Month: March 2009

Becoming one with nature

On Sunday evening I searched through the guide feature on our T.V. to make sure I didn’t miss recording any stellar programming on the DVR over the course of the next week. Sure, some people knit or do papier mache, but my primary hobby is managing the DVR.

And you can laugh if you want, but it is a constant struggle to stay on top of how many episodes of “Olivia” and “Monster Fish” we have recorded, because heaven forbid the DVR gets too full and cuts off the end of the latest “America’s Top Model” marathon, leaving me to always wonder which impossibly skinny model with bad hair won the competition.

My television diligence paid off because the Discovery Channel is re-airing the Planet Earth series all week long. We are fans of Earth here at our house and I knew the minute I saw a Great White Shark leaping out of the water to catch a sea lion in its mouth, I’d found some programming that could keep Caroline entertained for hours.

Sure enough, when she got home from school yesterday she immediately wanted to watch the “Earth movies” and we spent the afternoon painting pictures and watching various living things become part of the food chain. I learned more in two hours than I’ve learned in the last fifteen years and now my head is spinning with the knowledge that a sand dollar is actually a skeleton as opposed to just a dollar made out of sand.

Needless to say, I can’t really form any cohesive paragraphs in light of the fact that my mind has been completely blown by all the wonders of nature.

In fact, while we were watching, Caroline was inspired to paint a duck.

A rainbow.

Some flowers.

And to turn herself into a mountain cat.
Swing batter batter, swing

Just about two years ago, Caroline had her first and, I feel almost certain, her last dance recital. Dance just didn’t hold that much appeal for her as evidenced by the enthusiasm displayed in this picture.

Of course, would you be excited about being dressed up like a three-year-old version of Charo? It will be a wonder if she doesn’t need counseling for that bow.

I think her main issue with dance, other than being dressed up like she was going to be on “Toddlers and Tiaras”, was that there was no winner or loser. She’s been competitive since the day she won the Halloween Costume Contest when she was 14 months old and tasted victory for the first time.

I don’t really know where she gets it from, says the woman who spent the better part of two weeks pinning white feathers on a white Gap onesie to make a homemade duck costume so that we could win a free ice cream at Baskin Robbins.

So, given her competitive streak, I thought it might be time to venture into competitive sports, specifically t-ball because they sell snowcones and sausage wraps at the Little League fields.

Tuesday evening was her first practice. P is helping coach and I decided to go just because I didn’t know any better. Mimi and Bops were also there because Caroline is an only child and usually travels with an entourage.

The practice was basically semi-organized chaos. None of the kids seemed to understand that they were on the same team and so they’d all go running for the ball, tackling each other to get to it first. No matter where the ball was hit, Caroline was there in an instant. She ran and slid and played her little heart out. My dad made sure to let me know she doesn’t get that hustle from me.

And he should know since he spent many a season coaching my various teams while I picked daisies in the outfield in between drawing pictures in the dirt with my cleats.

Our coach is really nice, but just a wee bit too intense and practice ran an HOUR late. It was 7:30 by the time we left the practice field and I was not happy to be heading home at 7:30 with bathtime and dinnertime still looming in the distance. In fact, after our marathon practice, the coach started to give a little pep talk and said, “I know it’s almost dinnertime…” And I said, “OR AFTER”.

That’s right. I’m the mom that heckled the coach, but hell hath no fury like a woman who needs to get some fish sticks in the oven.

P told me it wasn’t a big deal and that I was the only one who didn’t have a good time, which is easy for him to say because he didn’t have to get the fish sticks in the oven the minute we walked through the door and feed them to an excited five-year-old who kept saying, “Oh man, Mama. You get really beat up playing t-ball.”

I tried to explain that she wouldn’t get as beat up if she didn’t tackle everyone for the ball every time, but she just looked at me like she felt sorry for me and my lack of competitive nature so I quit talking.

Saturday was opening day. I got her all dressed in her black uniform and she was a little concerned because “black isn’t really my color”. Then, we headed up to the fields early for team pictures.

Everyone wanted to make the play. They looked like little black ants who just found an abandoned dorito.

