Year: 2006

  • Giving thanks for no more trips to H.E.B. this week

    It has been a long time since I have discussed the bane of my existence, also known as the Buddy Buck. If y’all weren’t reading my blog back then (and chances are good, since I had about 3 readers then compared to about 12 now), you can find past experiences with the Buddy Buck detailed here and here.

    The thing about having a child is that even though I am not cooking any part of Thanksgiving Dinner (except for Chocolate Ice Box pudding which is a requirement for P to enjoy the holiday) I still had to go to the grocery store today to get the essentials of our household such as chicken nuggets.

    Prior to Caroline’s birth, I would have emptied my pantry of all canned goods and served P and I a dinner made with a box of mac and cheese circa 1997 before I would have gone to the grocery store the week of Thanksgiving.

    H.E.B. is stressful enough without all the people milling around, fighting for the last can of pumpkin or cranberries. Add in a racecar cart and a toddler and you’ve got yourself a recipe for stress.

    As we’re cruising the aisles in our monstrous racecar cart, we spy Dwayne the friendly manager who knows us well seeing as how I’m following in the tradition of my Mema and Papa and go to the store almost every day. Dwayne gives Caroline a high five and hands her 3 Buddy Bucks.

    She is beyond gleeful.

    After waiting in an excruciatingly long line to pay for our groceries, we head towards the Buddy Buck machine. Now, don’t judge me, but sometimes I tell Caroline it isn’t working so that we can get the heck out of Dodge. That was my master plan for today.

    But oh, the humanity. There were kids already playing with the Buddy Buck machine and a long line of others waiting their turn.

    So, we get in line. I realize that I am a pushover, but I’m hoping that someday she’ll remember that her mama let her play the Buddy Buck machine and tell her therapist about it.

    I don’t want to tell y’all how long we waited in line, but let’s just say that Dwayne must have been showering people with Buddy Bucks like it was manna from heaven. In fact, at one point Dwayne caught my eye and said “Do y’all want some more?” and laughed. See, it’s all just a game to him because it’s not his frozen goods and patience that are melting away.

    People were walking by wondering what they were missing out on because “Wow! Look at all the people in line!”

    Yes, get in line so that you too can have a plastic bubble with a number sticker inside. It’s totally worth it.

    After we had secured our 3 plastic bubbles and our milk had soured from sitting in the cart so long, we headed out to the parking lot. As I lifted Caroline into her carseat, she stopped and hugged me so tight while she said “Thank you, Mama!”

    See. It’s totally worth it.

  • Pilgrim’s progress

    Yesterday was the big Thanksgiving program at Caroline’s school. She was a pilgrim, although a very reluctant pilgrim.

    On Ugly Betty the other night, the nephew said he was the only pilgrim that did “jazz hands”, I was hoping that my pilgrim might throw in a little jazz hands for good measure, but I think she was way too concerned about wearing a hat made of butcher paper.

    They sang a few songs including America the Beautiful and Any Turkey Can Tango. You know…the Thanksgiving classics.

    She had been uncharacteristically quiet when I’d asked her about the program because she said it was a surprise. I did get a little insight though the other night when she was singing a song about cornucopias in the bathtub, and seeing as how we usually say “horn of plenty” instead of cornucopia, I figured it must be related to the big Thanksgiving show.

    And no matter how reluctant she might have originally been, the ham in her won out once she was onstage.

    I thought she was the cutest little singing pilgrim I’ve ever seen.

  • No doubt about it…he might be a redneck

    On Friday afternoon, a package arrived for P. He was hunting all weekend, so I never opened the package. When he got home Sunday afternoon, he was excited to see that his order had come in and immediately opened the box.

    Let me state for the record, that P is the hardest person to shop for, EVER. I never know what to get him for birthdays or Christmas, and I usually just end up getting him a shirt because at least then he’ll be well dressed, if not excited over his present.

    I even asked him a few days ago what he’d like for Christmas and he told me he’d already bought a scope mount and that could be his present. I know…it’s like a real old fashioned Christmas.

    So, when he opened the package and revealed what was inside I was honestly shocked by the simplicity and the redneckness of what he had ordered for himself. This, THIS is what he bought.

    Please notice that “food” is in all capital letters with an exclamation point, as if to say we’re not talking about squirrel, we’re talking BIG GAME!

    Also, take note of the mesh backing complete with adjustable strap.

    Here I’ve been shopping at Gap all these years picking out a different version of basically the same shirt, when I could’ve just been ordering online from www.Backwoods.com.

    I have always tried to live my life with some semblance of grace and style, and obviously now that this hat has taken up residence on my husband’s head, all that is out the window.

    The worst part (as if it can get any worse) is that Caroline walked in and said, “Oh Daddy, what a cool hat!”, which means I’ll be spending hundreds of dollars in fashion therapy trying to rehabilitate her.

    Or maybe I’ll just hop on board and make it my new tagline.

    Big Mama…will hunt for FOOD!

