Just for fun

  • Because I know y’all enjoy the silliness

    This may become a new feature at Big Mama where I just randomly list whatever number of various things are currently on my mind. It will be like Thursday 13 except not. I could design a cute little graphic for it and call it Saturday 7 or Wednesday 4, except I have limited computer skills and don’t know how to create graphics. So here you go.

    1. P is still sleeping in his goggles that he’s been wearing since his Lasik. They are almost as big as the glasses he wore when we started dating.

    2. Caroline was wearing her new black boots with her Elmo underwear the other night and I told her they looked really good especially with the Elmo underwear and she said “Yes, especially since I just tee-teed in them.”

    3. While at my meetings this week, I discovered another problem with fall fashion. I saw a woman wearing skinny black pants with flats. Is she super trendy or has she been wearing that for the last 15 years and now it’s finally back in style? By the way, I won’t be purchasing any black skinny pants. I paid $44.00 for them back in 1991 and will NOT be giving Gap any more of my money to repeat this trend just because they put Audrey Hepburn on their commercials to try to convince us it’s okay. It’s not.

    4. P said that Caroline told someone “Adios” yesterday and then last night she counted to five in Spanish. She hasn’t learned that from me, so hats off to Dora the Explorer and her adventure loving cousin Diego.

    5. Grey’s Anatomy (and I can’t overstate this) was the best hour of T.V. this week beyond a shadow of a doubt, although Emmitt Smith and his smooth moves on Dancing with the Stars was a close second.

    6. Reason #4598 that I love my friends. After reading my post on Amy Grant, Gulley surprised me with this.

    It is great. If you have ever loved Amy Grant, I highly recommend it. Thanks Gulley for many things, but this was so sweet.

    7. Two weeks into Caroline’s school year, we already had homework. She came home with this in her backpack.

    It came with instructions attached that explained that “together” she and I were supposed to make it look like her and to reflect her interests. Seriously. Her teachers apparently completely underestimated that she might have a mother with a little bit of OCD who may or may not start to twitch a little bit when glue gets everywhere. I made the dress, the hair and the shoes, but I did let her put the red glitter on the shoes and glue on the hair and the eyes. She also told me what she wanted her person to wear, so that’s the outfit we (I) made. Here she is.

    Since it had to reflect not only her sense of style, but also her interests, notice that she is holding a bug in one hand and a piece of candy in the other. Hello, I am a mother who feeds my child a steady diet of candy while letting her play with bugs that may or may not be poisonous. Do y’all think they’re still going to let me help with the Halloween party? Debatable.

  • If only I could think of 6 more things

    I have so many things running through my head today and rather than trying to make them all flow together, I’m taking the easy (lazy) way out and just throwing them at y’all.

    1. Y’all, Emmitt Smith can dance. He might dance as well as he plays football. If y’all aren’t watching Dancing with the Stars, it is worth it just to watch Emmitt. I may have a small crush on him.

    2. I ran to the grocery store yesterday to pick up a few necessities and this is what I found when I was unpacking my bags.


    Can you say PMS? Is there even a food group represented here?

    3. Reason #8456 that I love my friends. I got this in the mail from my friend Hite yesterday.

    If y’all can’t see what it is, it’s instructions for a Brother brand label maker. In college, our friend Jen had a Brother word processor that we thought was the greatest technological invention ever for writing papers since apparently we were all too lazy to get to the computer lab and learn how to use this new technology called a COMPUTER. We were always calling Jen asking if she could bring her Brother over. “Hey Jen, what’s your Brother doing tonight?” I don’t know what makes this funnier, the fact that Hite remembers the days of the Brother or that he bought a label maker. Either way, I love him for taking the time to put this in the mail.

    4. Last night I asked Caroline is she needed to tee-tee and she said she already had. Only problem was that I hadn’t seen her go in the bathroom. I asked if she tee-teed in her pants and she said yes. I asked “Did you really?” And she looked right at me like I might be a little slow and said “I really, really did.”

