Y’all may remember that a few weeks ago Gulley and I took the kids to Bryan for an Aggie baseball game.
And we had a good time.
The end.
But something else happened on that trip that has changed my life over the last month or so. Gulley’s mama gave her a copy of a book called “Eat This, Not That”.
And because I yearn for knowledge, I picked up the book and read it cover to cover over the next 24 hours.
Which isn’t necessarily a huge accomplishment. It’s not like that time I read “War and Peace” all in one sitting.
By the way, this isn’t a paid endorsement. Although I will totally accept cash money if someone wants to pony up some coin.
The book lists most restaurants and tells you the worst things and the best things on their menus. It also lists the top twenty least healthy restaurant foods and gives a nutritional rundown of things you normally buy at the grocery store.
It is a veritable fount of useful information.
You know what the number one least healthy restaurant menu item is?
Outback Steakhouse Cheese Fries.
Wow. I did not see that coming.
It said that an order of Outback Cheese Fries contains more calories and fat grams than a person should consume in about three days or possibly three years. And if you dip them in ranch dressing you will need a Shop Vac for your arteries.
Back when I was a recent college graduate, with a lucrative job in financial sales that paid $9500 + commission A YEAR, some of my co-workers and I found out about the grand opening of a new Outback Steakhouse. They were serving free appetizers for two hours.
After months of living on cups of Ramen noodles and a pack of Oreos, those cheese fries were the best thing I had ever tasted and, according to the book, I ate enough that evening to provide me with all the calories and fat I will need for the rest of my life.
In my quest for nutritional knowledge, I also discovered that the worst menu item at McDonalds is the Premium Chicken Selects. Which I had almost ordered just the day before because it sounded healthier than the McRib. I don’t know what stopped me but I went with the burger instead.
If I had ordered the Premium Chicken and then read that book, I would have driven to the McDonalds in Bastrop, TX and burned it to the ground. And there isn’t a jury in the world who would have convicted me.
Marketing folks are playing it fast and loose with the words Premium, Select, and Chicken.
Next thing you know I’m going to find out that drinking two McDonald’s chocolate milkshakes in one sitting isn’t healthy. But how else am I supposed to get my calcium and ensure that I won’t go the way of Sally Field on a Boniva commercial?
I’ll tell you.
The biggest piece of life-changing information I read in “Eat This, Not That” was a little section about all the benefits of eating low-fat yogurt. Turns out it not only has calcium, but bacteria that keeps your digestive track humming along like the Little Engine Who Could.
What really sold me, however, is that studies have shown that people who eat three servings of low-fat yogurt a day have an easier time keeping weight off their stomach area.
Because it’s not about how I feel, it’s how I look.
No one is looking at your bone density in a swimsuit.
Wow. She appears to have a really healthy spine.
The only problem is that I have never been a fan of the low-fat yogurt. I think in the past it has always been that whole fruit on the bottom thing that kind of grossed me out.
But upon my return home I canvassed the HEB dairy section for the perfect yogurt.
Cue drumroll.
Strawberry-Banana Yoplait Fat-Free Yogurt.
It is heaven in a little plastic cup and I am addicted to it. There are very few things I’ll make a special trip to the HEB for (Q-tips, Honey Barbecue Fritos, York Peppermint Patties, and toilet paper) but the Yoplait is now on the short list. If I look in the refrigerator and see that I’m down to three or four of them, I start to get the shakes.
Oh Yoplait. How did I live without you so long?
I realize I’m a little late to the yogurt party. I mean yogurt really peaked back in the mid-80’s with the Jane Fonda Workout on VHS and legwarmers, but at that time I still had a metabolism that allowed me to eat a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos washed down with a Coke and four Reeses Peanut Butter Cups for a mid-afternoon snack. I had no need for the yogurt.
And truth be told, I haven’t really seen any difference in the circumference of my stomach area. Which may make sense considering that when you factor in the amount of yogurt I now consume each day I have added 300 calories to my daily caloric intake.
But I can’t quit now. It’s just so good.
There is nothing more refreshing at the end of a good Jazzercise workout. I like to eat it while I take off my legwarmers and cool down.