Year: 2011

  • This might be the lamest post ever

    Well in the spirit of giving it appears that I have given the cold I had last week to everyone who lives at my house. In other words, P and Caroline are both terribly congested and desperately seeking Sudafed.

    And did you know you can’t find real Sudafed anymore? Even behind the pharmacy counter? You can find HEB-fed and Wal-fed and CVS-fed, but not legitimate brand name Sudafed unless it’s the twelve hour Sudafed and that’s not the same. I like the small red 30 mg pill.

    I realize this seems like I’ve put a lot of thought into my Sudafed consumption.

    And I have.

    Old drug rep habits die hard.

    I think my preoccupation with pseudoephedrine products is an indicator that there isn’t much going on here right now. Unless you want to hear about how P woke up coughing up a lung last night and how Caroline slept in our bed and decided my body was the perfect leg rest.

    Or maybe I could tell you all about the upcoming class Christmas party and how we decided to go with the snowglobe craft and the reindeer food. Because that is FASCINATING.

    Oh, we also took P’s truck to the mechanic on Monday because it’s Christmas and his truck has a sixth sense about inconvenient times to leak oil or transmission fluid or to blow the flux capacitor so MERRY CHRISTMAS, P! I hope you love your new return thingy from the oil cooler. FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA.

    Let’s hope that’s the gift that keeps giving.

    On the plus side, I drove him to pick his truck up yesterday morning in thick, dense fog like something out of a horror movie. Wait. How is that “on the plus side”? Because it was 10:15 and we drove right by a Chick-Fil-A and I realized it was still early enough to get an order of chicken minis.

    P got the chicken biscuit. But he tried one of my chicken minis and decided he didn’t like the texture of the roll. I’m not sure how our marriage is going to survive. Maybe some counseling. Or some intensive roll therapy.

    (I am just making this up as I go along. I know it’s hard to tell.)

    (I nearly resorted to showing y’all a bunch of things on Pinterest that I like. I bet you’re wishing I’d gone with that.)

    (Don’t worry. If things don’t pick up here there’s a good chance that will be tomorrow’s post.)

    Anyway, after we got home with the good as ten-year-old truck, I realized it was probably time to put water in our Christmas tree. Which is when I discovered, TO MY HORROR, that our tree has already quit drinking water. And there are still twelve days until Christmas. This doesn’t bode well.

    But I tweeted my dilemma just like the pioneers used to do and several people suggested I add ginger ale to the water. And so I went to HEB, bought ginger ale and put it in the tree. I don’t know if it’s actually working because the tree still doesn’t appear to be drinking water as of this writing, but it does seem to have brought back some of its pine smell and the branches look perkier.

    Or maybe it’s just a placebo effect.

    Similar to what you get when you take Wal-fed instead of real, old-fashioned Sudafed.

  • It was our 21st annual wrapping party

    Before I can even commence with this post I have to share that I noticed in my list of site stats that someone actually googled “Big Mama chicken on the outside” and “Big Mama Blog raw chicken” yesterday. Which makes me feel like somewhere, someone was talking about me (maybe contemplating giving me some sort of important assignment or task) and then thought to themselves WAIT. I THINK SHE HAS ISSUES WITH CHICKEN. And then my blog confirmed it and that was the end of my possible career in the CIA.

    Or maybe it’s possible it wasn’t nearly anything that exciting.

    So this past weekend was the magical weekend of the year that Gulley and I spend the entire weekend both child and husband-free while we complete all our Christmas shopping and wrap all our presents and drink one or four bottles of wine. It is always one of my favorite weekends of the year and I’m so glad that we established this tradition over twenty years ago. Even while I’m baffled that two twenty-year-old college girls who actually once basically hitchhiked to Oklahoma (true story) had the foresight and wisdom to come up with such a brilliant idea.

    The only real problem with the whole thing is we need to come up with a way to stretch it to three days of shopping instead of just two. Not that two days isn’t enough time to get our Christmas shopping done. It just doesn’t allow enough time to try on multiple pairs of Frye boots in Nordstrom for reasons that have nothing to do with Christmas and the spirit of giving.

    We began our shopping weekend ‘o fun at 9:30 Friday morning when I picked Gulley up from her house. After a quick stop at Starbucks for caffeine nourishment, we drove straight out to The Shops at La Cantera because we actually employ a strategy and we figured it would be a zoo on Saturday so we should finish our bisness (I really meant to type “business” but I accidentally typed “bisness” and so I’m keeping it. Like we were two gangsta shoppers finishing our bizness because we are just that hip and cool.) there on Friday.

