Let me just say that it goes against all laws of nature and fun to have eight days of school left after Memorial Day weekend. I don’t know what genius at the Board of Education came up with this plan, but sir, it was a bad one. I am over making ham sandwiches at 7 a.m. every morning, especially since Caroline informed me that the sweet little notes I put in her lunch box aren’t exciting enough anymore and, in her words, “need more pictures and better stuff on them”. Apparently she and her friends are tired of the same old flowers and smiley face.
Wow. Tough crowd.
The sad part is that I actually let a bunch of Kindergarten hecklers influence my note-writing efforts and what once was a simple morning routine has turned into a daily art project that causes me to get out Sharpie markers in an array of colors and attempt to draw rainbows and bunnies. If there weren’t just eight days of school left, I might eventually be forced to break out the glitter pens.
Anyway, we had a great Memorial Day weekend filled with everything a holiday weekend should entail. Eating out, swimming, making a movie, going to the lake, and more swimming.
Did you catch the part about making a movie?
Gulley called me last Friday morning and said that her oldest son, Jackson, was making a movie about superheroes in their backyard at 11 a.m. on Saturday morning and had requested that Caroline be there in her Wonder Woman costume. Well, HELLO, yes she’ll be there. It could be the big break she’s been waiting for!
Of course when I called Gulley later in the day to confirm our Saturday film schedule, Jackson answered the phone. He informed me that we needed to be there at 11:00 but filming wouldn’t begin until 11:53, and also, his mom didn’t have time to talk on the phone right now because they were going on a walk.
Directors can be so bossy.
Caroline spent Friday night with Mimi and Bops, so I went to their house about 10:30 a.m. to get Wonder Woman ready for her big role. She even brought me the teasing comb so I could make her hair “REALLY FLUFFY” like Wonder Woman. I called Gulley to let her know we were running a little bit late due to all the hair maintenance because I didn’t want Caroline to get a reputation as a diva with no respect for filming schedules. That’s the kind of stuff that can kill a career.
(You know the other thing that can kill an acting career? Killing John Wayne in a movie. I learned last night that when Bruce Dern killed John Wayne in “Cowboys” that it practically ended his career. Don’t mess with John Wayne.)
(Have I ever mentioned that my head is filled with countless bits of random and totally useless trivia?)
When we arrived, Jackson pointed us to a list of rules for the day.
Translation:
“Do not make noise or talk in video.
Superheroes will not cry or get mad at another superhero.
Have a good day.”
He runs a tight ship.
And he knows his cast well.
All the starring superheroes milled around the backyard without much purpose or direction for the first thirty minutes. Jackson kept trying to tell them what to do but they didn’t really pay attention.
Welcome to what it’s like to be a parent. It’s all the preparation you’ll need for a career in herding cats.
I think Wonder Woman’s costume designer didn’t realize that she’s grown about seven inches taller since Halloween, although she did manage to make some lovely arm bands using only aluminum foil and scotch tape.
Jackson finally got their attention and began rolling tape. (I know A LOT about the movie industry, including phrases like “roll tape”. Or maybe I just heard it on a Bush Beans commercial. I can’t remember.)
The superheroes are off on their mission to rid the world of evil.
What? What’s that? Is there something behind the tree?
In a surprise twist that no one saw coming, other than the fact that we all watched him pick up some plastic swords and tie a cape around his head, Gulley’s husband, J, turns out to be the villain.
The superheroes chased him out from behind the tree and began to attack.
(I’m really no good at action photography, or really any photography, which explains the blurry shots)
Like all fierce villains, he carried not only three different swords, but also the dreaded rubber snake in his back pocket.
But he was no match for the homemade Justice League. They got him down.
The boys grabbed the swords while Caroline “whoop-ed” him with her golden lasso of truth, also known as some gold drapery cord from Bed, Bath and Beyond.
J did more than his share of Ninja rolls across the backyard as he tried to escape. In fact, I’d be willing to bet an ice pack and some Icy Hot were his friend later that evening.
The most suspenseful part of the whole film was when the two-year-old Incredible Hulk found a 2 x 4 in the backyard and decided he was going to show these big kids what real weaponry is all about. Fortunately we saw the whole thing happen before it turned into a scene from a WWF match.
After filming wrapped, Gulley served as a makeshift Kraft Services and had Dino Nuggets, cookies and juice boxes waiting for everyone. Then we hooked up the video camera to the T.V. so they could all watch their creation.
It was akin to watching a Super Hero version of “The Blair Witch Project”. I haven’t felt that dizzy since the last time I waited until noon to drink a Diet Coke.
But the kids LOVED it. They laughed, they cried, they gave it two thumbs up.
In fact, Gulley turned to me and said, “Why on earth do we pay $8.00 a piece to take them to the theater when they’re so entertained with this?”
I foresee a summer filled with microwave popcorn, a videocamera and possibly the occasional 2 x 4. Granted, it may be hard for J to keep explaining that he needs time off work to accommodate his burgeoning film career, but in the long run it will be worth it because if Jackson grows up to be a famous filmmaker we can sell bootleg copies of his debut effort, retire in style, and travel around the United States in a tricked out Winnebago.
I mean, I’m pretty sure this is how Steven Spielberg started out and that whole movie he made about a shark turned out to be kind of successful.