Rumor has it that there was some big football game on yesterday. And I’m a fan of football.
College football.
Maybe it’s because I spent my childhood wearing “Luv Ya Blue!” t-shirts and #34 Earl Campbell jerseys, only to have the Houston Oilers break my daddy’s heart every season, but I just don’t care about professional sports in general.
I know. It’s like I’m not even an American.
Anyway, our church has an annual Super Bowl party complete with chili cook-off and so that’s what we did yesterday. Actually, P went early to grill various meats with his Sportsman’s Group and to deliver his entry in the chili cook-off. I showed up a little later with Caroline and a plate of brownies that didn’t have sufficient time to cool and basically looked like a plate of chocolate that someone had sat on.
Appetizing.
When I walked into church there were crockpots bearing homemade chili as far as the eye could see. And this is where I have to make another confession.
I am not a fan of the chili cook-off.
It’s not that I don’t like chili. Au contraire. I count a Frito Pie among my top five comfort foods.
The thing is that a chili cook-off is a risky proposition. You never know when you’ll encounter a chili that’s too spicy, or has too much cumin, or, heaven help us, red beans. Let’s not even discuss the fact that the cook-off component involves a lot of people dipping into the same pot of chili.
Is there such thing as a buffet phobia? Because I think I have one.
I might as well add another embarrassing fact to an increasingly long list of other embarrassing facts I’ve shared over the years. My chili palate is very sophisticated and involves a can with a Hormel label.
The canned variety makes me feel secure. I know where it’s been and I know how it will taste. And don’t tell me any horror stories about canned goods and what happens in the factories or I will be forced to stick my fingers in my ears and say “La-la-la-la, I can’t hear you”. It’s bad enough that I have to live with the knowledge that Burger King’s Crispy Chicken Sandwich (which I adored) is one of the worst possible fast food items you can eat.
Let me keep this last shred of culinary innocence.
I’m not kidding. Do not tell me your canned goods horror stories.
I have enough quirks and phobias as it stands.
And in other totally unrelated news, guess what I haven’t done in two weeks?
Painted the backhouse.
It’s primed and ready to go, but I have fallen off the paint wagon and can’t get up.
I just needed to get that out in the open, along with my fear of chili cook-offs.
The older I get, the less I like “potlucks”, especially those where a lot of people with whom I only have a passing acquaintance attend. I have no idea what their idea of kitchen sanitation is, and then when you add a line of people leaning over the food with no sneeze guard.. yuck. But I DO love chili… MY chili.
Sad about the backhouse… girl, I PRAYED for you on that one! Get up…… in the blessed name of latex!
I have a HUGE fear of buffets. Who knows if those people clean their kitchens well enough…
I’m not a big fan of the chili cook off either…or A1 sauce for that matter (my post today). Maybe it’s because our chili always places with the “Thank you for entering our youth fund raiser contest, but your chili just doesn’t cut it” award! Nice.
Oh my word. I can so relate. I begged my husband not to enter the chili cook-off at our church this year. I, too, have buffet phobia. I can’t handle a room full of crockpots filled with mystery red ooze being dipped and scooped and sampled by hundreds of people who may or may not have washed their hands before they started dipping. It’s too much.
Okay, all you people have me paranoid now.
WAIT – what are you telling me about the Burger King Crispy Chicken Sandwich? “La-la-la-la; I can’t hear you!!!”
That is too funny!! I agree a chili cookoff could be hazardous to the health 🙂 My husband will not go the buffet style country style cooking resturants – likes Ryans and Golden Corrals… he has the phobia.
I used to be just like a guy about a potluck at church. WHOOPPEEE! WHERE ARE THE FORKS? We have a lot of wonderful cooks in our midst.
However, one day one of those great cooks mentioned her cat to me and how he loves to lounge around on her kitchen counters where the sun warms him and blah blah blah blah…because that’s all I heard after that comment.
And recently I saw a picture of another person’s kitchen where she was cooling these beautiful frosted cookies (that were works of art) on her kitchen table…while her German Shepherd rested his head on the table eyeing the lovely work.
