Year: 2007

  • I am but an optimistic fool

    < Several of y'all have emailed to ask what I thought about last night's episode of The Bachelor. I wasn't going to talk about it because my feelings for The Bachelor are similar to how you feel when you keep telling your friends you're going to break up with a loser boyfriend but instead keep going back to him. Not that I'd know anything about that. I've just heard that some girls in their late teens are guilty of that kind of behavior. So here's the real question. Has The Bachelor ever really been a great show? No. No it hasn't. But it sucks me in every season with scenes from the upcoming season of girls falling down stairs, being driven off in ambulances, catfights, and the voice of Host Chris Harrison saying "This season is the most dramatic season yet". And because I'm a trusting fool, I can't turn away. Darn you Chris Harrison. Darn you and your empty promises. It's the same reason I watched ER for the first 34 years it was on. The NBC promo would come on and let me know that "this week's episode will have everyone in America talking" and I'd fall for it hook, line, and sinker. I mean I couldn't stand the thought of being the loneliest person in America while everyone around me bonded over Dr. Romano being crushed by a helicopter. Anyway, The Bachelor let me down once again last night. It was ABC editing at its finest, leading us all to believe that we were about to see a real love story play out on national television. LIARS. HUGE LIARS. I had high hopes for Brad Womack. I thought he was different. He seemed a little less polished than previous bachelors and I found it endearing that every line he spoke sounded as if he were reading cue cards. But, as the ending became obvious, I realized we were seeing the reason why a good-looking, 35 year old Texas boy is still single. I believe he has some commitment issues. And that last scene of him sitting on that random platform with a single tear streaming down his face as he held that engagement ring? I think it was a bad call by ABC. The last scene should have been Jenni and DeAnna sitting together eating out of a huge tub of Ben & Jerry's talking about how they can do so much better. Now THAT would be some good T.V. However, all this said, I'll still be tuning in to After The Rose later tonight. I realize I have a sickness.

  • You say po-ta-to, I say no po-tah-to

    I hate to say what I’m about to say. There are some things that are almost too embarrassing to say out loud.

    I have never had mashed potatoes with a Thanksgiving meal. Until yesterday I honestly thought I was in the majority of Thanksgiving diners. But 90+ comments later, wherein the majority of y’all professed an undying love of the Thanksgiving potato, have opened my eyes to the cruel reality that is my life.

    I have been deprived of an additional carb at the Thanksgiving table. I feel like I’m on an episode of Maury Povich and can hear the studio audience audibly gasping as my darkest family secrets are revealed.

    But let me state for the record, P’s family never served mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving either. Which leads me to believe that God brought us together so that we can share our common grief over what were, obviously, deprived holidays. It’s a wonder we survived, what with just the turkey, dressing, cranberries, and green bean casserole.

    The horror of it all.

    Anyway, several of y’all asked for the recipes I mentioned, specifically the Broccoli-Rice Casserole and my mother-in-law’s dressing. I am more than happy to share those recipes with y’all along with my recipe for mashed potatoes.

    Oh, that’s right. I’ve never had mashed potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner.

    Obviously I’m trying to block that out.

    Broccoli-Rice Casserole

    1 medium onion chopped and sauteed in 1/2 stick of butter
    2 packages of frozen, chopped broccoli
    1 can cream of mushroom soup
    1 cup cooked rice
    1 8oz jar of Cheez Whiz (personally I prefer the spicy Cheez Whiz)
    Salt and pepper to taste

    Combine all ingredients and bake at 350 in a greased 9 X 13 baking dish for 1 hour.

    Don’t let the sophistication of this recipe scare y’all off. I know just the thought of using a gourmet food like Cheez Whiz is a little intimidating, but it will be so worth it.

    Unless of course you’re like my in-laws. I brought my beloved Broccoli-Rice Casserole to my mother-in-law’s Thanksgiving one year and everyone looked at it like I had just set a steaming cow poop on the dining room table.

    What do they know? They don’t even have mashed potatoes with their Thanksgiving meal.

