Year: 2009

I feel like since y’all were kind enough to follow our road trip adventures last week that I need to bring the story to a close even though we’ve now been home for two days and I’m currently buried under a pile of unfolded laundry. I’ve always believed that folding is overrated, especially because I live with two people who believe that rummaging through drawers for a certain article of clothing while messing up everything else is a form of high art.

Disclaimer: There will be no pictures from this portion of the road trip saga because the batteries in my camera died. I believe this serves as a metaphor for the last hour of our trip.

On Friday morning, Honey picked up breakfast for us from the only food group we’d neglected in the course of our travels, Shipley’s chocolate-iced donuts and kolaches. I’ve always believed that nothing gets you going in the morning like some fried dough covered in chocolate with a side of sausage encased in a buttery roll. It’s the breakfast of champions, granted probably just champions who win hot dog eating contests for a living but whatever.

Gulley and I weren’t in any hurry to get on the road so we decided to take the kids to a nearby splash pad to burn some energy before we got in the car. Will decided he’d rather go with Honey to visit Nena because Nena styles his hair for him when he visits and he’s a fan of the gelled coiffure. So Gulley and I took Caroline and Jackson to play in the water, which was a great idea until Caroline fell and skinned her knee and the top of her foot.

You would have thought we’d just amputated her leg with a dull butter knife. She was actually fine until she saw the blood and then she went into the vapors. We left the park to pick up Chick-fil-A for lunch (no, we didn’t dress like cows because I have limits as to what I’ll do for free food and I couldn’t find anything to make a cow costume with) while Caroline continued to moan about her injury and the cruelty of life. It was like a monologue from a Lifetime movie and finally ended with me interrupting her to tell the story of the little boy who cried wolf. I’m not sure it was entirely relevant for the situation, but it was the first fable that came to mind since I didn’t recall any about a little girl whose mama leaves her in Bryan, Texas because she is a drama queen.

We got the kids home and settled at the table to eat their lunch. All was well until Honey walked in with Nena and Will. Caroline realized she had a fresh audience for her tale of woe, got up from the table and began to hop over to where they stood while she said in her most pitiful voice, “Honey, I’m not hopping because I want to but because I fell and scraped my knee.”

Did she not learn anything from my recounting the tale of the little boy who cried wolf?

I told her to sit down and eat her nuggets before I started telling her another fable, perhaps one involving children who aren’t fortunate enough to spend part of their summer vacation in Waco, Texas.

After the kids finished eating lunch and got up from the table, Nena leaned over to me and whispered, “Caroline seems to enjoy ill-health.” Gulley mouthed to me across the table, “It takes one to know one.” Nena is herself a fan of any type of illness. In fact, if you ask her she’ll tell you she’s had six surgeries in the past two years even though three of those were root canals.

We thought about leaving after lunch but really wanted to see our friend Tiff and her kids. Our plan was to stay about thirty minutes so we were a little behind schedule when we left three hours later, but it was so worth it even though we were tired and ready to get home.

The drive went smoothly until we reached the halfway point in Bastrop. We stopped for a potty break and the kids all begged to get something to drink. Clearly we were a little off our game because we let each of them get their own 24 ounce bottle of Gatorade. Then, because I am an idiot, I got in the car and made the dumbest declaration of all time, just thinking about it makes me want to bless my own heart.

I turned around, looked them all in the eye, and said, “WE ARE NOT MAKING ANY MORE STOPS. DO NOT DRINK MORE THAN WHAT YOU NEED TO DRINK BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO MORE POTTY STOPS. I REPEAT, THERE WILL BE NO MORE POTTY STOPS. DRINK ONLY WHAT YOU NEED.”

Genius.

About five minutes later, Gulley and I were deep in conversation in the front seat when we heard some cheering and yelling coming from the backseat. We turned around to see what was going on and, I KID YOU NOT, Caroline and Will are having a Gatorade chugging contest to see who can finish their bottle first.

