Year: 2007

  • Episode 7: Big Boo Cast

    Oh yes my friends, your eyes do not deceive you. This is the post that heralds the long awaited (by at least three people) return of the Big Boo Cast.

    I’m sure y’all are thinking this episode will be full of all kinds of interesting things since it’s been over a month since the last one, however, you would be wrong. In all honesty, I’m not even sure what we talked about, but it would probably be a safe bet that the subject of our hair comes up and also, food.

    Happy listening.

    And as always, leave your questions in the comments. We are obviously in need of some material.

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  • Edition 9: Fashion Friday

    I did more laundry yesterday than I have ever done at one time in my life. I finally looked at the massive piles of brights, whites, sheets and towels and realized the time had come to let go of my denial. I looked at those piles and declared, “You are my Everest”.

    I don’t know how the dirty clothes got so piled up, but it’s just another sign that I’ve been off my A game this week. Not that my A game is all that great. It’s probably closer to other people’s B game.

    I’ve just had a lot on my mind, what with hearing that Mary and Byron, one of two happy couples from The Bachelor, had a little domestic squabble over the weekend. I’m sure their relationship tensions weren’t helped by Chris Harrison getting all in their business about when they were actually going to get married. That kind of conversation is always so enjoyable in any dating relationship.

    Especially when the people in the relationship are 85 years old and time, she is a-wastin’.

    I’ve just been so disillusioned by it all. I mean if you can’t find lasting, true love on a six week reality show that involves fantasy dates to the circus, what hope do the rest of us have?

    Not to mention that I’ve been worried about Britney Spears and her alleged new pregnancy. Oh Brit. It would appear they didn’t teach proper birth control methods in the Mickey Mouse Club.

    In spite of all these distractions, I did manage to actually make HOMEMADE Rice Krispie Treats for Caroline to take for snack at school. Not only were they HOMEMADE, but I made one version with peanut butter and one version with the traditional jet-puffed marshmallows. I was so proud of myself as I packed them in the snack basket.

    And since I was being so domestic, I looked to see if I might have any cute napkins to send with them. I found some old giraffe napkins leftover from Caroline’s second birthday, but I only had eight of them. Then I spied some hot pink ones at the back of my drawer and thought they would be perfect until I realized they had a picture of a woman saying, “Once again, he’s 30 minutes late. I have half a mind to go home to my sick husband”.

    Probably not appropriate humor for the preschool set and their HOMEMADE Rice Krispie Treats.

    Anyway, yesterday I conquered the laundry. Today, I will conquer Fashion Friday. Although I am slightly intimidated knowing that Nena (Nena Marcus as some of y’all named her in the comments) is more fashion forward than I’ll ever be.

    I never would have bought that jacket. Not even for $5.00.

    I have shamed myself.

    On to the questions.

    1. Marcie asks: “I need to know how to buy a good white button up shirt. The dilema? B**bs. Medium size shirts fit in the torso, and pull across the chest, large sizes fit in the bust and hang at the torso.”

    I feel your pain. And I’m not just saying that in a Bill Clinton way.

    I have wrestled with button up shirts for many, many years. There is nothing more frustrating than trying on a button up and realizing that I am, yet again, in between sizes.

    However, Banana Republic has heard our cry. They are now offering button up shirts in a tailored cut for larger bust sizes.

    Here is an example.

    I have tried these shirts on and they are everything you would hope them to be. Now, if they just came with some sort of Scotchguard built in for easy stain removal, I’d go buy myself a crisp, white button up shirt.

    A girl can dream.

    Which may explain why Mary from The Bachelor stayed with Byron for so long.

    2. Anna asks: “I live in Hawaii, where it never gets cold, but I still want to look cute and fall-ish. Somedays are cool, like rainy days, and I can wear thin long-sleeved shirts, but for other times, what do I do?”

    Have I mentioned I live in South Texas and there are days in January where the temperatures are in the 80’s. That’s just sick and wrong. However, you are hitting me where I live with this question. I am always searching for something that’s seasonal yet won’t leave me writhing in misery as I suffer from heatstroke by mid-afternoon.

    You can always go with the button up mentioned in the first question. Maybe look for one in a fall color.

    And here are some other cute options.

    This shirt from Banana Republic comes in some great fall colors and looks really good with some dark-rinse jeans.

    Or this from Old Navy.

    You could dress it up with some nice pants or just wear it with denim. Either way, it’s fab.

    And here is another great shirt in a fall color from Old Navy.

    These shirts almost make me glad that there are days in February where it’s 97 degrees outside. ALMOST.

    3. Quirky asks: “I have a question about belts. I can never figure out when to wear big chunky belt, and when to wear a little skinny belt. And what about scarf belts, or decorative chain-type belts? In or out? Is there any rule of thumb that you can bestow on us fashion-challenged so that I can pick a belt with confidence?”

    Quirky you have asked a question that deals with my fashion arch-nemesis, the belt. For many a year I wore my Brighton belts with great pride and then, one day, the belt became passe. Belts were out.

