I can always tell when I have a lot on my mind because, well, it’s my mind and I am well aware of all that is in there and, also, all that is not in there. Plus, I start to draw a blank when I try to write a post about random things and so I end up putting up a picture of Dreyer’s ice cream.
It’s that feeling of knowing I have something to say, but not knowing how to say it or how to start. So, instead, LOOK! ICE CREAM! PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM!
Since I wrote about letting go of my fears a few weeks ago, I’ve thought more about it. To be honest, there have been many times in the last month when I’ve felt fear and worry well up in me again. And I don’t really talk about it because it’s not fun to talk about. I’d rather think about cute shoes, my hair, and that everything is 40% off at Gap right now.
The important things.
I have just felt like I need to clarify that I haven’t arrived at some incredible destination of perfect peace and tranquility. It’s a daily dependence on God. Trusting and knowing that He can meet all my needs and that He has a great plan for my life.
I know it, yet I’m quick to fall into my old patterns and forget it.
I’ve thought so much about Paul’s words in Phillipians when he says, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me”.
I’m quick to get bogged down in the what ifs. I’m quick to worry and fret over things that are ultimately out of my control anyway. I’m quick to try to come up with my own solutions and totally discount His sovereignty in all situations.
I worry if I’ll regret not having another baby. I wonder if I should have another baby. I worry if Caroline will grow up to be happy and normal without a sibling. Who will she look at and roll her eyes with when she’s a teenager and I say embarrassing things? Which is inevitable, by the way.
I worry about our finances and if we’re going to owe money to the IRS this year. I worry that we’re not saving enough for the future. I worry that our property taxes are going to go through the roof now that our neighbors have built the Taj Mahal next door to us.
I worry about P and I flying to Florida in May and what if something happens. I worry about Caroline and if I’m raising her to the best of my ability. I have days where my patience reaches its limit and I forget that she’s just four. And then I feel guilty.
And then I worry about feeling guilty.
I worry because I’m speaking to a group of women in a few weeks and I don’t know if I’ll have anything to say beyond “Hey y’all. What’s up?” I’m speaking to another group of women in June and hope I say more than “Blogging is good”. What if I fail? What if I screw it all up? What if I’ve heard God wrong?
So, basically, there are days when I’m a big, hot mess.
That is a lot of information right there. I feel a little like that episode of “Seinfeld” where George bares his soul to Jerry and then says, “That is who I am and everything I am capable of.”
I guess my point is that I don’t have it all together and I have days that just really stink. But I try not to focus on those things because, most of the time, I try to refrain from hosting my own party full of woe and pity. And I know that in spite of all these worries I manage to manufacture, I am blessed.
A few weeks ago, I sat across the room from our former housekeeper, Cata. She is sixty-seven years old and has cleaned houses for most of her life. About a month ago, she and her husband lost their home and much of what they owned in a house fire. They have no insurance. Yet, I sat there and listened to Cata tell me in her broken English how blessed she felt and how God has been faithful to provide help throughout her entire ordeal. She looked at me with joy in her eyes and said, “Melanie, God is not old. He is still working.”
How much do I love that she said “God is not old”? It totally makes me think of when God asks Moses, “Is the Lord’s arm too short?” (Numbers 11:23)
God is not too old and His arm is not too short.
Everything you read here is a snapshot of my life. The days of monogrammed dresses and Easter baskets come once a year and make good pictures, but sometimes the reality is a lot messier.
I’ve been in a season of life where I start to feel easily overwhelmed. Doors have opened and I can see things on the horizon, but I’m not there yet and I get frustrated. And I start to doubt if any of it will ever really happen.
And then, of course, I worry about what it will mean if it does all happen. Because I am a fan of coming up with the worry material.
In fact, a few weeks ago I received an email with some really cool news and I called Gulley to tell her about it. She was so excited for me and there may have even been some jumping up and down. Meanwhile, I was all like “Well, we’ll see what happens.” She said, “What is wrong with you? Get excited, Coach Fran!”
The day before yesterday I got on my knees and prayed about all my fears, doubts, worries. Why don’t I trust God the way I should? Why do I go back to that place of relying on my own power? Why do I let the fear overtake me? When will I be the person I wish I could be?
I didn’t get an answer.
But then yesterday morning, I walked my dogs down to an empty field by our house to let them run. I stood there watching them and noticed one lone bluebonnet sprouting up in the middle of the field. I know from past years that in another week, the entire field will be covered in bluebonnets. But, for now, there is just that one.
And I felt God say to me in the still, small place in my heart, “My girl, that’s how it is sometimes. After a long winter, spring doesn’t always happen all at once. It happens one flower at a time. I make all things beautiful, one flower at a time.”
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
Big Mama, this a beautiful post. It is real. It is honest. It was hard to write, but thank you for sharing with us. Your blog is like having a talk with a sister…sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s reality. Thank you!
Beautifully Written!!!!!!!!!!
And be assured the rest of us are in the same place all the time 🙂 Even though our circumstances are different we are all sisters under the circumstances…..
Mrs. J~
Oh, I loved that. So many of your words touched my heart this morning. God is not old and spring does not come all at once! Amen.
Oh, I have tears in my eyes. From one worrier to another, thank you. “Spring does not come all at once.” I think that may be my working chant for a while.
It is so good to know that others are searching and struggling as well. Continue to seek God and depend on him and everything will be fine.
I lift up my eyes to the hills — where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)
Thanks for such an honest and beautiful post.
Can’t tell you how much I appreciate this, as the same kind of fear is what has me up at this unholy hour. Thank you for sharing, and for the lovely illustration of the single bluebonnet. Great is His faithfulness!
(oh, and I can just say how much I love Gulley’s Coach Fran comment?)
It’s faith and repentance, every single day.
What a honest heartfelt post……. The thing that I love about you and your blog is that you are so “real.” You share the funny things in life, your struggles and so much more. Boy did this touch my heart this morning. I struggle with many fears also had that battle driving to work this AM and reading this after I got in well it is nice to know that we are not alone in our struggles. Thank you for this post.
Hey Melanie.