My first thought was that their ability to drink 24 ounces quickly does not bode well for their college years. My second thought was to wonder if I need to take Caroline to the doctor to get her hearing checked.

Sure enough, we had to stop fifteen minutes from home so those two clowns could go to the bathroom. I think they each went for about four minutes without stopping.

Finally we were about six blocks from my house when Will announced he needed to go again. Gulley and I both said (maybe yelled) “YOU CAN HOLD IT. IT’S JUST SIX BLOCKS.” I pulled up to my house and handed Gulley my house keys so she could take Will to the bathroom while I unloaded the car.

But it was too late.

Will had let himself out and was happily peeing in the yard right outside my house, which considering that we’re in the midst of a drought isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Unless you’re the person in black Suburban who drove by in time to see the whole thing.

The end.

We were sitting around the breakfast table yesterday morning when I heard Will call to Gulley, “Mom? I need to show you something that’s an accident.”

I wasn’t really paying much attention because I was too busy looking at myself in the magnifying mirror.

I’m joking. I wasn’t really looking at myself in that mirror, but I totally wanted to be. I’ve had to let it go. Although Gulley and I took great comfort in knowing we aren’t alone in our eyebrow imperfections. It’s like a national epidemic that no one talks about in public. I wish I could offer a cure, but as one commenter named Samantha said, “They’re not twins. They’re sisters.” That’s some wisdom right there.

Anyway, I wasn’t concerned about Will’s “something that’s an accident” until I heard Gulley say, “Oh Will. What did you do? Those are Mel’s.”

Yes. Yes they were.

It was our first road-trip casualty.

Later in the day, Gulley let me borrow a pair of her sunglasses and we took the kids to swim at Adamson’s Lagoon which was a delight.

They were especially fond of the Lily Pad obstacle course that made them feel like contestants on “Wipeout”.

Gulley and I were fans because we saw an activity that was going to burn excessive energy. Energy that causes people to “accidentally” break some sunglasses using brute force.

We came home from swimming just in time to get ready to go out to eat Mexican food at Abuelo’s with Honey and Big. It had been five days since I’d had chips and salsa so I was in the midst of some serious withdrawal. After we’d all eaten way too much, we made our way outside to stand in the blazing heat and look at the fountain.

After standing there for a few seconds, they all decided to run around the entire thing about five times. I know there’s nothing I’d rather do after eating a plate of cheese enchiladas than run as fast as I can in 104 degree temperatures. It’s surprisingly refreshing.

So that was our day.

But y’all aren’t going to believe what happened.

A long time ago, I wrote this post about Gulley and I and our love for the Big Gulp in college. It was a general tale of rambling, but at the end of the story I talked about a cashier named Al at the Quikmart by our apartment who got Gulley’s phone number off a check she wrote for 99 cents to pay for a Big Gulp.

(Please keep in mind that this was when we were in college almost twenty years ago. Neither of us would ever write a check for 99 cents these days. We’d use a debit card.)

Last night before dinner, Gulley ran into a nearby convenience store on University Drive to buy some Visine for Jackson’s eyes while I waited in the car. She came back out, got in the car and said, “You aren’t going to believe who I just saw.”

“Who?” (Thinking maybe it was somebody like R.C. Slocum or another football coach that A&M still pays a lot of money for a vague job description.)

“Al.”

“Al who?”

“Al. AL FROM THE QUIKMART ON VILLA MARIA. HE REMEMBERED ME BY NAME.”

And she remembered him. Of course it helped that he was wearing a nametag that read “Al”.

Seriously. What are the odds?

I realize none of you may find this as fascinating as we found it, but it made our whole night. I mean, it wasn’t better than examining your face at length in a magnifying mirror, but it was a close second.

Later today we’ll load up the kids for the last time and head home to San Antonio. The kids are already talking about how sad they are that it’s all over, but we’ve assured them a new tradition has been born. In fact, next year we may rent a Winnebago and stay on the road for about two weeks.

Not really on the Winnebago. I can barely park a car.