    The dressing doesn’t have a formal name so I will just call it the BEST dressing ever.

    Best Dressing Ever

    2 recipes Corn Bread – day old and ground (corn bread recipe down below)
    14 biscuits – day old and ground
    2 tsp. Poultry Seasoning
    2 tsp. Seasoned Salt
    1 1/2 sticks butter
    4 eggs
    1/2 tsp. pepper
    3 cups chopped celery (about 1 1/2 bunches)
    1 1/2 cups chopped onions
    3 cans chicken broth

    In a large dutch oven, saute onions and celery in 1 1/2 sticks butter until tender. Add other ingredients and moisten with chicken broth (about 3 cans). Refrigerate overnight.

    Reheat as turkey is roasting. Add pan drippings to moisten and season to taste with additional poultry seasoning, seasoned salt and pepper. Stir frequently, scraping the bottom of the pan.

    Cornbread for Dressing

    2 cups cornmeal
    2 cups buttermilk
    1 tsp. salt
    1 tsp. baking soda
    2 eggs
    2 tbs. vegetable oil

    Beat eggs. Add other ingredients. Melt 1/4 stick butter in a 7 x 11 Pyrex dish in preheating oven. Pour batter into hot pan. Bake at 450 for about 25 minutes.

    Cut into large squares and put on a cookie sheet with the baked biscuits. Cover loosely with a clean dish towel and let sit out for a day before grinding.

    And lastly, for the perfect accompaniment to the BEST dressing ever, make some homemade cranberry sauce. Eating cranberries straight from the can may be worse than not having mashed potatoes, if that’s possible. It’s just uncivilized and could be grounds for having your American citizenship revoked.

    Cranberry Sauce

    1 12 oz package of cranberries
    1 1/2 cups sugar
    1 cup water
    1 tsp. grated orange rind

    Gently boil sugar and water for 5 minutes. Add cranberries and simmer uncovered without stirring for 5 minutes. Skim off some of the foam. Stir in orange rind. Pour into bowl and cool to room temperature. Refrigerate until served.

    At some point in the next day or so, I’ll share the recipe for Chocolate Ice Box Pudding complete with a photo cooking tutorial. The above recipes don’t get a photo tutorial because I’m not making them.

    I’ll be too busy whipping up some mashed potatoes and trying to erase our shameful family legacy while Caroline is still young enough to not be permanently scarred.

  • Talking turkey

    I’ve had a terribly exciting weekend but, frankly, I’m too tired to discuss it right now. I’ll get to it at some point but it won’t be today.

    So, instead, let’s talk about Thanksgiving.

    And now that I think about it, “terribly exciting” might be overselling the weekend. Let’s just say we’ve had fun.

    Over the last week, Gulley and I have had several indepth conversations about Thanksgiving meals we have had throughout our lifetimes and it has made us wonder what most people have for Thanksgiving dinner.

    I mean, obviously, turkey. And dressing. And probably cranberries.

    And spaghetti with meat sauce.

    Oh wait, that was probably just at my Me-ma and Pa-pa’s house.

    As far back as I can remember, the dish that says Thanksgiving to me is Broccoli-Rice Casserole.

    An old Indian legend actually recalls the tense atmosphere at the first Thanksgiving because the Pilgrims totally forgot the Broccoli-Rice casserole. They tried to make some lame excuse about the Cheez Whiz going bad on the Mayflower, but the Indians knew the Pilgrims were full of crap and the real story was they didn’t want to take the time to microwave the rice.

    Anyway, my Aunt Sandra used to always be in charge of the Broccoli-Rice. Even though I have her exact recipe, mine still never tastes as good as hers did. I would pile it on my plate because I have always been a dainty eater.

    Growing up, I was never really a fan of turkey and dressing. I ate it because it was there, but I never really cared for it one way or the other.

    It’s kind of like how I watched “Saved by the Bell” throughout college. I never cared about Kelly Kapowski or Zack Morris or even Jessie Spano, but it was the only thing on from 3-5 p.m. and what else was I going to do with my time?

