Year: 2010

Yesterday morning I drove to Kerrville to speak to a MOPS group.

(This is where I’d like to insert my standard joke about how P likes to call it “Mothers Against Preschoolers” but I’m pretty sure that I’ve already made that comment about fifteen different times here. Not to mention that I referenced it in my talk yesterday. I need some new material.)

I talked about the challenges of being a mother and felt a little bit like MY LIFE IS SO HARD WITH MY SOLITARY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD WHO DRESSES AND FEEDS HERSELF because, seriously, if there is a group of women who are singlehandedly populating the Earth, it’s the women in MOPS groups. I mean they are smack dab in the thick of potty-training a toddler while fighting morning sickness and hoping their oldest child doesn’t cry during the Kindergarten drop-off. They make me weep with envy at the thought of their multi-tasking skills. Mainly because I operate on an organizational system that consists of sixteen different Post-It notes with important dates written on them shoved into the bottom of my purse.

Anyway, I offered my limited amount of wisdom with the disclaimer that my child is only seven years old and the verdict is still out on how this whole thing is going to turn out. Then I got in my car and drove back to San Antonio and listened to the following songs over the next hour:

The Happy Song by Chris Tomlin
Jesus Saves by Travis Cottrell
Peaceful, Easy Feeling by The Eagles
Heart of Glass by Blondie
Wanted: Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi
Jolene by Dolly Parton
Gold Digger by Kanye West
Our God by Chris Tomlin
Looks Like We Made It by Barry Manilow

I feel like something about this list speaks volumes about my personality, but frankly I’m frightened to examine it too closely.

As soon as I got back to the house I crawled over to the couch and slept for about an hour. Mainly because I didn’t sleep at all the night before because I never sleep the night before I have to be somewhere important. It’s a sickness. And I usually take down every one around me because P didn’t sleep either thanks to all my deep sighs and fake coughs and tossing and turning.

I am a joy to live with.

Finally it was time to pick up Caroline from school and we went to Gap to buy her a new pair of jeans because she is dying to wear jeans even though it’s still 146 degrees outside and her legs have grown about seventeen inches since last spring.

My goal for tomorrow is to clean my house from top to bottom. I’ve been putting it off for about the last week because I get so overwhelmed with the thought of having to clean two bathrooms. I KNOW. It’s pathetic.

But when we moved in this house thirteen years ago, it was only a three bedroom, one bath house. Apparently people didn’t spend a lot of time in the bathroom in the 1920’s. Probably because the curling iron hadn’t been invented.

(Please don’t email me to tell me that the curling iron had been invented. It may have been for all I know but it’s late and I’m too tired to look it up on Wikipedia or the Google.)

The point is that for six years I just had to clean one small bathroom. Then we moved out and added a master bedroom and bathroom. For those of you playing at home, that means we moved on up Jefferson style to two bathrooms total. But it didn’t matter because I had a baby two weeks after we moved back in and we hired a maid to do all the cleaning.

I’ll be honest. It was a blissful existence. But then I quit my job three and a half years ago and we had to tighten the proverbial belt and the maid had to go. And now I can never face the task of cleaning my house without feeling complete dread at the the thought of those two bathrooms, one of which has a shower stall AND a bathtub. OH THE HUMANITY.

Truth be told, we could probably work a maid back into our budget at this point, but I haven’t done it on principle. I should have time to clean my own house. I have one child in school all day and no real job. Well, technically, I guess I kind of have a job as a writer but it looks eerily similar to just sitting around in my pajamas all day looking at Twitter.

Although during our road trip with the kids this summer, Gulley’s son Jackson declared that I didn’t have a job and Gulley was quick to defend me with “She writes. That’s what she does.” And from the back seat, her youngest son, Will, piped up and said, “AND SHE BUILDS FLOATS FOR FIESTA“.

I’m totally putting that on my next resume.

Last Thursday, Caroline came home from school and said, “Mama, the problem with my teacher is that she doesn’t understand some girls are just wild. And I’m one of them”.

Yes.

Yes she is.

I’m planning on recapping our entire weekend tomorrow (I know! How will you sleep until then? THE SUSPENSE!) but the Compassion bloggers flew home from Guatemala yesterday and I wanted to share the links to my favorite posts from their trip. They are too good to miss.

Joy by Amanda (If the picture of her with her new Guatemalan family doesn’t make you feel complete happiness, then I don’t know what to tell you.)

The one question you’ve got to look in the mirror and really ask by Ann Voskamp

When God comes by by Shaun Groves (Do not miss the video at the end.)

Reconciling the disparity by Lindsey Nobles

Lame sponsors of the world unite! by Lisa-Jo

Treasures in the dark by Patricia Jones

And, last but not least, do not miss the photos by the amazingly talented Keely Scott. Her pictures bring life and depth to every word the bloggers write while they’re on the trip.

I also just want to say that I don’t link to these posts because of any obligation I have to Compassion. They don’t ask me to link or anything like that. I do it because I was able to see firsthand the difference they make in the lives of kids that would otherwise be forgotten when I went to the Dominican Republic two years ago. There honestly isn’t an organization that I believe in more. They are the hands and feet of Christ and they give you the chance to be the same.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Listen y’all. Hermine was not playing around. We had some more storms pass through late Tuesday night and got another four inches of rain and some lightning and thunder that may or may not have caused me to sit straight up in bed because I was certain our roof was about to cave in.

And when I went running the next morning (Couch to 5K, Week 3 Day 1. I’m all about the accountability. Until I’m not.) I thought the police were just being dramatic about their barricades until I went to make my usual right turn and came upon this scene.

There used to be a street there. Needless to say, I took a different route because I’m not really up for a triathlon.

