to get ready for Bible study while I self-medicated with copious amounts of caffeine. My eyes and I finally made it to the church even though we were fifteen minutes late. It was our last meeting of the season and we ended with a lovely brunch and an egg casserole made with fontina cheese that changed the way I will view egg casseroles forevermore. Delicious.

After I left, I ran by Target to pick up a few things and then stopped by the mall in search of a few cute t-shirts to wear this summer. I found nothing. Well, nothing except a large Diet Coke and an M&M chocolate chip cookie at the Great American Cookie Company.

Then, for reasons I will never understand, I decided I should try on a few swimsuits. After eating an egg casserole made with fontina cheese and an M&M chocolate chip cookie. And experiencing some PMS. Nothing like mixing up a little cocktail of insecurity and hormones.

I pulled several different options off the rack (no pun intended) and headed to the dressing room to let the horror and sadness commence. The first one I tried on almost made me swear off swimwear forever. Picture a swimsuit that makes everything look better and accentuates your best features and then picture the opposite of that. I sobbed quietly in the dressing room and vowed to recommit myself to the 30-Day Shred starting this Monday.

Or the next Monday.

But I made myself try on the rest of them because I have to have a new swimsuit for the summer. We go to the pool almost every day. It’s not an option. And I didn’t buy a new suit last summer so I really need one this year.

(Actually I just remembered that I did buy a new suit last year but ended up having severe buyer’s remorse and hardly wore it all. So it doesn’t count.)

(P, if you’re wondering, it only cost $15.00. It’s all good.)

Finally I put on one that didn’t make me want to hurl. It was a lovely shade of turquoise (unlike my kitchen), had a top that was flattering and supportive, and offered two different options for the bottoms. Therein lay my dilemma. One was more of a traditional bottom with a ruffle and the other was more like a fitted swim skirt with ruching. I was a little concerned that either one of them might make me look like Vienna from The Bachelor, not to be confused with Vienna from the sausage. Although that was also a possibility.

But I had to make a decision because they only had one pair of bottoms left in my size. So I did the only thing that could be done in such a desperate time and called Gulley to see if I could text photos of myself in each swimsuit option and get her honest opinion. It wasn’t as good as having her there in person, but it would have to do.

I cannot even express how many times I checked and double-checked to make sure she was the only person I was texting those pictures to. Can you even imagine the horror of inadvertently sending a photo of yourself in a swimsuit to the wrong person? I have no idea how many various friends and acquaintances’ numbers I have stored in my cell phone, but I can say with all certainty that 99.9% of them don’t need to receive a picture of me in a florescent lit dressing room wearing a swimsuit.

Gulley helped me decide on the more traditional bottom. In the end, we felt like it was the right choice.

No pun intended.

I know I said this was going to be a week of schmaltz and sentiment, not to be confused with a week of posts dedicated to rendered goose fat, but I may have overstated it. Or maybe I purged my soul of all sap and sentiment yesterday. Or maybe I’m just tired.

And that is why I probably need to get in bed. Because tomorrow (which will be today by the time you read this) I’m going on a field trip to Sea World with about 100 first graders. May God have mercy on my soul.

However, here are a few quick things I’ll share before I go into a deep meditative state to mentally prepare myself for the field trip experience.

1. I think Gulley’s shirt from yesterday’s post came from Old Navy. Or maybe it was Gap.

2. You have been so faithful to listen as I poured out my heart about all my issues with chicken and bemoaned the absence of Tyson roasted chicken breasts at HEB. Which is why you will understand the sheer joy I felt when I discovered Tyson diced chicken breasts in the frozen food section yesterday. It’s already cut up and everything.

It’s a poultry miracle.

3. Speaking of food, I’m in desperate need of some type of summertime dessert that will help me not feel deprived but is good enough to make me put down the chocolate chip cookies. In other words, I need something quick, easy and low in calories that won’t make me feel like I’m eating chocolate-flavored cardboard.

4. Someone asked in the comments yesterday why I needed to roll AJ’s hair if all I was going to do was put it back in a messy bun. Even messy buns need texture and body. They are supposed to appear effortless and all look at me I just threw my hair back in this semi-artful configuration on my way at the door, but it takes some work and some hot rollers to really make the magic happen.

5. Don’t forget to visit the Tropicana Juicy Rewards page and enter for a chance to win a $50 gift card from BlogHer. And you read my last post for the GoodNites Bedtime theater campaign right here.

6. Yes, I realize this is a lame post. But I have to focus on thoughts of sufficient sunscreen, comfortable shoes and refraining from throwing any bratty first graders in with the penguins.

I hope your day is filled with all good things.

If there ever comes a day when you hear rumors that I’ve ended up in some sort of institution, there’s a good chance it will be directly linked to helping Caroline learn her spelling words for the week. I try, I TRY, to be so patient and understanding but when she starts in with the deep sighs and the “I KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT” yet continues to write “allreade” instead of “already” and insist that’s the way it’s supposed to be spelled? Let’s just say that I have to channel Frank Costanza and start telling myself “Serenity now, serenity now, SERENITY NOW”.

So I’m just going to do a quick rundown of a few things because I need to take a nerve pill and curl up in the fetal position.

1. Yesterday I made homemade salsa in the blender and was just about to pour it into the container when I accidentally hit the power button again. I’m sad to report that the lid was not on the blender at the time. Honestly, as I surveyed the salsa carnage, I thought it might be easier to just burn the whole kitchen to the ground and start over rather than attempt to clean it up.

And while we’re talking about my kitchen, it’s still not turquoise.

2. On Tuesday I burned my thumb while I was putting hot rollers in my hair. I’m not sure how I made such a rookie mistake considering I’ve hot rolled my hair at least three times a week for the last thirty years (with the exception of a few years in the late 80’s when I just rocked the spiral perm) but I think it was because I was experimenting with a new roller method where I roll the crown of my hair under and then use a curling iron on the bottom layers.

Anyway, I tweeted about my burn because I needed to share my pain and someone named Jenny tweeted back and said that I should put toothpaste on it and cover it with a band-aid for a few hours. I figured I had nothing to lose because it had to work as well as what I was currently using to try to ease the pain, which was a mixture of sticking ice on it, cursing the day hot rollers were created, and complaining about the pain to anyone who would listen.

And y’all. It totally worked. The blister went away and my thumb will live to see another day.

3. A few of you asked how I make my choffee. It’s a seriously complicated recipe that involves making half a cup of hot chocolate with Ghiradelli’s Double Chocolate hot chocolate mix with milk and then pouring it into a half cup of coffee. It’s usually just my winter time drink, but for some reason it has made the transition into spring with me this year.

4. I was going to save this for a future Fashion Friday, but I’m doing a whole thing on cover-ups and beach accessories tomorrow and I cannot wait another week to show you what I found.

Ollipop rings.

I’m in love with all of them, but I think that one is my favorite.

5. It seems like I had something else to tell you or another question I was going to answer, but I’m drawing a total blank. I guess it’s allreade time for me to call it a day.

But if you think of something I forgot to mention, feel free to leave it in the comments and I’ll add it to this list before the day is over.