    (Actually I just remembered our first stop was Hobby Lobby. I should remember this because it’s where I started to gripe to Gulley about all the logistics of Caroline’s third grade class party and might have been stressing out about the chocolate fountain when Gulley looked at me and said, “I think you need to hashtag this conversation #FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS”. And then we laughed until we cried because what elementary school party has a chocolate fountain? Except for my daughter’s?)

    Technically our first stop should have been Toys ‘R Us but we were mistakenly under the impression that we would be able to avoid Toys ‘R Us entirely this year and so we made a strategic error. Sadly, it was around 5:00 p.m. on Friday when we realized that, YES VIRGINIA, we would have to go to the place that makes Santa want to die, but acknowledged that neither of us could handle it on a Friday night and decided to save it for first thing Saturday morning.

    But we managed to find several gifts at La Cantera and TJ Maxx Homegoods. Then we ventured to Target for a few things and ended up at Cost Plus World Market in search of various odds and ends.

    Finally, we made a quick stop by my house to unload our packages and then treated ourselves to a delicious Italian dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. Then we came home, watched five episodes of Friends and went to sleep.

    First thing Saturday morning turned out to be 11:00 by the time we woke up and got dressed, but what’s the point of having an empty house with no kids if you don’t sleep late and enjoy it? Gulley also asked me if I would use the You Curl on her hair so she could see if she might want one for Christmas.

    And so I You Curled. And I’m here to tell you that Gulley had to fight a stronghold of hair pride the rest of the day. She said she hadn’t liked her hair this much since the night of her Junior Prom in 1989. I can only imagine how much she would have loved herself if she’d been able to wear that same peach lame’ dress with shoes dyed to match.

    But I do have to say her hair pride was warranted because it POURED DOWN RAIN all day Saturday and her hair was still standing strong when we got back to the house that night.

    It was like a hair miracle. Like the fishes and loaves that fed the multitudes but with hair and styling spray.

    By the time we got home on Saturday night we were soaked from the rain, exhausted, and cold. But we rebounded after I got a fire going in the fireplace (SHOUT OUT TO LIGHTER FLUID) and put on our pajamas. That’s when the wrapping party began.

    Each of us has a pile of presents that need to be wrapped and evaluated and sorted. Then we eat some cheese and crackers and possibly some chocolate chip cookie dough and get to wrapping while we watch girl movies. We started with When Harry Met Sally which led to a hilarious conversation about our worst dates ever. Sadly, I cannot share all that information here but sufficed to say that I once set Gulley up with a guy who didn’t order any food at dinner because he was “on a diet” and then proceeded to eat her entire plate of cheese enchiladas when they arrived.

    Nice.

    There was also a time we went on a double date in college with two guys that had us drive out to their “house” that turned out to be a single-wide trailer surrounded by so many random dogs that I finally just stopped my car in the middle of the road for fear of running one of them over. The dogs, not the dates. Just wanted to clarify.

    Needless to say, it didn’t work out for us. But we did end up having a nice night at the Bellville County Fair where our dates bought us each our own turkey leg.

    And speaking of single-wide trailers, we watched Urban Cowboy next. We both admitted there was a time we dreamed of having our wedding receptions at Gilley’s and dancing to “Can I Have This Dance?” while wearing white cowboy boots and maybe remarking “Mama, my legs are sweatin’.”

    Of course I don’t know what’s more disturbing. That we ever dreamed of those things or that we both saw the movie while we were still in elementary school?

    But like Gulley said, “It was a different time back then.” Yes. A time when someone cast John Travolta to play a cowboy.

    We stayed up until around 2:00 a.m., but finally every present was wrapped (except for the two I forgot about until the next day) and we went to bed. On Sunday morning we faced the sad realization that another Christmas shopping weekend had come and gone all too soon.

    But on the bright side, Gulley’s hair was still curled.

    And that’s more than Sissy could say by the end of her wedding reception at Gilley’s.

  • At least it wasn’t Rudolph

    This weekend was the annual Christmas shopping/wrapping party extravaganza that Gulley and I have every year. And we had the best time and 99% of my presents are now wrapped and under the tree.

    I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow.

    But this is what Caroline did this weekend.

    When she got home she told me it was the best morning of her life.

    Which is funny because I’m pretty sure when I was eight years old that the best day of my life was the day I got my Barbie town home complete with an elevator.

    And I don’t think those two things are the same.

  • Fashion Friday: Edition I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas

    I had a hard time finding ten things this week. Did I say that last week too? Because if I didn’t say it, I promise I thought it.

    Maybe it’s because I haven’t been out in the stores lately or maybe it’s because I’m not shopping for myself right now, but I just haven’t seen many things I’m crazy about. But here are a few things that I like enough to post here.

    (Wow. This maybe the most non-commital fashion friday post ever.)