While you may kiss your dog or cat on the lips, I’ll pass.
I absolutely love chili!!!! 🙂 🙂 Just stopping by to say hi. Hope you had a GREAT weekend!!!
I am with you on chili cookoffs and buffets. And this carries over with potlucks. I hate them. Unless I have been to every single person’s home that is bringing something. And still, I’m not wild about them. Because everyone is still breathing all over everything and dipping multiple times in everything. The funniest thing about this is that I am NOT a germaphobe. Seriously. Anyway, my main problem with the chili cookoff is not the same as buffets and potlucks. It is that people seem to feel the need to mess up perfectly good chili by putting random and exotic ingredients in their chili. And you won’t know it until you must taste it. Because everyone’s secret recipe is of course secret until you accidentaly taste something terrible in their chili like, say, honey. Ewww.
Ahhhhhhhh I’m so grossed out LOL! And completely paranoid about buffets too!!
I don’t like chili anyway. Blah!
Well, I love a pot luck and feel that we are far too freaked out by germs…it’s okay, you probably won’t die and if you do, it was your time to go, right?
Anyway, I think canned tomatoes are better for you then fresh, something about them being canned at the perfect ripeness and processed in such a way that we poor tomato-ignorant moms could not possibly be able to recreate. I’m clinging to that bit of information that I’m pretty sure I heard somewhere (that makes it official right) because it’s so much easier to use canned then fresh.
You live in Texas and there are people putting BEANS in the chili… The horror…
I, however, am a fan of the church chili cookoff, wearing my apron and red beans. I take my zantac and I’m a happy woman.
Chili rocks. Pro ball does not. That I do agree with.
I’m with Mandy, sorry, but I think the rest of you may need therapy for your germophobia. The largest amount of germs are passed from person to person via hand to hand contact. Unless their hand is in the food, not much contaminating is going on. Lots of germ exposure is what makes you have better immunity. I love pot lucks and buffets and have never gotten sick after indulging at either one!
I don’t care for pro football either. I HEART college football, however. While our church didn’t have a chili cook off, we had a rec time and food for the youth during the game and the game was showing on a big screen TV. It wasn’t until about the third quarter that all the youth started watching the game and they cheered for both teams. We did have a chili cook off at our church last month and I have to say, there was one pot o’ chili that wasn’t touched all night….I think it is because it wasn’t the same color as the rest of them….
Looks like we’ve managed to avoid the canned goods horror stories, but we can’t seem to quit with the buffet stories, can we? Me either…
A long itme ago we went to a steak house with a salad bar. I watched a woman waddle up to the salad bar, scoop up a large spoonful of potato salad, plop it on her plate, then she licked the serving spoon before she put it back in the bowl. I guess she was used to doing that at home and she just felt right at home at that potato salad bowl. If I ever find myself at a buffet, I never get anything served with a spoon. Thongs only!
Personally, I like chicken chili with white beans best.
I feel better now that you’ve admitted your love of Hormel chili. I don’t like it myself, but knowing that you do comforts me. See, I was watching Top Chef a couple of weeks ago, and they had this quick-fire challenge where they had to make a meal using nothing but foods from a “typical pantry” (i.e., canned goods, rice, mac and cheese, etc.) and one of the chefs, Jeff, said, “I looked at the shelf, and there was nothing but JUNK…GARBAGE.” It made me feel so dirty. So lowly. So inferior. Granted, I don’t have Spam in my pantry, which was an option for them, but pretty much everything else they had to choose from, I have. Suddenly, I hated Jeff and started to pray against him. So anyway, hearing your love of “JUNK…GARBAGE” makes me feel better about myself and what I offer to my family on a daily basis.
Two things. First, my mom and I love burritos – and the ONLY way to eat them is with canned chili (and shredded cheese) on top. One time, my dad didn’t buy the canned chili and got out homemade chili instead. It was so sad.