You are not alone. You are a sweet woman of God and He’s ever before you. It seems some of us struggle with fear more than others, but He knows we are made of dust and His Arm is not too short. When you write about ice cream, I need to remember what that means, and know “funny” doesn’t just happen but can cover big emotions on the page. You are blessed, and God is not old. Spring is here, dear one, and your season of winter is about to end. Seasons. Feeling His love through you this morning, I pray for your peace and joy. Annette
PS from another lone bluebonnet (in Texas)
Beautiful post Melanie!
The “what ifs” constantly take over my mind and my life. What a great illustration of how we need to just let God be in control.
Thank you for that. That was lovely.
And congratulations on getting so many speaking engagements! I speak a lot, too (about 5 times a month now), and sometimes I get really bogged down in it. It’s a hassle. I have to travel. The kids can’t come.
But then I think, this is a door that God has opened just for me! He must think I have something to say. So when you’re feeling down and like you’re nothing special, remember that He is the one who opened the door. So go through step through it, Baby, and have a blast!
Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!
This was a wonderful post and it really spoke to my heart. From one worrier to another, I completely understand. I have several of my own “worries” going on in my head right now. Every morning I pray an answer will come to at least some of them.
thanks for some good truth this morning
Your post captures why we all love blogging. We all share the feelings of inadequacy,fear and worry and don’t usually get that out with our glib responses of “I’m great”. Most relationships these days are drive-throughs. With blogging, we can share a sit down dinner and really talk. Thanks for having me over for dinner.
I love when you post like this! Your heart is exactly where mine is, thank you for your honesty. Blessings to you!
Thank you. I needed that.
Can I copy and paste this to my blog? I know exactly what you’re feeling. My husband says I worry about having something to worry about. Like you, faith is a work in progress for me. God’s voice sometimes sounds a lot like my own and sometimes waiting is…just waiting. God’s intentions become clearer and usually different than my own. Bless you and thank you for sharing.
Kim
Thanks for posting this. My husband and I have gone through more trials this year then ever, and thats sayin’ something! I too feel that God is trying to teach me to trust Him fully. A lot easier said than done, right? You are such an encouragement! Thanks
This post brought tears to my eyes, as I feel the similar pressure of worry so much more often than I think I should… even to the point of worrying that I worry too much… Thank you for being real, for letting this newlywed know that there are godly women out there without a lot of answers, struggling with the same things, covering them up with the same things, and sometimes just falling on their knees to ask for help. Thanks for your honesty!
Melanie- I love all your posts. But today’s post, and all posts like it, are my absolute favorite.
I talk to my “Gulley” about this kind of stuff all the time. Between us we have 7 children. We are exhausted. And we wonder, “Are we ever going to get it? Are we ever going to be the people we know the Lord wants us to be?” And we have decided… NO! Because the day we “ARRIVE” we will no longer be on this side of heaven.
The fear and worry however needs to be halted in its tracks. It is beyond dangerous. I too was a worryer. Three years ago I became unbelievably sick quickly and went to a top neuromuscular facility in Cleveland to hear that they believed I had ALS. (A fatal disease within 3-5 years) My children at the time were 1,3,and 5. I couldn’t so much as look at them without so much as recoiling in fear. Fear of leaving them. Fear of what would happen to their little hearts without a momma to raise them. Fear of whether or not they’d be angry with me. Fear of my husband remarrying someone who wouldn’t love them as her own. Or almost worse… someone that WOULD love them as her own.
It took me about 8 months to come to the end of myself and be so focused on the Lord that there was no room for fear. I learned that if I was scared or going down the road of “what ifs” than I was looking more to my circumstance and my ability (or inability) to reason a way out of it than I was trusting in Him and knowing that His plan for me was better than anything I could come up with for myself.
I don’t tell you anything you don’t already know and believe. I just hope it’s an encouragement to continue to seek Him in all things good and bad.
I’m excited to hear about God’s hand in this “good news” you mentioned to Gulley.
In Him,
Chelle’
I loved this post. I was just having the same thought (about the blue bonnet) re: my cherry trees this morning. I have been noticing the beginning signs of buds for a few days, but just this morning my children shouted, “It snowed!!!” when they noticed they were in full bloom (seemingly for the first time!)
Thank you so much for this post. I have been wondering recently what it means to walk in the freedom of Christ, even though I see how I still fall and mess up. How do the two go together? And so I am encouraged by your post and even more so by the Scripture you posted: pressing on though I have been made perfect yet! What a mighty truth to hold onto daily!
edit: even though I have NOT been made perfect yet!! BIG DIFFERENCE! 🙂
Thank you. There’s nothing else to say – just thank you.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much this post speaks to me on so many levels…
This was beautiful. One flower at a time – I LOVE that! What a cool word!! You are the best.
For you to have WORRIED about how you were going to be able to say all of this, you said it absolutely beautifully. I am teary-eyed, in fact.
Check your email.
And how much do I love Gulley for the Coach Fran remark?
Sometimes your best posts are the honest, long winded ones. I totally mean that as a compliment.
I followed your thought process and I love how God just steps in when you think you’re not going to get an answer and it hits you.
What a great post! I worry a lot too, but spend a great amount of time trying to cover it up. I love the last paragraph about the blue bonnet – such a great visual the Lord gave you (and now us). I have a very hard time getting excited over anything because I think I don’t deserve it in some way, which drives my husband crazy.
Big Mama, your blog was the first one I discovered in this big bloggy world and I just love how honest you are today.
I am going through some of the same issues. I’m raising an only child, and hello with the guilt and questions. But this is all he knows and all your daughter will know. This is how a family will be to them.
I also remember when I was going to give a talk at a womens retreat a year ago. The months leading up to that day I was attacked by Satan in many many ways. And I knew it would happen because he does not like it when we are living for our Lord.
Like Beth Moore just said in a Bible Study I am taking now, we have to speak out against the enemy. Use our words-they are potent and speak OUT LOUD so he hears us. Tell that mountain to move.
I am going to keep praying for your talks that you will be giving. You are touching so many people here every day, and you’ll do the same there.
Beautiful.
I think that there are LOTS more women in this boat than we realize. Thanks for the honesty. I grew up thinking that above all else, let nobody know that you don’t have it all together. I know I don’t, and I worry about things that I have no business worrying about.