    1. climbing cables turtleneck

    Here’s some interesting news. Anthropologie is having a 50% sale on all full-priced sweaters today through Saturday. And 50% off is a pretty good deal. Especially when it comes to things from Anthro.

    And I’m not a math whiz, but that means this sweater would only be $44.00 after the discount.

    2. shallop pullover

    This is the kind of sweater I’m always drawn to in theory. I like the whole navy, horizontal stripe, nautical thing it has going on. And I always think it looks so crisp on other people.

    Then I put it on and meh. But it’s on sale for $49 and it might look great on you.

    3. vineyard ruffle scarf

    I really like this style of scarf.

    4. open front cardigan

    I’ve had my eye on these cardigans from Old Navy since they got them in and now they’re on sale for just $29.50.

    5. striped flower slippers

    These are so cute. And might be a little more fashion forward than the leopard print houseshoes that I’ve worn for the last two years.

    They’d also make a great gift.

    6. nick and nora flannel pajamas

    I love a new pair of flannel pajamas. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, Clark.

    7. Toms black sequins wedges

    I saw these the other day and was like HOLD THE PHONE. Toms wedges with sequins? Comfort and glamour all in one shoe? Yes, please.

    8. harvel knit curvy plus cardigan

    This is really cute and the perfect thing to throw on with a lot of different outfits.

    9. layered ruffle scarf

    This is a darling scarf and it comes in a variety of colors. Even better? It’s an extra 30% off when you use the code DEC30.

    10. minnetonka fringed tall boots

    I just bought Caroline a pair of these and now I want some for myself. They are so cute and so comfortable. And I do love some fringe.

    That’s it for today.

    Have a great Friday.

  • Time. It flies.

    Last Friday I took Caroline to get her hair cut and Elizabeth blew her hair dry and styled it before we left.

    When did she get so big?

    And what happened to this baby girl in pigtails and a purple tutu?

    It kind of makes my heart hurt.

  • Sometimes laughter isn’t the best medicine

    So I haven’t mentioned that I’ve been fighting a bit of a cold because every time I mention I have a cold someone will inevitably leave a comment about how they’re concerned that I seem to be sick so much of the time.

    When the truth is that I don’t really feel like I’m sick very much at all. But I do have an eight-year-old who goes to school every day which is the equivalent of living with a petri dish so I’m bound to come down with the occasional cold.

    I’m just glad that I haven’t crossed over into Hazel territory at this point. I just have heavy congestion in my head that has made me feel slightly miserable for the last few days and doesn’t seem to respond to Sudafed unless I take upwards of 120 mg of it which is precisely the amount it takes for me to feel like my heart might explode out of my chest.

    And now you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this.

    I wish I knew.

    Oh. I just remembered. Because of all the cold/sinus/aliens living in my head I haven’t been able to sleep very well. I’ll go right to sleep but then wake up at some point in the night when I can no longer breathe through my nose and my right cheek feels like it’s caving in. I’ve tried various combinations of Zyrtec and Sudafed and Benadryl and vodka, but none of has really worked.

    Then I was at HEB yesterday because we were out of milk and eggs and bread and chocolate, and I walked over to the pharmacy aisle to buy some more Benadryl. I really wanted to buy some more Sudafed but I am certain I’ve reached my pseudoephedrine maximum allotment for the month and was afraid I might be arrested on the spot for running a crystal meth lab.

    As I perused the selection of cough and cold medicines I noticed the Nyquil sitting there on the shelves. Good old Nyquil. We had some good times years ago. There was a time period during my freshman year in college when I took Nyquil every night. I have no idea why, but I know that it helped me sleep like a baby.

    I think it was sometime after I began my career in pharmaceutical sales that I started to look down on Nyquil. After all, it’s just a combination of Tylenol, an old school antihistamine, and a cough suppressant. I left Nyquil behind in favor of newer, fancier cold medicines.

    But yesterday I decided to return to my medicinal roots. I bought the Nyquil. Granted, I bought the Nyquil capsules because I haven’t forgotten the way the liquid burns when you take a shot of it. Last night I took those Nyquil capsules and I slept the sleep of angels.

    I mean, I’m sure I still snored like a sailor, but I was too drugged up to notice or care.

    And isn’t that the point of all good medications?

    Of course I also spent much of today falling asleep on the couch due to the after effects but that seems like a small price to pay.

    I really wish I had a point to end this whole post and tie it up in a neat bow, but I can’t think of one right now. So I’m just going to go take my Nyquil and call it a day.

    Oh, in case you’re interested, I wrote a post about some of my favorite movie quotes over on The Pioneer Woman’s Entertainment section. You can find it by clicking here.

    Hope you have a lovely day.