Second, my brother works for a church that recently had a chili dinner. And you will NOT believe what they did. Everyone brought their chili – all different kinds, of course – and then dumped it all into ONE GIANT POT.
Is that not the most disgusting thing EVER?
So I say – you eat your canned chili with pride. And stay away from chili cookoffs! (Especially if it all ends up in one pot somehow. Ewww.)
I’m so glad you said this. I feel almost un-Christian, because I just cannot do the church pot-lucks anymore. It just turns my stomach! 🙂
I won’t bad mouth your cans, you quit talking about my buffets. 😉
Canned chili is the only solution for chili dogs, frito pies, and the like. I value it highly.
Not a fan of chili either, canned or not. I only like REAL homemade chili if it is super cold outside. Does not happen much in SE Texas. Now, gumbo…that is a different story. 🙂
I am the exact same way with professional sports.
I am not crazy about chili cook-offs, either. I like mine, but I don’t like them so spicy your mouth burns for hours. I do use Hormel at home for lunch or Frito pie (love that stuff!) when I don’t want to make a full pot of it.
Totally with you Big Mama. I am a total fan of the can chili. Always have a can in the pantry. Along with a bag of fritos. And Blue Bell in the freezer. And Dr. Pepper in the fridge.
Just staples of a Texas kitchen I suppose.
What???? The chicken tendercrisp?!? That is my FAVORITE fast food sandwich… I’m not sure I’ll go as far as to say I wish I didn’t read Big Mama’s blog today, but I AM quite disappointed to find that out…:(
I’m with you on the pot-luck phobia. I used to work as an office manager at a software place and the tech support department (mostly men) would have a pot-luck every now and then. Pot lucks will never be the same to me.
Maybe it’s because I spent my childhood wearing “Luv Ya Blue!” t-shirts and #34 Earl Campbell jerseys, only to have the Houston Oilers break my daddy’s heart every season
Ok, this could’ve been written by me!! So crazy. I LOVED Earl Campbell. I was forever scared by my Dad’s “passionate” cheering, aka yelling like a mad man! 😉
Funny, when they became the TN Titans, they transformed into a wonderful team. 🙂
I didn’t watch the Super Bowl either!
I don’t think you had anything to worry about concerning your brownies you took to the pot luck. I’ve found that people at church pot lucks typically aren’t the most discriminating eaters and will consume anything, in vast quantities, regardless of its appearance and contents. Maybe that’s why they call it pot “luck”?! 🙂
Take care,
Julie
There’s nothing more grastronomically perilous than a bad dose of chili. Which is what compels me to take my own to the cook-offs.
Sounds like it was a fun gig, though!
Ok, I only read the first section and had to immediately comment. Now, I’ve read the rest of the post!
Yes, Hormel is THE best chili for Frito pies, hot dogs, and for on top of Chimis.
However, if I’m just eating a bowl of Chili it has to be homemade and not just any homemade, mine! 😉
And, I must say, I was quite confused when my relatives in IN asked me if I wanted some chili, and they made it with spaghetti noodles. Huh????! I’ve NEVER! Different strokes for different folks, huh? 🙂
You are so funny! Every time I read your blog, I come away smiling.
thanks for the lift!
Jennifer
The words Frito Pie make me want to run and hide. When I was traveling the East Coast through a missions group, we were served Frito pie more times than I care to count. I had never heard of it before. But every stop in the south thought they would bless us with a special southern dish. Frito pie!!! We got sick. Imagine 100 people all running for 1 bathroom. With some begging we were able to talk the group leaders into taking us to McDonalds. And believe it or not ,that soothed our stomach.
I get a bit sqeamish at potlucks as well, I usually just go over to the store-bought food that some people inevitably bring ’cause I feel like that is “safe”. A chili cook-off would turn me off too!
Luv, Luv ya Blue
You know that we do!