The one that you mentioned that I think about the most is whether or not I’m do the best for my kids. Sometimes the responsibility of it all is overwhelming to me!
Actually, you mentioned MANY of the things that I worry about.
It is a hard thing “to be anxious for nothing”, as Phil 4:6 states. I am working on it though, in my own imperfect way!
Thanks for the reminder that “spring” WILL come one flower at a time.
Sending a little love your way today~
I think you have spoken for so many of us out there but really, after a year of struggling, I can honestly say, Jesus is the ONLY answer to those everyday worries that seem to keep hanging on. You know it is a “take up your cross everyday” life but He is faithful to walk with us. I’ve experienced it this past year and I know what I speak of! Jesus is there, just call out to Him and listen for Him to speak to you! Bless you Melanie!
Beautifully written. Much needed. Thank you.
You always seem to know just what to say. Amen!
Thanks for this post. I can totally relate, and your words helped me to realize one area of my life where I let fear and worry dominate. I never realized it until I read this – I can’t pinpoint the exact phrase or paragraph that made me realize it, but it was one of those “zing” moments. You know, where you get this flash of revelation that is so deep and it would take me pages and pages to write out all of it’s implications, but it all happens in one flash of a second. Whew! And all before I’ve had my morning coffee!!
Thanks for being so open and transparent with us. You have been a blessing to me today!!!
Feel our love, my friend.
Thank you for this post. Thank you for your honesty. I often look at other women/mother’s and think “Wow, they got it all together” and in turn start feeling bad about why I don’t have it all together. Posts like this show us that we are all learning and searching. Validating someone’s feelings is the first step to accepting ourselves and start trusting in the God that created us.
What a sweet post. Thank goodness He loves us too much to leave us where we are. It’s all a process darlin’ and He is at work!
Thank you for your honest post and for the encouragement to trust God through times of worry. I don’t know a Mom out there that doesn’t struggle with this issue (me encluded!) I have college age through elementary children in my house and I can worry alot! But God is faithful. That is all there is. God is enough.
Grace,
Dana
So beautiful and so true to my heart as well. All we can do is take it one day at a time. I want my life to be so full of the beautiful things and beautiful moments, like you said with the monogrammed dresses and easter baskets. But the reality is that a lot of days just stink and feel like I am spiritually a mess and stuck in slow motion. We don’t have it all together, like most of us Christian women like to portray. But I know our God is faithful to seeing us through to completion. One day at a time, my friend.
Hey Big Mama,
I’ve never commented before but am a faithful daily reader of your blog. 🙂 It always makes me laugh and think, “man, I wish I was that funny!” But today, I am crying b/c you are so real!! Thank you for your honesty!! Like so many have already said before, it’s so easy to feel the pressure to ‘have it all together’ but the truth is most of us don’t…and it’s a daily struggle of mine to learn to rely on Him and trust Him for everything and not worry! Makes me think of the song “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” when it says, “in His arms He’ll take and shield thee, Thou wilt find a solace there.” Some days I just need to be reminded to climb in His lap and rest in Him with my every care. Thanks for such a wonderful post!
Great post! Thanks.
Amen my dear sister, Amen. Thank you for putting into words that which I think every day.
What a great post! I think worrying comes second nature to most of us, but thank you for the reminder that we can rely on someone much bigger to do our worrying. I am getting married in June and we have no idea where we are going to live, and for once in my life, I feel okay with that. I try to remember jeremiah 29:11 “for i know the plans for you….” I love reading your blog, whether it’s about yummy ice cream, your hilarous daughter, or deep thoughts. 🙂
i wanted to encourage you with a couple of things. i had our daughter at 37 after 2 miscarriages, another miscarriage after and was told i cd/wd not have anymore children and was peri-menopausal. flash forward 4 yrs. hot flashes galore. just starting a HUGE new ministry position. and. i. turned. up. pregnant. wow. now i have the most amazing 4yo rambunctious-give-me-a-run-for-my-money boy. it may or may not happen for you, new friend, BUT it is a reminder that God can do anything. just call me sarah. :>)
and, i struggle much more than i care to admit as well. one passage that really helps is when peter is about to be sifted and Jesus tells Him that when it is done, strengthen the brothers. you were doing that this morning. this all has a Kingdom purpose for your good and the good of the Saints!
i can relate to the ice cream thing more than i care to admit (i live in denial apparently)–but my heart is touched by the mutual struggle we share.
thanks for your vulnerability.
love,
cindi
ps P is such a blessed man!!
Beautiful post, that has obviously connected with feelings and fears that many of use share.
This is so honest and so real – the heart of a woman after God’s heart. And do not for a minute think that every one of us have not been there.
Even Paul –
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”
And just think, when he wrote these words, he was writing the Bible.
I will say it again – HE WAS WRITING THE BIBLE!!!!
In his admitted imperfection and lacking persona, God was using him to show us all the way!
He is using you too – all of us who follow Him, in fact – to His great glory. Just trust Him – trust Him to get you through. Trust Him to be your Rock. Trust Him to show you the way. And, my friend, trust Him to teach you to trust Him more. It is something we all learn little by little as we go along.
God Bless You!!!
Becky Jo
I needed to hear that more than you will ever know. Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us.
I love when God speaks through the simplicity of his creation.
Thanks for that snapshot into your life. I dare say you wouldn’t have the audience you do if you were playing the “pretender game.” People stop-by because they can relate on some level to what you are feeling. And that “what if” game–yeah, I created it. But here’s the hope–I don’t play it anymore. Haven’t for years and the clue is realizing who’s behind that game and taking our worries straight to the throne each and every moment.
One day at a time, sweet sister…
Thanks BigMama, for reminding us that we all go through these things. I think it is a great lie the enemy uses to make us feel like we are alone, and it comes from the pit of H*ll!
Check out http://www.art-4-the-heart-edge.blogspot.com if you don’t mind. Some “artsy” friends at my church post there, and yesterday’s(Wed) post might encourage you…
God Bless!
April
Bigmama, it is a day by day process, we have to constantly be humble and listen to God and have hope and faith. I loved your post. I want to share a verse with you from the Book of Mormon that I love. It is found in 2 Nephi 31: 20
“Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”
Thank you for your post, I think as women, we all fear and we all worry. We simply must remember what Christ did for us and that we can lay our burdens at His feet and He will provide because He loves us.
