Year: 2011

So how was your weekend?

I spent the majority of mine in Lubbock, Texas and then got home Saturday night and slept until 11:00 on Sunday morning. That’s not even an exaggeration.

I left for Lubbock on Thursday afternoon. You might think a trip to Lubbock wouldn’t be that long considering I’m already in Texas, but you would be wrong. It takes a long time and a layover in Dallas to get to Lubbock. Because in case you didn’t know, Texas is an enormous state.

Lubbock, I would like to take your dry, cool air and wrap myself up in it like a blanket and stay there forever. My hair has never held up so beautifully.

Shortly after my plane landed, I headed to the rental car counter to pick up my car. The clerk handed me all the necessary paperwork and I gave him my drivers’ license and credit card while I confirmed that I only wanted the economy size car. He handed me a set of keys, directed me to the car lot and said, “It will be in stall #21. It’s a green Ford Fiesta.” When someone says “green Ford Fiesta” do you think something in the family of hunter greens?

Yes, I do too.

But it turned out to be a wrong assumption. Because as I wheeled my suitcase out to the car rental lot, I spotted my car while I was still 500 yards away.

(That’s not the actual car. I’d like to show you the real car but my phone isn’t speaking to my computer again and, thus, I cannot upload the photo. Sufficed to say, my rental was every bit as bright as the above photo.)

I have never been so sad to be alone because I had to laugh all by myself when I saw that green machine shining like a beacon from the parking lot. In the words of Mac Davis, “Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble.”

To make matters worse, I had no idea where I was going. And do you know what’s worse than driving the ugliest car in Lubbock, Texas? Driving the ugliest car in Lubbock, Texas when you have to drive thirty miles an hour because you’re trying to decipher the directions on your iPhone.

But on Saturday during her message, Beth Moore reminded us that sometimes “we can guard our dignity right out of an epiphany.” So I feel like that Ford Fiesta in Lime Squeeze opened up my heart to an epiphany because my dignity was gone. I’ll let you know what that epiphany is as soon as I figure it out.

And so that’s why I was in Lubbock. It was the host site of the 2011 Living Proof Live simulcast with Beth Moore and I was in town to help out with the event. Sadly, I think I’ve been demoted since the last event because not only was I not in charge of selling any merch, I didn’t even get a walkie-talkie this time. Instead they put me at the marketing table which only involved passing out Homelife magazines while saying, “They’re free, Ladies. Take as many as you’d like.”

Honestly, I think it’s probably the best job for my particular set of skills, mainly because it doesn’t involve having to make change or realize that you’ve been pushing down the talk button on your walkie-talkie for the last hour.

On a side note, I mentioned to one of the women on the Event team that I used to have fun visiting Lubbock back when I was in college and Texas Tech played A&M. She said, “Oh! Then you know what’s fun to do around here. Where should we go?” And I had to let her know that we really couldn’t do the same activities in Lubbock that I did with my friends back in 1993. Largely because the SAE fraternity might be alarmed by a bunch of middle aged women out in front of their fraternity house looking for the keg party.

Anyway, the best thing about the weekend was listening to a great message from Beth, fabulous worship with Travis and the Praise Team, and getting to meet a couple of y’all. Which totally made my day.

And then I had to fly like the wind in my sweet Ford Fiesta to get back to the airport in time for my flight late Saturday afternoon. I barely made it in time and by the time Gulley and her boys picked me up at the San Antonio airport around 8:30, I was so tired that I told Gulley I could just sit and cry like a little kid does when they’re completely worn out.

From the back seat, Will said, “I know just how you feel, Mel. I know just how you feel.”

P and Caroline were off hog hunting and didn’t get home until around 11:00. I waited up for them as long as you consider waiting up to mean that I fell asleep on the couch until I heard them pull in the driveway. And then I got into bed and passed out until 11:00 a.m. Sunday morning.

The end.

This is where I could write some long introduction explaining why I’m just posting a list of things today, but the fact of the matter is I can’t possibly string all these things into a few concise, well-written paragraphs. Bullet points and/or numbers are in order.

1. Y’all. I totally messed up on the “My Very Excellent Mother Served Us Nine Pizzas” thing yesterday because I wrote ORDERED instead of SERVED. Maybe some of you thought I did it on purpose to be funny.

I didn’t.

