Thank you all for all of your comments yesterday. It’s always nice to know that you’re not the only one who is living with someone who is trying to overthrow the current regime and establish her own wee dictatorship.
On the bright side, we have had a solid 48 hours of peace. Oh, she tried to get to me yesterday morning, but I was strong and resisted the bait.
We had a morning full of errands to run and she announced she was going to get herself dressed. I went into my closet to do the same and when I returned to the living room she was wearing a yellow floral skirt, a black and white paisley shirt, turquoise knee socks, and sparkly tennis shoes.
Oh, and a fleece snow hat.
I told her to grab a snack for the car so we could get going. She looked right at me and said, “Do you see what I’m wearing?”
“Yes, you look great. Although you might get hot in the snow hat.”
It’s like I’m a whole new person. A person who is choosing to only see love and peace instead of mismatched patterns and tacky knee socks.
We spent our morning running errands to get ready for her birthday party next week. Our first stop was supposed to be our favorite bakery, but when we arrived there, it was gone. Seriously. GONE.
I called them and discovered they are in the process of moving and will be shut down for the next three weeks. I wanted to yell, “BUT WHAT ABOUT MY BARBIE ISLAND PRINCESS CAKE?!”
Then I remembered that I am full of peace and love.
So we drove to HEB to check out the bakery. I mean it’s not like a bunch of five year olds really care about the cake. All they’re going to do is lick off the icing and drop the cake on the ground for the ants.
Unfortunately, HEB does not make a Barbie Island Princess cake. HOWEVER, they do make a Barbie Fairytopia cake covered in hot pink icing that is guaranteed to stain anything within a five mile radius and cause sugar levels to skyrocket.
The last errand on our list was Party City. We needed to get Barbie plates on which to eat our Barbie cake. Also, we needed to get candy to fill up the pinata.
Speaking of pinatas, I delegated the task of pinata purchase to Gulley’s husband, J. His work often takes him to the South Side of San Antonio where you can get a MUY GRANDE PINATA for very little dinero. Caroline told him she would either like a cheetah pinata or a unicorn.
Because everyone knows that Barbie frequently cavorts with both cheetahs and unicorns.
As opposed to Bratz dolls who spend all their time perfecting the art of looking like a hot, trashy mess and putting on another coat of mascara before they go pierce their bellybutton. For the third time.
Anyway, I had a message on my cell phone from J. yesterday afternoon. “Mel, I’m down here on the South Side looking at a white unicorn pinata with a pink, yellow and purple mane. I think it’s a good choice so I’m going to go ahead and get it IF IT FITS IN MY CAR.”
J. drives an SUV.
Gulley called after J. got home and informed me that I am the proud owner of one of the largest pinatas she has ever seen. In fact, her youngest son, Will, was currently sitting on it.
I’m afraid we may have to take out a second mortgage to fill it with candy.
Or maybe I’ll just pray that the kids will pass out from the sheer exhaustion that can only come from beating the heack out of a gargantuan piece of papier mache’ and will fail to realize they only got one Starburst and a pack of Nerds for their efforts.
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We need pictures of this…too funny.
Good strategy–ignore the clothing and (I must say this will come into play very soon)the hair. Eventually the kids at school will tease her enough to make her change her ways. Peer pressure can be a good thing sometimes.
oh my laughing so hard tears are pouring! Those poor kids might need the adults to get involved in the fun!!
Oh where is the pictures!?!?!
Yep, need to see the amazon pinata.
Funny, funny.
It’s always fun to watch a bunch of little ones beat the heck out of some paper animal, in order to retreive some candy! Whenever we have one at a party, I get that same kind of odd feeling, something about this is just sort of weird!
I’m very proud of you for “sticking to your guns!” Good for you.
We most definitely need pictures of the pinata.
First- I love that Gulley’s husband went shopping for pinatas- what a guy:-)
I hope you will show us pictures of the ginormous unicorn. Since you can sit on it, maybe you can have P pull the kids around the yard on it like sort of a pony / unicorn ride? Ha!
It is a little hard to be full of peace and love when they are driving you crazy. I remember one time when my son was about 5 or 6 and was playing outside with some friends. He came in and cheerfully informed me that he had pooped outside because he didn’t want to stop playing and come inside. At least he didn’t wipe with poison ivy.