    If you answered study then let me welcome you to my blog. Read the archives and see if they don’t make you change your answer.

    The first Thanksgiving I spent with P’s family forever changed the way I viewed turkey and dressing. His mama makes the best dressing in the world. Seriously. She cooks it on the stove, whereas the dressing I always had growing up was baked in a 9 x 13 pan and could be cut in squares.

    A bite of his mama’s dressing combined with cranberry sauce is a pretty close second to Broccoli-Rice casserole.

    Everything else my family had for Thanksgiving was pretty typical. Green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, fruit salad, something congealed that nobody really wanted but somehow made it on the table, and pumpkin pie for dessert.

    And speaking of dessert, P’s family also has chocolate ice box pudding for dessert. I don’t want to say that I would have married him just to get the recipe for the chocolate ice box pudding, but I might have considered it.

    So, what about y’all? What food has to be on your Thanksgiving table for it to be the perfect meal?

    And please, don’t say a congealed salad. I don’t think my stomach can handle it.

    Especially if it’s lime green with some nuts on the top, because the only thing worse than congealed salad is a congealed salad that is a color not found in nature.

    Oh, and one more question that I can’t come up with a smooth transition for; what about mashed potatoes? Do you have mashed potatoes with your Thanksgiving meal?

    The mashed potatoes have been the source of much debate. I had no idea potatoes could be so controversial.

    Of course that may be why people say you should never discuss religion, potatoes or politics.

  • Edition 8: Fashion Friday

    Seriously, eight Fashion Fridays? Because it feels more like thirty-eight.

    And if y’all thought yesterday’s post was lame, just wait. Today will probably be worse.

    Caroline has her Thanksgiving program and feast at school today so we spent a good portion of our day yesterday baking gingersnap cookies. It shouldn’t have taken up such a large chunk of our day, but let me let y’all in on a little secret. If you’re making a recipe that calls for shortening and you open your tub of Crisco and notice it smells similar to a pure petroleum-type product, otherwise known as horse’s rear end, then it’s a safe bet that you probably shouldn’t cook with it.

    This realization, sadly, didn’t dawn on me until after I had mixed in the rest of the ingredients and noticed the dough still smelled more like the devil’s armpit than the makings of a gingersnap cookie. I actually had to taste it before I accepted that, yes, Crisco can go rancid.

    Just the memory of the taste makes me throw up in my mouth just a little.

    So, we pitched the entire batch of gingersnap dough and started all over again. And it wasn’t so much the remaking the dough that was unpleasant as it was getting the petroleum-type substance off my Kitchenaid mixer and bowl. It rivaled the Exxon Valdez.

    I kept thinking that something like this would never happen to Ree at Pioneer Woman.

    But anyway, as we were finally rolling the dough into little balls and coating them with cinnamon and sugar, Caroline looked at me and said, “You’re my BEST MOM.”

    I said, “Well, you’re my best girl.”

    She said, “I looked down from heaven and saw you and knew you would be the BEST MAMA EVER.”

    And I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me get all teary and weepy at the sweetness of it all.

    Which is kind of how I felt when I saw this dress at J. Crew the other day.

    Except in black. Because, as my closet will attest, I can’t have enough black clothing.

    And do you see what I’ve done? I’ve brought it around to fashion, my friends.

    It’s a gift.

    1. Lora asks: I need sensible, comfortable, yet stylish every day shoes. I wear mostly jeans and khakis. Suggestions?

    Is it possible to wear skirts in the winter? I’m in Alabama, so it’s not like it’s sub-zero temps here. What sort of style would they need to be? Any ideas? I need just a few pieces that I can mix and match and rotate because, let’s face it, I don’t dress up any other time of the week. I prefer skirts on Sundays, although I can appreciate a good dressy pant on occasion.

    This series of questions has been sitting in my inbox for a few weeks now because, frankly, it overwhelms me. But rumor has it that Lora is waiting on my answer before she goes shopping, so now the pressure is on.

