Other

Last Thursday night, P had a meeting and so Caroline and I went out to dinner with Mimi and Bops. They picked us up and on the way to dinner, Mimi said, “Did you see they’ve opened up a new health food restaurant down the street?” And I replied, “Yes, I’ve heard good things about it. I don’t know what all they have on the menu, but I heard they have good acai bowls. (I pronounced it with the “c” as an “s” sound) Or acai (pronounced with a “k” sound) or however you say it.”

Mimi and I agreed that neither of us really knew the correct pronunciation or whether or not we’d even like an acai bowl. We also determined that neither of us really knew how to pronounce “quinoa”. I said I used to think it was “qu-no-ah” until someone told me it was “ki-nwa”.

Whatever. You know how you pronounce “Oreo”? Just like it sounds. OREO.

Anyway, I was working on some writing projects that have imminent deadlines. And this is how that process goes for me:

1. Check email.

2. Open up Word document and see if 10,000 or so brilliant words have magically appeared overnight.

3. Check Twitter to see if everyone is still angry. The answer is yes. Back slowly away from Twitter.

4. Look at blinking cursor on Word document and wonder why I ever thought writing a book was a good idea.

5. Check Instagram because it’s happier than Twitter and there are lots of funny dog videos.

6. Decide to get serious and go back to Word document. Type 150 words that are all horrible and make no sense. Start a sentence with “From the dawn of time…”

7. Wonder how you actually pronounce “quinoa” and decide to google it.

So I googled “How do you pronounce quinoa?” And this youtube video popped up first, so I watched it.

Listen. I am a fairly intelligent, college-educated woman and I thought this was totally serious. I honestly thought for a minute, “Wow. That is very different and even harder to pronounce than I thought.”

Then I noticed another video below it that looks exactly the same, but is actually the legitimate pronunciation video site.

But what’s the fun in that? Can you even imagine the people who are learning English as a second language and stumble on to Pronunciation Manual instead of Pronunciation Book? I would like to meet them and have long conversations.

Needless to say, I spent more time than I care to admit here watching countless videos of various pronunciations according to Pronunciation Manual. And since the world seems so angry, I feel that I should share a few of my favorites because I think we can all agree this is mindlessly hilarious.

And this one may be my favorite.

Hope you have a great Thursday.

So I had a typical Monday. A lot of making lists and trying to get my week off to a productive start. Although I have to tell you that the only thing that got me out of bed on Monday morning was that I told myself I’d go right back to bed after I got Caroline off to school. I never actually do this, but it’s amazing how it soothes my psyche at 7:00 a.m. on a Monday.

P took Caroline to school and I didn’t realize that he’d made himself a toasted English muffin covered in peanut butter and left it sitting on the countertop while he drove her to school. Meanwhile, I grabbed some dirty clothes out of our laundry baskets and started some laundry and then loaded the dishwasher with all the breakfast dishes. But when P walked back in the house about ten minutes later, he said, “You threw away my English muffin!”

I would never throw away someone’s English muffin and replied, “I thought you took it with you!” And that’s when we both noticed Piper and Mabel lurking in the corner of the kitchen, looking guiltier than usual and profusely licking their lips. We can’t prove it was them, but generally English muffins don’t just disappear unless the Rapture happened and it believed in Jesus.

Anyway, instead of going back to bed, I drank a cup of coffee and worked on a few writing projects before I made a grocery list and a general to-do list. Then I went to work out at Smart Barre because I am currently trying to be the best version of myself. Afterwards, I needed to run to the mail store to mail off a few things and since the mail store is right across the street from Target, I was overjoyed when I realized everything on my grocery list could be purchased at Target.

But once I found myself in Target, I ended up going down forty-seven rabbit trails as you do when you find yourself in Target. I looked at a few shirts, decided to go ahead and get snacks for Caroline’s soccer game this weekend, and looked through the book section to see if anything looked interesting. Then P called and reminded me of a few more things we needed and I spied the Valentine’s aisle and was all “SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL!”.

All this to say that by the time I finally made my way to the checkout line it was after 2:30 and I hadn’t eaten lunch and I was starving. I decided I’d drive through Whataburger as soon as I left Target and grab a cheeseburger and a Diet Coke. I’d basically let myself get to this stage of hungry:

I found what appeared to be the shortest checkout line except the guy in line in front of me couldn’t get his microchip card to work in the reader. (I get that microchip cards are safe and secure and the wave of the future but – SERENITY NOW – because they never seem to work the same way twice.) Meanwhile, my stomach was basically eating itself. Then I realized that the cashier in the line I chose is one that I have on a regular basis. And this is where I need to tell you that she is very sweet and very good at her job.