Anyway, you know what makes you tired? Attempting to sleep through a storm while your seven-year-old child tries to figure out any way possible to get closer to you, if not actually inside your skin which is what she would prefer.

So today’s post is kind of like hello ladies, look at your man. Now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. I’m on a horse.

1. I can always count on Jon Acuff to make me laugh or to make me cry or to make me wish I was a better writer. I loved his post from yesterday titled Wondering why God makes life impossible sometimes.

It’s worth the read. I promise.

2. Someone sent me this picture of Kyle Field yesterday.

I believe it’s a sign from God that this season holds good things for Aggie football. And that we’ll never have to play in the Gallery Furniture Bowl again.

3. I meant to tell y’all this on Tuesday. ABC Family has begun airing Friday Night Lights every day at 5:00. If you start watching it today then you’ll have only missed the first two episodes.

As Nena would say, it’s on channel 180.

If you don’t fall in love with Coach and Tami Taylor, then I don’t know if we can be friends. Or maybe we can be friends, but the kind of friends that can only get together for maybe thirty minutes at a time before we run out of things to talk about.

4. A reader sent me a link to this photo yesterday:

Apparently I was wrong about not being able to use ammo to decorate for Christmas. Very festive in a get-off-my-property-or-I’ll-shoot-you-dead kind of way.

5. I’m on a mission to really decorate my house for fall. Just as soon as I paint my kitchen brown and get P to plant some yellow mums in the urns on our front porch. Specifically, I want to come up with a really pretty, yet totally natural, fall centerpiece for my dining room table. Which is why I was so excited to see the Fall Nesting Party going on at The Inspired Room.

There are tons of great ideas and you can look at all of them if you have a few weeks to spare.

Also, I feel like I need some mercury glass pumpkins.

The good news is, thanks to Hermine, I can find plenty of dead limbs all around the neighborhood. Including the ones P had to get off our backhouse yesterday.

6. Have I ever mentioned that I love the way Ann Voskamp writes? I love her first post from the Compassion Bloggers trip to Guatemala.

Anyone who can make Shaun Groves’ guitar case seem beautiful and poetic is beyond gifted.

Oh I kid. The duct tape that holds his guitar case together is very chic.

See y’all tomorrow.

I’m sure I had something wonderfully clever and insightful to say a few minutes ago. But then P handed me the computer and it had some kind of brown substance smeared all over the bottom of it and it was also on one of my new throw pillows. It kind of brought our evening to a screeching halt until I made P smell it and he discovered that it appeared to be a pretzel M&M in its former unmelted life.

You may be wondering why I made P smell it instead of smelling it myself. It’s because that’s the kind of thing that falls under his unofficial job description, along with going outside during a tropical storm every fifteen minutes and surveying our property for wind damage. Which, by the way, happened. Every fifteen minutes. All day long.

So, yes, Tropical Storm Hermine made its way to San Antonio and the weathermen are all so pleased with themselves for making an accurate prediction. There have been graphics and breaking weather news and flood updates for the last twenty-four hours. But I’m thrilled because I was able to fulfill my dream of sitting at home in the rain and not doing one thing yesterday. Unless you count all the times I felt like I needed to ask P for an update on any potential property damage.

I’m sad to report that an enormous tree limb fell on the roof of the backhouse. P was worried that it put a hole in the roof when it fell and I immediately became concerned because all my festive holiday wreaths are back there, but I’m guessing he was more concerned about his supply of ammo and weaponry. Like we can hang any of that on the front door come Christmas.

I picked Caroline up from school a few minutes early because the carpool line on a rainy day is enough to push any one over the edge and I’d spent a good deal of time watching What About Bob? earlier in the day and it may have hit too close to home.

We were supposed to have Back To School night last night but it was postponed due to the weather, which was a good thing because it was sprinkling heavily by 6:00 p.m. and the streets were wet. There may have even been a breeze.

So instead of Back To School night, we ended up enjoying our standard Tuesday night activities. If there’s one question that people email me with more than any other, it’s “What do you usually do on a Tuesday night?” Except that’s not true at all because no one cares. The actual question I’m asked the most is “Why do you only have one child and do you recommend it?” which I’ve thought about writing an entire post on but HELLO CAN OF WORMS.

However, I’ll tell you that our Tuesday nights are delightful. We usually eat dinner as a family. Last night we had Frito Pies made with Hormel chili from a can because we are sophisticated. Then after Caroline goes to bed, we begin our reality t.v. marathon. First, we watch Duck Commanders which has the honor of being the only hunting show I adore. After that P watches Uncle Ted while I play Words with Friends and/or Angry Bird depending on my mood. Finally, we end the evening with The Rachel Zoe Project.

In the interest of full disclosure, P usually seems to be more interested in looking at hunting paraphernalia online during Rachel Zoe. But I made him watch last night because Rachel and Brad dressed Johnny Weir (the figure skater) for some event and then he showed up to another event wearing the same suit as someone sitting at his table. It was a FASHION EMERGENCY LEVEL 10 CRISIS and ended with Brad helping him pick out a red velvet blazer to wear instead and citing the 90210 episode where Brenda and Kelly show up wearing the same dress to prom.

Which I just mentioned on Friday.

I don’t know when anything has brought me more joy.

I’m thinking I probably need to get out later today and do something productive with my life.

Maybe I’ll start with moving my wreaths out of the backhouse until our roof situation is remedied. And, also, scanning the couch in search of rogue pretzel M&Ms.

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There’s a group of Compassion bloggers in Guatemala this week. You can follow them on the Compassion bloggers’ site.

Also, I have a new Kellogg’s giveaway post up. Click over to my giveaway page for the chance to win a $100 gift card.