I’m sure you’ll all be so glad to know that I am officially over my cold. I think I turned a corner on Friday afternoon, although I slept about thirty-six out of the forty-eight hours in the weekend. It helped significantly that it rained all day on Saturday creating the perfect sleeping conditions. I laid down on the couch about four different times thinking I was just going to read a book and then would wake up an hour later with little to no memory of where I was or what day it was or basically anything about my life. So either my body was in desperate need of sleep or I’m coming down with amnesia combined with narcolepsy.
Since that’s probably all you care to hear about my sleeping and there isn’t much else to report on from the weekend since I was asleep for most of it, I thought today would be a good day to talk about writing. One of the questions I get asked the most, other than “Would you like to supersize that for an extra $1.39?” is “How do I write a book?” or “How did you become a writer?” or “What advice do you have for someone who wants to write a blog or book?”
And I never really know how to answer because the truth is there are a million different paths to getting published and no real formula for how to write. About a month ago I was about to speak to a group of women and the hostess asked me where I like to write. I answered, “My couch” because that’s the truth. And when she introduced me she told the audience she’d asked me that question and figured my answer would be something like a cabin in the mountains or a house on the lake. Both of which are much better answers than “my couch” and both of which sound preferable. But neither of those options really work for my real life as a mom who drives soccer carpool and packs lunches and has to go to the grocery store seventeen times a week.
It made me realize the real key to writing a book or a blog or anything of that nature. Lean closer because this is profound. The key to writing is to write.
I wrote five days a week on this blog for almost seven years before I ever had a book published. And I didn’t start the blog with that goal in mind. I wrote because I wanted to write. I wrote because I loved the process of it and the creative energy it gave me and because it was a way to remember things I’d otherwise forget over the passage of time. I wrote because I was drowning in diapers and sippy cups and a pharmaceutical sales job and just wanted something that was my happy place and that’s what this space became (and still is) for me.
That’s the key to it all. You can’t write with the goal of being published. You can’t write because you think that it will lead to any kind of fortune or fame. For every J.K. Rowling there’s eight hundred and seventy-four writers living in a van down by the river. Hopefully not all in the same van because that doesn’t sound hygienic.
You have to write because you love it and because you have something you want to say and the idea of not being able to get those words out on paper or a computer screen is killing you. And as you write those words day after day, an amazing thing begins to happen, you find your writing voice. I have always found inspiration in brilliant writers like Mindy Kaling, Tina Fey, Anne Lamott, Kelly Corrigan, David Sedaris and Erma Bombeck, but it wasn’t until I began the daily practice of writing my own words that I found my unique voice and figured out what I wanted to say. And maybe now you’re thinking, “But you pretty much write about nothing” to which I say, “EXACTLY”. My first literary agent told me something one time that I’ve never forgotten which is that every story under the sun has already been written, all that you can do to make it new is to figure out how to make it yours.
I’m not trying to sound like the wise old owl of writing because I’m the first to admit that I basically did everything wrong on my way to writing my first book, mainly because I thought writing a book sounded hard. And I was right. But I’ve been thinking about all of this so much lately because I’m in the home stretch of finishing my fourth book and it has almost killed me dead. I don’t know why this one has been so much harder than the others, but it has been. Just ask anyone who’s had to be in my vicinity for more than thirty seconds over the last six months and they can vouch for this. I’ve had to continually remind myself that the only way to make any progress is to actually write as opposed to getting a pedicure or organizing your laundry room. I even went so far as to procrastinate by scheduling a mammogram. Is writing more painful than getting your boob smashed flat between two metal plates? Apparently, yes.
So there you have it. My best advice is to write more, read more, listen more. Observe the world around you and figure out what it is you want to say and what you really care about. For me, that’s trying to find the funny or the absurd or the offbeat, but it’s different for every single one of us. Jot down notes on your phone or an actual piece of paper to help you remember things. Keep a pad of paper next to your bed for those moments you wake up with a great idea. You think you’ll remember those things, but you won’t.
And on a purely practical note, the best book ever written about writing in my opinion is called Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. I’ve read through it countless times and it never fails to inspire me, help me or challenge me, depending on the day.
It also helps to find a community of writers, either online or in real life because it’s good to know that, while you may not be normal, there are other people out there like you who feel the need to write all the words and tell all the stories. My friend, Emily Freeman, has actually put together an entire online community called Hope*Writers and they’ve just put together an entire online summit featuring twelve authors, speakers and editors that you can register for right here if that sounds like something that might interest you. I also have writer friends who have gained great benefit by attending actual writing conferences, but this isn’t something I’ve ever done because it would require me to get out of my pajamas and make small talk.
There’s a great Hemingway quote about writing that has never seemed more true to me than over the last few months, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” Write your story, find your voice, figure out what you want to say and let it go. You can edit and wring your hands about it later, but just get it all out there.
Mabel would like to add that when all else fails, you can always just write a haiku.
And Piper says sometimes going for a run might help you find your words and your joy.