But here’s the thing. Whenever I go to Target, I always buy these Dingo chew sticks for Piper and Mabel. And every time I have this cashier, she rings up those Dingo chew sticks and then says, “AWWW!! Do you have a dog at home? What kind?” I always smile and reply, “Yes, we have two dogs. They are Blue Lacys.”

The problem is this leads to a litany of questions. “What are Blue Lacys?”, “What do they look like?”, “What color are they?”, “Are they friendly?”, “Are they from the same litter?” “Do they get along?”, “Did they vote for Trump?”. And so on until she forgets that she’s supposed to be ringing up my purchases while we visit.

So when I realized it was this cashier, I prepared myself for the questions as she scanned the chew sticks and determined I was starving and not emotionally prepared for all the inevitable questions about Blue Lacys. Sure enough, she looked up at me and said, “AWWW! Do you have dogs? What kind are they?”

Listen. I am the worst person you know.

Because I looked right at her, thought about the most common breed of dog I know and replied, “Labs.” I lied about my dogs to the cashier at Target. Jesus is going to come back for a toasted English muffin covered in peanut butter and leave me behind.

In my defense, I was so hungry and just wanted to get to Whataburger and had truly crossed the line into HANGRY territory. I didn’t want to talk about my dogs. I just wanted to pay for my groceries and pack of ten plastic coat hangers and Valentine’s candy and be on my way.

However, my nefarious ways did not pay off because she proceeded to ask, “AW! What kind of Labs?”, “How old are your Labs?”, “How do you tell the difference between a Lab and a Golden Retriever?”, “Are they from the same litter?”, “Have you seen that movie about a Lab that plays basketball? Or was that a Golden Retriever?”, “What are their names?”

So what I’m telling you is that lying never pays off.

And I think Mabel sensed that I’d basically denied her at Target because when I got back home, she was looking at me like this.

Then later I saw that she’d written a haiku.

Lying is so wrong
Worse than eating a muffin
You make Jesus sad

That’s right, Mabel. I’ll never lie about having a Lab again.

Also, my Whataburger was delicious and I ate the whole thing in three bites.

Yep.

I looked at the calendar today and realized this is the last weekend for the foreseeable future when we have no real agenda. And I tend to enjoy it to the fullest. I may not get out of pajamas except for church on Sunday.

This is going to be quick because I have this week’s This Is Us waiting for me on the DVR.

Here are some cute things I found this week:

1. AG Stevie mid-rise ankle cords

Of all my jeans, AG are my favorites. They fit like a dream and never stretch out or get baggy like other jeans. These cords are on sale for $119.95 and come in gray, mauve, navy and holly green. They are a great basic for any closet and you can wear them with flats or boots or booties since they are ankle-length.

2. sirpo wrapped pullover

I ran in Anthropologie today because I had something to return and I saw this top. I’m having to accept that maybe it’s time to let go of all tunics, all the time and embrace other top styles. However, I refuse to tuck something in because NO SIR. This is a great solution and the color is so pretty. It’s great with jeans and boots now but could totally transition to white jeans and sandals later.

It also comes in black and it’s on sale.

3. knitted cowl neck sweater

I got this sweater from Military Hippie and it is so warm and soft. Plus, the gray color is gorgeous. It’s on sale for $59.95 plus you can get an extra 35% off if you share the link on one of your social media pages.

4. treasure and bond slouchy sweatshirt

I love the zipper detail at the waist and on the sleeves of this sweatshirt. It’s on sale for $41.40 and also comes in charcoal gray.

5. gap embroidered split neck blouse

How cute is this? Gap usually does so well with tops for Spring and Summer and this is no exception. This is just perfect with white jeans.

It’s on sale for $55.96 plus extra 25% off with code EXTRA at checkout.

6. old navy embroidered yoke dress

This is a perfect dress for warmer weather. I love it in the yellow because it’s so bright and cheery, but it also comes in black and white and navy and orange.

7. tretorn sneakers

Some times you just have to go back to the basics. This is a great simple sneaker to wear with everything from shorts to dresses to skirts to a great pair of joggers. Super cute and sporty.

8. thea ruffled peplum top

I saw this in Anthropologie too and really like it. It’s great on its own or under a sweater coat or jacket, plus it comes in several different colors. The peplum detail is cute without being too ruffly.

It’s super soft and on sale for $38.40.

9. bp bar pendant necklace

This is a favorite of mine and it’s just $18. It also comes in silver but is just a great simple accessory that adds a little pop to any outfit. Sometimes even a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans look cute when you add the right necklace.