We’ll always be true
Cuz weeeeeeee, Luv ya Blue!
http://www.lazymoms.com
See, chili is a complex problem for me. I love the taste of it, but I have a paranoid dread of whatever bits of mystery meat may be in it. I can’t relax and enjoy it because I’m just waiting for a bit of fat or gristle that sneaked in there. Especially with canned chili! (Which totally does taste the best.)
chili cook-offs terrify me. it’s the multiple pots of varying quality of meats smothered in red sauce. yuck. but canned hormel tamales? I’ll take them all, thank you 🙂
p.s. I’ve never commented, but I love your blog!!
OK everytime I think of canned chili, I think of the movie Mr. Mom when the baby eats canned chili…and if you have seen the movie you know the rest.
I do love it too, just wouldn’t feed it to my baby.
Amy from http://www.allthingsaro.blogspot.com
I am a huge fan of football, high school, college or pro, of course I am extremely biased as to what teams..ie…Texas Longhorns, Dallas Cowboys (I am not as biased for High School, and I am horrified that SoCal does not seem to share my love for all the joy that encompasses Friday nights…I am with you on the buffet thing however…its kind of scary, but I have to say I love homemade chili, so long as I know what is in it!! haha…and NO BEANS NO BEANS!!!! As for the canned variety, I heart Wolf Brand…and they do not sell it in SoCal…my mom sometimes sends me some from Texas!! hahaa…
College football is just flat-out better than pro. There I said it – and Go Dawgs!
Oh and my hubby and I won a chili cook-off on New Years Eve – Although there was a little contention because several people argued that our white chili was actually a chowder. What? Just because it was cheese-based and not broth-based? Why do you think we won the popular vote? Cheese just makes everything better!!
Girl, I am from NEW YORK! What is a Frito Pie?!?
When I was a small child and we’d go to giant family reunions, my mama ALWAYS told me whose food was okay to eat! Thus was born an early radar for suspect origins. 🙂
In a way it’s sad to grow older and listen to the news and understand words like “salmonella” and realize that some people actually let their pets up on the same counters they cook upon. When I was younger, even a young adult, I LURVED the church potluck line “oh, that’s Glady’s Four Layer Lemon Pie! (which probably had raw eggs in it) YUM” Now, I’m like my husband who has FOREVER been hovering over my shoulder through the line saying “what’d you cook? What’d your mamma bring?” I guess that’s one of the reasons life’s so much more fun when you’re innocent. None of those thousands of church potlucks ever made me sick, but they make me sick to think about now. And what about the dinners on the ground at cemetary decoration in May? Out in the open air with flies buzzing and lighting everywhere? Or is that a deep-south thing? Oh, wanta know a good simple chili recipe? 2 cans Bush’s Chili Beans, 1 can Rotel tomatoes, 1 lb ground hamburger. Put in a pot and heat through. You can also throw it all in a crock pot and cook all day on low. And you can just about double or triple or how many people you want to feed. And it’s all from cans!
Ok, so…
When we were little my sister and I didn’t like chili because of the beans. Then my mom got wise and put the beans in the blender and made them into a bean smoothy before she put them into the chili. Then sis and I couldn’t pick out all of the beans that we hated. The other thing was that we discovered that we liked beans, just not the tough outter skin.
THE END
my husband has buffet-phobia too. he won’t go near the things. he also won’t eat birthday cake because the birthday boy/girl blows out the candles and spreads their cooties all over the cake. he’s basically a killjoy.
frito pie?? sounds yummy. but does not sound like it fits in my diet plan for ’09.
My dad calls buffets “cattle troughs”. Nice image to grow up with. Needless to say, I am not a fan of the buffet, either.
Excellent post!
Amy
I am with you on all points. I love college football! Go Gators!
I loathe Pro Football.
I am scared of chili cook offs so I always enter and only eat my own!
I have never won but I have to say its the only way to go.
I rarely comment so I just want to say I really enjoy your blog!
I also do not keep up with any pro football….or basketball for that matter. Just can’t get into the “groove” watching sports on TV. If it’s not live it’s not interesting to me.