My Rachel has been begging for a pinata for her birthday, but the sight of those little kids beating some poor animal senseless always makes my stomach turn. I still haven’t gotten over the Winnie-the-Pooh pinata at my friend’s son’s birthday, years ago. Poor Winnie.
too too funny!! I need pictures!! Not just of the unicorn but multi-coloured dressy girl!!
Please please please a picture of the unicorn pinata?!?!?
Oh, to further spread your peace and harmony…a sticky question: Are you going to let Caroline pick out her own outfit for her birthday?
I’d like to see pictures of that big pinata!
I have been following your blog for some time but have never posted. I just had to this time, because I am dying to see a picture of that pinata!
My Tigers have not discovered that they might enjoy cavorting w/ Barbie yet.
Sympathy or solution?? Or both?
Oh you poor thing!! (sympathy done…)
Fill the sucker with lots of UNBUTTERED popcorn as well as 25% volume candy.
Won’t hurt.
Might help.
I mean, seriously, isn’t that what Barbie’s head is filled with anyway??
I had a Pinata for my daughters birthday party this year and it was funny because the kids couldn’t break it. They did manage to knock it down to the ground but then had to grab a leg and pull it apart. Hopefully yours will not be made as sturdy! I can’t wait to see a picture.
Maybe you can stuff the kids’ party favor bags into the pinata.
You got a laugh out of me before 9 AM! Well Done!
oh, that made me laugh. We’re doing a Darth Vader pinata in a few weeks (to be hit with light sabers, of course), and it just kills me to pay twenty bucks for that thing and then still have to buy the candy. That popcorn idea is a good one, though.
I cannot wait to see a picture of this pinata! I don’t think I have ever heard of a pinata quite that size!
You could do what we did one year when we found the pinata we bought was completely solid inside. We had each kid whack it a few times and then somebody stood off to the side and would toss candy up in the air. For a little while the kids thought it was a “magical” pinata that made it rain candy! Then a big kid got wise to us and spoiled it.
OH, I agree! We must have pictures of the monstrosity!
Oh yes, we need a pinata picture.
By the way, my 7yo still has trouble matching her clothes. I’ve had to just let it go, but I keep saying I’m going to take pictures of all her outfits for a week. And my now almost 11yo spent several months when she was two in a yellow ballet skirt and purple rain boots.
Oh my, yes: I am much more into Barbie and her cheetahs and unicorns than the Bratz and their “modernity”. In my house, Barbie and Lego will reign supreme and the Bratz can stay away.
~Luke
Oh you are so funny! I’ve so enjoyed reading you for the past year. Good luck dressing Caroline for school!
A suggestion for the pinata: in addition to candy, try filling it with tiny toys (dollar store stuff like bouncy balls, balloons, little things). It may help fill some of the space!
That gives MUY GRANDE a whole new meaning. Those kids are going to need the pink frosting for strength, I do believe.
you will LOVE this…
I have it on video, and it is
p r i c e l e s s.
several yrs ago my brother-in-law and his wife (she’s from Mexico) had a Dora party for their only daughter. She LOVED Dora — the cake, the cups, the plates, the whole thing was Dora. And because all of his in laws live in Mexico, and were driving to Alabama for their only grandaughter’s party, he ordered a LIFE SIZE Dora pinata from this pinata place IN MEXICO. literally, it was taller than his daughter when it arrived! They were so proud. You have to picture the video footage I have:
a small backyard in Mobile, Alabama. it’s dark now since the party’s been going on since late afternoon. lights are strung from the trees and fences just like you’d picture a Mexican backyard party to be. adults standing around, taking pictures and video of 10-12 children taking turns beating this larger than life Dora. who just. won’t. break. 20 minutes into it, the children are sweaty and tired, and after some adults have had to swing at her too, FINALLY little birthday girl hit one that knocked Dora open. all the children squealed and rushed the ground under her with their candy bags — but no candy fell. Her daddy, eyes wide, mouth open, looked right at us holding our camcorder and asked horrified, “They don’t come with the candy ALREADY IN THEM?!”
good times.