10. henley utility tunic

I nearly featured this last week and then it stood out to me again this week. I love the style of this and I really like it in the blue. It would look great with black pants now and with white jeans later. It’s $49.50 plus 50% off with code NOEXCUSES.

That’s it for today.

Have a good Friday.

Here’s something we haven’t talked about.

In the past two weeks, I have found myself at two high school orientation meetings for Caroline. Some of you who have been reading here for a while are wondering, “Why do they have high school orientation meetings for a toddler?” And that’s a valid question. I’ve been wondering the same thing.

Where in the fresh state of all things has the time gone?

I don’t write much about Caroline these days, mainly because she can read and also because she probably doesn’t want her personal life broadcast (webcast?) on the internet. I really try to give her privacy other than just a general state of the union report of our weekends and things like that. But I have to say this whole going to high school thing feels totally surreal. I want time to slow down, but at the same time I am so excited for her and all that lies ahead. And I have to say that I am loving this stage of parenting much more than I did the toddler years. Those years are so sweet with their sticky fingers and pudgy little legs, but they are also exhausting, whereas these days it’s like we have another real person in the house with thoughts and insights and, most importantly, funny things to say.

Basically, sunrise and sunset and all that business. Life goes fast, man. And I just want to enjoy every single minute and for her to become all that God intends for her to be and I adore the woman she is becoming. And I also hope she will want to live next door to us when she’s an adult. That shouldn’t be too much to ask.

I am essentially waist deep in all my feelings about high school.

In other news from the week, I worked the concession stand at the junior high on Tuesday evening. It was a little cold and rainy outside and everyone wanted hot chocolate. This would have been totally fine except there were no spoons and a microwave that took three minutes to heat a cup of water. I apologized profusely as I handed people what was essentially a lukewarm cup with some chocolate powder floating on top, but they all seemed to think it was okay. Maybe they were just that cold. Or maybe they had appropriate expectations for what a junior high concession stand could provide in the way of hot chocolate. But I felt bad about it. And then I felt even worse when I realized about an hour into my shift that there was an electric carafe I could have used to heat all the water. Of course I still would have had to use the end of a Blow-Pop as a stir stick so maybe the hot water wouldn’t have made that much of a difference.

I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, but this has been my week.

And then yesterday I went to the grocery store for the first time in forever. I used Shipt to get groceries delivered while we had the flu, but I hadn’t made a big trip since before Christmas and we were out of everything. I made the terrible mistake of going right after I worked out at Smart Barre and I was starving. You know how they say not to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? They’re right.

I nearly bought some barbecue flavored banana chips. Can you even imagine? I can’t even think about it right now. But at the time I was so hungry that I briefly put them in my cart believing that might be a delicious combination of flavors. BARBECUE AND BANANA. Maybe I could serve them with a side of chicken and chocolate. Which makes me think of a time way back before Caroline was born when P and I used to take a group of high school kids on ski trips every Spring Break with Campus Life. We always stayed at the same resort and they always had a buffet for dinner. One night they had a chocolate peach cobbler for dessert.

Sounds awful, right?

But P always loves dessert so he put some on his plate and then took a bite and declared that it was delicious. And since I am an easily influenced follower, I tried a bite and it was, in fact, incredibly disgusting. It was absolutely as bad as you would imagine chocolate peach cobbler to be and P was totally kidding about it being delicious.

And this story has no point.

Except for maybe this.

Don’t ever eat chocolate peach cobbler.

I still remember the way it made my brain internally scream when it hit my tastebuds even though it happened before Caroline was born. It feels like I just tasted it a few days ago.

But I know it was at least fifteen years ago because Caroline is starting high school next year.

The end.

P.S. If you ever see me at HEB and I’m about to put barbecue banana chips in my cart, please stage an intervention right there in the aisles. Thank you in advance.

Here’s a question.

How many chocolate chip cookies are too many?

Because I’m pretty sure I have surpassed my limit for the day. Maybe starting my day with two of them wasn’t my best move. I didn’t really set myself up for success because the rest of the day I’d attempt to eat something healthier and then realize it didn’t taste nearly as good as a chocolate chip cookie so what’s the point?

But I’m sure tomorrow will be better. Especially because it’s the day I’ve designated as my “Return to Working Out On A Regular Basis” day. The Christmas holidays derailed me a little bit because I fell into a plate of toffee and couldn’t get up. And then I got the flu. And I felt like last week needed to be an additional week of recovery and rest. But now it’s the middle of January and I am out of both excuses and abdominal muscles.

We had a nice long weekend around here. P and Caroline went hunting Friday and Saturday. They didn’t end up getting anything but they had a good time. The flu kept them from hunting over the Christmas break so they were glad to get some time to go.

