A couple of weeks ago, I watched Steven Curtis Chapman and his family being interviewed on “Good Morning America” and “Larry King Live”.
Honestly, part of me didn’t want to watch because the whole story has just broken my heart. The tragic death of a five-year-old girl hits really close to home when you’re the mother of a five-year-old girl.
But I watched anyway.
One thing that came up in both interviews that brought tears to my eyes each time I heard it was when Steven Curtis Chapman said someone later told him that as he was being driven away in the car to get to the hospital where his daughter had just been Life-flighted he rolled down the window and yelled to his devastated son, “Will Franklin! Your father loves you!”
I cried because it is such an incredible picture of how much a parent loves a child. That even in the midst of all that tragedy, he made sure his son knew that he was loved.
But even more than that, I cried because, for the first time, I realized that is how God loves me. How many times have I been crushed by my fears, my failures, my disappointments? How many times have I doubted, questioned, and wondered why things aren’t working out the way I want them to?
He whispered to my heart and let me know that in all those times, when I have been at my lowest points and at my highest points, He has looked at me and said, “Melanie! Your father loves you!”
This shouldn’t be a new revelation to me. But it was.
When I think back to my childhood, I don’t remember hearing much about God’s grace. I’m not saying it wasn’t being taught, it just never really sunk in. Maybe I heard one too many flannel-board Sunday school stories about Sodom and Gomorrah.
Whatever the case, I have struggled with grasping God’s mercy and grace. I struggle with how He can love me so much when I so often feel like I’ve failed. And at the heart of that is a trust issue. Do I trust that His love is stronger than my failures? Can His grace cover my flaws? Do I trust that He wants to pour out blessings on me that I don’t deserve, but He gives them anyway because that’s how much He loves me?
Two days after I watched the Chapman interview, I went in Borders to buy a new book for our beach trip. I looked around and had a couple of different choices in my hand, but then I saw “The Shack” on a display shelf. I knew it was the book I was supposed to buy.
I’d heard great things about it, but had purposely not read it because I knew the story begins with a tragedy involving a young girl. I just didn’t know if I could stand to read it.
I mean, I am the same person who spent the first six months of her daughter’s life watching only two things, “I Love the 70′s” on Vh-1 and “Little Women”. It was all my raw heart could bear.
So I put down my copy of “Such a Pretty Fat” by Jen Lancaster (which I still really want to read by the way) and bought “The Shack”.
It was the right choice. I couldn’t put it down.
At one point early on in the book, the main character experiences his first real encounter with God. And at that moment God picks him up, spins him around like a little child while shouting his name “Mackenzie Allen Phillips!”.
Tears.
After I read it I couldn’t get the image out of my head that God sees me that way, that He feels that way about me. That I am His child and He longs to hold me close the same way I long to hold Caroline close and cherish every single ounce of her, but even more so.
I’ve read Psalm 139 countless times. I know He knows my thoughts, I know He knows my words before they are on my tongue, I know He knows the numbers of hairs on my head (not as high a number as it used to be), and I know His thoughts of me outnumber the grains of sand.
I know it because I’ve heard it all my life. But I felt like in the days following the Chapman interview and reading “The Shack”, He began to really reveal to me the depths of His love for me. Not for all mankind, not for every creation, but, specifically, for me.
At church the following Sunday, I was standing during praise and worship and I felt God say to me, “I know your name. I know everything about you and I adore you. No matter what.” It’s like I could hear Him saying my name. My full name, over and over again.
Just as I was feeling that in my heart, our pastor began to speak. Guess what he said? “God knows your name. He knows everything about you.” And as he spoke those words, the worship team began to lead us in a song I’d never heard before
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call
Is it just me or do you think God is trying to tell me something? His love for the world isn’t general. It’s not an all-encompassing “I love my creation” thing. It’s specific.
Specifically for me. Specifically for you.
In spite of who we are, in spite of how we fail, in spite of all our weaknesses.
Because, here’s the thing. He made us. He knows us. None of our shortcomings and moral failures surprise Him. God doesn’t sit in heaven saying, “Wow. I did not see that coming.”
He sits in heaven, with a deep longing to take us in His arms, spin us around and say “Melanie! Your Father loves you!”
Except He would call you by your name, not mine. Because He’s God.
And He knows your name.
“See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:16
This post was originally published in August of 2008.
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I felt exactly the same way when I read the shack. Exactly. It was one of the best things God brought into my life, and he brought it at the time I was ready for it. It really impacted me, and I know why. This was a perfect post for me to read this holy weekend. Thank you!
I hope you are enjoying your blogging break!!
OK, so now I’m all choked up sitting in the Tampa airport waiting for my plane!!!
That is worth re-posting like once a month or something. Beautifully written about our wonderful God.
Happy Easter!
I havnt read the shack because I too have a young (4) daughter. I don’t know if I could possibly handle the sadness. But this is the first time someone actually clued me into the message of the book. Everyone says read it, but they only tell me its about sad stuff. So, now that I know what it’s REALLY about, I might consider it.