Oh my goodness!!! What a great funny this morning!
‘Tis true you learn something everyday. I always thought pinatas came already filled.
A helpful hint: Before the party, stab the pinata repeatedly with a sharp steak knife. This sort of primes the pinata so it will break faster at the party and prevent P. from having to whack at it with a baseball bat in front of traumatized kids.
Your post made me laugh out loud! I also have a 5-year-old girl who will start kindergarten this fall so much of what you write resonates with me. We also have the daily struggles of what to wear – although mostly she only cares that it is a dress or skirt. She totally refuses to wear shorts or capris. We live in CO, so in the winter I do put my foot down when it is snowing!!
Can’t wait to see a picture of the pinata!
I think you should tell a twisted story about a Unicorn that got sassy with his parents and he grew and grew too big for his Unicorn britches.
Then he ended up at a birthday party and well…
That pinata sounds like a feat of paper mache artistry you can’t find up here in the north.
I cannot wait to see a picture of it.
Um, I meant tell the story at the birthday party. You know, to the impressionable kids. :>)
I can’t wait for the pictures.
2 words… Sam’s Club.
Much candy for little money and please don’t fill up the whole thing. The other mommies will thank you for not sending their darlings home with 2 lbs of candy they have to dole out piece by piece until Halloween.
Besides, it would break the branch, if not the crane needed to lift it.
Okay now I have mixed emotions about the pinata for my daughter’s upcoming birthday. I’m totally feeling sorry for her at the muy poco one she will be having. I’ll have to make sure she doesn’t see any pictures you post of your grande one! On the other hand, you’re right about filling the thing with candy. Maybe you could just put water balloons in it. That would be economical, and comical! How much would that weigh?
Too funny!
I have to share with you what happened many years ago at Bible School. At the end of the week party, my sister-in-law decided to do a pinata for the kids. At the time, Barney the dinosaur was very popular with the kids, especially my 2 1/2 year old. So she bought a big beautiful Barney pinata.
When it came time to hit the pinata with a stick, all the littlest ones started crying for Barney. They thought he was real and people were hurting him! My daughter was inconsolable and wouldn’t even try to get any of the candy once he was broken open.
I’ll say one thing — my daughter is now 16 and remembers it to this day!
So maybe if you have any little ones under 4 you might want to distract them while the pinata is broken open.
OMG, that is hilarious!! I cannot wait to see pics of the pinata…maybe you could put wheels on it and pull the kids around for a unicorn ride?
Too funny. I hope you’ll be sharing pictures of this giant pinata!
Totally not the point of your post, but I’m so glad I’m not the only one who detests Bratz dolls. Even the Baby Bratz look like h*okers. Who in the world ever decided it was time to design a sen*ual diaper?
Okay, I’ll stop now.
Keep a hacksaw handy at the party. You may need it to gut the thing.
Holy canoli. My kids love a good pinata. We definitely need pictures of this one.
PICTURE! PICTURE! PICTURE!
Oh how funny! Don’t ya just love planning birthday parties?
I am SO at this party!
oH my stars… I just laughed out loud so hard people at Panera are staring at me.
I am having daunting pictures of P having to get the chain saw out to give the kids said nerds and starbursts.
One day Caroline will write all about it on her blog… the Big Mama Returns.
Caroline sounds just like my 10 year old sister. She has the same quirks and rants. I would love to see a picture of the pinata at the party. Your blog is too funny,I love how you take every day life and word it so well. Have a great day!!!
~ Molly P.
You know, we have to see this pinata. Pictures are mandatory on this one.
Also… Caroline is messin’ with you!! (Do you see what I’m wearing?? Indeed. Smart little dictator too!) ROTFL
Oh, as to filling it…that’s a lose/lose situation for parents. The kids win whether you put candy or pennies or both!! And we all know Pinatas are for kids!
Yes, we must have a picture.
My daughter’s (9th) birthday was last week, and somehow I convinced her that the $26 Hannah Montana cake from the grocery store would not be nearly as cute as the “sleepover cake” shown in Family Fun. A true Mom victory. Everyone loved the sleepover cake I got to make for about $10. : )
Bottom line, you crack me up, thanks for the laugh.