I could have written those same exact words about worry and trials…thank you for reminding me that God’s arm is not too short.
You are a blessing!
Lovely post. Thanks.
Could you post us a picture of the bluebonnet/s? I lived in Texas when I was little and I still remember learning to ride my bike and play tee-ball in a field absolutely covered with bluebonnets. I think they are one of the most wonderful flowers on the planet and I’d love to see some again.
Thanks for sharing Big Mama – I really needed this today.
Wow. What a beautiful post.
You so touched me this morning – I really needed to hear that God does not always answer us when we want him to and in the manner we are expecting. I just read the same thoughts on Proverbs 31 devo and I guess God is trying to get through to me. I would have to compete with you for top worrier…..everything you said, from being a good mother to having a second child to finances, has all been on my mind this past week. Over and over again I wonder, am I enough….no, I should be saying God IS enough….and leave it at that. Thank you for your intimate thoughts this morning and even though I don’t know you, I feel like I should give you a big hug, if not for you, but for me. :>) You are an amazing woman and certainly one of God’s beautiful masterpieces.
Big Mama…this post was beautiful! Thank you for being so real and so transparent-I pray that you find rest from your worries, but want you to know you encourage so many other mamas because so many of us can relate to these same worries. May God continue to bless you one small flower at a time.
Thanks so much!
This just makes the case that the fact that Spring is during Easter (The Resurrection)is no mere coincidence.
Melanie:
First, THANKS for your transparency.
Second, when you start to worry, STOP and PRAY, even a few words …
Third, God KNOWS ALL things, not SOME, but ALL. He knew this path was for YOU right NOW.
Fourth, God wouldn’t give you this vision without equipping you. He does NOT want to see you fail.
Fifth, you DO have A LOT to say and offer, just take a look at the comments today and over the past year of your blog. Funny or serious, God IS using YOU!
Sixth, Let Go and let God. Daily ..
I just spoke for the first time in public (for more than a 3 minute prayer request) Tuesday at my church and I was so scared and nervous. I had 30 minutes and 22 pages of notes! (SMILE) I asked God for 3 days prior to speak through me. Remove me and fill me up with Him. I didn’t want to mislead the women or provide words that would send them over the edge. You know? BUT GOD … BUT GOD! I don’t remember most of what happened after I started speaking, but women came up to me afterwards and said thank you and several women gave me their phone numbers to call later and speak with them.
You WILL do well.
Blessings over you and BigMama Ministries
Really beautiful, Melanie. The post, and also your heart. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I needed this today.
Thanks.
My “default mode” is also the worry and what if pattern, and I have found it just as you said: “It’s a daily dependence on God.” Even when everything is going really well, my mind can come up with a dozen “what ifs” (if only it were that creative in other venues!!)
Loved this post, especially the last few paragraphs.
what a lovely post! you are the first blog i read every morning (along with boomama!) and this is why!
Thanks for this post. You wrote exactly what I’m going through right now.
I love that you “Got on your knees to pray”
What an awesome way to face the worry!
Good job, and God’s peace sister!
Kelly S. in Michigan
Thank you for writing this. I know it is hard for you to write about serious stuff, but you bless us so much when you do. It was beautiful!
Will be praying for you and your family. God bless you all.
Our God is a God who does all things well. He gives beauty for ashes. As it unfolds and you get to see just how beautiful the terrain is, remember that even though we change and even though we fail, HE does not.
That is all. Carry on. :0)
(Totally random, I know)
What a beautiful post! Just yesterday my former pastor was telling me how he feels blogging is a form of ministry as we share our hearts and how God is using and changing us. Thank you for allowing God to use you today!
Thanks so much for sharing your heart, Melanie. It really means so much to be able to read your words and feel God speaking through them.
Here’s to watching the rest of the blue bonnets pop up!
God is not old – I LOVE that and so needed to hear it today. I prayed this morning to receive a fresh word and I believe I did after reading this post. So very lovely, dear friend.
Blessings,
Sister Lynn
Melanie,
I have been lurking on your blog for a couple of months now. Your blog is such a blessing to me. I think that anytime we are going through a season of fear, if we push through it, there will be something really good around the corner! And, I am fully aware that is easier said than done. I also play the what-if games and I am overtaken by fear much more often than I would admit. And, I struggle constantly with relying on my own power. I grew up with everyone telling me that I could do anything I wanted to, and sadly I bought that. It would not be an exaggeration to say that almost every day I find myself thinking “What is wrong with me. Why I can’t I do ___” Fill in the blank. It is such a struggle.
Sorry, this comment is so long! Thanks for your post.
“God is not too old, and His arm is not too short.” Perfect!
Thanks for this again, I was thinking about your last post this morning- and wondering if I’ll ever come to a place when I don’t worry over something, anything. As my husband often says to me, “you would be totally fine if you didn’t have a brain.” well, thank you honey. 🙂
What an honest post! Thank you!
I’m a worrier too. I guess I try to find stuff to worry about. I’m often scared to be happy for long periods of time….I guess I worry that something bad is about to happen. And the guilt? Yes, I have that too. ALL. THE. TIME.
But the Good Lord helps us and guides us and is always there. Sometimes going to your knees to pray, gives a whole new perspective. I believe in it, my friend. Thank you for sharing this. I know it is much easier to (what I call) “skim the top” with blog posts. You did a beautiful job!
I wish you would put “the tenderness” quote on your new website. I love reading it every day.
Melanie,This was so touching and real. You make me laugh. You make me cry. Thank you for writing this blog. God is using you. Love, NanaTrish
You’re speaking to me this morning. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for this. It’s nice to hear that someone that seems to have it all together can have the same fears that I do. I have the “why did I only have one child fears” all the time. The financial fears, parenting fears, all of it.
This has been the longest winter of my life and I’m so ready for spring. I feel defeated and completely out of control and scared that I’ll never get my act together. Now at least I know I’m not alone.
Oh, Girl. You are speaking my language this morning. Thanks for being so real. I feel much less alone in my (more than) occasional fear and worry.