    5. This morning I put a load of P’s laundry in the dryer and it was clanking around so loud. I kept thinking man his laundry is loud but never considered there might be something else in there. Later I discovered that I had dried a huge piece of plastic that broke off of the inside of our new washing machine. How do you not investigate a sound that is as loud as a huge piece of plastic banging around in your dryer? I honestly don’t have the answer.

    6. What makes the fashion designers at Baby Gap think that moms of toddlers are looking for that perfect blazer or sweater vest for their little one to wear to a playdate? Do they sit and look at their sketch pads and imagine little mini-executives on the playground exchanging business cards and entering information into mini Blackberrys that they whip out of their blazer pockets?

    7. Last night during dinner which was Mexican takeout and eaten in front of the T.V., P and I actually watched a documentary on the making of various shovels. You would think I’d be embarrassed that we reached that level of boredom and we actually chose to watch it instead of having you know, meaningful conversation. Apparently not.

    I seriously considered coming up with 6 more things to turn this into a Thursday 13, but just didn’t have it in me. So, here it is…my Thursday 7. I’ve reached a whole new level of below average.

  • Funny, funny stuff

    Last night P and I went with a group of friends to see Brian Regan. I can’t remember the last time I have laughed that hard. I honestly had tears streaming down my face at one point. And y’all nothing says funny like crying because you’re laughing so hard.

    I found a clip on youtube, so I’m attaching the link because apparently I am not computer savvy enough to get the video to actually show up here. Enjoy!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoIfvC1ZKVY

  • If you’re looking for Grey’s Anatomy, it’s on Channel 13

    I don’t know if y’all remember, but a few weeks ago I had AT&T come out to see about getting new television service that included 2 DVRs. They initially told me that the only way it would work would be if they ran a cable down the side of my house, so I politely sent them on their way. The conversation actually went like this, I said, “Do you mean to tell me that if I want this service I’ll have a white cable running down the side of my house?” and AT&T guy said, “Oh no ma’am, it will be a black cable”. Well, why didn’t he say so in the first place? A black cable is a COMPLETELY different story.

    AT&T guy left and I was totally despondent about losing 2 DVRs before I ever even had them. So, when P. got home I told him what had happened and he had a brilliant solution to ensure that we could in fact get our Dish Network and maintain the charm of our home. His problem solving skills are just one of many reasons that I keep him around. We called AT&T back and rescheduled. I am happy to report that we are now indeed the proud owners of 2 DVRs and satellite service.

    However, one thing I overlooked is that when you change providers for your television service, you have all new channels. I have no idea where any channel is anymore, except for Noggin because it’s a necessity. I’ve never been one to remember that a show is on CBS or ABC, it’s just on Channel 5 or Channel 13.

    So my new confusion brings Nena to mind because she will call you and say “Turn it to Channel 25. They are showing a movie about that cheerleading mom that tried to kill somebody. Isn’t that terrible? Why would someone do that? This is just awful, I can hardly watch. Turn it to Channel 25.”

    It has never occurred to her that your Channel 25 is different from her Channel 25 and if you ask her what network she couldn’t even begin to tell you (although with Nena it’s always a safe bet to assume she’s watching Lifetime). And now I find out that I’m not that different. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

    The fortunate thing is the timing of this situation. I have about 2-3 weeks to familiarize myself with my new T.V. channels before all the new shows start and once they start, my friends, I will have TWO DVRs to record them. It’s a multitude of riches.

  • A rose by any other name is just as sweet

    Barb over at A Chelsea Morning is asking how people came up with the name of their blog. So here is my explanation.

    I started this blog back in July and when blogger asked for a name I sat and thought, and thought, and then thought some more. The name that kept coming to mind was Big Mama and I kept thinking, do I really want to be known as Big Mama? And obviously Motherhood has worn me down because the answer was yes.

    With each milestone that Caroline achieves we tell her what a big girl she is, so at some point she picked up that being “big” must be the highest compliment one can receive. So she started calling me “Big Mama”. As in “Come on Big Mama”, “What’s for dinner, Big Mama?”, “Tank you, Big Mama” and it cracked me up every time because here’s a little secret…I’m really not big.