And, oh yes mam….I’m a member of the buffet phobia club! ANY time we eat at a buffet….which is seldom….I always use my purse size hand sanitizer AFTER I get back to the table and BEFORE I handle my silverware! All those possibly sick or just getting well people handling those serving spoons before I do makes me very scared! We had a pot-luck meal at church yesterday at noon….not a super bowl party…..and I even used the hand sanitizer at that. (It’s harder to do at church since there are some people that seem to get their feelings hurt if they see you getting rid of their germs! ha)
Yep, you’re a gal after my own heart Mel.
God bless,
Marilyn
i am a germaphobic potluck hating nazarene, which is like a triple oxymoron.
i have a very poor immune system due to medical conditions & medications that i take, but i’ve been weird about germs since i was 2 years old. had to have my hands washed all the time & would only eat my mom’s cooking & frisch’s big boy sandwiches!
i touch no food unless i know who prepared it. at all potlucks, i go through the line smiling & say, “ooooh” or “yummm” does anyone know who made this?
my plate usually only has my food or a close relative’s food on it. i know i end up missing some good grub, but my stomach flips just thinking about some people’s kitchens.
meanwhile, my husband could spend the day “sampling” at sam’s club, i’d rather starve!
so i can relate!
also, i’d been wondering how the backhouse was coming. hang in there, there’s always next week.
I hear ya! Chili is just not one of those foods I want to eat from anyone’s kitchen except my own (or my mother’s – hers I trust). And that includes canned chili, even though I’ve never had a bad experience with canned chili. But that’s because I’ve never had any experience with canned chili and I intend to keep it that way! 😉
I have read your blog for at least a year, have never commented, and now that I am commenting, it is to share something completely unrelated to this post. I was just sitting down to read your post, in need of a good laugh, when my 7 year old son walked by. In his best mocking voice, he said “Big Mama? Maybe that mama ought to lose a few pounds.” At first I thought he was talking about me and that I would have to share a few thoughts with him. But no, he was talking about you, or more specifically your blog. 🙂
And I’ve never made chili. I prefer to let others do it and enjoy the fruit of their labors. Thanks for brightening my day (often).
Try being married to a preacher who isn’t a fan of the potluck. I have to be sure to cook something Luke loves and then fix him the first plate before everyone else touches it. If he ever found a gristle (sp?) or hair in his mouth that came from outside the family and think he’d keel over dead on the spot.
I’m a closet Hormel (only with beans, though) fan. I love cooking and doing things from scratch…but I love me some Hormel. : )
And boy am I with ya, girl, on the whole buffet issue…
I was wondering about the backhouse progress. Now I know and I can completely understand.
I would never give you any can chili stories even if I had any. I am right there with you on the chili thing. My favorite regular chili comes out of a can. I do make some really good white chili that I dearly love. Let me know if you are interested in the recipe.
Oh dear, please educate me about the evils of red beans and the Crispy Chicken sandwich. This is sad news for me, on two accounts.
I’m so glad to see I’m not the only one who hates potlucks. I’ve called myself a “potluck-phob” for years. Salad bars and buffet restaurants are also included on my list of places I don’t want to eat at. One church I attended asked everyone to bring their Thanksgiving day leftovers for a potluck the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I’ve never seen anything so gross!
i just can’t seem to shut up on this buffet-phobia subject. when my son was in 4th grade, he went to a new alternative school. his class had a potluck dinner (this was 1979, btw). not only were these not our relatives, or our church friends, but total strangers from all around town. we went, my husband chowed down (different husband), & i nibbled.
(i make some mighty fine red chili & chicken white chili, but after eating it several times this past weekend & having a 24 hr. bug right now, i can’t really talk about it, if you know what i mean 😉 )
Ummm..yeah…I am notsomuch into buffetts either. I think they are nasty, germ infested things. I just look at one and think now THAT is one big vomit/GI disturbance waiting to happen. Yeck! I do not even eat pot luck at churches.
I have my mother to thank for this. She was the same way. Oh and my grandmother who I saw scrape mold off jelly – and then SERVE it – too many times to count. Once I had her figured out I NEVER ate while at her house. My mom would pack snacks just for me when we went to visit and I distinctly remember having to sneak in the bathroom to eat them!