I sometimes think of those folks crossing the desert with a pillar of smoke by day and a pillar of flame by night…a very real and visible reminder of God with them. And then I think, how could they possibly worry and doubt with that giant thing of fire right in front of their eyes?!
I think it’s in our nature. There’s also a battle going on, but I don’t have to tell you that.
Peace, my dear sister! And thank you for such a heart-felt post.
Melanie,
This post is a reason that I love to read your thoughts. Among all the fun stuff are the moments of realizing that God’s got your back and he wants you to lean into Him.
You gave a beautiful analogy to God’s working in our lives. Sometimes it’s just one flower at a time. But no matter what, He is God and He is good, whether or not we ever get to see the flowers.
AM there…
DOING that.
Needed THIS post so much!
Thanks!
You are definitely not alone. I have similar fears and worries. Each and every day, I have to make a decision to “let go and let God”…otherwise, I will let my worries, real or percieved, overcome me. THANKS for sharing. I always need to hear this.
*tears* at “God is not old.”
*more tears* at “I make all things beautiful, one flower at a time.”
Thank you.
I just want to leave evidence that I, too , stand behind all others who have come before me and I ditto their comments. I think I’ll have to print this for my husband to read because he is the worrier in our house!
Blessings…
Wow!! Your blog made me cry today, I can SO relate!! Thanks!!
Psalm 138:6-8
tho the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar.Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD WILL FULFILL HIS PURPOSE FOR ME; your love, O Lord, endures forever…
Thank you for sharing your humility with us – that we may be one in Christ:)
You wrote the words on my heart today, especially “Why don’t I trust God the way I should?” and “When will I be the person I wish I could be?” Thank you for sharing; I can so relate. I will keep reminding myself that spring doesn’t come all at once.
Another blog led me to read Psalm 91 today, and I loved the verses in the Message translation that state, “He ordered his angels to guard you wherever you go. If you stumble, they’ll catch you; their job is to keep you from falling.”
Thanks for sharing your heart. It reminded me of something—wait for it—Dr. Phil (i know, don’t judge) said one time. About the ‘what ifs’. Go there. So, what IF, for example, you can’t think of what to say in front of people? Then what? Would you die? No. Would people laugh? Maybe, but they would know you are real and probably like you even more. Sometimes just GO THERE in your head and realize that if even the worst thing you can think of happens, God is still in control. There’s really comfort in that, isn’t there?
What an honest and beautiful post. It speaks truthfully of where a lot of people are. God is not old and spring doesn’t come all at once. Amen.
I just hopped over her from Boomama. Thanks for your heartfelt words. 🙂
Lovely post. Of course we love to read your funny stuff, but this is important and real and equally great.
I worry about all that stuff. Especially the am-I-screwing-up-my-daughter-by-not-giving-her-siblings. But I know God is the divine director of our lives.
I don’t think it will ever be anything other than a minute-by-minute struggle!!
Dear Big Mama,
I am a “lurker”, but had to respond to your blog. This is the reason God wants us to live in community with each other: we cannot do life on our own. Change the names, and a few of the situations in your blog, and I could have written it! I had a mammogram scare recently, and all that I know to be true about the nature of God flew right out the window. I turned into a fretty mess for a day. Then I remembered who He created me to be; “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline” 2 Tim. 1:7. Turns out the mammogram issue was dust on the lense or film. Hang in there Siesta; He is with you to the end of the age!
Karen in California
For all intents and purposes, I was raised as an only child.
My husband’s cousin is also an only child and he and I have talked about how we have the best of both worlds. We don’t have all the drama but as adults we count each other (and my husband and his siblings) as “siblings”. We have all the benefits of
the support and allies but without the baggage. We might be left alone to make decisions sometimes and that can be hard, but secretly we like it that way.
That is the beauty of an only child- they are left to make the hard decisions as their parents get older, etc. but they are equipped for it in a way no one else is.
I wouldn’t worry another second about that. Unless you just want another baby… that is a whole other story.
so touching…thank you for sharing
Wow.
Thank you for sharing. I love how God spoke to you through one bluebonnet…and He spoke to me through you.
I am SO GLAD that God is not too old because He has so many of us crazy kids to keep up with. I’m so thankful He’s given you not only a talent to write but He’s also given you lots of wonderful experiences and thoughts to write about. You and your blog are a blessing!
I began to pray with my head bowed and my 4 year old Tabor came in and said, “Whatcha doin’ Mom?” I told him, I’m praying for my friend, Mrs. Melanie. Then he began to pray…for you 🙂
Like that field, your life is blooming–plant those roots deep, my Sister. He didn’t let us fall–not at all. We have very little in our account today, but tomorrow? A paycheck for the first time in four months. Amen? Amen!
Praying for you, because I know that God is doing some mighty things in and through and for you.
Love,
holly
I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy to let all that out, especially for countless readers (most who are strangers) to read. It’s cleansing, though, isn’t it?
God does know our weaknesses. He’s made provision for every lack. All He asks is that we trust Him, trust His Word. The enemy of our soul whispers doubt and fear to us. Those are not from God. Recognize them for what they are, and combat them with the sword of the spirit, which is God’s Word. When those feelings of doubt and fear creep in, remind Satan who you are in Christ and who your heavenly Daddy is, and who has already won the battle.
Awesome post, by the way! 😉
Thank you, Melanie.
“And be assured the rest of us are in the same place all the time 🙂 Even though our circumstances are different we are all sisters under the circumstances…..
Mrs. J~”
Loved the post and Mrs. J’s comment. Hits me right at home. BTW, you should know that when I am in the grips of that fear and have prayed my heart out, I know that it is rest that I need. To help me relax enough to sleep, I turn to the Big Boo cast. You and Boo Mama sound just like my mother and aunt when you talk and laugh and it makes me feel at home.
Wow, Melanie, just wow! This was beautiful and spoke straight to my heart today! What a blessing. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share this with us. One flower at a time… I’m going to remember that. It’s a process, and I think God would like me to enjoy it.
Beautifully said. This is just what I needed to hear. I have been reading your blog for several months now and I just love it! You make me laugh and today you gave me many things to think about and apply to my life too. Thank you!
