Month: June 2011

Now if I can teach him to make balloon animals

I know y’all probably get tired of me talking about the heat, but look at this.

And that was after we’d been in the car for a few minutes. It originally read 126.

I’m not kidding.

Also, the yellow hazard light is lit because the stay wag was having brake light issues that have since been remedied. I know you’re so relieved.

Anyway, we have even been under heat advisories. That kind of thing doesn’t generally happen in Texas because, well, it’s Texas. It’s supposed to be hot. And as P likes to remind me (multiple times!) every summer, when you live in San Antonio you’re practically living on the edge of a desert.

But yet I continue to complain about the heat.

Needless to say, we’ve been spending a lot of time inside this week for two reasons.

1. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but it’s hot.

2. I still haven’t recovered from our pool grill experience on Friday night and so we haven’t been back.

3. Plus, we’ve been busy doing other things like going to Target and my niece, Sarah’s, birthday party. Oh, and going to see Mr. Popper’s Penguins.

(Two thumbs up on Mr. Popper’s Penguins, by the way. Normally I have a hard time watching Jim Carrey because his face moves about in an unnatural way that I find disturbing.)

(Yes, I realize I listed three things but I didn’t realize there would be three things and now I don’t want to go back and change it.)

And so, in the midst of this heat wave, P and Caroline have discovered a new hobby.

Face painting.

It all began one afternoon when Caroline decided to give me a makeover, which turned into my face being caked with enough makeup to make Tammy Faye Baker weep. Then she asked P if she could paint his face. And, ultimately, he ended up painting her face.

That’s when we discovered that P has a hidden talent.

A cheetah.

A warthog.

A dying warthog.

A bass.

I know.

You’re most likely speechless from the display of talent. I’ve been married to P for almost fourteen years and had no idea.

But I think I may start hiring him out for birthday parties.
Big Boo Cast: Episode we talk a lot about television

Yes. It’s true.

Three podcasts in a timely manner. We’re practically the next Oprah.

But Caroline and P were out of town last night, so I felt like it was an opportune time to record a podcast and Sophie totally agreed. However, we experienced several internet issues. Which should come as no surprise given our history.

Fortunately, Skype came to the rescue and we were able to get the whole thing up and running. I know you’ll be so glad as you listen to us go on endlessly about television and the song stylings of Gloria Loring and Billy Vera and The Beaters.

It’s not like you can get this kind of material anywhere.

Actually, you can totally get it anywhere. Completely for free.

You can click here to listen. Or here. Or you can subscribe on iTunes.

Y’all enjoy.

And if there’s some pressing question or issue you’re dying to hear us discuss in upcoming podcasts, feel free to leave it in the comments.
A weekend in June with no nachos

Well, I just watched the Aggies lose in the bottom of the ninth inning to South Carolina. Which totally bums me out. And then I was excited to turn on the Miss U.S.A. pageant until I remembered that Miss U.S.A. doesn’t have a talent competition. Just a bunch of tanned girls in their early twenties with perfect bodies in swimsuits. Frankly, my self-esteem doesn’t need that kind of hit right now.

It would just bring out an ugly side in me that would desperately hope to hear one of them say something about “the shortage of maps in the U.S. of America and the IRAQ” to prove there are some flaws that perfect thighs can’t hide.

So on to things that don’t involve pageants or baseball.

Caroline was in VBS all last week and so we had a reason to get up and be productive every day. However, all that comes to a screeching halt this week because we have between zero and two plans on the calendar. And that is fine with me. Saturday morning was the first morning in two weeks that we didn’t have somewhere to be at any certain time. Which is why we were in our pajamas making pancakes around noon. It was delightful. And much needed after our Friday evening.

What? What went wrong on Friday evening?

The pool grill.

P’s back has been bothering him for the last few days because he tried to lift a flower pot that appeared to be one of those foam-type pots but was actually made of cast iron or titanium or something equally heavy. And so he spent most of Thursday and all of Friday popping a steady stream of muscle relaxers.

None of that has anything to do with the pool grill.