    Or maybe not.

  • The road to crazy is paved with sleeplessness

    It was a fairly uneventful weekend around here. Well, I mean other than the fact that I almost had a nervous breakdown on Saturday.

    It all started last Wednesday night when Caroline decided that sleep is completely overrated and just takes time away from more important activities like driving your mama flat crazy with a new, improved belligerent demeanor.

    Toddler obstinance and fury…now three times as strong!

    All my friends keep telling me that three is a really hard age and that it will pass. All I can say is from their mouths to God’s ears, because this new level of attitude is not appealing.

    Anyway, Caroline has decided that she really only needs about 5 hours of sleep at night, punctuated by intervals of calling for me to update me on the current state of her non-tiredness.

    And let me state for the record, that there is NO way she isn’t tired. I have run that child like she’s in training for a marathon in my futile attempts to ensure a good nights sleep for both of us.

    So, after a fairly sleepless Friday night, which ended when she was up for the day at 4:45 a.m. (Lord have mercy on my soul), I was a prime candidate for some type of nut house. And honestly, if I thought they’d let me sleep while they put me in my straight jacket, I would’ve gone without a fight.

    Fortunately, Mimi and Bops called Saturday morning around 9:30 while Caroline was eating a peanut butter sandwich for lunch (because when you’ve been up since 4:45, lunch is at 9:30), and heard the desperation and perhaps a touch of mental instability in my voice and came to the rescue. I’m not sure who they were trying to save, Caroline or me.

    Caroline spent the whole day with them while I curled up on the couch and slept the sleep of angels.

    Thank God for grandparents. And sleep, thank God for sleep. Oh, and the pan of brownies that sustained me in the midst of sleeplesseness.

    It’s not so much just the lack of sleep that drove me to the brink of insanity. It’s the sleep deprivation combined with the constant testing to see if I’m still going to say no to all the things I’ve said no to in the previous 48 hours, followed by a screaming fit about the unfairness of life.

    It’s so much fun.

  • Kitty Cat Round Up

    Yesterday, Caroline and I went to meet a friend for lunch. I got her out of her carseat and then helped her walk to the sidewalk.

    I realized I had forgotten some things I needed in the car, so I told her to stay on the sidewalk while I started rummaging around my front seat looking for my phone and some papers.

    I guess I took too long because all of a sudden I hear her say, “Come on Mama, hurry up. It’s like herding a bunch of cats.”

    I don’t know where she’s heard that before.

  • It’s like a Whitman sampler, but with thoughts

    I’m sure some of y’all came to Big Mama yesterday expecting to read about Emmitt and his glorious victory over the cheesiness that is Mario Lopez, and instead you got a story about rats. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

    I was just giving the Mario fans a chance to get over the loss, because I know about the heartbreak of coming so close and then losing, because I am a Texas A&M football fan. Maybe we need Cheryl Burke to coach the Aggies…she couldn’t do any worse than Coach Fran.

    And if you don’t know anything about college football and don’t watch Dancing with the Stars, you are completely lost at this point.

    So, now I’ll give you my thoughts on Emmitt, along with some other miscellaneous things that are currently on my mind.

    1. Emmitt brought it to the dance floor, y’all. It was Hammer Time and that my friends, is how you do old school. Do NOT break out in some tired break dance moves that you learned off some VHS tape back in 1986 called “So You Want to be a Break Dancer”. I know the judges loved Mario’s dance, but to me it just reeked of the cheese of cheesiness that has been his trademark all season.

    Tuesday nights will be a little less bright now that Emmitt will no longer be sambaing and mamboing his way into my heart with that twinkle in his eye.

    2. I’m a little sad about the fact that either I wasn’t invited to Tom and Katie’s big wedding this weekend or my invitation got lost in the mail. Of course, I’ll console myself with the fact that Oprah wasn’t invited either and he jumped on her couch over this whole relationship.

    3. Speaking of celebrity pairings, how about K-Fed and Britney getting divorced? If those two crazy kids can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have?

    4. Caroline was up 4 times last night because she couldn’t sleep for a myriad of reasons such as her mouth hurt, her foot hurt, she was hungry and my personal favorite “I’m just not TI-RED.” She also told me at one point “waiting for morning is killing me”, and she in turn was killing her mama.

    5. We went to the zoo a few days ago and I took this picture.

    I think that leopard is either looking for a playmate or lunch, I can’t decide which one.

    6. Gulley and I have a friend named Stephanie and she bought her little boy a nativity scene the other day so that he could learn the Christmas story. She told him the story and pointed out all the different figures in the nativity and then quizzed him. He named Joseph, Baby Jesus, the Shepherds, the Angel and then she picked up Mary and asked “Who is this?” and he said, “Oh Mama, that’s Gulley”.

    Who knew?

    Gulley said that she takes it as a sign that she might need a haircut and to start dressing a little better.

    And on that note, I’ll wish you a Happy Friday!