Year: 2010

  • Hair of the duck

    For some reason I had total and complete insomnia on Saturday night. I finally got out of bed around 5:30 a.m. because I felt like the clock was mocking me and I kind of wanted to throw it across the room. The point I’m trying to make is I’ve had approximately two hours of sleep in the last twenty-four hours and my disposition is somewhere between Joan Crawford and a rabid ferret.

    When I woke Caroline up for church yesterday morning she told me she was too tired to go to church and I informed her that was too bad because we were going. Then I added my tale of insomnia woe and detailed how I’d been up all night. She looked at me and said, “Don’t blame me”.

    She is a fount of sympathy.

    Anyway, on Friday afternoon we picked up some Sonic and went to the park to feed the ducks. We haven’t done that in forever, partly because the school year keeps us so busy and partly because the park is a little sketchy. But she wanted to feed the ducks and we had a pack of hamburger buns on the verge of mold and I really needed a Route 44 Diet Coke from Sonic.

    Everyone’s a winner.

    Especially this duck who is rockin’ some serious hair volume in spite of the high humidity.

  • Fashion Friday: Edition stuff I found while I was procrastinating

    Mimi and Bops took Caroline to the Witte Museum yesterday to see the dinosaur exhibit. I decided it would be a perfect time to clean out the playroom because I could actually get rid of some things. The majority of the time she doesn’t notice if things just disappear from the playroom, except for that one time when I gave away her shopping cart and she asked about it and I told her I’d sent it off to be repaired.

    Which is kind of true except for the part about it being repaired.

    I managed to clear out about two bags of stuff, including a Mr. Potato Head even though I felt a few moments of Toy Story guilt. However, it was quickly squashed by the joy I felt at the totally organized toy bins.

    When Caroline came back home she didn’t even notice anything was gone. In fact, she wanted to clean out more stuff so I recruited her to help me with the kitchen cabinets. I found a shocking amount of items that have long been expired and was also relieved to learn that I have eight half-full bottles of Karo Syrup on hand.

    And then after the kitchen cabinets were in order, I played six rounds of Words With Friends, thought about how LeBron James sums up all the reasons I don’t like professional sports, and then looked for cute stuff on the internet.

    Here’s what I found.

    1. Hive and Honey Samara Wedge

    These kind of appeal to me in a 70’s kind of retro way. They look like they could be the cooler stepsister of the Yo-Yo.

    2. Trouve’ Chambray Boyfriend Shirt

    I don’t know why I love denim like I do. It may be just a matter of time before I’m searching for some plaid walking shorts and a brown braided belt.

    3. Molded and Melded Tee

    4. Nexus Top

    This is kind of like the dressier cousin of the previous top.

    Apparently a lot of my selections today have relatives.

    5. Boden Printed Tunic

    There is no way to decide between all the great stuff on sale at Boden right now. It’s just too much.

    But this tunic might be my frontrunner.

    6. Uptown Coat

    Seriously, you have got to go over and check out everything that’s 50% off right now at Boden. This striped jacket makes me wish I lived somewhere cool enough to wear a jacket.

    Unfortunately, by the time it cools off enough in San Antonio for me to wear this, it will be December and I’d look a little summery.

    7. Fun Cotton Top

    Did I mention that I cleaned out the playroom and my kitchen cabinets today? That’s why I’m too tired to keep posting pictures of everything. Sorry.

    On the upside, I can loan you eight bottles of Karo Syrup if you need it.

    8. Present Yourself Jacket

    Oh, the jacket. They are my weakness.

    I also learned a valuable piece of information about the jacket this week while playing Words With Friends with Sophie. “Jupe” is a word that refers to a short jacket. I learned this when she played the word “jupe” against me for 44 points and I looked it up because I yearn for knowledge.

    Technically, this jacket is a jupe.

    9. Time Keeps On Ticking Watch

    This is the watch I’ve been looking for because it’s white and it’s only $18.00. Perfection.

    I realize that 9 is a random number to end on, but I have some very important things to do that may or may not include watching Bethenny’s Getting Married while playing Words With Friends and looking up recipes for things that involve Karo Syrup.

    Y’all have a great Friday.