But now I kind of wish it led into some fantastic story of how P ended up at the pool grill all hopped up on muscle relaxers and made a huge scene. Because that would be such a more interesting story than what you’re actually about to get.

So, since P was down in the back as my Me-Ma used to say, Gulley and I decided we’d just take Will and Caroline to the pool Friday night and eat dinner there. Jackson was with another friend but, there again, that has nothing to do with this story.

Gulley had been at the pool on Wednesday and reported that it took FOREVER for them to get their food after they ordered and that Will’s nachos never showed up at all. Which is understandable because it takes virtually SECONDS to melt cheese on some chips in a microwave. But since we are optimists, we chose to believe that it was a fluke. Especially since we’ve been enjoying the chicken fingers at the pool grill for seven summers at this point. And while the service can occasionally get a little spotty around the end of July when the teenage cooks become cranky and surly, June is usually a banner month for the grill.

(As long as your definition of banner is fairly mediocre food served in a timely manner.)

We arrived at the pool around 5:30 and decided to order dinner at 6:30 because we figured it would probably be ready around 7:00. And I realize what I’m about to say is a FIRST WORLD PROBLEM of the ultimate kind, we still had no chicken fingers or nachos at 8:05. There was some story going around about how one of their fryers broke, but this didn’t explain the multitude of families who were waiting on their hot dogs to be ready. There were toddlers crying for their grilled cheese sandwiches and mothers crying because WHAT GOOD IS THE POOL IF YOU CAN’T GO HOME WITH KIDS THAT ARE TIRED BUT FED?

It was the closest thing I’ve ever seen to pure suburban mutiny.

I realize the grill is under new management and they’re trying to get all fancy with their offerings of ceviche and soft pretzels. But you know what moms want? Chicken fingers and hot dogs in a timely manner. We are a simple people with simple desires.

And so I kind of feel like I’m grieving the loss of the pool grill dinner strategy while simultaneously hoping they pull it together before the entire summer is a wash. If not, I’m researching ways to sneak in ham sandwiches or Chick-fil-A.

Needless to say, we avoided the pool on Saturday. Caroline went to see a production of Pinkalicious with a friend and I attempted to catch up on laundry. Then Sunday morning we all went to church and spent most of the day hanging out.

Later that evening, Mimi and Bops came over and I cooked a big Father’s Day dinner. I loved spending time with my two favorite dads.

The one that raised me.

(That’s me as Henrietta Hippo for Halloween. My daddy is dressed as a man from the mid-70’s. Please note the sweet hair.)

And the one that’s raising Caroline.

I could not love either of them more.

Hope y’all had a great weekend.
Fashion Friday: Edition the high was 103 degrees yesterday

Y’all. It is so hot.

That has nothing to do with this post, but it has to be said that if I wanted to live on the surface of the sun, I would have been an astronaut.

But today I want to begin Fashion Friday by talking about the Deeper Still Conference I went to last weekend. Specifically, the skirt Priscilla Shirer wore when she spoke on Saturday morning because I loved it with my whole heart. And apparently I wasn’t the only one since more than several people found my blog this week by googling “Priscilla Shirer’s maxi skirt”.

So I emailed Priscilla and asked if she’d be willing to share the whereabouts of the aforementioned skirt. And, y’all, she totally shared all the pertinent details. It is the downpour maxi skirt from Anthropologie.

AND IT’S ON SALE.

BUT THEY HAVE LIMITED SIZES LEFT ONLINE SO CHECK AT YOUR LOCAL STORE.

(I’M SO SORRY IF YOU DON’T HAVE A LOCAL STORE.)

(I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M STILL USING ALL CAPS, I’M JUST VERY EXCITED.)

Anyway, the picture doesn’t really do the skirt justice. Priscilla wore it with a sleeveless green shirt and a great belt. Her arms were also very toned, but I don’t think you can buy that in a store. And if you can, I need someone to HOOK ME UP with that location.