This doesn’t bode well for Caroline’s eventual assignment on the Solar System and also serves as a very good example of why I never need to homeschool. The world doesn’t need another child running around declaring, “THE EARTH IS TOTALLY FLAT, Y’ALL”.

2. Speaking of Caroline and the fact I have nothing left to offer her education-wise, the other day I was telling Mimi and Bops about something and Caroline asked, “Where is it located?”

I replied, “It’s in a place called Chicago”.

She said, “I’M IN THIRD GRADE. Don’t tell me ‘IT’S IN A PLACE CALLED CHICAGO’. I KNOW ABOUT CHICAGO.”

I’m pretty sure she’s packing up and moving to New York next week.

3. I want SO MUCH to discuss this whole A&M to the SEC mess and Baylor’s threats of a lawsuit. But I’ve always been told if you can’t say something nice then you shouldn’t say anything at all.

Sometimes if you love something you have to let it go, Baylor.

Edited to add – I was a little harsher earlier and I apologize. I have very strong feelings but I will keep them to myself. I love many, many people who happened to have graduated from Baylor.

4. I ended up with side swept bangs yesterday. It felt like the right choice. I’m not sure how I feel about them yet. I’ll let you know after I style them myself.

5. I’m so excited about the debut of the new Missoni collection at Target that I even marked September 13th on my calendar so I wouldn’t forget. I hope it’s worth me driving five miles out of my way and enduring four additional stoplights to get there.

Of course I’m debating going to my secret Target instead because I think my main Target is totally over-shopped. Rumor has it we’re getting a Super Target in our neighborhood, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

6. Guess what? There’s a chance to win a Keurig coffee maker and read about Green Mountain coffee on my giveaway page.

7. The fires in Texas. We desperately need rain. Please continue to pray for Texas. It’s so sad.

8. I think that’s it. Y’all have a great day.

We had Back to School night last night and I ended up leaving totally stressed out. Stressed out about third grade. And rumors that it will require making a model of the Solar System. I am from a generation that was led to believe that Pluto was a planet. In fact I’m still not sure that it’s not. Who decides what constitutes a planet and why do they get to just revoke that status all willy-nilly? Because they have “Doctor” in front of their name? I once watched a doctor dump an entire side salad from Olive Garden into his lasagna and eat it all mixed together in a large bowl. Doctors don’t know everything.

And how am I supposed to help Caroline memorize the order of the planets if I don’t use “My Very Excellent Mother Just Ordered Us Nine Pizzas”? It doesn’t make any sense if you leave off the pizzas. The whole thing makes my head hurt. I can already tell I’m going to lose sleep over how to make the rings on Saturn really POP.

We also heard more about the STARR test which is the new standardized test for Texas schools this year. Apparently it’s supposed to be more difficult than the TAAS or the TAKS or the entrance exam for admission to Harvard. Caroline’s teacher showed us a sample question and it contained the words “quadratic equation”. I almost blacked out from the horrific flashbacks to Algebra and was prepared to just take Caroline out of school right now and teach her a useful trade before her teacher clarified this was a question from the version of the test taken by seniors in high school.

Clearly we’re going to have to get her a tutor at some point. A tutor with math skills not limited to balancing a checkbook. A tutor who doesn’t have to measure out 3/4 of a cup of flour twice when doubling a recipe because she can’t remember how to add fractions. Not that I know anyone who has to do that. It’s purely hypothetical.

In other developments that have little to nothing to do with my child’s education, P got out of bed late last night because sometimes when a person eats half a bag of M&Ms they get acid reflux. (Now there is some free science for you.) While he was popping Tums and taking Zantac, he looked out the back window and discovered a very large possum dining on our dogs’ food. This serves as confirmation that I have no business ever going in our backyard after midnight. Nothing good can come of it. Unless you believe a possum-induced heart attack is a positive thing.

It seems like there should be more to the possum story doesn’t it? There’s not. Sorry. It’s just something I wanted to share. So that someday I can look back and wonder when it was that a possum was eating our dogs’ food and know that it was September 6, 2011. Precious memories.