I had a halloween party when I was about 10 and knowing my father has a little competative streak in him and i told him that someone in my class had “two pinatas” at their party….so he bought three….yes i was spoiled…
anyways….it was october so you know he had to be inside…and its my turn up to bat and all my friends are gathered at my feet and i take a huge swing, like i was headed for the majors (we were using a huge piece of dowling about the circumfrance of a baseball bat) I never did make a connection with the pinata, but the back of best friends head made quite a sound, i guess he had sat up just a little too far, and i swung a little too low…..he left with a huge goose egg on the back of his head….
Now the normal child would feel bad at least a little bit about hitting their best friend over the head wit a bat like object, but i didnt because for the two years prior to this party he had been telling me that he had a metal plate in his head and i believed him. it wasnt till we were in his teens that i found out he had been pulling my leg…then i felt horrible….
We definitely need to see a picture of that piñata!!
Pinata pics please!
And I was wondering what Bratz dolls did with their time. I figured it was something along those lines.
Is every comment dying and asking for the pictures of this party when it happens??!
We won’t take another breath until we see!
Oh, how much fun is that!!!??
I just can’t wait to read about this birthday party!
I’m betting $5 that P is going to have to do that thing in, eventually. We have pinatas at all our parties, and it seems the bigger they are, the harder they are to crack.
(Or maybe I just heard that on “24.”)
Other than the invasion of Normandy, this has to be the best planned event in the last 100 years.
I am with the others. WE WANT PICTURES- of the Unicorn.
Oh my gosh, I am laughing so hard!
Too funny, might want to give out tooth brushes and tooth paste for all that candy. Just sayin.
Of course you will be posting some humongous photos for us internets to gawk at, won’t you? Also, any chance you will be attending the Siesta Fiesta luncheon that Friday? Just wondering
Please, please, please post a picture! I first read this earlier today and laughed until I cried. We have to see this!
what to do you think people not from Texas with access to all things Mexican do for fun at a birthday party????
I remember the days when one of my daughters who shall remain anonymous chose her own school outfits. Horrendous. Horrifying. That describes the fights we had every morning. The outfits were pretty bad too.
I finally gave up and just let her wear whatever she chose to put together, thinking, her friends will laugh at her and she’ll come back to Mama for fashion advice. Wrong. All her friends dressed just like her and she fit right in. She would have stood out like a freak if I’d dressed her.
I’m glad you’re feeling calm and serene about it all. You might as well – you won’t win this battle. LOL
Surely you’re going to post a photo of that amazing pinata. Right?
That was hilarious…we really need a picture of this gargantuan pinata…Thanks for making me laugh, especially this: “then I remembered that I’m full of peace and love.” good tactic
OH my word that’s hilarious! Maybe she won’t want to hit it and just keep it for a riding toy?
Then you won’t have to fill it with candy!
So, is the pinata bigger than the birthday girl? HA! Can’t wait to hear (and see?) about the party!
I love the way you reacted to that outfit! Totally floored her, huh? Just wait til she looks at you and says “are you wearing THAT?” sorry if she already has. Just fill the unicorn’s tummy with candy. Hope you post photos!
Come on. Barbie has a 2 inch waist and 36 DD boobs. I think she exists about as a real unicorn.
Sorry that should read: I think she exists as about as much as a real unicorn. I need an editor.
OH WHAT TORTURE! you gave us neither a picture of your little fashion queen nor the pinata, what kind of friend are you???
maybe tomorrow?
blessings, penny raine
http://www.pennyraine.com/blog
can’t…breathe…
laughing…too…hard…
(Seriously, how do you come up with this stuff?! Priceless. I CANNOT wait to see pictures of that monster.)
I have one thing to say and it has nothing to do with the unicorn.
“But don’t you see what I’m wearing?” (I’m imagining raised eyebrows that also are saying, “I did this on purpose. I’m SO much smarter than you are, Mom.”)
Caroline=ME at five. 100%. More like, 500%.
Oh, little girlie, it’s not worth it. She really DOES know more than you do. Shocking, but true. You’ll realize it once you’re in your 20′s. Maybe…
Absolutely fantastic. You write very well.
Thanks,,
Alexandria
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