    The other part of the story is that my Pa-Pa always called me “Big M.”. When I’d walk in the house, the first thing out of his mouth was always a loud “Big M.!” so I have been called “Big” by two people that I dearly love. I like to think that Caroline is carrying on a family tradition and I will honor it by letting myself be known as Big Mama…and did I mention that I’m really not big?

  • Lifestyles of the rich and famous

    I haven’t told y’all yet about my celebrity sighting this summer. Let me just say that prior to this summer, I have had two other celebrity encounters that proved that when faced with celebrity I choose to either ignore them or make a fool out of myself. Really, there’s no middle ground.

    My first celeb encounter was about 15 years ago in Omaha, Nebraska at a Red Carpet Inn. It was 2 a.m. and we had just arrived after a 14 hour drive through literally nothing (they aren’t kidding about the Kansas plains) for the College World Series. Big Roy, who is Gulley’s stepdad, had driven 7 college girls all the way to Nebraska to watch the Aggies play. He and I got in the elevator with the last of our luggage when I looked up and realized that Steven Tyler of Aerosmith was on the elevator with us. He was wearing a dog collar and purple velvet zebra pants. Big Roy had no idea who he was and I completely ignored him. One of my lifelong regrets will be that I didn’t sing at least one line of Love in an Elevator.

    My next encounter was walking out of a neighborhood restaurant and seeing Tommy Lee Jones. Because I am so astute, my first thought was that he looked familiar. P. is in youth ministry so we know a lot of parents and I thought he was somebody’s dad. So I say really loud and friendly, “Hey, how’re you doing?” and he…well, he completely ignored me. Two seconds later it dawned on me that he might have looked familiar because well, he’s Tommy Lee Jones. I’ve only seen Lonesome Dove and Coalminer’s Daughter each about 40 times.

    So, that brings me to this summer. Gulley and I were at the pool with the kids who were jumping off the diving board. She starts to head back to the baby pool with her boys and then all of a sudden I see her walking quickly back towards me with purpose. She says in a loud whisper, “I think Charlie Robison is here with his little boy. Go look.” Being the good mom that I am, I make Caroline quit jumping off the board so I can go verify that Charlie is indeed at the pool. No doubt about it, it’s Charlie.

    Now, some of you are probably thinking who is Charlie Robison? Well, he’s a Texas musician who makes great music but has never gained Nashville type fame, but to us he’s a genuine celebrity. Oh, and by the way, he is also the husband of Emily Robison, the Dixie Chick.

    I know that the Dixie Chicks have become controversial, but y’all I love their music. Cowboy Take Me Away will always be one of my favorites and Lullaby off their new C.D. is really one of the sweetest songs ever. Emily has always been my favorite because she seems so down to earth, we were pregnant at the same time, and I like to think that maybe she thought Natalie should have kept her mouth shut. This is my own personal fantasyland that I’m living in so I can make up whatever I want.

    Back to my story…I tell Gulley that yes, it is Charlie and we’re all excited wondering if we might see Emily at some point. P. shows up about that time and tells me that if I’m about to make a fool out of myself that maybe I need to leave. I assure him that I will be the picture of calm and cool.

    For the next week, Charlie walks into the pool with his little boy everyday wearing a big, straw cowboy hat and carrying a huge Nike gym bag. Then one day, it happened. Gulley and I were in the pool with the kids when I looked up and there she was…Emily. You’d have never known it was her because she looked like every other mom there in her black Gap coverup, visor and hair pulled up in a ponytail. But y’all we knew, because we had been eyeing Charlie all week long waiting to see if Emily was going to show.

    True confession, I had even gone on their website to see if she was on tour or at home.

    We didn’t say anything to her because I figured she’d be back again another day and we could strike up a conversation that would lead to lifelong friendship then. I imagined being featured with her in People as “here’s Dixie Chick Emily Robison with gal pal Big Mama”.

    Sadly, she is now on tour (y’all know I checked) and hasn’t been back, but Charlie is there every day. Gulley even introduced herself to him a few weeks ago. So if you are looking at your People magazine and see “Charlie Robison with gal pal Gulley”, y’all can say y’all know the whole story.