Finally, as if this isn’t all exciting enough, I’m getting my hair cut later today. I realize this may not mean much to, well, all of you, but I haven’t had it cut since April. It’s shameful. I’m a cross between Morticia Addams and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

I really didn’t mean to go this long between haircuts but the summer just flew by and I spent the majority of it with my hair piled under a baseball cap at the pool or bobby-pinned back in some sort of haphazard bun configuration. So now my bangs have completely grown out and I have to make the agonizing decision that rules my life; Bangs or no bangs? Side swept long bangs? Straight across bangs?

It’s almost as important as whether or not Pluto is a planet.

Y’all.

I am so disoriented right now. It feels like it’s Sunday night but I just realized it’s Monday night and that explains why The Bachelor Pad is on. Actually, nothing explains why Bachelor Pad is on. I believe it’s a new low for reality television and no one has ever accused me of having any standards where reality T.V. is concerned. I mean I’ve watched at least one or six episodes of EVERY single franchise of The Real Housewives, including Miami and no one could stomach that.

But speaking of reality T.V., and we totally were whether you knew it or not, the new season of The Rachel Zoe Project starts Tuesday. I have no doubt that it will LITERALLY be BANANAS. I die. I may even do what Rachel would do and curl up in my thick white velour robe and eat half a carrot stick to celebrate.

Oh I’m kidding. We all know Zoe would never eat half a carrot stick. She lives solely on whatever she drinks in those venti cups from Starbucks.

Okay, so let’s talk about the weekend. Even though that means I have to go back three whole days since it’s not Sunday, but Monday. It makes my brain hurt.

On Friday night P and Caroline went down to the ranch for what has become their weekly hog hunt. Several of you have asked what they do with the hogs and so this seems like a good time to tell you that all the meat is processed and used to feed the homeless through a ministry at our church. Wild hogs are a real problem for ranchers in Texas and so this is a win for everyone concerned.

However, the big win was my Friday evening pedicure. I chose a deep shade of maroon for my toes to show my support for the Aggies and because I choose to believe it’s really fall.

Saturday was a low-key day. We swam at Mimi and Bops’ house with my sister and her kids and ate fajitas.

(I know. This is FASCINATING.)

(And I didn’t even tell you about the whole wheat tortillas from Central Market!)

(They were delicious.)

On Sunday morning we went to church and then laid around for most of the day until it was time to head to Gulley’s to watch the Aggies play SMU. And I got a huge surprise when Gulley’s front door opened and my dear friend from college, Jennifer, was standing there.

I had no idea she was coming in town because she wanted to surprise me with a belated birthday celebration. AND, best of all, she brought her precious new three-month-old baby boy with her.

We’re pretty sure he’ll be a starting offensive lineman for the Aggies by next year.

Some of you may remember, or not, that Jennifer, Gulley and I were college roommates. Jen got married for the first time in April 2010 after waiting for a long time for her Mr. Right to show up. You can read all about it right here. They decided to wait a year after the wedding to make a decision about whether or not to have kids. But because God has a sense of humor, Jen found out she was unexpectedly pregnant just a few months later. She was more than a little stunned, but also thrilled and now she has a beautiful baby boy to go along with her new husband. That’s a lot of changes in a one year period of time when you’re thirty-nine years old, but she is the most laid back new mother I’ve ever seen.

Anyway, it was such a fun surprise and meant the world to me. There isn’t much better in life than watching Aggie football with your oldest and dearest friends. Well, unless it’s watching the Aggies WIN while you’re watching with your oldest and dearest friends.

Then, as if all that wasn’t enough, I woke up on Monday morning to discover that fall had decided to pay a visit. It was a cool 63 degrees outside with a north wind that made me want to open all the windows and breathe it in. So that’s exactly what I did.

I was even inspired to deep clean much of the house because the weather made me feel so hopeful about the future. Later in the day Gulley and I took the kids to the pool and they complained about being COLD. The temperature had gotten up to 92 degrees but they were COLD. Bless their little deep-fried South Texas hearts.

Of course P says this is really just a fake cold front caused by Tropical Storm Lee, but WHATEVER. I’ll take what I can get. Rumor has it that it will only be 55 degrees tomorrow morning. Which means if you need me you can find me sitting outside ALL DAY LONG.

On a serious note, there are fires burning all over Texas. It breaks my heart to see the devastation. The cooler weather is nice, but we desperately, DESPERATELY, need rain. Would sure appreciate your prayers to that end.

And so that’s what’s going on here. Hope y’all had a great Labor Day weekend.