The little girl in the pink uniform hit the ball and then attempted to go field the ball she had just hit. Notice Caroline beat her to the punch and then tagged her out, even though no one gets out in t-ball. A fact that caused Caroline no small amount of distress, along with the fact that she doesn’t have a hot pink uniform.

But she does have a hot pink batting helmet. And a hot pink bat. And a hot pink glove.

In the words of Clairee Belcher, “What separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize”. And, also, opposable thumbs that can be used to catch a ball with a hot pink glove.

Here she is running for home plate.

After it was all over, what really mattered wasn’t whether we had won or lost. Except to Caroline that was all that mattered and she had no doubt that her team won even though no one kept score.

And, I’ll be honest, they totally won. They put the smack down on that hot pink team.

I mean that in the nicest way possible.

After the game was over, her team huddled together and decided they needed a team name besides “ICS”. The coach suggested the Panthers and all the kids just stared blankly at him. Then Caroline said, “How about the Pirates?” and everyone cheered.

It was a good day. But has there ever been a bad day when snowcones are involved?

I think not.
Edition 55: Fashion Friday (Spring Trends)

The other day I was getting Caroline dressed for school and she begged me to let her wear her blue flip-flops. I agreed that she could, as long as we packed a pair of tennis shoes in her school bag. Then I brushed her hair into a ponytail and put a hot pink bow in it.

She felt me slip the bow in and said, “I DO NOT want that bow in my hair.”

“Why? It looks so cute!”

“I don’t like it.”

“Well, I’m letting you wear your flip-flops so you need to wear the bow for me.”

“Okay, I’ll wear it, but as soon as I get to school I’m going to put it in my bag and forget this bow ever happened.”

I laughed and realized that statement sums up how I feel about everything I wore from 1985 to 1993. If only there wasn’t so much photographic evidence of all the sins I committed in the name of fashion trends.

But that’s why they’re called “trends”. Just keep in mind that not all trends are meant for everyone.

I wish someone would have told me that back in the 80’s before I wore those lace fingerless gloves and blue eyeliner.

Anyway, according to all my minutes of research, here are ten trends for Spring and Summer. If you don’t like them, don’t shoot the fashion messenger.

TRENDS FOR SPRING AND SUMMER

1. Slouchy pants

Is it just me or does this make you think of the line in “Nacho Libre” when he says that sometimes a man likes to wear stretchy pants when he’s alone in his room? Yeah, just me. After twelve years of marriage to P, I have inherited his tendency to think of life as a series of movie quotes.

This is actually a decent trend because it involves one of my favorite fashion elements, which is comfort. These are essentially pants that fit loose through the hips and can either be full-length or capris. The styles can range from a pair of boyfriend-type jeans like Katie Holmes has been sporting to a loose pair of cargos.

The key is to pair these pants with something more fitted on top. You want the pants to be slouchy, not you.

2. Hot pink

I’ll just be up front and tell you that I also saw mention of “neon” pink, but I’m going to pretend like I didn’t because I’ve done neon once in my life and I’m not doing it again. Although I did love my hot pink and neon green Santa Cruz outfit back in 1986.

I am totally on board with hot pink. It’s a great accent color for almost any outfit because it is bright and happy without a tendency to sometimes be overly dramatic like it’s second cousin, red.

Look for a great hot pink scarf or necklace to add to your wardrobe. Or you could always wear a hot pink tee with jeans and some hot pink patent thong sandals. And if you really want to get on the hot pink train (what the heck is a hot pink train?), you could find a hot pink bag to get you through the summer.

3. The statement necklace

I wore a lot of necklaces in the early 80’s that made a statement. The statement was “This is a lot of twist-a-beads wound together and I’m not sure this faux gold shell clip is going to fasten.” Thankfully, what we’re looking for here is a different kind of statement.

There are so many different types of necklaces that fit this category and you can find them in any price range. I’m a big fan of turquoise pretty much all year round, but I adore it during the spring and summer months.

4. Black and white prints

The good news is, if you’re like me, you already have an assortment of at least ten different black shirts in your closet. Pair those shirts with something white and you’re all set. That’s a little fashion tip I like to call “making do in the midst of a recession”.

However, if you must have something new, there are plenty of cute black and white options to choose from. The great thing is that it’s so versatile and you can accessorize with any color you want.