Seriously, Priscilla is not only a gifted Bible teacher, she also possesses a great sense of style. She wore an outfit Saturday night that I’m still trying to figure out how to replicate. Best of all, she’s talking fashion over at her blog today and YOU NEED TO CHECK IT OUT. Just click here.

And now for the rest of today’s fashion information.

1. stripe ruffle tier tank

Ann Taylor Loft has all their tops on sale for buy one, get one 50% off. I really like the stripe ruffle tier tank, but I also love this 3/4 sleeve tunic.

And you know what? I could get both.

Or maybe I’d choose this tiered shell and this sleeveless ruffle henley.

The possibilities are endless.

Well, actually the possibilities are limited to what’s available, but you know what I mean.

2. white trillums skirt

I love a skirt in the summer. And this one is on sale.

3. shapeshifter maxi

This, however, is not on sale. But it’s so great that I can’t hold that against it. Plus, wouldn’t it be cute with a denim jacket over it in the fall?

4. roberta roller rabbit pareo wrap

I love these wraps over a swimsuit. It brings a little glamour to the pool.

5. avandel floral eyelet dress

This is adorable.

6. screenprint starlet dress

And I love all the fun colors in this dress.

7. makeeda knot curvy plus maxi

I don’t know if y’all know this, but Ruche carries some really cute plus size clothes. Like this maxi dress.

8. pintucked crochet-trim top

I love when Old Navy has tops like this one. It’s the perfect thing to wear with shorts now and transition to jeans in the fall.

Assuming it ever feels cool again.

9. vintage havana paisley maxi

Speaking of maxi skirts, (and we were about nine items ago) I love this one. It’s got that whole bohemian thing going on and can also turn into a strapless dress. How clever is that?

10. zelda poets blouse

I don’t know if it’s still going on today, but Tracy Porter was offering 70% off, SEVENTY PERCENT OFF, all clothing, shoes, bags, and jewelry on her site yesterday. And, y’all, there are some seriously great things over there.

That’s it for today.

Y’all have a great Friday.
_____________________________

By the way, my friend Marla Taviano has written a brand new e-book just for husbands. Well, I guess wives can read it too, but it’s geared towards men. It’s only $4.99, and you can download a PDF or buy a copy for your Kindle, Nook or iPad. Click here for more details.
Book Club: Bossypants

Umm. Yeah.

This kind of slipped my mind.

When I announced Bossypants by Tina Fey as the next book in our very informal, largely unorganized book club, I said we’d discuss it on Wednesday, June 1st.

Obviously that date has passed us by.

But let me explain. I bought the book on May 4th and finished it on a flight home from Minneapolis on May 5th. And then I was swamped with end of school festivities, the last twelve episodes of Oprah, finding new ways to make chalupas seem like a valid dinner choice, and driving through Sonic to get Route 44 Diet Cokes.

In other words, I dropped the Bossypants ball.

However, my appalling lack of book club hosting skills is in no way a reflection of my feelings for the book. Because I LOVED the book. My goal was to find something completely different from the uber depressing Sarah’s Key and I think we can all agree that I succeeded.

Bossypants was everything I love in a book. It was a memoir full of funny stories that made me laugh out loud at least once every two or three pages. And I mean really laugh out loud. Not just a polite LOL-type thing that people say when chances are good they probably really didn’t laugh out loud at all.

There were so many things that I adored and I’d love nothing more than to share some of my favorite quotes. However, that is currently impossible because I loaned my copy to Gulley and therefore the book isn’t in my possession. And while I loved various lines, I haven’t committed them to memory.

But what about you? Did you love the book? Did it make you laugh? Are you a fan of the humorous memoir genre?

And, most importantly, should we continue the very informal, unorganized book club this summer?

These are the things that weigh heavy on my mind.
Going to the river and we’re gonna get married

We were at the pool for five and a half hours yesterday. And while that’s not a personal record, it comes pretty darn close. It also explains the sunburn on my shoulders and my inability to form proper sentences at the moment.

But here I am anyway.

I’d also like to give a shout out to whoever decided to add soft pretzels to the pool menu. Before this summer I never sat around at the pool and thought about how much I’d like a soft pretzel, but now that they’re available I’m not sure how I survived without them.

