Here is a brief rundown of how I spent Thanksgiving, complete with a timeline.
8:45 a.m. – Praise the Lord. Caroline just woke up and is happy to curl up next to me and watch some hideous movie about Barbie leaving for Paris after a break up with Ken and trying to save her Aunt Micheline’s fashion line.
At least that’s what my sub-conscious absorbed as I drifted back to sleep until I remembered I had to finish cooking some side dishes.
(On a sidenote: I cannot say the words “side dishes” without thinking about an old episode of South Park where one of the characters is served a plate of waffles and he says, “Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?”)
(I don’t know why I think that’s so funny.)
9:27 a.m. – Get out of bed. Put broccoli-rice casserole in the oven.
9:31 a.m. – Make whipped cream. Possibly lick both beaters clean and eat another enormous spoonful before I hide it from myself in the back of the refrigerator.
9:42 a.m. – Start thinking about the whipped cream again. Might have pulled it back out and eaten another spoonful.
9:51 a.m. – Roast butternut squash because Caroline has been obsessed with all the squash varieties and begged me to make some.
10:16 a.m. – Worry that maybe the whipped cream isn’t sweet enough. Take another taste just to make sure. It’s all about whipped cream quality.
10:20 a.m. – Realize I have made a strategic cheese error with the broccoli-rice casserole and it has more of a soup-like consistency. Cook more rice in an effort to compensate for the superfluous cheese.
10:32 a.m. – Look at all the Black Friday specials on the internet and realize that bargains aren’t important enough to get me out the door at 4 a.m.
10:57 a.m. – Cut up brussels sprouts to make Bobby Flay’s pomegranate brussels sprouts recipe.
11:06 a.m. – Begin to get the seeds out of the pomegranate.
11:08 a.m. – Man, these pomegranate seeds are juicy little suckers.
11:11 a.m. – Change my shirt so I could let my other shirt soak in stain remover in hopes of removing the pomegranate juice.
11:22 a.m. – Pull the brussels sprouts out of the oven. P walks in and asks if someone has left a dirty diaper in our kitchen.
Clearly he is not a fan of the sprout.
11:30 a.m. – Realize we needed to be at Mimi and Bops’ house in thirty minutes. Tell Caroline to go get dressed.
11:32 a.m. – Put on makeup, curl my hair even though it doesn’t stand a fighting chance against the 112 % humidity.
11:46 a.m. – Walk in Caroline’s room to find her walking back and forth through her beaded curtain. While wearing her pajamas.
11:47 a.m. – I think I blacked out.
11:48 a.m. – Yell, “WE NEED TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!”
11:52 a.m. – Walk back in the kitchen to finish the butternut squash puree. Caroline comes in to taste it and declares she is not a fan. It would have been nice to know that at 9:51 a.m.
12:16 p.m. – Arrive at Mimi and Bops’ house. Immediately regret that I wore a jacket and my tall boots. The 80 degree weather is not cooperating with my sartorial selections.
12:35 p.m. – My sister and I jump around like idiots trying to get our children to smile for a picture that Mimi and Bops can use for their Christmas card.
12:38 p.m. – Realize the smiles only get more fake and the eleven month old only gets more whiny as the minutes tick by.
12:39 p.m. – Decide that surely we had something that could pass as a Christmas card photo.
12:45 p.m. – Ate lunch until we were all sick.
1:00 p.m. – Decide we all had room for dessert.
1:30 p.m. – I think I blacked out.
4:45 p.m. – I rally as a cold front begins to blow through town. Hallelujah.
6:00 p.m. – Realize it is time to get my game face on.
6:10 p.m. – Shower, put on flannel pajama bottoms and lucky A&M shirt. Heat up leftovers in spite of all our earlier claims that we’d never eat again.
6:55 p.m. – Begin to hyperventilate and talk very loudly.
7:00 p.m. – GAMETIME.
7:10 p.m. – Watch the game and begin to text furiously with various friends in between throwing decorative pillows and trying not to say words that aren’t Sunday School friendly.
8:15 p.m. – Aggies finally score a touchdown. I’d like to think that the fact I punched my couch repeatedly as Cyrus Gray ran down the field helped tremendously.
8:16 p.m. – Sophie texts me and tells me she and Sister are cheering for the Aggies and even willing to get out the vacuum if needed, which always works when her Bulldogs play. I shed a tear at the display of devotion.
9:06 p.m. – CYRUS GRAY!!!! LOVE HIM!!!!!
9:20 p.m. – FUMBLE!!!! OH NO!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!! Maybe it will help if I eat some chocolate pudding.
9:28 p.m. – These announcers are on my last nerve. They all are in the midst of a bromance with the t.u. quarterback and Mac Brown.
9:32 p.m. – VON MILLER!!!!! LOVE HIM!!!!! Gulley texts me and says if she ever has another son, she’s going to name him Von.
10:08 p.m. – I am now texting things like “I’m SICK. I FEEL SICK” and “TERRIBLE CALL! THAT WAS A TERRIBLE CALL!” Sophie texts me and says she has just walked into her kitchen. I know this is her solution when a situation looks dire.
10:14 p.m. – WE HAVE TO GET A THIRD DOWN. WE HAVE TO GET A THIRD DOWN. I FEEL SICK. MY HEART CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE.
10:17 p.m. – Tannenhill fumbles. I am dead. I die. WAIT! HE GOT IT BACK. HE FELL ON THE BALL! I WILL LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY.
10:25 p.m. – We punt the ball, the last five seconds tick off the clock and I begin to breathe normally for the first time in the last three and a half hours. GIG ‘EM AGGIES!
10:27 p.m. – Resist urge to write, “Dear Longhorns, Good luck in your bowl game. Oh, that’s right. You’re not going to a bowl game.” on my Facebook wall. Because I’m trying to be the bigger person.
10:32 p.m. – Decide to eat a celebratory helping of chocolate pudding with extra whipped cream.
10:40 p.m. – Bops calls me to confirm that the Aggies won the game before he watches it. He has learned that he can’t handle the stress or time commitment of watching his favorite teams play unless he knows for sure that they win. So he records them on the DVR and watches the game after he knows the outcome. Unless they lose. Then he deletes the game and saves himself the stress.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
10:45 p.m. – Going to bed. I have worn myself flat out.
10:56 p.m. – Say a prayer of gratitude for all my blessings. My family, my friends, cold weather, the Aggie win, and another year filled with so much more good than bad. And for y’all.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
GIG ‘EM AGGIES!!!!!
(I promise I won’t use this many exclamation points again. Until our bowl game.)