    Let’s start with shoes. If you’re looking for comfortable, stylish shoes to go with jeans and khakis, I’d look for a cute flat, a tennis shoe or flat boots. Flat boots are really in this year and that would probably be my personal preference because I enjoy wearing socks in the winter time.

    Here’s an example of a cute flat.

    Or this.

    Here’s a good tennis shoe.

    And here is a flat boot that I would love to have greet me in my closet every morning.

    Hello Lover.

    Remember, these are just a guideline. So, figure out what works best for your lifestyle and adapt as needed.

    On to the next part of the question. Yes, it is possible to wear skirts in the winter. I think a wool skirt with boots and tights is just about the cutest thing going.

    Think about something like this.

    Or this.

    Or how about a sweater dress?

    And definitely go check out Target. They might have some really cute skirts. I wouldn’t know if they do because I have temporarily banned myself from Target because I always leave there at least $100 poorer with nothing really to show for it.

    I definitely like the dressy pants option for church because you can mix and match it with some cute sweaters than can also be worn with jeans throughout the week. Here are a few nice sweater options.

    This.

    Or this.

    Or for a little something different, this.

    God speed as you shop for a winter wardrobe. I hope I helped just a little.

    2. Darlene asks: “I’ve been wondering this for awhile now. How do you feel about sweaters/sweatshirts with characters on the
    front? For example, snowmen, Mickey Mouse, Pooh and such. Are they in or out? Personally, I don’t wear them… anymore. I have been known to sport an occasional Hundred Acre Woods character or two in my time!

    I have never been a fan of character shirts. Well, unless you count those three years in elementary school where I would beg my mom to buy me a new t-shirt at one of those iron-on transfer t-shirt shops.

    Remember those days? A bright blue t-shirt with a unicorn jumping over a rainbow and “Follow Your Dreams” written in cursive?

    People used a lot of illegal substances in the 70’s.

    If a person enjoys wearing character shirts then, by all means, wear on my friend. But I think it’s safe to say that you won’t see any character shirts on Project Runway or Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style.

    Maybe it’s their loss.

    But probably not.

    That’s all I’ve got for this week. If I haven’t gotten to your question yet, I promise I will at some point.

    It’s just hard to keep up, especially when I’m busy trying to live up to my title of BEST MAMA EVER.

    I wouldn’t want Caroline to second guess the selection she made in heaven.

    ***Edited to add: Gulley called and asked me where I found the brown tennis shoes. I realized that many of y’all may not realize that if you click on the colored words in the text that they will take you directly to where I found the sweaters, shoes, etc. It’s usually the word “this” that’s in blue and will take you to the site. Hope that helps.

  • This kind of advice will take her far

    To be filed under the list of things I never dreamed I’d say before I had a child.

    “Don’t eat anything that you’ve picked off your face.”

    Just the memory of that statement and why I had to say it makes me feel a little queasy.

  • Eat oatmeal, it’s the right thing to do

    I woke up this morning with Caroline right in my face. She was looking at me very carefully and finally asked, “Mama, why do you have stripes on your forehead?”

    Because my skin is losing collagen by the day. Thank you.

    We spent the morning going to gymnastics and then invited Caroline’s friend, Emily, over to play. The girls had a great time other than occasional skirmish over Barbie Princess shoes. There is nothing 4 year old girls enjoy more than a chance to tattle on each other.

    And make chalk handprints on your backdoor.

    While Caroline was occupied in a game of tug of war over assorted Barbie jewelry, I spent my time cutting and taping recipes into my recipe notebook.

    What’s a recipe notebook you ask?

    It’s a handy notebook that I bought many years ago and whenever I find a recipe that I like, I cut it out and tape it into my notebook. The only problem is I tend to pile up about six months worth of torn out magazine pages and shove them into the notebook where they fall out all over the kitchen floor everytime I go to look up a recipe.

    It may sound like I’m unorganized and well, I am. The important thing is that eventually they end up in the notebook on a color coded page according to whether they are a main dish, a side dish, or a dessert.