  • Of rats and toilets

    I feel like I need to let you know up front that you probably should refrain from watching this video if you are a fan of rats. You may also want to avoid watching if you have a fear of finding a rat in your toilet. Which is not a fear I’ve ever experienced before because I always thought the whole rat-in-the-toilet thing was just an urban legend, but all that has changed and rat in the toilet has been added to my list o’ random fears and phobias.

    Other things on that list include eating water chestnuts, camping on the beach, the circus, and acid-washed jeans. Also, having a rat throw a piece of half-eaten burned toast at me because that actually happened once and I’m still not over it. Of course I could say the same thing about the acid-washed jeans.

    Anyway, the following is Caroline’s rat experience.

    The Rat from Big Mama on Vimeo.

    A few things:

    1. We actually made this video a few weeks ago and I forgot all about it because my short-term memory isn’t what it used to be.

    2. I would say I fall solidly in the “freak you out” category.

    3. P is my hero. He ran and got his gloves. If I’d been there I would have found a gas can and a match and burned the place to the ground.

    4. Love the term “smackin’ on him”.

    5. Yes, she is the sassiest one in the family. It’s not even a contest.

  • Two things of no importance whatsoever

    My goal yesterday was to get to the grocery store and be back home before noon because the later it gets in the day the greater the chance that my Skinny Cow Truffle Bars will melt before they ever make it to the inside of my freezer. But then I remembered I needed to mail back three out of the four swimsuits I ordered last week and we had to pick out invitations for Caroline’s birthday party and the vet called to let us know we could pick up Bruiser.

    And by the time we’d run all our other errands, signed in blood to get Bruiser released from the doctor, and agreed that invitations featuring a pool instead of a roller skate might be more appropriate for a pool party, it was 2:00 p.m. and I was exhausted. But we hadn’t made it to the store.

    So we loaded back up in the stay wag and went to HEB because everyone in my house is so whiny when we run out of things like milk, bread and toilet paper. After we unloaded groceries we put on sunscreen, headed to the pool and shut ‘er down. The short version of all of the above is I am tired and just have two quick things to mention.

    1. Jake and Vienna. Listen, I felt like I needed to take a shower to wash the reality television dirt off me after I watched that interview. That being said, I’m not sure if my favorite part was when Vienna requested that Jake take a “polyagraph” test or when Chris Harrison said, “Nobody wants to hear about the dog”.

    2. For weeks now I’ve been addicted to playing Typing Maniacs on Facebook. I don’t know that there is a nerdier game around than a game that tests how fast you type, but yet I am compelled to play at every opportunity. Think of me what you will.

    However, I’ve now turned my back on Typing Maniac and moved on to Words With Friends on my iPhone. I’m a little in love with it even though it’s making me feel a little insecure about my vocabulary and my ability to form words out of a few random letters.

    And now I need to go to bed.

  • Let freedom and aloe vera ring

    If I measured our Fourth of July fun based on the level of pain I’m experiencing from the sparkler-induced blister on the bottom of my foot, then it’s safe to say that we had a grand old time. But, hypothetically speaking, if you ever decide it might be fun to light two Morning Glory sparklers at the same time and hold them together to create maximum fireworks excitement, you might want to rethink that decision. Apparently this generates an excess amount of gunpowder or whatever and can cause sparks to shoot in eleven different directions, one of which might be the inside of your flip-flop.

    Our weekend started off on a sad note. P took our dog Bruiser to the vet on Friday morning because let’s just say Bruiser had been experiencing some digestive unpleasantries that made me want to hose down the backyard with Clorox. Caroline and I were at a birthday party when P called to let me know our vet couldn’t figure out the problem and it didn’t look good. I spent the rest of the party worried about Bruiser and debating whether or not I should prepare Caroline. When we left to go home I explained Bruiser was very, very sick and may not come home from the doctor and then I prepared myself for the tears. She looked into my eyes and said, “Mama, if he doesn’t make it can we get a kitten?”

    Clearly she was all torn up about it.

    Anyway, by Saturday morning the vet called to let us know Bruiser was doing much better after a night of I.V. fluids and could probably go home on Monday. But then he called yesterday and said they wanted to keep him one more night for further observation. So the good news is Bruiser is going to make it. The bad news is, after we pay his vet bill, he will probably be the only member of our family to go on a summer vacation. Meanwhile, as I write this, our vet is probably booking a trip to some swanky resort in Colorado to get away from the Texas heat.