5. The trench

It’s not just for Inspector Gadget anymore.

According to Tim Gunn, the trench should be a closet staple. I used to be conflicted about this because I didn’t understand why anyone would want a boring tan trench coat in their closet unless they had a side job as a flasher. However, they now come in so many cute styles and colors that I get it. I have embraced the trench.

In fact, I would pledge my undying love to this one, except technically it’s not really a trench.

6. The scarf

You know I love you, but we have beat the scarf thing to death at this point. It’s not that I don’t adore them, but I am sick of talking about them.

For more on scarves, here’s a video on how to wear them and here are a few scarf options.

7. Embellished sandals

There was a time about twenty years ago when I vowed I would never wear sandals again. I have deep insecurities regarding my feet and figured why would I ever wear sandals when I have Keds in every color? Obviously, I had to rethink that whole Keds thing a few years later and, after a lot of therapy, I’ve learned that my feet are okay just the way they are.

All that being said, embellished sandals are a fun way to make an outfit stand out. I particularly like these and these.

8. Ruffles

I love the look of a ruffled shirt with a pair of jeans. Maybe it has something to do with the contrast between the feminine ruffles and the denim or maybe I’m just trying to write something that sounds intelligent and thoughtful.

Whatever the case may be, there are some really cute ruffled shirts and I love this ruffle trim jacket and how cute is this trench with a ruffle hem?

9. Cool colors like turquoise

Oh my word, why didn’t I just post six trends for Spring? This is wearing me out and I need to finish so I can watch “30 Rock” in peace.

Look for accessories and clothing in beautiful blues and greens. It’s the next best thing to being in the pool.

10. Neutrals (beiges, khakis, etc.)

I don’t really know how I feel about neutrals. I’m like Switzerland when it comes to neutrals, which is to say that I’m neutral. Also, the word “neutral” looks really weird when you type it that many times in a row.

This is like that old saying “Beige makes the world go ’round”, except no one has probably ever said that until now because I just made it up. The point is that to balance your hot pinks and cool blues, you must occasionally have some neutral influences.

Think about adding a jacket like this one or some bone-colored wedge sandals to your wardrobe. Or maybe just a nice pair of khaki bermuda shorts that you can wear with anything.

I can’t believe we’re done.

And it only took me the better part of ALL DAY LONG. This whole research thing is exhausting, which is the main reason I prefer to just state my opinion on a subject as opposed to substantiating any facts.

Anyway, hopefully this will help you hit the stores feeling just like a boy scout, and, by that, I mean ALWAYS PREPARED.

Last but not least, make sure you visit the Daily Links page to read about winning an opportunity to attend the She Speaks Conference for free.

I’m putting up Mr. Linky if you have anything to add to the discussion from your blog or feel free to add some thoughts in the comments.
Oh, I feel the burn

On Monday I decided it was time to get serious about my workout regimen.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. I spent most of Monday morning doing anything but exercising, including organizing all our tax information for our accountant. So, what I’m basically saying is I’d rather write a check to the IRS than work off all the Grande Peppermint Mochas that I drank over the winter.

But, eventually, our checkbook was balanced, our junk drawer was organized and I’d played so many games of Pathwords that I’ll never be able to use my right hand to point at anything ever again. I thought maybe I had some T.V. programming on the DVR that I needed to catch up on, but all that was left were a few episodes of “The Spirit of the Wild”.

I was left with no other option than to put on my workout clothes because I’d rather exercise than watch Uncle Ted talk about killin’ it and grillin’ it.

After donning my workout apparel, I decided I needed to do something other than the elliptical machine. It’s not that the elliptical isn’t a good workout, but it’s more of a cardiovascular thing and, last time I checked, my heart rate didn’t have cellulite.

I searched for my “Fat Burning Pilates” DVD, but couldn’t remember where I left it when I last used it in March 2008. Then I had a vague recollection of opening the drawer of the armoire last December, seeing the “Fat Burning Pilates” DVD case, and feeling that I was being mocked by the smug look on the instructor’s face.

Sure enough, there she was in the drawer. Smiling from ear to ear in her yoga pants and kicky green sports bra, as if she’d never dealt with the temptation of eating a pound of cheese in one sitting. I don’t trust a woman who looks as though she never enjoys some cheese.

