Just for fun

Here are a few questions running through my head right now:

Why did Casey James choose Power of Love out of every other number one song that’s ever existed?

What was up with all the trombones and assorted horned instruments for that matter?

Why did I have to take Calculus in college when I knew I’d never use it again?

How do you determine that your dog knows Calculus? And who has that much time on their hands?

Why did I think it was a good idea to put white tile in my guest bathroom?

How do I balance using a moisturizer with Retinol to fight wrinkles with my need to use self-tanner on my face to combat all the whiteness? Doesn’t the Retinol just exfoliate the self-tanner right off?

At what point should I quit pulling my gray hairs and go for the color treatment?

Should I get my new $30 Joe’s Jeans hemmed to wear with flats or keep them long to wear with heels?

Are there any iPhone apps that I need to have yet don’t know about?

Why can’t Jill and Bethenny just work it out?

Why don’t more swimsuit designers use underwire when so many of us clearly need it?

Is there anyone out there who really wants to wear a booty bra?

And, most importantly, why is there a fake turkey in my backyard?

Thank you in advance for any answers you can provide to these very important questions.

Either we need to start coming up with more exciting activities for our weekends or I need to look into the possibility of writing fiction. Because our weekend involved the following activities in no particular order by popularity or frequency:

Eating
Sleeping
Catching up on Real Housewives of both the O.C. and N.Y.
Eating
Buying a shower gift at Pottery Barn
Going to a wedding shower
Eating
Sleeping
Eating
Going to church
Eating
Sleeping
Watching T.V.

Look. Don’t be jealous. I can’t help that this is the kind of excitement that rules my life.

At one point we had big plans to take the training wheels of Caroline’s bike, medicate ourselves, and attempt to teach her to ride without them. But when we came out of church on Sunday morning, it was raining. Actually, rain isn’t really the right word. It was more like that annoying light mist that I find to be totally non-committal, the kind that makes you feel silly for carrying an umbrella even though you know your freshly straightened hair will be shot all to heck without one.

A few weeks ago, I noticed that The Black Stallion was coming on and I recorded it for Caroline. I couldn’t remember the entire movie because it had been thirty years since I’d last seen it and I can’t even remember to buy more paper towels at the grocery store. When it’s written on a list. That I’m holding in my hands. Anyway, since it was a rainy day, we ended up watching it and she fell a little bit in love with it. In fact, there’s a scene where the little boy feeds The Black some sugar cubes which eventually led us to HEB to purchase some sugar cubes of our very own because she had no idea a thing of such pure goodness existed and wanted to experience it for herself.

She also wanted to ride a black Arabian horse across a beach at full speed. But you can’t buy that at HEB.

And not to beat a dead horse (I apologize.), but while we were in HEB we ran into a friend who was desperately looking for Jello brand sugar-free pudding and all he could find was the HEB brand. He may be one of the most frugal people I know, but he still wanted his brand name Jello and I don’t blame him. I may write a letter to HEB. And Bill Cosby.

I didn’t watch the Oscars from start to finish last night because I believe in the power of the DVR and its ability to fast forward through the awards for best lighting, but I watched the highlights. I think Cameron Diaz and Sandra Bullock get my vote for best dressed. In fact, Sandra Bullock’s hair makes me want to look into getting some type of high-shine treatment done. I don’t know if such a thing exists, but my word at the shiny, sleek hair. I want to go to there. Oh, and her speech where she thanked her mother? Did me in.

Speaking of things that did me in, was it just me or did the tribute to John Hughes make you a little bit teary? It was like watching my high school years flash before my eyes. I watched all those clips and thought how every one of those movies fall into the category of movies I will stop and watch every time they’re on T.V.

And then I started thinking of other movies I will stop and watch every time they’re on T.V. and came up with this list that is definitely not comprehensive, but rather an adequate representation of my taste in cinema. This may be the reason that I’ve never been asked to be a member of the Academy. Well, this list and the fact that no one in Hollywood has a clue that I exist.

1. The Philadelphia Story – the version with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant

2. Gone with the Wind

3. Rocky I, II, III, IV – I have no explanation, but it’s true.

4. Sweet Home Alabama

5. Coalminer’s Daughter – I can recite every line from memory.

6. Little Women – I believe I’ve mentioned this before.

7. Grease 1 and 2 – I should be ashamed to own up to 2, but Cool Rider redeems it.

8. Bridget Jones’ Diary – Colin Firth.

9. Best in Show – So many levels of genius in one movie.

10. Lonesome Dove – Technically it’s a miniseries, but it’s pure greatness. It’s the reason I have a large crush on Robert Duvall.

So what movies will you stop and watch every time they’re on? And whose dress did you like the best last night? And were you kind of happy that Avatar didn’t win? I’m sure it was a lovely movie, but I’m not a big fan of James Cameron or blue sci-fi people. Forgive me.

On a totally different note, you need to go read Shaun Groves’ post, The Parable of the Zebra.

I’m not sure why I’m so tired right now but I kind of think it might be the Olympics. All this sitting on the couch and watching the world-class athletes is EXHAUSTING. So today is just going to be a few pieces of information strung together with bullet points. Except I decided it’s too hard to format the bullet points so I’m going with numbers instead.