Thanks
I usually skip the times when some of my favorite bloggers are running re-runs, because, well, they are re-runs . . . who wants to stick around for those?
The title of this one would have been one to easily skip on by, but I didn’t. The Lord wanted me to take the time and read the whole post.
I don’t know how I missed this one last summer when it was originally posted. I’m thinking it may not have meant as much to me then as it does now. I’ve now read “The Shack” and can nod “a ha” as I agree with your perspective.
I am in the midst of a time right now where God is ardently pursuing me, letting me know I am His beloved princess and He knows my name, has it inscribed on the palms of His hands, and that He dances over me.
Melanie, thank you for the “re-run”. Better by far on this day than something new. Bless your heart and your precious name that our God knows so very well.
Hi, Melanie. I just want to say that the Lord has so clearly been telling me through various means that He is a personal God. I just wrote about it the other day on my blog…and now I read this one today…amazing, personal God. That is who I serve! He is truly amazing. Thanks for sharing.
I’m in the process of reading The Shack now. And I say process because I’ve had to put it down several times because it just became to much for me (I’m the mom of 2 girls…9 & 12) and my heart/soul couldn’t handle it.
This book has just renewed my faith – in a personal way that gives me the insight that choices I have been making are mine, and ok.
It’s a stunning, moving, gut wrenching book that I’ve been recommending to everyone!
That book is such a testament to the power and presence of God’s Grace….written so beautifully and intimately. When I first discovered it, I gave all of my close friends a copy and knew the pages that held my most favorite parts. I think I’ll pull it out today and reread some of those….and remember that He knows me by name, too. Thanks for that.
Thank you. I think I needed to see this post today – and sounds like I really, really need to get that book. pronto.
What a great post. I love hearing stories of God speaking, confirming and reconfirming. He is so good….
The Shack rocked my world. Rocked. It.
What a great post. I love hearing stories of God speaking, confirming and reconfirming. He is so good….
The Shack rocked my world. Rocked. It.
What a wonderful post, I love how your doing this because I’m reading posts I never got to read before. Thank you, this blessed my socks off and I needed to hear this today!!!
I loved this one the first time around, and I loved it just as much the second time around.
Have a wonderful Easter celebration.
Fantastic post. Funny how we get “revelation” in our hearts of things our heads already know. And that we can get it more than once – Praise the Lord! Hope your week off has been fruitful and waiting in anticipation to hear what God has done with you this week. Happy Easter (originally typed Happy Eater – which had I given up chocolate for Lent would have so been me Sunday morning:))
Be blessed my internet friend – be blessed!
Oh, Big Mama! Your post so warmed my heart. I am new to your blog, so I hadn’t seen this the first time it was posted, but I am so glad it was posted again… like it was for my eyes only!!! Ok, I know it wasn’t, but I am going to pretend. What a wonderful reminder of our Father’s amazing love for us right before we celebrate the rising of His only Son!!! THANK YOU!!!
God used you to speak to me this morning. Thank you for the post.
I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog. Actually that’s not true. I believe God knew I needed to hear this particular post and made the circumstances make that possible. I read it and cried. Thanks for sharing this. I really needed to read this. Thanks.
Here it is Fashion Friday and my eye make-up is shot….well worth it.
In a time of spiritual struggle, this was good for my soul. Thank you.
Thanks for re-posting this one. It is a great message for the Easter season.
Such truth in this posting! Thank you for sharing. Just…thank you.
Thank you for sharing this post. It sounds like I need to read that book!
Tears.
Chills.
Amens.
…and that song has long been one of my favorites and usually brings me to tears…
Thank you for sharing your heart with us, it has blessed me this morning.
I can hear Him saying my name…
Very brief version:
My father was there during my entire childhood but was not at all involved. Any affection seemed fake – it’s hard to enjoy a father’s hug when he’s watching the TV over your head saying how he loves you and not taking his eyes away from the screen. Therefore I have to learn about God’s faithfulness and love for me throughout the course of my life. I am just beginning to grasp it – and this post was amazing. (I ahve also read The Shack – working on getting Hubby toread it.) And I can assure you (I am on the Worship Team at our church) that each time we sing that particular song, I fight back tears…oh God is GOOD!
)
I read the shack a few months ago just before I was laid off from a well paying job very abruptly and randomly. (I was a nanny working for a family going through a divorce and treated me badly but always emphasized how they couldn’t do it without me) I not only had two weeks to find a job, but to find a new car and consider needing two jobs and/or moving. The previous year was horrendous for me but I felt God speak to me so clearly through this book and am trying to get everyone I know to read it so they can not only understand the depth to which God loves each and every one of us but also that we should never lose faith in Him. Thank you!