But the two week part? That’s for real.

Also, on a completely unrelated note, several of you asked about the orange skirt I was wearing earlier in the week. I’m sad to report that I bought it at Gap about two summers ago, but pleased to let you know I got it on sale for $8.00. It may be the best $8.00 I’ve ever spent.

Anyway, this one from Gap is fairly similar to it and so is this one from Old Navy.

Y’all have a good Friday.

Yesterday morning, Hite called on my cell phone to see if we wanted him to bring us some Krispy Kreme donuts before we left Dallas. I kind of feel like he meant it as a rhetorical question because he’s known Gulley and me for almost twenty years and surely he must have known the answer would be YES PLEASE.

And as if Krispy Kreme delivery wasn’t enough, he also brought hats for everyone.

Even Ella.

Although she turned down the donuts in favor of one of Will’s matchbox cars, which AJ discovered later in the day when bits of Hot Wheels began to filter out of Ella’s mouth and other places we won’t discuss.

We ate our donuts, said our goodbyes and got back on the road for the second part of our Texas tour.

On the way to Waco, we called Gulley’s dad and asked him where we should stop for lunch. After he made fun of me for being a socialite due to my disdain for public transportation, he suggested we go to George’s Bar. It was a brilliant suggestion, so we played “George’s Bar” by Pat Green on the iPod for the kids (really it was totally for our own benefit) and headed that way.

Will didn’t make it into the picture because he was still back at the car searching for his Scooby Doo croc and the rest of us were broiling in the heat. We desperately needed to get in the air-conditioning and eat something fried.

After lunch, we made our big stop of the day, the Mayborn Museum on the Baylor campus. I have to say that it was one of the best children’s museums I’ve ever been to and was definitely better than sweating at the zoo looking at a bunch of lame birds and a gorilla who looks like he’s totally over the whole being in captivity thing.

Although I will admit that children’s museums can stress me out a little bit because some of the rooms involve science and exhibits like how a liquid turns into a gas and it’s only a matter of time before Caroline will ask a question and my shocking lack of anything and everything scientific will be put on display for a bunch of other moms to hear.

“A liquid becomes a gas by a process I like to call MAGIC.”

Fortunately, there were other things that required little to no working knowledge of anything useful.

My own little Mona Lisa.

Here they are in a Native American habitat formerly known as a tee-pee.

This was just like a real school bus but without the ripped green vinyl seats that stick to your legs and a surly, chain-smoking bus driver. Actually, the driver was a bit surly but he gave up smoking for his 3rd birthday.

Look! It’s what the ancient bloggers, also known as “writers”, used to use back in prehistoric times.

On our way out of the museum, we let the kids stop in the gift shop to pick one small souvenir each. Jackson and Caroline chose a small bag full of polished rocks and quartz. Will chose some kind of clear, plastic ball filled with bugs. When Gulley paid for it and handed it to him, he hugged her and exclaimed, “Thank you for buying this for me Mom! It’s a blessing to my heart.” I believe he absorbed some Baptist by osmosis while on the Baylor campus.

Finally, we got in the car and drove to the last stop of our trip, Bryan/College Station. The motherland.

Once the car was unloaded (again) and we settled in, there were three moments that made me so happy.

The first was this darling little ladybug cupcake cake that Honey (Gulley’s mama) had bought so we could have a little early birthday celebration for Gulley.

The second was when Nena came in and announced that she’d been in a terrible mood, but got a new permanent this afternoon and it changed her whole disposition. I’m sad to report that I have no pictures of Nena and her new permanent.

The third was when Gulley showed me this incredible magnifying mirror that belongs to Honey. She’d told me about it after her last trip because she said she couldn’t quit looking at her pores in horror and was certain it caused her to stumble in the way of over-tweezing her eyebrows.

Listen. I thought she was exaggerating, but once she showed me that mirror I was like the reincarnation of Narcissus, except instead of falling in love with my own beauty I was completely mesmerized by the fact that I not only have a unibrow, but some stray eyebrows growing down the side of my face. I can’t even discuss the fine lines around my eyes, it’s too painful.