If you only knew how your post spoke to me this morning. I’m such the worrier and sometimes I feel like I even make things up to worry about! Handing it over to God is so hard and yet so easy at the same time.
And I’m asking myself the same questions about whether to have another child or not. It’s keeping me up at night and there’s no answer yet, so I’ll keep praying.
Thanks so much for your honesty!
This post is almost as beautiful as you are. Almost. 🙂
I was talking to my Grammy last night and she was sharing with me some of her own worries – they sound a lot like my own and a lot like yours. And she’s a 74 year old woman of faith. I think no matter what age we are, we find ourselves in the same places. And yet we’re right where God wants us to be. Aware of how much we need Him and wondering how we could get thru any moment without Him. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone in my worries and fears, and in His time, all things are quite beautiful.
Thank you for being transparent. I was just thinking this week that if I read my blog a year from now I would really have an accurate picture of the whole me because there are things going on that just aren’t “blog level” sharing. Of course, that’s me who has determined that. Being real is critical, and thank you for reminding me that if I can’t be honest with others about where I am, I’m probably not being real with myself.
Oops-I meant I would NOT have an accurate picture!
Mel,
I have sister-mama tears flowing down my face right now…All I can think to say is…I am coming over!
Today is the day I give you what the Lord has prepared for me to give you.
See you shortly!
Love,
Vern
“Spring doesn’t always happen all at once. It happens one flower at a time. I make all things beautiful, one flower at a time.” I love this.
And I love this: “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
Thanks so much for the reminder.
Oh, Big Mama — you are young, beautiful, full of life and fun and of course, full of everyday worries. That doesn’t change when you are a Christian — you just have to keep reminding yourself that God has everything under control. I spent Monday afternoon in an operating room, fully draped and wide awake as the surgeons operated on my neck really close to my carotid artery with local anesthesia. God was under the drapes with me and I was certainly talking to Him throughout the whole thing. I’m still waiting to hear what has been going on in my neck for over three years and praying for a little more time with my family. One thing is certain — I can only depend on God to know what is best for me. He will do whatever you need done, when the going gets tough.
God is not old!I will remember that phrase. Amen and amen!! Your words were used by God today for many of us!
Obviously I needed to hear that, cause my eyes are hurting from holding back the wave of tears. Thanks for putting the real stuff of life on paper (or on blog) for us to think and pray about.
I am a lurker – I must confess I’ve read your blog nearly everyday for the past few months. I think I keep coming back because I find so much common ground here. Thanks for sharing from your heart and being so real. God has used you to speak to me many times over.
i’m not a daily big mama reader but today i had a little extra time on my hands (at my office i might add) so i decided to come on over. i’m so glad i did. i’m going to take your bluebonnet moment with me the rest of the day. i love truth like that and moments like that with the Lord. thanks for sharing. i’m so glad i stopped by today!
SIGH. Once again, you and I are right in the same place at the same time. The last few days have been filled with anxiety over things I can’t control, things I can, and hurt feelings. When will I get over myself??? Thanks for being so honest.
I’ve been in a season of vast disappointment, pain, confusion, and wondering what the heck is going on. God has been whispering to me in many ways, and through you today, that there is a time of preparation. That His ways are NOT my ways; His timing is not the same as mine. And in the meantime, He is working, building, preparing. Thank you for a beautiful, timely reminder of that truth.
Thank you for this, it made my heart a bit more full today:)
Bless you child! I finally found someone else that worries as much as my self!!! But like you said we have to put it in the dear lord’s hands and let him take it from there!!! Love reading your thoughts!!!
Absolutely beautiful! ! ! The Lord is so good! Thank you for all of this!
You don’t know how much this spoke to my heart today.
You are awesome. I love how you can switch from hilariously funny to heartfelt and real in your posts. God is helping me to break free of guilt and fear also. I’ve found that it has definitely increased since I’ve become a mom. I’m right there with you!
Jenny from VA
Maybe there’s hope for me yet! It’s good to hear other people talk about worrying and fear..not that I’m glad that other people are dealing with worries and fears but it let’s me know that I am not alone.
As I read this post, I was in awe at the similarities between us! I have felt so many of the same feelings lately! I have always been a major worrier, and even the smallest details seem to overwhelm me lately. Although I wish none of us had to have these bad days, it’s nice to know that someone else knows how I feel. God bless!
What an awesome post! I think all of us can relate. It is amazing how our thoughts can turn to doubts and fears. Thanks for sharing with us. By the way – I love reading your blog. You are a blessing!
Beautiful post. What I find most beautiful is that it’s REAL. We’re all the same. Some may look “perfect” on the outside but we can’t see what’s on the inside. And God’s arm is never too short. I find that it is usually around me if I’m still and quiet.
Thank you for taking the time and putting into beautiful words the things that the Lord is doing in your life. Sometimes it is so very hard to sit down and sort it all out. So thanks for taking the time and sharing.
You and your family are entertaining and real and I love coming here every day because I never know if I’m gonna get a fun tale o’ Caroline or a bit of awesomeness like today.
Beautifully said. Our hope is in Him.
The reminder to hand it all over to God was just the flower I needed today. Thanks so much.
What a beautiful post! I’m a worrier, too, and I loved the ending about the flower. What a nice reminder!
Wow, am I glad that you are a daily read for me. I love journeying with you while you’re in “this place”. I can so relate. Keep writing and may God bless you in all the areas that weigh heavy on your heart. May you see His power at work.
Absolutely love your raw honesty and pure heart. No, He is not old and never grows old. A day is as a thousand years and a thousand years as a day to our Lord! (2 Peter 3:8) When these winters just seem to drag on as if they’ll never end, he brings all things to life again. Praise Him for the newness of life. This was such a heart gripping post. Thank you for sharing your days with us!
Dear Big Mama,
I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now and let me tell you, you’ve brightened many of my days! Often you put a smile to my face in countless ways, especially that Caroline girl (I have 2 girls myself:)
Thanks for the post today, for being vulnerable, transparent, honest. I’m quite a worrier myself:) I read this following last year when my family was about to make major changes in our lives and it’s so encouraging:
Said the Robin to the Sparrow,
“I should really like to know
Why these anxious human beings
Rush about and worry so.”
