Seriously

  • I will sing a new song

    I’m tired. I had a long work week last week and nothing makes me feel more rundown than days of sitting through meeting after meeting. I don’t really talk about my job here and I won’t go into any detail because 1. it’s not that interesting and 2. if by chance someone who works with me were to stumble onto it, I don’t want to say anything incriminating. So I’m like Sydney Bristow, that part of my life will remain a mystery, we’ll just say I work at a bank.

    Anyway, there has been some behind the scenes drama at the bank over the last few weeks and I have chosen to take the high ground and keep my mouth shut. This is not easy for me because there is ALOT I’d like to say. My point is that with all the drama going on combined with having to spend three days with all the other bank employees, I am mentally exhausted.

    The whole thing is really like junior high school, but with better clothes.

    So in the midst of all this unrest at the bank, I have been spending some time in prayer trying to figure out how to handle everything. There seems to be a fine line between defending yourself and bringing someone down. I’ve needed a little guidance. And God, since He is faithful has made the truth known without me having to say anything.

    This morning as I was reading the Bible, I came to Psalm 40 and really the whole thing is amazing. David had far greater troubles than I will most likely ever face and a whole kingdom depending on him, but the incredible dependence he always placed in God never ceases to inspire me.

    I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
    He lifted me out of the slimy pit
    out of the mud and mire;
    he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
    He put a new song in my mouth
    a hymn of praise to our God.
    Do not withhold your mercy
    from me, O Lord;
    may your love and your truth
    always protect me.
    Psalm 40: 1-3,11
  • I will sing a new song

    I’m tired. I had a long work week last week and nothing makes me feel more rundown than days of sitting through meeting after meeting. I don’t really talk about my job here and I won’t go into any detail because 1. it’s not that interesting and 2. if by chance someone who works with me were to stumble onto it, I don’t want to say anything incriminating. So I’m like Sydney Bristow, that part of my life will remain a mystery, we’ll just say I work at a bank.

    Anyway, there has been some behind the scenes drama at the bank over the last few weeks and I have chosen to take the high ground and keep my mouth shut. This is not easy for me because there is ALOT I’d like to say. My point is that with all the drama going on combined with having to spend three days with all the other bank employees, I am mentally exhausted.

    The whole thing is really like junior high school, but with better clothes.

    So in the midst of all this unrest at the bank, I have been spending some time in prayer trying to figure out how to handle everything. There seems to be a fine line between defending yourself and bringing someone down. I’ve needed a little guidance. And God, since He is faithful has made the truth known without me having to say anything.

    This morning as I was reading the Bible, I came to Psalm 40 and really the whole thing is amazing. David had far greater troubles than I will most likely ever face and a whole kingdom depending on him, but the incredible dependence he always placed in God never ceases to inspire me.

    I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
    He lifted me out of the slimy pit
    out of the mud and mire;
    he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
    He put a new song in my mouth
    a hymn of praise to our God.
    Do not withhold your mercy
    from me, O Lord;
    may your love and your truth
    always protect me.
    Psalm 40: 1-3,11
  • All I have to be

    When I was 10, I went to a YMCA camp with a group of girlfriends. It was my first summer camp experience and I loved everything about it, except maybe the salamanders in the showers.

    My counselor was named Carla and I thought she was the greatest thing I had ever seen. She was so mature, pretty and grownup. Looking back, she couldn’t have been any older than 17, but to a 10 year old she was IT.

    Carla was a Christian and she played a song for us called Mountaintop by a singer I had never heard of named Amy Grant. I fell in love with her music immediately and for years she was pretty much the only Christian artist I listened to (well other than the occasional Petra song, but I’m not sure it stands the test of time as well).

    When I got home from camp, my mom bought me an Amy Grant casette tape. I can’t remember the exact name, but it was a live recording. I listened to it so much over the years that it completely warped. One song stood out to me more than any other. It was a song that Amy wrote when she was 16 and to this day when I am struggling with something in my life the words come back to me and envelop me like a familiar friend.

    When the weight of all my dreams is resting heavy on my head
    and the thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said
    but I’m still hurting wondering if I’ll ever be the one I think I am.
    Then you gently re-remind me that you made me from the first
    and the more I try to be the best, the more I get the worst
    and I realize the good in me is only there because of who You are.
    And all I ever have to be is what you’ve made me
    any more or less would be a step out of your plan
    as you daily recreate me help me always keep in mind
    that I only have to do what I can find
    and all I have to be
    all I ever have to be
    is what You’ve made me

    Are the words simple? Yes, but they resonate in my core. I get so busy trying to be or do what I think God wants me to be or do, that I forget to stop and ask Him. Sometimes, I just press on and press on and work so hard to be something or do something that ultimately I’m not cut out for. I’m just me, but He created me and knows better than anyone all of my strengths and weakenesses and has plans for me just the same. All I ever have to be is what He’s made me.