    And y’all know what? I found I didn’t miss them. AT ALL.

    Oh, but now some moron has decided to bring back the belt. Why don’t they just go ahead and bring back velour? Oh wait, they did.

    As much as I would love to give y’all some catchy phrase such as “When it doubt, leave it out”, I have no rule of thumb because I find this to be a tricky accessory. The last time I wore belts it was about tucking in your shirt and wearing a belt in the belt loops of jeans that hit at your true waist.

    Which was really just an unfortunate look.

    Today’s belts look like this.

    And this.

    They are both very reminiscent of medieval torture devices.

    The only belt I ever wear these days is an old western-style belt that belonged to P’s daddy. When he was a teenager. I’m not sure y’all want belt fashion advice from someone who wears a 50 year old belt.

    4. Dcrmom asks: “Little Black Dress. Holiday company party. Not sure yet about the shoes. Nude hose or black hose?”

    I’d have to go with sheer nude hose with black shoes. I think black hose are like black jeans. When you see someone wearing them you never know if they are incredibly fashion forward or if they haven’t updated their wardrobe since Joan Collins and Linda Evans were on primetime television.

    Speaking of primetime television, I’m going to wrap this up. After all, my DVRed showing of Project Runway won’t wait forever.

    And, apparently, neither will Mary from The Bachelor.

    Y’all have a great weekend.

  • Silver belle

    On Tuesday, Caroline and I met Mimi and Bops at Luby’s for lunch. We always meet at Luby’s because Bops is a big fan of the cafeteria in spite of that fact that he isn’t 85 and has all his teeth. Caroline loves Luby’s because she can get Jello which for her is one of the major food groups.

    York Peppermint Patties for breakfast and Jello for lunch. We are an organic household.

    Except I will tell y’all that the other day, when we were at HEB, I asked her if she wanted to get a donut and she said, “No thank you, I’d rather have a carrot.” So we’re having her DNA tested later in the week.

    While we were at Luby’s, Mimi pulls something out of her purse and hands it to me. It’s a page from the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. And look what it features.

    Is it just me or does that look a whole lot like this?

    That’s what I thought.

    And this isn’t just any jacket being sold at Neimans. It is a Juicy Couture jacket designed exclusively for Neimans and is featured as one of their HOT 100 GIFTS in this year’s book.

    It retails for $400.00.

    SHUT UP.

    The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book is like hallowed retail ground. It actually featured his and her jets one year. And between you and me, P and I weren’t that impressed with them after they were delivered.

    So, of course I had to call Nena and let her know. I called her around 1:00 p.m. yesterday because if I called any earlier than that there’s a high probability that Granddaddy would have answered the phone saying “SEVENTY-SIX DEGREES!” and then hung up on me when he realized it wasn’t someone from the local news station calling as part of their daily contest to see who just watched the weather report.

    When she picked up the phone we exchanged the normal pleasantries and then I said, “Nena, I got the Neiman’s Christmas Book in the mail today.”

    “OOOH HONEY, YOU DID? GOOD FOR YOU!” (Do y’all see why a version of her jacket being in THE BOOK is going to blow her mind? She was just thrilled I got THE BOOK in the mail.)

    “Yes, I got it and you won’t believe this but they have a silver sequined jacket that looks almost just like the one you showed me. It’s one of their HOT 100 items and it costs $400.00.”

    “FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? HONEY, LISTEN, I paid $5.00 for mine. I can’t believe it’s in the Neiman’s Book. I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE IT! OOOH you have MADE MY DAY!”

    “I know. You could probably sell yours and make some money.

    “OH HONEY, LISTEN, I am not going to sell my jacket. I’m going to wear it shopping! So most importantly, what is the model in the picture wearing with her jacket? I just need to know what to wear with it.”

    “She has on black jeans.”

    “BLACK JEANS? Well HONEY, LISTEN, I don’t know about BLACK JEANS.”

    Which I actually think is a good call by Nena. BLACK JEANS are precarious fashion territory.

    Neiman’s might want to listen to her because she is obviously ahead of the fashion curve.

    Not to mention she saved $395.00 by finding that jacket in the back of her closet.

  • O little ferris wheel of Bethlehem

    Because the Christmas season is upon us, I feel it is my duty to share an often neglected aspect of the Christmas story.

    Not many people realize that after Mary gave birth in the stable, she and the three wisemen headed to the local Bethlehem carnival for a ferris wheel ride.

    And brought the baby Jesus with them.

    And also, apparently, a parrot.

  • To pee or not to pee that is the question

    I haven’t brought up the fact that the day after Thanksgiving I woke up with a delightful urinary tract infection. I realize this may be crossing the line of too much information, however, it is relevant to the story. If it weren’t, I can assure y’all that I would never just share random information about my bladder. Because EWWW.