So, where was I when I realized I was over my self-imposed 1,000 word limit and ended yesterday’s post?

We went to a wedding. Actually we didn’t just go to the wedding, but P actually performed the ceremony because he is a licensed minister. Like a real licensed minister, not just some type of internet licensed minister. He can marry people or bury people or landscape your yard. He can also bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. P is what some folks may call a renaissance man.

Anyway, about three or four weeks ago, our friend, Stewart, called P to let him know he’d proposed to his girlfriend, Hannah, after three years of dating. This was especially significant to us because P is the one who set up Stewart and Hannah in the first place. So, oh yes, P can also add successful matchmaker to his resume.

Stewart asked if P would be willing to perform the ceremony and, by the way, they were planning to get married in less than a month. It would seem that after three years of dating each other, they didn’t feel there was much point in wasting any more time.

And that is how we ended up making the forty-five minute drive to Comfort, Texas on Sunday afternoon for one of my favorite weddings ever. Stewart and Hannah knew they didn’t want to do anything big, no Bridezilla or Brides Gone Out of Their Minds or Whacked Out Brides, just a simple wedding surrounded by their immediate family next to the Guadalupe River.

After P and Caroline picked me up from the airport, we picked up breakfast tacos so I could get a quick Mexican food fix. Then went home so I could unpack and repack. Caroline decided to help me and critiqued my choice of wedding attire by informing me, “All that dress says is ‘I LIKE BLUE AND GREEN AND THAT’S IT’.” But it was the only dress I had that was ironed and ready to go so I packed it anyway. Along with the Spanx I have to wear under it. Which Caroline referred to as “Mama’s bloomers”.

Yes.

Mama’s bloomers.

(Also, spellcheck doesn’t recognize the word “Spanx”. Clearly spellcheck has never had to worry about creating a smooth silhouette when you’re on the precipice of forty years old and have had a child.)

We dropped Caroline off to spend the night with a friend and we made the quick drive to the Haven River Inn in Comfort. The rest of the afternoon was spent swimming in the river with both families, including the bride and groom. Except the bride didn’t really swim because she didn’t want to get her hair wet and have to mess with washing and drying it before the wedding.

See what I’m saying? That is a relaxed bride.

Eventually it was time for us to all get ready and we went to our rooms to get dressed so we could meet back down by the river at 7:00 p.m. for the ceremony. This is where I regret to inform you that I have no pictures of the ceremony because I served as the videographer.

What? You didn’t know I had videographer skills?

That’s because I don’t.

A fact that I repeatedly told the bride who insisted, “How bad can it be?” A question that we’ll be able to answer after watching the video I took with a borrowed flip video while I prayed that the Lord would perform some type of fishes and loaves miracle on my paltry video abilities.

The ceremony was simple and beautiful. In fact, I told P that it’s exactly how I would do it if I found out tomorrow that we weren’t legally married and had to do the whole thing over again. I’m going to ignore his reference to a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD.

He is hilarious.

And, also, we are very much legally wed. I double-checked.

But in all seriousness, of all the weddings I’ve ever attended I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a more joyous bride and groom. There is something to be said for simplicity.

After the ceremony, the bride’s parents had planned a beautiful dinner at Riven Rock Ranch. It was unbelievably beautiful. The food was amazing and the scenery was even better. Oh, and look! I actually have a picture of our tables.

Please notice there are no people seated at those tables. I am a whiz at capturing the real moments.

But I did manage to get one quick picture of the bride and groom with my phone. Heaven forbid I should use a real camera that takes a high-quality picture.

On the way home the next day, P and I talked about how blessed we felt to be a part of such a special day. There are just some moments you know you’ll never forget and this one was even better because we’ve been a part of Stewart and Hannah’s relationship from the very beginning and we love each of their families so much. To see them all brought together was evidence of one of God’s best plans.

And here’s where I’d normally wish them all the happiness in the world.

Except I think they’ve already found it.