Crazy hair and just plain crazy

Remember last week when I was sick?

Yeah. I’m still sick.

I thought I was getting better last Friday and then I came down with a raging sore throat on Saturday afternoon. It was the kind of sore throat that makes you want to pull your head off your body just so you can feel better. And also eat lots of ice cream.

By Sunday morning, I was a mere fraction of my normal self. As much as I loved Nashville, apparently it didn’t love me back. Unless it shows its love by making a person so ill that you come face to face with your own mortality.

I vowed that I would go see the doctor on Monday morning, but then I got really caught up with all the laying in my bed and doing nothing after I got Caroline off to school. It seemed like a lot of trouble just to be told, “You are allergic to ragweed. Go buy some Zyrtec.”

So I didn’t go to the doctor. I also didn’t go to the grocery store because, clearly, I was on the verge of death and couldn’t be expected to grocery shop in spite of our dire toilet paper shortage.

However, Tuesday found me facing the cruel reality of a field trip to the zoo with Caroline’s Kindergarten class. I don’t mean to be controversial, but I’m not really a fan of the zoo on even the best days. A large majority of the zoo property stinks, not to mention that the monkeys’ feet gross me out. It’s like seeing your old great uncle without his socks on.

Or maybe that’s just my family.

Anyway, I had promised Caroline that I would go to the zoo and I didn’t want to disappoint her in spite of my impending hospitalization for pneumonia and the fact that I couldn’t really talk above a whisper. So off we went to the zoo at 9:00 Tuesday morning on the big yellow school bus.

I’ll be honest. The school bus was really the highlight of the trip. In fact, when the school bus started off, all the Kindergartners screamed like they were on a roller coaster. I screamed too, but mainly because the bus brought back some painful memories from my freshman year in high school when a boy may or may not have convinced me to put a little bit of Skoal in my mouth while riding in the back of the bus.

It wasn’t one of my finer moments.

We actually had a great time at the zoo, but by the time it was over I knew it had pushed me that much closer to needing a lung transplant.

So yesterday morning, I finally headed to the doctor for an official diagnosis and good drugs.

When I arrived I had to fill out a form explaining why I was there, so I wrote “Husband says I can’t keep complaining about being sick if I won’t go to the doctor. Also, want heavy-duty cough medicine that will knock me flat out.”

I scored all the way around because I was diagnosed with a sinus infection and borderline bronchitis plus an ear infection. That’s the kind of diagnosis that will allow me to complain for days.

I also got a prescription for heavy-duty cough medicine that will make me forget I have a cough and a name. I’m going to save a little bit to take on election day or maybe just for the next debate.

But the best of all was that yesterday was Crazy Hair Day in Caroline’s class and I sent her to school looking like this.

And who can feel bad looking at that?

It’s the best medicine of all.