    Anyway, Caroline did indeed spend the night of The Holiday of the Turkey with Mimi and Bops. I cannot tell y’all how excited I was to sleep in late on Friday morning and, really, if you have kids you know exactly how excited I was. However, I made two crucial errors that cost me my valuable morning of sleeping in.

    1. I forgot to put the bark collar on our dog Scout. If Scout doesn’t have his bark collar on at night then he feels the need to bark at very ominous, scary things such as a leaf falling from a tree. I was rudely awakened about 4 a.m. by Scout barking wildly to let us know that somewhere a blade of grass just blew in the wind.

    2. I ate too much chocolate and various spicy foods and decided to not drink any water all day long. After all, drinking water might cause me to not eat as much and that’s just un-American.

    Thus, I awoke at 6 a.m. and recognized the beginnings of a urinary tract infection.

    And oh, they are delightful.

    Also, I don’t know that I’ve ever mentioned this because, again, TOO MUCH INFORMATION, but on a normal day I go to the bathroom about 87 times. And that’s not counting the three consecutive times I go right before bed every night. I’m a compulsive potty-er.

    Anyway, our plan for Friday was to head to our friend AJ’s ranch and hang out with her family. We were so excited about it and I decided that we needed to forge ahead with our plans in spite of my compromised bladder. So in between trips to the bathroom, I got us packed. We loaded the cars and headed south on I-35.

    And I say loaded the cars because we took two cars. P was going to another friend’s ranch on Saturday but Caroline and I were going to come home, therefore we needed two cars. I gave Caroline the choice of who she wanted to ride with and her only concern was who was going to be in front. She chose P because he would be the leader and in her mind, the clear winner.

    And she may have looked me right in the eye and growled, “Daddy and I are going to BEAT YOU.”

    I hope I’m not raising Tonya Harding.

    I knew I needed to go to the bathroom before we had even reached downtown San Antonio but I tried desperately to keep my mind on other things. Finally, I called P and told him I’d need to stop. We pulled over at a gas station and Caroline decided she also needed to go.

    After waiting in line for 10 or 48 minutes, it was finally our turn. Only Caroline didn’t need to go after all. She just likes to check out various gas station restrooms and report on their smell.

    Which isn’t at all odd.

    We got back on the road for about 3 minutes when, all of a sudden, P pulled over on the shoulder. He looked under his truck and I could read his lips as he said what appeared to be DANG and SHOOT or maybe it was something else. And I haven’t mentioned that behind his truck he was hauling a trailer with his Polaris 4-wheel vehicle on the back.

    We didn’t look at all like the Clampetts coming to town.

    Or perhaps like a scene from Grapes of Wrath.

    He motioned for me to come get Caroline out of the truck in case oncoming cars didn’t see a huge, white Ford F350 with a 15 foot trailer attached with various hazard lights blinking like a huge beacon. So there we stood on the side of I-35, in the freezing cold, not looking at all like white trash.

    And I had to go to the bathroom.

    No, I didn’t go on the side of the road.

    But I thought about it.

    It seems that P’s muffler had started to fall off which was causing his truck to sound like he was about to start drag racing. And this wasn’t just some factory muffler, it’s some SUPER muffler with SUPER MUFFLER qualities that make your truck ten times better than an average truck. At least that’s what the salesman told us. P wanted to salvage the muffler.

    And there we stood on the side of the road. In the freezing wind. Needing to potty.

    Meanwhile, P was under the truck trying to use baling wire to reattach his overpriced muffler. It will always be a treasured memory for me.

    Finally all of us, including the muffler, got back on the road so we could reach the next exit and pull off because two guesses! I needed to go to the bathroom.

    We repeated the earlier bathroom scenario and once again, Caroline didn’t go.

    Then, about 10 minutes later, rinse and repeat.

    We head out again and drive for a lengthy 20 more minutes before P pulls over at another gas station. I didn’t know why we were stopping, but was worried we were about to lose the family inheritance, otherwise known as the muffler.

    He pulled Caroline out of the truck.

    She needed to go potty.

    Because the other three stops had been insufficient.

    All said and done it took us three and a half hours to make a one hour drive to the ranch.

    And y’all will be glad to know the muffler is still with us. It was touch and go for awhile but I think it’s going to be okay.

    And, hopefully, so will my bladder.

  • Call 911, I need to reapply my lipgloss

    Yesterday afternoon I decided to take Caroline to see The Bee Movie. I’d been talking about it for at least two weeks, but never had the right opportunity.

    However, there is never a better time to trade watching DVD’s at home for watching a movie on the big screen than when it’s 45 degrees outside and wet. So off we went.

    I was buckling her into her booster seat and she said, “Mama, let me show you what I got in case of an emergency”.

    She pulled a bejeweled Barbie compact mirror out of the pocket of her fleece jacket.

    I thought she was going to pull out some candy, so I was surprised by the mirror.

    “What did you bring that for? For what kind of emergency?”

    “In case somebody looks terrible.”

    Well done, my child. Well done.