My dad definitely has a buffet phobia also! Everyone makes fun of him for it, but I am actually beginning to see the merit in it. Can you say GROSS?!?!
I still LOVE a pot luck – but usually they involve my family or people at work(so I know what they’re bringing) – and I know them, but the JOY of so many dishes – that I can never make for myself for fear I would eat ALLLLL of it myself! I’m with the ones who say I’ve never gotten sick – exposure to germs gives you better immunity (but I also work with preschoolers – so am exposed to more runny noses and explosive sneezes than the average mom)
I’m with you on the painting. We painted both kids bedrooms over Christmas break – and were so motivated we bought paint for the master bath/bedroom – still sitting in our laundry room. . .
I ask the blessing over my potluck food and dig in! Too many great dishes I don’t get to taste often enough.
And what Julie says about jelly and mold and grandmothers, mine did the same thing. I finally showed my grandma on the label where it says “Refrigerate after opening” and she never had that problem again. It’s something to do with homemade jams and store bought. Evidently older folks didn’t refrigerate their homemade jams.
I just found your blog……I know, seriously, where have I been?? Anyways, I drove my husband crazy Saturday going back into your archives and reading away the afternoon. Better than laundry, right?
My biggest issue with chili cook-offs (and I live in Houston where the cook-off thing is HUGE around rodeo time) is that I’m a bit of a meat snob. I just like to know who the original owner of the meat was……..a cow, a deer, whatever. It just makes me nervous that some person would think its funny to tell everyone who oohs and ahhs over their chili that Guess What?? I used Emu meat!! Yeah, no thanks!
LOVE college football……..but I have to admit that was a really good game last night. So sad it’s all over!
Buffets should be banned….you know the buffets that charge like 5.99 for all you can eat and have a “sneeze guard” (that is beyond gross). I’m with you! I have buffet phobia too.
It looks like I am not alone in my pot luck disgust. We used to have a monthly pot luck for our department meetings at work and I had to go to all my friends in the department (who I knew their cleanliness levels) and see what they brought, so I would pick the right items to eat. At church and other events, I eat what I brought and one or two other things (from people I know and trust) and spend the rest of the time tending to others. They think I am a selfless server, but in fact I am a selfish germaphobe.
I think there may be a 12 step program somewhere.
As in one of the comments earlier, I once watched a person (in this case a child) take the serving spoon out of salad dressing at Wednesday night supper, lick it off, then replace it. Since then, I get there early and if I am not one of the first approx. 5 people (and I’m eying them) through the line on Wed. nights, I do not eat. Once bitten, twice shy!
I would just like to go on record as saying (and by the way, this is one of those moments where any of my friends or family could mouth these words along with me as I say them), but I once entered a pot of chili in a chili cook-off, but becasue I made too much I had to pour it into two pots, and the judged them both and I won first AND second place.
Start your applause now.
That being said, there is one can of Hormel chili that sits in my pantry as a brooding presence. My family knows that if they want my chili, then they best treat me right…or I take out my can of Hormel and sit it on the counter and everyone knows what that means.
All that to say, please let me make you chili and feed it to you and teach you all that God intended: 1) Cumin is good, 2) Spicy chili can be your friend and 3) there will be buffets in heaven so get used to the idea. 😉
Melissa
I’m not a big germaphobe but there are dishes at buffets that have always given me the creeps, just a little. Those that are 50% mayo and have sat there for hours with people leaning over them, breathing on them, although I’d still take that over any church or family picnic where you see women standing around swatting at flies over the dishes. Just a little bit creepy as grandson Caiden would say.
I am totally with you big mamma. I don’t know when it happened, but all of a sudden I can’t even enjoy a buffet restaurant anymore. All of those people touching the spoons and did they wash their hands lately? And pot lucks? Okay, so what kind of kitchen did that come from? I have no idea when it happened–maybe something happened to my brain after the stomach flu went though all 8 kids at a time. Yep, I’m pretty sure I was crazy after the first time that happened . . .