My daughter’s freshman year in college was when I stopped watching CNN. Natalie Holloway goes missing (she lives a couple hours from us, my daughter knows girls in her school) College Freshman from 3 different states came up missing from their dorm/apartment. It’s enough to make you want to retire to a cave with your kid. Thanks for reminding me we don’t have to.
Melanie,
I cannot even begin to tell you how much I needed your words today. I am struggling with a miserable work situation and I am feeling very low. Thank you for this uplifting message. I needed it. I received it.
I never knew that he said that to his son even in the hectic aftermath of getting to the hospital. I’ll bet that those two split second choices made a world of difference for his family and for their healing. What a good man and a good father.
This post reflects the heart of many. What a great reflection of His love and a beautiful testimony of your heart. So timely to be posted this Easter season,no matter when it was originally.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Ginger
Thank. You. Just what I needed to hear.
I really want to thank you for reposting these wonderful entries this week. This particular one was originally posted when my family and I were questioning His plans for us…and it really spoke to me then and now! Thank you thank you! Hope your family has a sweet little Easter.
Good idea to only watch That ’70s Show when you have an exposed heart. Nothing does that to you like having children. It’s a good think our God is tough because His heart is broken every day by every one of us.
Thank you for this post; it was very moving and of course made me tear up, like everything else does.
You have me in tears. I needed this reminder, today. Thank you ever so much!
Blessings to you and yours!
I hadn’t gotten to your post yet, but when I clicked on the blog above yours… your’s came up.
I needed to hear this, this morning and all I can say (I’m pretty choked up) is Bless you for sharing.
Have a wonderful Easter, my friend!
What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing. I am so glad that my father does know my name!
Happy Easter to you and your family!
Thank you sooooooo much for this beautiful post on this day. You’ll never know how it was exactly what I needed to hear today! Have a wonderful Easter!
Melanie —
I know this is a rerun, but it truly ministered to my heart.
I work with abused children and there are times when my heart just aches for these little ones. This is one of those times when the images, the words, the knowledge is more than I think my heart can take.
Then I read this and remember how BLESSED I am. I don’t understand why things happen the way they do, but I know this — God is good and HE Loves me and calls me by name. And He loves all the children I serve — ALL of THEM!!
Thanks for the rerun
What a wonderful post! God is such a good God. I love that He loves us so much He will just go out of His way to show and tells us some things…things just for us
Thank you for sharing…God used you to touch my heart. Isn’t He wonderful?!
I may have to go get this book and read it.
How utterly awesome!! Perfect timing and a repost..God used you this post to touch and help a hurt mama who really has not been feeling herself lately. In a big sad funk..
Thank you& God bless you richly always!!
Trace’ Stavros
So beautiful Melanie…it takes my breath away to think that He knows my name. To really think about the way He knows and loves me. Thank you for this heart felt post (or re-post!)
Have a Blessed Easter!
Wow–I love everything you write. You crack me up and inspire me, but this was even a step above that. I think I needed to “hear” that at this moment. I went from a teary eyed day to an encompassing calm in the time it took to read your post. Thanks for that.
Thank you so much for these words. I needed this desperately. The awful accuser has been viciously battering me lately.
Thank you…and PRAISE HIM!!!
Thank you. What a wonderful post to read on the Saturday before Easter.
I am so glad that I didn’t take a week off from reading your blog! I so needed to “hear” this post this a.m. Thank you for writing it and for repeating it!!
Wow – tears streaming. Isn’t it wonderful to know that He’s always there? Arms open, waiting for us to see and feel that unconditional love that he offers? And that he loves us regardless… amazing.
I put the book on hold at the Library. Thanks! I too grew up in the church and tend to remember the scary parts about my sin rather than the part where Christ took care of it.
God’s grace is hard to grasp but I have been on the journey to do so for a while now and it is a beautiful one! Great post!
What an awesome God!
This post made me cry the first time I read it…and it just made me cry again. It is just so, so beautiful. I too have been struck many times by what SCC did for his son… And for what Jesus has done for us.
He knows my name.
Glorious.
melanie, what a beautiful post. i’m way behind in reading some of your entries, but its easter morning & i am so grateful i came upon this one.
ps-i love the shack too
xo
oops, i hit enter but have one more thing to say ( don’t we always)
HE IS RISEN!!!!
Thanks, what a wonderful read and a great reminder on Resurrection Sunday.
I am new to your blog and really need to read what you re-posted….It was truly a Blessing to me. Thank you, for sharing.
Still haven’t read “the Shack” yet but planning on it.
“He knows My Name” is one of my favorites to lead in worship. And the favorite of a God Warrior who is now singing with the saints as of 2 weeks ago. Powerful.
Thanks for re-sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing this post. I have been struggling with similar thoughts… How can God love just me? I struggle with trust and having faith as well. My dad passed away about six months ago, and I think it has stirred me up, spiritually.
Anyhow, this post really has spoken to me. Sometimes I think that I’m just too insignificant for God to talk to me or to say my name. Your words are encouraging.
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