    “O Lord, you have searched me
    and you know me.”
    Psalm 139:1
  • Faith lifts

    A Group Blog for Christian Moms
    Sweet Barb over at A Chelsea Morning read a post I wrote last week and asked if she could submit it to a new site called Faith Lifts. Barb and several other women including Sarah at In the Midst of It are regular contributors, so I am truly honored to have something I’ve written posted along with the writings of some pretty incredible women.

    My post is up today. Go on over and check it out.

  • Five years later


    Shannon over at Rocks in My Dryer is asking everyone to remember 9/11 by talking about where we were on that day 5 years ago.

    The morning of September 11, 2001, started pretty much like all of my pre-child mornings started. I woke up probably a little after 8:00 (oh those were the days), started reading the newspaper, and had a little caffeine in the form of a Coke. Pre-child, I was never one to turn on the T.V. first thing in the morning because honestly, I don’t like to deal with all the cheerful people quite that early.

    A little after 9:00, I flipped on the T.V. to see what Kelly and Regis were up to and I suddenly became aware that the whole world had changed in an instant. I saw smoke and plane crashes and panic and incredible devastation. No one was cheery on this morning, everyone was stunned.

    P and I both work from home, so he was in the office. I called him in and said, “Have you seen this?”. We spent the next hours glued to the T.V. and when the towers fell, it literally took my breath away. Shocked, outraged, stunned. We immediately thought about one of P’s best friends from childhood who worked in the World Trade Center. As it turns out, he hadn’t gone to work that day but we didn’t know that until much later.

    P called one of his friends who had served in Special Forces and asked him his thoughts. Who did this? Will there be more? And the friend told us we might want to think about stocking up on some things like drinking water, canned goods, etc. because who knew what else would happen over the next few days. It was the first time we felt vulnerable living in the United States.

    I remember that Gulley was about 5 months pregnant at the time and was supposed to catch a flight to Illinois that morning, but realized that no one was going to be flying anywhere. All of sudden the thought of bringing a new baby into the world began to look a little different. What kind of a world are we living in now? Are we safe?

    Five years later the events of that day are still surreal. The United States of America was under attack on our own soil. We never saw it coming.

    The days that followed were so sad, but yet hopeful. There was a unity among Americans, a return to patriotism. It was like for a moment the nation turned its eyes back to God and the original ideals of our founding fathers, but sadly it was short lived.

    We find ourselves today as a nation divided. I think somewhere along the way, people forgot what the fight is for. President Bush said from the beginning that this would be a long battle because it’s a different kind of enemy. Terrorists aren’t contained in one country, look what happened in London a few weeks ago. They walk among us.

    Anyone who thinks this is an enemy that can be reasoned with or bargained with is a fool. These people want to destroy us for no other reason than we’re American. And make no mistake, if they had the capability, they would destroy us. Human life is of no value to them, not even their own life is of value. I think as Americans we can’t fully comprehend this level of evil.

    Are there things we could have done better? Sure, our leaders aren’t infallible. But 5 years later, they have kept us safe. They have foiled terrorist plots that we’ve heard about and probably others that never made the news. We must press on because this enemy isn’t going away.

    So to our soldiers fighting this war, our policemen and firemen and everyone else who stands in the gap for us I say thank you and yes, I remember. May God bless America.

  • In the stillness You are there

    As the mother of a three year old and as the wife of a man, I tend to be on the go quite a bit. From the time I wake up in the morning at a truly indecent hour until the time I go to bed at night, there is a lot of noise. As much as I love the sound of my daughter’s voice, I long for just a moment of silence.

    I love my family and friends more than I can ever express, but I am also a person who craves quiet like some people crave chocolate (I crave that too, by the way). Anyone who really knows me knows that I reach a point where I get “peopled out”. And as my little sister used to say “I need a piece of quiet”.

    When life starts to feel like a tug of war with everyone pulling me in different directions, the stillness helps me to regain my balance, figure out my thoughts on something, and most importantly hear the Voice that I need to hear the most to keep things in their proper perspective. If I am too busy or have too many external things going on, I quit hearing His voice and that’s usually when a meltdown will occur.

    So, today as I feel my frustration level starting to rise, I am reminding myself to carve out a piece of quiet for myself. For me, it’s the best thing I can do for my family and myself and if it means that Caroline has time to completely destroy her playroom, well then so be it. The quiet restores my soul and ultimately helps me be a more patient mother, wife and friend.

    The Lord your God is with you,
    he is mighty to save.
    He will take great delight in you
    he will quiet you with his love
    he will rejoice over you with singing.
    Zephaniah 3:17