Today, Gulley and I got to spend the whole day shopping without our children. For the last 17 years, we have always dedicated the first weekend in December to an entire girls’ weekend to complete all of our Christmas shopping and present wrapping. Then, last year, we decided this uninterrupted shopping and talking marathon should happen more than once a year, so we created a spring shopping weekend, which is really just a Saturday. But if we close our eyes and pretend, it feels like a whole weekend.
We shopped all day long with our primary goal being to find Gulley a swimsuit for the summer. I didn’t need to shop for a swimsuit because I already have two from last summer that will suffice, and really a person should only have to survive the injustice of seeing themselves in so little clothing under the harsh, unforgiving glare of flourescent lights once every few years.
And here’s a tip for the salesgirl at Just Add Water, in case she’s reading (yeah, right). If two potential buyers are browsing through a group of swimsuits in the store, it would probably benefit your sales numbers not to pointedly look them up and down and then say, “This section is for C, D, and DD cups”, in a tone of voice that clearly conveys you think they have gotten lost in a land where they deserve no passport.
I helped Gulley pick out a few swimsuits to try on and then we headed to the dressing room. And let me tell y’all what they now have in the dressing rooms at Just Add Water.
Disposable thongs.
That’s right. They supply you with disposable thongs so that you can get a better idea of what a swimsuit will look like without having your underwear all bunched up inside the bottoms and hanging out, perhaps making you think those swim bottoms offer more extensive coverage than they actually do.
Gulley took one look at those disposable thongs and said, “You’ve got to believe that the only thing worse than seeing yourself in a pair of swimsuit bottoms after a long winter, is seeing yourself in a disposable thong while looking in a three way mirror.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Anyway, she had success and made a swimsuit purchase.
And for those of y’all who have been on the edge of your seats all weekend, I took back the Ann Taylor dress because I found my receipt and knew that I could get my full purchase price refunded. It was like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. The weight of that shirtdress was just wearing me down.
The salesgirl asked why I was returning it and I told her, “I tried it on 411 times and just couldn’t decide, until my husband told me I looked like a librarian.”
Blank stare.
And then she checked the box that said, “Changed mind.”
I guess it was more information than she actually needed. Just like seeing yourself in a disposable thong.