Maybe the problem was their lack of camouflage.

While they were gone I got caught up on T.V. shows and just generally enjoyed the quiet. I’m in the middle of what feels like seventy-four different projects so it was nice to have some down time before life gets as crazy as it will most likely be over the next several months.

Caroline and I went to see Hidden Figures yesterday and I can’t recommend it enough. The story was incredible and the movie made us laugh and cry at various points. And, most of all, it makes you so happy that the story of these women is finally being told. I came home and immediately googled them because I wanted to know more and found this article. And now I think I’ll have to read the book.

Oh, I also watched the new Masterpiece Theater show, Victoria, on Sunday night. So, basically, it’s like I acquired a doctorate in History over the weekend. I liked it (True story: I had to turn on the captions because apparently I have become my grandparents and couldn’t understand a lot of what they said. But it was also storming outside so maybe that was the problem and let’s hope so because next thing you know I’ll be at Luby’s at 4:30 every afternoon for “dinner”.) but I naturally googled Queen Victoria because I yearn for knowledge and discovered the show isn’t really factual at all.

This shouldn’t be a problem for me because it’s not like I really have high standards or really any standards at all when it comes to what I’ll watch on T.V., but now I just know I have to watch it from a pure entertainment standpoint and shouldn’t engage in dinner party conversations as an “expert” on the life and reign of Queen Victoria. Of course this would require me to actually attend a dinner party and I can’t really remember the last time that happened. Most social events I attend involve some sort of sporting event and chips and queso and I am rarely (never) asked about my knowledge of nineteenth century British royalty. Which, frankly, is a shame.

Here’s something I am asked about. (How’s that for a transition?) At least two or three people have asked where I’ll be speaking this Spring and so here are the events I have scheduled for the first part of Spring in case I’m anywhere near you. I’m not traveling as much as I have in the past, mainly because of the aforementioned seventy-four projects and my main career as Caroline’s chauffeur and chief lunch maker, but I am excited about the events I’m doing and would love to see you there.

January 26 – The Well at First United Methodist Church – Grapevine, TX from 7:00-9:00 pm. Tickets are $25, which includes meal and speaker. To purchase tickets and additional information available here.

February 10 – Ladies Night at Brazos Pointe Fellowship – Lake Jackson, TX. For more information and to register, click here.

February 23 – Samford University, Legacy League Scholarship Luncheon, Birmingham, Alabama. For more information or to register, click here.

March 24-25 – Church at Canyon Creek Women’s Retreat, Austin, TX. For more information or to register, click here.

Hope you all had a good long weekend! Best part? It’s already Tuesday.

Well. Reading all the responses to my last post has brought me great joy and I’ve never felt more like many of you are my people.

So it looks like if we ever want to plan a big get together it should be a Star Wars or Disney themed cruise where we dine exclusively on sushi, Chinese food, and beets and spend a lot of time entertaining other people’s children.

Or maybe not.

Here are some cute things I found this week:

1. french terry v-neck tunic sweater

I love a french terry sweatshirt because it’s the comfort of a sweatshirt, but feels a little more lightweight. This one comes in several colors and is 40% off with code WINTER.

2. fringed plaid button down dress

This is great because it could either be a dress or worn open as a long tunic. It’s on sale for $79.95 plus an additional 40% off with code TAGTIME at checkout.

3. cozy knot sweatshirt

I feel that the knot at the waist is about to make a comeback and I couldn’t be happier about it. I really like this because it’s so cute but so easy to throw on with jeans and a pair of tennis shoes. It’s 40% off with code WINTER.

4. gem line lariat necklace

I own this necklace and adore it. It comes in several color options and is on sale for $49.95 plus 40% off with code TAGTIME.

5. halima sweater

The color and the cut of this are great. So perfect to wear with jeans and boots. Or booties.

6. say you love me minidress

I have loved this for a long time because I think this blue color is just so vibrant and pretty. And now it’s on sale for $76.80.

7. loft striped textured tunic sweater

Loft has a bunch of stuff marked 40% off with no code needed. I really like this striped sweater because it’s so versatile.

8. lush split neck shift dress

This would be great paired with leggings and boots now and then by itself with sandals later on. It comes in several different colors.

9. ecote fringe open cardigan

Urban Outfitters has a huge sale going on now and this cute cardigan is just $39.99.

10. bdg stripe oversized pullover sweater

I actually bought this when it was on sale before Christmas and I adore it. The hot pink makes it cute to transition into Spring and will look so great with white jeans. But you can also wear it now with boots. And it’s on sale for just $19.99.

That’s it for today.

Have a good Friday.