    But back to our non-dog related portion of the weekend.

    Our neighborhood has a Fourth of July parade every year except this year it was on the Third of July. P brought the Polaris home from the ranch and he and Caroline spent Saturday morning getting it all decorated to take part in the festivities.

    And then they met up with a bunch of Caroline’s friends and they all piled in the back to wave to the crowd.

    I walked down the parade route with some friends so we could wave and cheer as they passed by.

    The parade ended about ten minutes after it started and we all met at the park for cookies and lemonade and to be led in a few patriotic songs by a man wearing red socks that came up to the middle of his calf. It doesn’t really get more American than that.

    Later in the day we went over to Mimi and Bops’ house because they were having a little pool party to celebrate the 4th on the 3rd. (I don’t know why I wrote “little pool party”. It makes it sound like we were all hanging out around one of those plastic pools you get for $6.00 outside of Walmart.) Caroline decided she wanted to spend the night with them and so I went home and fell asleep for the next hour and a half. God bless America.

    On Sunday afternoon we headed up to the pool to enjoy the Fourth of July festivities. Rumor had it there was going to be some line-dancing later that evening, so our plan was to get there and get out before all the fake dancing ensued. Fortunately, we arrived just in time for the belly flop contest which is Caroline’s favorite event.

    She walked slowly down the board.

    She executed the perfect flop.

    Can we please pause for a moment and discuss the odds of me getting that mid-air shot with my sad little point and shoot camera and horrendous photography skills? A million to one shot, Doc, a million to one shot.

    And she won fourth place.

    Personally, I think she was robbed. Especially now that I’ve seen the photographic evidence that her execution was flawless. But she received a medal and that was her ultimate goal. She is all about the medals.

    After the medal ceremony our champion belly-flopper relaxed with a cookies and cream ice cream sandwich.

    Later that night we came home and cooked hot dogs on the grill because we believe in our fundamental right to pursue liberty and happiness in the form of processed meat covered in sweet relish. While waiting on it to get dark outside we turned on the July 4th celebration at the Capitol to watch the fireworks. We explained why we celebrate the Fourth of July to Caroline and stressed how fortunate we are to have the freedom we have and how men and women fought and died for us.

    A few minutes later she asked, “So is today the day that England celebrates the Day of Shame?”

    The Day of Shame.

    I can think of several days in my own life that should be referred to as The Day of Shame (like the day I permed my bangs in 1987) but as far as I know it’s not an officially recognized holiday in England or anywhere else.

    Once it got dark we went outside with our enormous supply of sparklers.

    And a few other pyrotechnics that might have been against the law.

    And before that night was over, P had a big blister on his hand and I had one on the bottom of my foot. So I guess it ended up being our Night of Shame.

    And aloe vera.

  • Four years ago

    As of today it has been four years since I started writing down various pieces of random information and daily life on the internet. Four years.

    Time flies when you’re having fun or sitting on your couch at midnight trying to think of something interesting to say and then usually failing and settling for whatever comes to mind instead. You’re welcome for that.

    When I started this blog on July 5, 2006 on a total whim, Caroline looked like this.

    Oh my heart.

    There was no way I could have known the friends I would make along the way and how much I would adore the fact that I can pull up any random date from the last four years and know it was the day Caroline got rid of her pacifiers or the day I nearly lost my mind dealing with Dish Network’s customer service or when I became obsessed with Wizard of Oz McDonald’s Happy Meal toys to make the perfect shoe box Fiesta float.

    I’ve written about my family, my friends, Jose the guy that put the tile in our bathroom shower, and the time P’s Polaris was mysteriously wrecked. I’ve quit my job, adjusted to life after my career, and experienced a few hormonal meltdowns.

    Y’all show up here to read about it for reasons that I don’t totally understand but can only assume are directly related to understanding my ongoing recovery from bad 80’s hair and love of reality television.

    And I cannot thank you enough for that. It wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without you.

    Thanks for reading. Here’s to another four years or when I run out of words.

    Whichever comes first.