I found the following top 10 list in an article online from Marie Claire magazine. It’s a list of the top 10 things a woman should have or do by age 40. What does it say about me that I’m 35 and I don’t even know what 90% of the things on this list are? Here is the list so that y’all can see how you measure up. I’ve provided my own insight in italics for your reading pleasure.
1) A DEAD-SERIOUS PIECE OF TIMELESS CLOTHING MC recommends: The YSL tux for women. yes, at $3560, it costs the equivalent of 350 pairs of leggings, but it will outlive them by several decades.
(Um, yeah do you get some kind of European vacation with that suit? The reason it’s timeless is that every time you see it in your closet you’ll think “What kind of fool am I that I paid $3500 for an article of clothing?”)
2) A LOOK You’re not Madonna; enough already with the bimonthly reinventions. Are you a Dietrich throwback? A reconstructed punk? Figure it out and shop accordingly.
(My look can range from bag lady to somewhat pulled together mama depending on the day. I’m not sure if you can call “anything from Old Navy” a look, but if so, that would be mine)
3) A PIECE OF ART Yes, the birch trees in that framed Ansel Adams poster are v. v. haunting, but consider an investment piece with which to start an actual art collection. Living artists cost less; how about a Cecily Brown print or a limited-edition Tom Sachs multiple?
(First of all, who? And second of all, why did I have a child if not to provide me with plenty of artwork and photos for my entire house?)
4) A FIRST EDITION . . . of To The Lighthouse, the ur-Woolf.
(What? Where am I?)
5) FANCY LUGGAGE (A MATCHED SET, PLEASE) No more schlepping through airports with midcentury Samsonite. MC recommends: Gucci’s new Guccissima line, which makes the goofball trolley look like a major style statement ($3350).
(Once again, does the price of the luggage include the European vacation? Do you really want to spend that kind of money for something that will only be used as a punching bag and possible spit depository for underpaid, angry baggage handlers?)
6) ENLIGHTENED Go see the Dalai Lama in Dharamsala, India.
(Sweet. I wonder how enlightened the Dalai Lama would think I am when I show up with my $3500 Gucci luggage wearing my $3500 YSL tux?)
7) A FINANCIAL ADVISOR No, the hedge-fund dude one stool over doesn’t count.
(I’ve mentioned before that I just recently discovered what a hedge fund is and I’m betting if I had a financial advisor he would advise me not to spend outrageous amounts of money on luggage or clothes. Maybe I’ll do something kicky and fun like save for college tuition.)
8) A MUSEUM MEMBERSHIP Whether it’s the Met, the Getty, or the Burlingame Museum of Pez Memorabilia, it’s time to earn some culture cred. take your place on the gala circuit—perfect for that YSL tux.
(Instead of the museum membership, can I earn “culture cred” by knowing every word to all The Wiggles songs? How about the theme to Little Einsteins? I mean they play classical music and everything. As for the gala circuit, how about 142 birthday parties for people under 5?)
9) A MAMMOGRAM ’Nuff said.
(Seriously, this is the only sane thing on this list. No joke, y’all should go get a mammogram.)
10) A GOOD CAUSE Stop considering yourself your own favorite charity. Amnesty International? Oxfam? Amfar? Then get your new financial advisor to determine what chunk of every paycheck you can commit.
(I wonder if a good cause like buying diapers or peanut butter count? How about a pack of Nestle Ultimate chocolate chip cookie dough? It’s one of the best causes I know. Help stop PMS by eating this whole pack of cookie dough.)
I hope this list has given y’all some inspiration. It’s a lot to accomplish before I turn 40, so I may start my own list and include such things as getting 8 hours of sleep just one night between now and my 40th birthday or making it through the day without getting some stain of foreign origin on my clothes, but then again that may be as ambitious as visiting the Dalai Lama and toting my pricey luggage up that mountain.