Year: 2006

  • Not so fresh

    I am currently at a rare loss of words for no reason at all, other than the fact that I’ve had to take 168 tests for work over the last 72 hours. I could write about what I’ve been studying, but honestly, I am trying to entertain, not send y’all into a fetal position while you beg me to make the boring stop.

    So, first let me say that I love the comments y’all leave because where else could I discover that my love of Church’s Fried Chicken and Long John’s Silvers are shared by so many. I didn’t even mention the malt vinegar sauce in my post for fear of being ostracized, but y’all were so open that I can’t help but admit that yes, it is all about the crispies drowned in the malt vinegar sauce.

    And now, I’ll leave you with this.

    The other night, P was scrolling through all of our recorded programs on the DVR when he noticed that there were more than a few episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air recorded.

    He asked me, “Have you been recording the Fresh Prince?”

    I explained that I’ve been recording episodes of Designing Women on Nick at Nite, but because the timer is off, I miss the last few minutes of each episode. So, I have to record Fresh Prince to catch the end of Designing Women.

    P said, “Well thank God, I thought you had undergone a lobotomy and were actually making an effort to watch repeat episodes of Fresh Prince.”

  • C is for Christmas and Capitalism

    Late yesterday afternoon, we decided to go get our Christmas tree. We loaded up in P’s truck and then picked up Mimi and Bops so that they could get their tree at the same time.

    We purchase our tree every year from the same overpriced lot. I’m sure we could get a cheaper tree elsewhere, but there is just something about buying a tree from people who drive down from Michigan in an R.V. every year that seems so authentic and Christmasy to me.

    After careful evaluation I made a selection, and had P come evaluate to make sure that it was the right size and shape. This is a crucial step in our tree picking process due to the fact that the first year we moved in our house, I was giddy at the prospect of having a huge, tall tree since we have 9 foot ceilings. So, we bought a huge, tall tree that was so incredibly gigantic that it didn’t fit through our front door without much sawing of branches and profanity, and once we finally got it inside, we couldn’t close the front door because it took up all the available space in our living room.

    It was a tree better suited for oh, I don’t know…maybe Rockefeller Center.

    We loaded up our trees and headed to Mimi and Bops’ house to drop them and their tree off. Buying the tree had really put Bops in the Christmas spirit, so he tried to get us all in a festive mood by giving us a commentary on how ludicrous it is to spend over $100 on a dead tree.

    It was just like an Ingalls’ family old fashioned Christmas.

    So as Bops is discussing the financial aspects of tree buying, Caroline asks for the 147th time if today is Christmas. I tell her no and then decide to have a little reason for the season moment by asking, “Do you know why we celebrate Christmas?”

    She replied, “Yes, PRESENTS!”

    I’ll be working on that.

  • For lack of a more creative title…this is what I did Saturday

    On Saturday, Caroline and I were slightly bored and desperately needed to get out of the house, so because I am crazy I decided that a trip to Target was a good way to spend the afternoon. I had bought Caroline her own little Christmas tree and had been planning on taking her to pick out ornaments…it seemed like a really good idea at the time.

    I loaded up my little greasy, ranch dressing smelling child and we headed to Target. On the way there, she told me she didn’t like Target because she had to sit in a cart. I told her since this was a very special trip to pick out Christmas ornaments for her tree, she could walk next to me. In theory, it had all the makings of a lovely afternoon…ranch dressing smell aside.

    In yet another sign that she may have inherited her daddy’s taste, she picked out some of the biggest ornaments ever, including a red, feathered bird that is about half the size of her 3 foot tree. But since this was her trip, I only edited a few of her selections because who really needs a glittery ornament that says “Diva”? We headed home with the ornaments and put the tree up in her room.

    Of course, in my Hallmark moment delusions, I had forgotten a couple of key elements. The first being that I was dealing with a napless, opinionated three year old who smelled like a salad, and the second being that the trip to Target and enforcing the walking “beside” the cart and not running off into the throngs of shoppers had already worn me down.

    It basically ended with her telling me to just “leave MY tree alone” and me saying “Fine, but there is NO WAY that huge bird is going to be able to stay on the tree without knocking the whole thing over.”

    If only the video camera had captured this festive mother daughter moment.

