Year: 2006

P has been the director of a high school ministry for the last twelve years. We started dating around the time he started working with this ministry. Some of my favorite memories of our dating years and early marriage are of times we spent with all of the kids we have had come through our ministry. It’s been a huge blessing in our lives and we’ve had the opportunity to become close to so many kids and in turn, their families.

There are some girls who I led Bible studies for that I have stayed close to over the years. We’ve kept in touch as they’ve gone off to college, made their way into the real world and for some of them, gotten married and had babies. It is a huge gift to get to see what they are doing with their lives.

One of these girls is A.J. The first time I met A.J. was on a ski trip during her sophomore year in high school. She was everything I am not, a rough and tumble tomboy who dislocated her elbow on the second day and still wanted to keep snowboarding. We bonded as I took her to the infirmary, which was my primary job as chaperone on the ski trip since I prefer to look at the mountains and not so much ski down them. She had spent summers doing Outward Bound programs and using leaves for toilet paper and I just did not get the appeal. But we shared a love of eating at Luby’s cafeteria and started going to dinner together once a week to get ourselves a Luann platter.

Over the course of that trip and the next 3 years of having her in my Bible study, I completely grew to adore A.J. and her family. They welcomed P and I into their home and lives with open arms. A.J. is the youngest of three girls and her family is just hysterical. They are the kind of family you sit with at the dinner table and just want to soak up all the love and laughter.

In fact, one of my favorite memories of them is sitting down to dinner with them and her mom looking around the table and saying very discreetly “FHB” and the girls just laughed. P and I were intrigued, what is FHB? Well, apparently it’s their code for “Family Hold Back” which means make sure you serve yourself a small portion and let the guests eat as much as they want. It cracked us up because we were sitting at a table overflowing with food.

A.J.’s dad is a surgeon and after we had Caroline, he made the comment that he had stitched up plenty of kids on his dining room table, so if she ever had an accident we should call him before we headed to the E.R. I filed that information away and then one day when Caroline was about 10 months hold, I was cutting fruit for her on her tray using a sharp knife (fabulous parenting skills) and she grabbed it and sliced her finger. I went into complete panic mode convinced that I had just severed her finger. I called A.J.’s mom to find out where her dad was because we had just cut Caroline’s finger (she later told me that I was so hysterical that what it sounded like I was saying was that we had been holding Caroline down and cutting her finger with a knife) and we probably needed stitches. Of course it didn’t help that P was telling me that there might be nerve damage.

She found her husband and he told us to come directly to his office. He looked at Caroline’s finger, sprayed some antiseptic on it and taped it closed with surgical tape. So much for severed fingers. He was so understanding and took his time looking at it like he was performing brain surgery and as a mama I was so grateful. We all left the office together as he went to perform gall bladder surgery on someone who was actually in need of a surgeon and not just a bandaid.

So, I tell y’all all of this so that you will understand that I have felt like I’ve been punched in the stomach. A.J. showed up at our door a few nights ago in complete tears and she isn’t a girl who cries at most things. She wasn’t even in the house before she said “We just found out this evening that my mom has pancreatic cancer. It’s already spread to her liver. There is nothing the doctors can do and she has 3 weeks to 6 months left.”

All of the air was sucked out of the room.

Words are completely inadequate.

We hugged, we cried, we prayed.

I can’t quit thinking about her family. Her mom was having some stomach pain for the last 2 or 3 weeks and the doctors did one last test just on a whim. That’s when they found the cancer. It blows my mind that you can spend 3 weeks hoping that you don’t have a stomach ulcer and instead find out that you may only have 3 weeks left to live. The doctors have told her there are no odds to beat because no one beats this.

I know that none of us are guaranteed another day. Life is fragile and it’s our job to do what God has for us to do while we’re here. I don’t know why some people get 98 years, some 56 years, some 9 years and some 2 months. It’s not in the realm of human understanding because this life on earth is all we really know and we hold on to it tightly even though in Psalms we read that “each man’s life is but a breath”.

A.J.’s mama knows that she’s going to Heaven and is a strong woman. She is surrounded by family and friends who love her dearly. In fact, A.J. told P last fall that she went hunting in a remote location with her dad and every night he’d use the satellite phone to call her mama. She asked him, “Daddy, why are you calling mom every night? It’s outrageously expensive”. And he looked at her and said “I just love her so much”.

If y’all feel led, any prayers would be much appreciated. Not only that God’s will would be done, but for the whole family. They are all hurting so much right now.

**edited to add that A.J’s mom passed away in April 2007. She fought the good fight.