1. Several of you asked about the shirt I had on in the video. It’s a JWLA shirt that I bought last year and I couldn’t find the exact shirt online, although this one is kind of similar.

Except mine is bright orange.

And has elastic around the cuffs.

And has a drawstring thing at the top.

So really they aren’t that much alike, except they are the same brand.

Please note that I did not pay full price for mine, but found it deeply discounted at Nordstrom Rack where I swooped it into my arms and whispered terms of endearment to it all the way to the cash register.

2. Speaking of the video, a few of you commented on how patient I am with Caroline. And, yes, I try to be patient with her, but that was a three minute slice of our life.

The irony is that the rest of our evening didn’t go that smoothly and I actually felt guilty after I got her in bed because I’d been so impatient with all the bedtime stalling techniques. And I really can’t talk about yesterday morning when I was in a hurry to get us both dressed and out the door only for her to decide that her hair looked “weird” and could I please redo it. Then when I agreed to redo it, she proceeded to yell “OW, OW, OW! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS YANKING MY HAIR?” as I gently combed it out while biting my tongue so hard that it started to bleed.

God give me strength.

3. One of the aforementioned bedtime stalling techniques was another loose tooth. It really was very loose so P offered to help her pull it out, but she told him she was saving it for Tilt to pull at school the next day because “she is a professional”.

4. I thought I might be over American Idol. I mean, not really since what else would I watch on Tuesdays and Wednesdays after the Olympics are over? I just like to talk big. But I am a little excited about the talent this year.

My pick right now? Casey James.

5. I hope Jake doesn’t pick Vienna, but I’m afraid he’s going to since they shared that meaningful, challenging bungee jumping date together and anyone who’s married knows that life together won’t present any challenge more difficult than jumping off a bridge in tandem.

6. I love Shaun White. As a matter of fact, I love snowboarders in general. I would totally move to Colorado and become a professional snowboarder if I weren’t a thirty-eight year old wife and mother who doesn’t really like the cold and has no sense of balance.

7. I’ll be back tomorrow with Fashion Friday.

Late yesterday afternoon I decided I should probably take some pictures to serve as a visual aid for my pouf tutorial. I can say with all certainty that it was the poorest assortment of photos that have ever been taken and would have shown nothing other than what a horrible photographer I am.

For example:

I don’t even know what step I was attempting to photograph.

Honestly, I don’t even know that I have a clue what I’m doing or if my poufs will stand the test of time. They’ve only been up less than a week and could fall down at any moment. One good tug and I might have myself a drapery house of cards.

And I have to give one more shout out to The Nester who is the founder and inventor of window mistreatments. She has so many great, creative ways to mistreat windows that go way beyond what my limited decorative sensibilities can comprehend. Also, I was inspired by the pouf achieved by Katie at Harrington House. She made me aspire to heights of great poufiness after I saw her beautiful mistreatments. Lastly, I have to thank Holly for writing a great post full of links for great drapery tips.

Seriously, did I win an Academy Award or just make some cheap curtains? Maybe I should get over myself and my homemade draperies.

Anyway, after my poor attempt at documenting the process in photographs, I decided I was going to have to do a video tutorial even though I semi-swore to myself that I’d never do another one after the scarf-tying video. It’s just too painful to hear the way the camera makes me lisp combined with video evidence of how flat my hair looks by the end of the day. But because I love y’all, I recruited an amateur videographer to help me out.

Disclaimer: If you’ve never suffered from vertigo, you will after watching this video.

The Pouf from Big Mama on Vimeo.

A few things:

1. The camerawoman could not be cuter is spite of her tendency to interrupt and put in her two cents. She also doesn’t really get the concept of holding the camera steady or not getting your own feet in the video.

2. I don’t have a lisp in real life. It’s the camera. I promise.

3. However, my hair is that flat.

4. If the poor quality of the video isn’t enough to guarantee I’ll never be featured on HGTV, then the chip clip sealed my fate. Also, my Doritos are now stale.

5. I had to cut the video short due to uploading difficulties (most likely due to user error), so I’ll explain the final steps as best as I can. Continue to clip the fabric across the top, making sure you have all the folds in the ring clip (or chip clip) until you get to the other side. Then fold in the outer edge like you did at the beginning and clip it. Carefully, CAREFULLY, hang the rings on your curtain rod and then just gently pull out the folds of fabric to make the poufs. There is really no scientific method, just pouf and pull until it looks like you want it to look. It definitely works better if you have some fabric with a little bit of substance to it because the linen stuff I used in the video would have given me virtually no pouf at all since the fabric is so flimsy.

6. There is a very good chance that I have no idea what I’m doing. In fact, I’d say it’s 70-30 that there’s a better way to make a pouf, but my lack of knowledge has never really stopped me from sharing information.

7. If you really want to do this on a budget, then check out how cute The Nester made these draperies look without even using a curtain rod. Oh, and she also hot glues trim to her edges on occasion which looks beautiful but is beyond my skill level unless I decide to give myself second degree burns one afternoon.

8. I have nothing else to add. Carry on.