    So after she finished hanging all of the ornaments on the same two branches of the tree and tangling the whole thing up in some garland, we headed over to Mimi and Bops’ house because she wanted to spend the night.

    I dropped her off and since P was gone, I found myself at a loss as to what to do with my sudden free time. And because I am a wild and spontaneous kind of girl prone to madcap adventures, I went and got a pedicure. Then, as if the pedicure wasn’t already complete madness, I drove to Church’s Fried Chicken to pick up some spicy chicken tenders for my dinner because I have never been one to shy away for fear of trans fats or chicken restaurants located in a bad part of town.

    I can say in all honesty that for a few minutes as I waited for my spicy tenders, I was more than a little afraid for my life, not because of the partially hydrogenated oil that I was about to consume, but because of the massive amount of seedy clientele that apparently choose to hang out at Church’s Chicken on a Saturday night. I thought how embarrassing it would be when people would say “Yeah, what a shame about Big Mama. If only she would have gone to Burger King like a normal person.”

    I also thought that if something happened, no one would ever think to look for me at Church’s Chicken, except for maybe P because he knows my fondness for greasy, fried meats. He even knows that I like Long John Silvers…and he loves me anyway. (and now that my love of Long John Silvers has been documented on the internet, there is really no end to what other embarrassing information I may divulge)

    Finally, my chicken was ready and I headed home. I propped up my freshly pedicured toes, ate my spicy tenders and caught up on every episode of Brothers and Sisters.

    And I loved every minute of it, but I can assure y’all that I had no desire to dip my chicken in any ranch dressing.

  • I prefer dressing on my salad

    Today I made Caroline a sandwich for lunch and she asked for some carrots and ranch dressing to go with it. Since I am all about getting a vegetable in her diet even if it’s covered in a little bit of fat, I added carrots and ranch dressing to her plate.

    I let her sit at the coffee table so that she could enjoy her lunch while watching Max and Ruby. By the way, where are Max and Ruby’s parents? If she were my big sister, I would tell her to quit all that bossing before I decide to boil her in a pot. And if y’all don’t know, Ruby is a rabbit so don’t get all freaked out. She’s just a rabbit. I’m not condoning the boiling of big brothers or sisters.

    Anyway, Caroline is eating her lunch and I get on the computer so that I could read yet another article about A&M beating t.u.

    After about 15 minutes, I go in there to get her ready for naptime and discover that she has marinated herself in ranch dressing. She has literally rubbed ranch dressing all over her arms and legs.

    So, I ask the first question that comes to mind, “Why? Why would you do that? Why would you rub ranch dressing all over yourself?” She looked right at me and said, “I didn’t do it Mama, my hands did.”

    And that is what we call the art of passing the buck.

  • It’s the Thanksgiving Miracle of 2006


    I realize the game ended three hours ago, but I have just this moment gained enough composure to actually post. Also, I watched the game at Gulley’s house and we have spent the afternoon saying “We won, we actually won.”

    It’s like when Sally Field won the Oscar for Best Actress. Complete disbelief and awe.

    So, with apologies to my Longhorn readers (Phyllis and Carol)…

    The Aggies beat the hell outta t.u.!!!! WHOOP!!

    My only regret is that I wasn’t there to see it. There are few things in life as sweet as beating t.u. on their home field and watching to see how fast they’ll turn off the scoreboard, as if that could take away what just happened.

    Last year was one of the worst years of college football I have ever experienced. As if it wasn’t bad enough that the Aggies were terrible, the horns won the National Championship. It was like salt in a wound.

    Today made me feel just a little bit better.

    And did y’all see that Coach Fran actually cried after the game? He’s probably so relieved that he won’t be putting his brand new house on the market after all. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but we’ll see where we go from here.

    Gig ’em!

  • Thanksgiving past and present

    In honor of Thanksgiving, I thought I would take a trip down memory lane to share some past Thanksgivings in the life of Big Mama.

    1. My childhood memories of Thanksgiving are vague. I think we were usually at my grandparents’ homes and that I longed for the day that I could graduate from the kids’ table to the adult table. Seeing as how my 22 year old cousin was still sitting at the kids’ table, I had longer to wait than I even realized.

