Ummm yeah, I’m a little afraid that I may have oversold the two part miniseries. In fact, I had a mild panic attack when I realized that I had to write about our weekend. The pressure. My goodness, the pressure. It’s like I have to come up with something interesting and that is a lot of stress, people.
We arrived at the coast on Friday afternoon and the first thing we noticed was the big, yellow light coming from the sky. What is this orb of luminescence? I believe it is called “the sun” and it looked vaguely familiar, although we hadn’t actually seen it ourselves in weeks and weeks of rain, and rain, and even more rain.
We unloaded the car and we all immediately put on our swimsuits and sunscreen. Caroline was dying to go out on the kayak with P, so off they went. I mourned their departure and the silence for about half a second, but managed to comfort myself by lying in a lounge chair in the sun with my iPod and a good book.
After they returned from their kayak voyage, Caroline was ready to head to the beach. We grabbed the big push net so that we could catch lots of shrimp and baby crabs because, like most delicate little girls, there is nothing Caroline likes better than slimy creatures from the sea.
Oh, we also totally hung out with George Strait who has a house down there. Well, not so much hung out, as much as talked to some people who had gone by his house on their waverunner and totally thought they saw him standing out by his pool. But still, he was in a two mile vicinity so, technically, it’s like we all spent the weekend together. It’s really just a matter of time before I have several close friends in the country music industry.
Anyway, after playing at the beach for a few hours, we got in the car and headed back to the house. Caroline kept saying that her arms burned and I just thought it was the salt and sand. When we got home, I ran a bath for her and as I was getting her ready, I noticed her lifejacket had completely rubbed the inside of her arms until they were really red and chafed. They looked much better the next morning, but I didn’t want it to happen again, so I went to Walgreens and purchased about $50 worth of first aid paraphenalia to assuage my guilt at allowing a Barbie lifejacket to hurt my baby. That Barbie is such a tramp.
So, anytime she wanted to get in or near the water, I wrapped her upper arms in a highly scientific concoction of gauze, stretchy adhesive bandages and waterproof tape. Giving that little band-aid junkie bandages of this quality and magnitude was the equivalent of giving a shoe lover a pair of Manolo Blahniks. She was enthralled with this fine array of bandage magnificance. But, for me, it just brought back painful memories of the summers when my Daddy would take my sister and me to Schlitterbahn Water Park and he would wear sweatbands around his elbows and upper arms to avoid being chafed by the inner tubes. For an adolescent girl there is nothing as humbling as walking around a water park with your Dad while he’s wearing some sweet red, white and blue striped sweatbands around his arms. Well, except for maybe having your mom come pick you up from the roller skating rink and actually talking to your friends in the car on the way home. Parents are like, GAH, so embarrassing.
On Saturday, we swam, ate, kayaked, ate, and ate. Did I mention that we ate? I told P that I need to undergo some type of 12 step food detox program after this past weekend. Apparently, for me, being at the beach is synonymous with having some type of edible substance in my hand at all time. Without a well balanced breakfast of cinnamon rolls, pigs in a blanket, a Diet Coke, and 2 chocolate glazed donuts, how is a girl supposed to function in all that heat and humidity?
Late Saturday afternoon, P, Caroline, Stew and Dave, who is Cat’s husband, were all swimming in the canal (in the rain, by the way) when Dave cut his toe on what was most likely an oyster shell. But to hear him tell it, it was more likely an entire bed of rusty nails lying on the bottom of the ocean floor. Cat is about 10 weeks pregnant, so the sight of blood sent her heading for the hills, so her mama and I tended to Dave’s medical needs and possible toe amputation. I ran upstairs to grab my stash of $50 worth of first aid, more excited than I should admit to have an excuse to use it for something other than lifejacket arm chafing. Dave really wanted to go see a doctor, but we convinced him that having the equivalent of a boo-boo on your toe isn’t really worth risking your life in the Aransas Pass ER. Plus, I really wanted to use my gauze bandages and antiseptic spray.
The toe did look like it needed some glue to keep it closed, so Cat’s daddy headed to the Walgreens (which, by the way, made a mint off of us this weekend in first aid supplies alone) to buy some Liquid Bandage, while Dave laid down in our makeshift ER ward and asked for some Gatorade and a granola bar because his blood sugar was plummeting, due to the fact that he’d lost about a 1/4 teaspoonful of blood. Cat’s mama and I poured alcohol on the toe to sterilize it and also, just because it seemed like fun to see if he’d actually let us do it, and about that time, Cat’s daddy drove up and pulled Liquid Bandage out of the Walgreens bag and said, “The pharmacist said to try this, and if that doesn’t work, to try these.”
I’m not even lying when I tell y’all that he ended up with not only Liquid Bandage on his toe, but also Grumpy Bear. And don’t think Caroline didn’t need to get in on that Care Bear band-aid action. By the time the day was over, she had taken extensive medical histories of everyone present to assess if they might be in need of a little Wish-a-Lot Bear.
Later that night, after she was in bed, we watched “The Man from Snowy River”, which is one of the greatest movies ever. At one point, the main character’s father dies and the boy screams, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” and Stew said, “Wow. I wonder if he cut his toe on a oyster shell, too.”
Dave, we kid because we love. It’s all about the love. And here’s hoping that gangrene doesn’t set in.
Sunday, we swam a little more and Caroline discovered the joys of jumping off the top of the deck. Please note the stellar bandaging job on her arms.
Then, we packed up our stuff and headed home. Although we were sad to leave, there is always the silver lining of any road trip, which is this.
And this.
And, most of all, this.
And to end this spectacular tale, I’ll leave y’all with this picture. Look closely at what Caroline is doing and then look closely at the warning on the side of the bucket.
The votes have been tallied and I AM THE MOTHER OF THE YEAR.
The end.