Said the Sparrow to the Robin,
“Friend, I think that it must be
That they have no heavenly Father
Such as cares for you and me.”
from Discpline: The Glad Surrender
Elisabeth Elliot
Press on, girl…
I have to say that I’ve been similar conversations with the Lord lately….
And then He reminds me that He is the Author and Finisher not to mention perfector of my faith….
Thanks so much for taking the time to get it all out there…I was blessed by your heart today…
Big Mama, thank you for sharing that with me today. I feel so blessed to know I am not the only one who is scared and worried sometimes. My family and I are going through a hard time right now. Sometimes I also feel like I am not trusting God enough, but it is so hard when you feel like you are on the edge of something and maybe God won’t catch you. Of course He will, but sometimes those feelings of doubt rise up. Again, thank you for sharing, it brought a tear to my eye. You blessed me.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
I am trying to repeat that to myself as often as I need to. I have prayed continually over the past couple of years for a sign from God, and each time, I seem to ignore his signs. I guess because they weren’t the signs that I wanted him to send. I’m like, “Oh, wow, that hurt. But maybe it’s not really a sign, just a test of faith.” My mother-in-law tells me to be more specific in my prayers. Please, God, slam a door in my face if that isn’t the direction that you want me to take. And then I find myself pulling on the door handle and kicking the door to get it open.
Honestly, though, I think that we might be tied for the “Chief Worry Wart” title. When I found out that I was pregnant with Jared, I worried about the effect on Austin since they would be so close in age. Now I worry that Jared was slighted because I put so much effort into helping Austin through it.
And right now, I am nonstop worry and projection. What am I doing to my children? Will they be scarred for life? How am I going to handle it if they decide one day that they want to go live with their dad? How am I going to handle the first Christmas without them? How am I going to handle my ex moving on without me? Are things ever going to be normal again?
And, of course, there are my more mundain worries, like how much damage am I doing to my car by driving it without having the front end alignment that it needs? If I don’t read the Big Mama post first thing in the morning, is she going to shut down her blog?
I love ya’ – warts and all.
He makes everything beautiful in His time. Oh, we want so much to see it all … to know what He is ultimately going to do with us, but just as you saw tha one flower in the field… we get to see things one snashot at a time.
Your insights are beautiful… I have been reading your blog for a bit and always come away blessed.
Your post blessed me also. Thank you for sharing your heart and reminding us all of the Lord’s faithfulness.
And let me help put one fear out of your mind. I was an only child and I turned out perfectly normal.
*Snort* giggle
Well…hmmm. Maybe that wasn’t the best argument in favor of having only one child…
Someday when my little site grows up I want it to be like this one.
Jon
Wow. What a great reminder. I am also a worrier. Why is it so hard to let go when we know that our God, our Maker, has every situation in His had. My arm IS too short!!! Blessings to you~ Amy
oops, in His hand… hand.
Well said! Thank you for sharing your worries. It makes me feel so much better about mine! 🙂
One flower at a time….take it one day at a time. Your blog is a real blessing to me. Thank you for sharing.
Oh, how I understand….
I have realized that I am so worn out right now because I am trying to go on my own power..and it sooo doesn’t work.
Beautiful.
Blessings,
Jen
What a wonderful picture. One bluebonnet!! And it’s enough. for now. Thanks for your heartfelt honesty!
I just walked in the door from Mayo and needed this. In so many ways.
You’ve done it again! How funny that I am going thru almost the EXACT same events/emotions/doubts right now! I think your writing is total providence, lady. I mean it. Thank you so much for your eloquence!
I LOVE that flower analogy. I might have to steal that sometime. And give you the credit. Well mostly God, but you too. Thanks for the great post.
great post. i’ve got my own worry list.
oh, and can i just say, you will never look back and say i wish i hadn’t had that second child, but you might regret not having it.
Thanks for sharing your heart…and writing it so well.
This spoke to my heart today! I really needed to hear it! Thank you!
Tears. Just….tears.
Do you know that I think of Cata every time I see a pack of Windex wipes? It’s true. Arguably absurd, but true.
I am just so right there with you on the seemingly boundless generation of worry material. Some days I amaze myself.
And as for the rest? Well, you know that it’s a work in progress with me. Slow progress; sometimes stagnant.
But it helps, somehow, to hear your perspective, so: thanks for sharing it. And thanks in advance for sharing pics of those bluebonnets once they all bust out.
Wow. What a fantastic post! You saw into my head and pulled out the thoughts and wrote them down for me. I’m going to print this one out. I’m doing the EXACT. SAME. THING. My dad has cancer, my hubs has to run for election this year amoung some vicious mean spirited local mud slingers and its dragging me down. Thanks for helping me to grab hold of my bootstraps. I sometimes get a mental picture of the Lord rolling his eyes at me when I heave that burden back on my shoulders again and again.
You write:
“My worst nightmare is being away from home and not having wardrobe options. Seriously, I have had nightmares about this. Think of me what you will.”
ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kindred spirit here, I swear… I understand, I truly do.
Dang, i messed up where I posted. My the comment should have been posted on Fashion Friday…
Seriously, I love this post about pressing on. Being a follower of Christ is not only a big picture/journey thing, it is a daily thing. Not only following Him, but really letting Him be the leader of our life. I love that He is working in your life. If we are uncomfortable, we are growing and THAT is a beautiful thing!
Dang, i messed up where I posted. My comment should have been posted on Fashion Friday…
Seriously, I love this post about pressing on. Being a follower of Christ is not only a big picture/journey thing, it is a daily thing. Not only following Him, but really letting Him be the leader of our life. I love that He is working in your life. If we are uncomfortable, we are growing and THAT is a beautiful thing!
Me and my fake gel nails need help. Sorry about all the posting faux pas. I need some more espresso….
Excellent. I especially love Cata’s comments.
Oh I loved your observations in the grassy field. What a beautiful analogy!
I’m leaving you with my life verse:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope.
Becca
http://www.beccasfreshfruit.blogspot.com
gosh, i don’t read for one day and look what i miss! what a beautiful and honest post. i think we all feel that way at some time or another. the thing to remember is that keeping our faith is something that we must constantly work at.
p.s.
is cata the one who liked to use the wipes? memories 🙂
Thank you for your transperancy! That was an awesome post.