    2. After my Nanny and Big Bob bought their lakehouse in Colmesneil,Texas, we spent most of our Thanksgivings there. I remember tons of food, lots of bustling around the kitchen to get everything ready and Big Bob raking huge piles of leaves in the yard that my sister and I would spend hours jumping in and scattering everywhere.

    3. I graduated from Texas A&M so Thanksgivings throughout my college years (all 5 of them) were spent at various locations depending on whether or not A&M and t.u. were playing at Kyle Field or in Austin. I loved when the game was at Kyle Field because we’d all go to Aggie Bonfire the night before the game and then eat Thanksgiving lunch at Nena’s house the day of the game while nursing “minor” hangovers from overindulgence of adult beverages the night before. This was back in the glory days of Aggie football when we knew without a doubt that we’d beat the hell outta t.u. that night.

    One of those Thanksgivings was the scene of the infamous episode in which Nena said that my current boyfriend was so good looking that if he asked her to run away with him, she’d say “Hold on, let me get my purse.”

    4. The years that the game was in Austin, my group of friends would get some sad hotel room that was probably more mo than ho. We’d stay out on 6th Street way too late and then the next morning, we’d head over to the RV where the Kilgore crew would be tailgating. Thanksgiving lunch consisted of a wide variety of foods including barbecue and chips and queso. We loved it. We’d sit around pregame and attach bolls of cotton to our large hoop earrings to signify that Yes Ma’am, we were going to the Cotton Bowl and the horns were not. Have I mentioned that it was a glorious time in Aggie football history?

    5. P and I had been dating for several months when he invited me to spend Thanksgiving with his family. His mama wrote me a nice note of invitation and I accepted. I knew for sure I wanted to marry him when instead of pumpkin pie, his mama served homemade chocolate ice box pudding for dessert. It was the best thing I’d ever tasted and I thought to myself that this family knows how to do things right. Sign me up.

    6. The first year P and I were married, we drove seven hours to the Lakehouse to spend the holiday with my family. It is a trip that will go down in our family history. It included events such as P buying an Elvis clock complete with swiveling hips at the local gas station where a cashier remarked that “Honey, if I had a dime for every piece of Elvis memorabilia at my house, I’d be a rich, rich woman” and Big Bob getting upset that someone had put out his burning pile of leaves and proceeding to drink too much vodka. Big Bob didn’t drink EVER, so you can imagine the effect the vodka had on him. He spent most of the day passed out in his recliner. Nanny was furious, but the memory cracks me up to this day.

    7. When Caroline was three months old we drove to Houston to spend Thanksgiving with Mimi and Bops (before they moved here, obviously). Since I was in the midst of incredible sleep deprivation, all I really remember is that I prayed Caroline would at least sleep while I ate lunch and she did. Also, my sister and her husband drove three hours and were right at the city limits when their transmission started to break. They turned around and drove back home thinking that they needed to be home to get their car fixed. They got up the next morning and decided it was worth the trip to drive all the way back in another car to spend Thanksgiving with us. We refer to it as the Thanksgiving Miracle of 2003.

    8. Last year, we had Thanksgiving lunch at Mimi and Bops’ house, who now live just a mile away. Caroline was in a terrible mood all morning, so I put her down for a nap while we ate. She woke up as we were finishing and didn’t want to eat anything. I carried her into the T.V. room and she laid on my chest, looked up at me and said “Mama, my mouth feels funny” and then threw up all over me. The fact that I didn’t immediately throw up after her is the Thanksgiving Miracle of 2005. She had a stomach virus, threw up for the next 8 hours and in the true spirit of giving gave it to P and me 2 days later. I have to be honest, I wasn’t that thankful.

    Seriously, I am so grateful for all of the friends and family I have spent this holiday with over the years. Each year has its own set of memories and that’s what life is all about. I’m thankful for P because plain and simple, my life would not be my life without him in it. I’m thankful for Caroline because she is the light that makes my life a little brighter. I’m thankful for my family and all that they mean to me. I’m thankful for Gulley who has been making me laugh for over seventeen years. Gulley, you have to tell me when you go off cheese.

    And most of all, I’m thankful for God. I’m thankful that He is the giver of all good gifts and He has blessed me with many.

    You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
    You are my God, and I will exalt you.
    Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.
    Psalm 118: 28-29
    Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all!