I put in the DVD and ostensibly began to burn fat with all the perky girls and their six-pack abs. Since it had been a year since I last attempted and failed to complete this workout, I forgot that the musical accompaniment is a shady-looking guy playing the bongos. Clearly, they are all high. How else do you explain all the joy and the bongo-playing? It’s not like they’re at a luau.

So I grabbed my iPod because I knew the only person that could get me through this was Justin Timberlake. Sure enough, JT and I got into a pretty good rhythm until I got a little too enthusiastic with one of my side lunges and fell over the ottoman, which served as confirmation of my decision to never exercise in public.

Anyway, I finished the workout through sheer determination and the thought of how good it would feel to tell that guy what he could do with his bongos if I were in the same room with him.

My feeling of accomplishment lasted all the way until the next morning when I sat down to go to the bathroom and couldn’t stand back up without using the toilet paper holder for leverage. I thought about calling for help, but, while I may no longer have functioning thigh muscles, I still have my dignity.

Of course, it took my dignity and me the better part of three and half minutes to get up.

**On a totally different note, if you have a great original product that you’d love to market, the Dallas Market Center is holding an awesome contest called the Next Big Thing. Click over to my Daily Links page for all the information.**
Up a river without a clue

Up a tree.

That’s what Caroline decided to do after she got home from school yesterday, but it pretty much sums up how I spent most of my evening last night.

The blog was in the midst of a little facelift and it decided to FREAK OUT. Then, I was trying to send frantic emails to Cathy at Desperately Seeking WordPress and the Yahoo mail decided to FREAK OUT.

And then I FREAKED OUT.

I may or may not have hyperventilated just a little bit.

It was me against the internet. I’ve never felt so scared or alone because, I’ll be honest with you, the internet frightens me with all its technology and world wide webness.

So I spent a large part of the evening clicking over to see if the blog was back up and then typing frantic emails that I couldn’t send because the Yahoo mail decided to break up with me without even the courtesy of one last slow dance to “Hard to Say I’m Sorry”.

And then, just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, that bad guy on “24” shot Senator Mayer and things did not look good for Jack Bauer. Well, at least they didn’t until he managed to throw a screwdriver like it was a ninja death star.

(Is that even a real thing? Surely I don’t have the wherewithal to make up faux ninja weaponry.)

In summary, I was up a tree. A very stressful tree full of anxiety and a large Special Dark Hershey bar that I broke off piece by piece in an attempt to not actually eat the whole thing.

An attempt that failed, by the way.

The good news is that Cathy fixed the blog. In fact, she not only changed everything over to the new format, but upgraded everything (Who knew you were supposed to upgrade? I feel like George and Weezie Jefferson) and taught me all about widgets, which I mistakenly thought were a group of characters on “Star Wars: The Clone Wars”.

(Disclaimer: I’ve never watched “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” because why? Why would I?)

Anyway, I owe a huge thank you to Cathy who is a WordPress genius and patiently explained various concepts to me while I asked very technical questions such as “Can we move that thingie over behind that whateveritscalled?” and “Are the widgets friends with Luke Skywalker?”

It’s a wonder that I can check email.

Well, actually, I’m not sure if I can check email. I’ll have to see if Yahoo is ready to take me back. If not, I’ll just move on to gmail.

Because in the words of Bobby B., it’s my prerogative.

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Top o’ the mornin’ to you.
Mama tried

As of 7:15 this morning, Spring Break is officially over. It’s back to the real world of a nutritious breakfast of Lucky Charms marshmallows, discussing the unfairness of life and how it relates to wearing leggings to school, and lovingly making a ham sandwich that will return to me almost entirely intact in a Cinderella lunchbox.

Oh, I l do love a routine.

I know there were some low points last week, specifically the day we resorted to taking pictures of the dog’s ear, but I’m actually a little sad it’s over.

The good news is that she and her daddy were able to finish off the week with another trip to the ranch.

The bad news for my washing machine and my formerly clean floors is that they share a love for finding new and improved ways to get muddy.

(The sound is a little off because Vimeo hates me right now.)

A Sunday Drive from Big Mama on Vimeo

I wonder if Merle Haggard’s mama made him wear leggings to school?