    I’ll just go ahead and confess that the dessert section is by far the most populated segment of the book. It’s not that I’ve actually made an Ooey Gooey Snickers Ice Cream Cake, but I am comforted to know that I could if the need arises.

    For instance, if the writers’ strike continues and all the good shows go off the air.

    Obviously, I am reserving it for a huge crisis.

    So, while I was going through the recipes, I found a recipe I had cut out for Baked Oatmeal and thought hey! a hearty, nutritious breakfast possibility for Caroline. I mean she really needs something in her stomach before she starts in on the Halloween candy.

    And, since I had all the ingredients on hand along with a big helping of delusions of grandeur, I decided it would be fun for Caroline and I to make it together.

    Here’s Caroline with a lemon and frozen blueberries. She can hardly contain her excitement over the lame afternoon activity I’ve come up with.

    Here are all the other ingredients and Caroline, who was asking that ceramic rooster, whom she’s apparently named Carlos, if he would like to marry her.

    Kid, if you’re going to keep baking here you’re going to need to stay off the drugs.

    (Yes, the picture is blurry. Do not adjust your monitor. If you’re looking for good photography, you’re in the wrong place)

    While I’m in the midst of trying to wrangle Caroline before she runs off with Carlos the rooster, P comes in with some new navigation software that he’s purchased and needs to install it on the computer.

    He heads towards my beloved Mac and puts the CD into the drive.

    Nothing.

    Takes out the CD and tries it again.

    Nothing.

    Takes it out and sees wording on label that says, “Not compatible with Mac Systems”.

    So, he tries it on our PC.

    Nothing.

    He enlists my help. So now, I’m a cook and IT support. You do not want me to be your IT support because you know what I know about computers?

    Not much.

    My main tech support move is to just repeat the same thing over and over again to see if maybe it will work on the 143rd click of the mouse. Or maybe if you just put in the CD one more time it will actually work.

    This time I even pulled out the big guns and took the CPU out of the cabinet where it’s housed and kicked it really hard on the side to give it a jumpstart.

    Bill Gates has nothing on me.

    Meanwhile, Caroline is holding an egg yelling, “MAMA, CAN I GO AHEAD AND BREAK THIS EGG? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I? NOW?”

    Not yet, Sweetie. Let’s wait and see if you can ask 132 more times and make my head explode.

    And what do you know? She can.

    P is messing with the computer which makes me very nervous because P doesn’t really have my computer skills or finesse. You have to know how to kick it just right.

    Caroline is holding eggs and talking non-stop.

    The phone is ringing off the hook because Buckmasters needs to know if P is renewing his subscription.

    It really was the peaceful cooking moment I imagined in my head.

    But nevertheless, the Baked Oatmeal turned out to be pretty good. And I’ll spare the internet and not tell y’all what Caroline said it looked like as we poured it into the baking dish.

    Just know it tastes better than it looks.

    The real reward is I have a nutritious breakfast that I can reheat and serve to Caroline in the morning which means I won’t have to share my chocolate Pop-tarts.

    In case any of y’all are still reading and interested in the recipe, here it is.

    Baked Oatmeal

    That’s all the ingredients except for the blueberries and lemon shown in an earlier photo.

    2 cups frozen blueberries
    2 tbs. fresh lemon juice, divided
    1 18oz. container regular oats
    3 large eggs, beaten
    1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
    1 cup unsweetened applesauce
    1 tbs. ground cinnamon
    4 tsp. baking powder
    1 tsp. salt
    1 1/4 cups water
    1 cup milk
    1/4 cup melted butter.

    Toss 2 cups blueberries in 1 tbs. lemon juice and spread evenly in a 9×13 inch lightly greased baking dish. Combine oats, next 9 ingredients and remaining 1 tbs. lemon juice in a large bowl. Mix well. Pour mixture over blueberries.
    Bake, covered, at 350 for 30 minutes. Uncover and bake 20 more minutes or until golden brown and set.

    Have a great day and don’t run off with any roosters named Carlos.