On a side note: We used to live in Texas and I miss the bluebonnets so much. Thanks for the reminder of fields full of them.
Bigmama, this post made me cry in the best sort of way. Isn’t our God gentle that way? Thanks for sharing that one with us.
Amen, amen and amen!!! Thank you for your transparency. I find myself along with most other women in my life at the same place. I just started a new consulting practice this year and have a great assignment with a global Fortune 100 company (for which I did absolutely nothing to get so God obviously provided it), but at times I find myself overwhelmed with the what-ifs. What if I don’t deliver what they’re expecting, what if I bomb horribly and they refuse to give me a reference. What if I have to live under a bridge in Atlanta – what will I do with my hair products…I really need a shelf of some sort! That last part was a stretch, but I have talked myself off many an anxious limb at 2:30 am by reminding myself that I could always work at Starbuck’s.
What God has been reinforcing in me over the past several weeks is my utter dependence upon him, and how that place of dependence is a journey of faith but is characterized by rest and peace. The initial step is the scariest, even for someone who is not new to the Christian walk. The beauty of the process, though, is that it drives me into his arms. The quicker I run to him, the less anxiety I have to endure in my own strength. I’ve been comforted to see his strength in action as I choose to surrender and depend on Him! Just as he provided the daily portion of manna for the children of Israel, his grace is really sufficient when I actively seek it and try not to do this life in my own strength.
Wow. I could have written that post myself. Except that I can’t write like you do- so it wouldn’t have sounded as good as yours. But, it was like you were reading my mind because I am also a fan of coming up with the worry material.
Thanks for this amazing post!
Hi Melanie
Several months ago I spent my lunch hour browsing thru the bookstore aisles. I picked up “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale. It was in paperback, it was cheap, and I know its a famous bestseller so I bought it. What I did not know is that the author is a minister and a Christian. Here I am thinking I am buying a classic, a best seller, I’ll expand my horizons a bit, I’ll get some good motivational tidbits. But God knew better. It was no fluke that I picked up this book. The whole book seeks to get the reader to get the message of having a better life thru real faith living. Please go out and buy this book today. I promise you that it will change your life. Change. Your. Life. Every single page has very real ways of getting you thru the struggle that you are talking about. And its simple. No high tech psycho babble. And easy to read. Every page is full of good stories of real life experiences. Part of the book talks about asking God to become your business partner. Putting him in charge and never looking back. This author talks so down to earth. I promise you that you will love love love this book. God Bless, Jen P.
You know, I’ve never read your blog before. I read your sister, the BooMama, but somehow never meandered over here. I just wanted to take a moment to say how much I appreciate the honesty in your writing. I can intimately relate to many of the things you wrote, and often find myself struggling in the same way.
Thanks for the sweet honesty.
Psalm 118
xo
Posts like these are what makes your blog one of my favorites that I read everyday. Funny posts one day to just make me laugh out loud and a reflective post the next to make me think. Thank you for being honest. I think its great.
How could I have missed this post? Just beautiful! I am praying for you Melanie, and for you to realize just how amazing you are in Christ. I think you already do. Thank you for being so open, and I love your bluebonnet illustration. God is using you already through this blog, but I am rejoicing with you in knowing that the door is just beginning to open for you. Blessings friend!
Hey Big Mama:
Thank you so much for this post. I tend to live in the “what ifs” – it’s a constant struggle. Sometimes my only answer to that overwhelming flow that turns into this crazy negativity is singing to myself that Twila Paris song:
“God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken.
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken!
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control”
For I am 45 years old and waiting for a birthmom to pick us and sometimes the waiting is more than I can bear, but “God is in control”. Thanks for sharing and reminding me that I am not alone in my stumbling down the path, for God will never forsake me and these temptations and trials are common to all of us.
God bless you,
Robin
(friend of Cindi Weber)
Well after I wrote and shared that link for Art 4 the Heart, my friend felt self-conscience about what she had written and pulled her poem off the site. I saw her in church today and asked where it went. Thats when she said she felt funny about sharing it. I told her a bit about what you had written and that I had shared here the link for her poem. Because I feel that truly is the biggest lie the enemy usees is that we are alone, we are the only ones to feel like this.
Anyway I just wanted to say she put it back on the blog this afternoon, so check it out if you get a chance! http://www.art-4-the-heart-edge.blogspot.com And thank you for being so transparent, and encouraging. 🙂
April
Melanie, apologies for being so behind on your blog. I’ve been out of commission for a little over a week. But, here I am reading exactly what I think the Lord would have me read. A week ago tomorrow I had my third miscarriage. I’m carrying a lot of worry, anger, disappointment, confusion. I don’t understand God’s plan. I don’t understand why He is allowing such pain in this plan. I’m realizing, slowly, that faith is not an emotion…it’s not something I feel. It’s something I choose. Which kinda stinks because right now I need some confirmation from Him that I’m loved in spite of yet another loss.
Thank you for encouraging my heart today. I need it desperately.
Wow! That majorly hit home and I so needed to hear that. Or read that. Anyway, thank you so much for being so honest and allowing the rest of us to have an “aha” moment with you. Again, a heartfelt thank you!
Wow, what a profound post! (I’m just now getting a chance to read your archives, as you can tell). I love the concept that spring doesn’t happen all at once. I am definitely going to remember that.
I have been plagued by fear lately as well. I was talking about this with my spiritual director, and she pointed out something that I found so profound: fear is the absence of love. She quoted John 4:18 (“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear”), and suggested that every time I feel a pang of fear, I should undertake some act of love to act as a counterbalance. It has really helped. Just thought I’d pass that on in case that’s helpful to you as well.
Also, it’s interesting that you mention that you’ve had some exciting opportunities come up. Another piece of advice I heard that really helped was to remember that when we receive clear calls from God, we will undoubtedly be immediately subjected to attacks from the enemy — often in the form of fear — to *distract* us from carrying out God’s will. When I heard that, I noticed that my own fear had indeed derailed me from moving forward with the opportunities that had been presented to me.
OK, enough rambling in your combox! Just thought I’d throw that out there.