So here’s my scientific fact for the day; It is never a good idea to look at yourself in a mirror that magnifies your face to 15 times its normal size.

Also, Gulley and I had a lengthy discussion (seriously, I’m embarrassed to even admit how long we passed that mirror back and forth and discussed it) about how we both have one really good eyebrow and one that is always a little unruly no matter how much we try to pluck and define. Our hypothesis is that all women have this eyebrow struggle.

Is it universal or is it just us? Do you have one good brow or are they equally appealing? Or perhaps you have a hobby that doesn’t involve staring at yourself in the mirror and have never really noticed one way or the other.

Whatever the case may be, we need to know. The science depends on it.

Yesterday morning, Gulley and I loaded up the kids and embarked on a road trip, the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the Ingalls family left the Big Woods of Wisconsin for the Kansas prairie.

Except we were only driving five hours to Dallas. In a car.

And I’m pretty sure Ma Ingalls didn’t have to travel with her body pillow. Of course she also made her own soap so what did she know about the struggles that come with being high maintenance?

My little apple with her travel pillow doesn’t fall far from the high maintenance tree.

This is where I have to sing the praises of the new toll road that takes you all the way around Austin. It may be the best thing I’ve discovered this summer, second only to LifeSaver Gummy Sours. I was a little confused about how I was supposed to pay the tolls because nothing seemed to be clearly marked. At one point we stopped at a booth to get some clarification on the toll-paying situation (Thanks anyway, Ray. It may help if you read over your list of frequently asked toll road questions in the back of your employee handbook.) and Will got a little freaked out because he thought we were at a car wash.

Nope, not a car wash. Just a destination for absolutely no helpful information.

But, still, toll road=GOLDEN.

Let’s just hope there’s not a $200 ticket waiting in Gulley’s mailbox when we get home.

As we made our way to Dallas, we made several stops to keep the trip interesting, including a quick bathroom stop at a very questionable Shell Station outside of Temple, Texas.

Fortunately, there were helpful instructions posted for those not familiar with indoor plumbing.

When we drove through Waco we decided to make a stop that really goes against everything we believe as good Aggies, but were desperate for something interesting to show the kids so we decided to stop and look at some Baptist bears.

Please note we’ve trained them well because they all flashed the Gig’em sign as we took the picture.

After we spent five fascinating minutes peering through a very small window to watch some bears sleep (it came as no surprise to me that they weren’t dancing), we got back on the road.

We continued on down I-35 until we saw what was the best thing I’d seen since the toll road.

Who knew that Willie Nelson had his own gas station/rest stop/bar? It’s true what they say, travel really does broaden your horizons.

And you can’t tell because I am such a poor photographer, but the kids are standing in front of a larger than life picture of Willie.

Then, because apparently I don’t get out enough, I had Gulley take one more picture of the kids and me outside of Willie’s Place.

Finally, in the immortal words of Willie we got on the road again until we reached our final destination of Dallas, specifically AJ’s house. Which, by the way, is the cutest little house I’ve ever seen and is decorated just darling in spite of the fact that AJ led us to believe she had no decorating skills and might possibly have a T.V. sitting on some cinder blocks. Gulley even told the kids that staying with AJ would be kind of like camping, so imagine their surprise when we pulled up to a fully-furnished house complete with floral arrangements.

Here’s Caroline with AJ at Wild About Harry’s where we made an essential stop for ice cream.

And here is the entire road trip crew at the end of the evening because nothing says road trip success like a picture with a giant hot dog.

We went back to AJ’s, put the kids to bed and watched “The Bachelorette” while discussing important matters about how you know a guy really likes you when he makes the effort to cook a stuffed pork chop for you. That probably makes no sense to you, but it made a lot of sense to us around 2:00 a.m.

I’ll be back tomorrow with more updates from the road.